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45 year age gap - Filipino bride

(293 Posts)
binkyblinky Fri 18-Jan-19 17:42:02

Argh help me.

My step dad (mum's Ex partner) is in his 60s. He split from my mum when I was 14 and we have remained very close. He has been like a dad to me and my sister.

He is a lovely, warm, kind man. We both love him to bits. He has been unlucky in love and has been desperately lonely.

Well anyway he's gone to the Philippines and met someone - turns out she is only 19. (He has told us she is 25) but I've had a nosey on Facebook and found her.

I know the age gap is huge but I've seen bigger. I don't understand the attraction and I don't have a clue about Filipino culture. Is this the norm? Is he in danger?

We are going to visit him and have a frank discussion with him. She has applied to come over here on a work visa (she's a student)

Just wanted advice / thoughts. Also I know it's a shocking age gap. I don't need to be told that and I don't want to hear abuse towards him. I'm not keen on the idea.

Thankyou

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira Mon 25-Feb-19 17:37:40

I’d be truly revolted by this regardless of which way round it was.

If this was my dad I would tell him that too. I would tell my mum too but knowing my parents the motivations would be different.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD Mon 25-Feb-19 17:33:21

He knows that this is transactional. If he is kidding himself talhatbshe lived him then suggest a prenup that says she gets nothing in the case if a divorce or his death. See how she feels about that.

SparkiePolastri Mon 25-Feb-19 17:27:26

* As my late mother said 'Better to be an old man's darling than a young man's slave!*

So if you're an old man's slave, that's the worst of both worlds?

Missmother Mon 25-Feb-19 17:05:46

@TedAndLola 100% agreed.

TedAndLola Mon 25-Feb-19 17:02:56

I hope she takes him for all he's got, leaves him, and finds a lovely man her own age, who doesn't just want a live-in prostitute and housekeeper.

Missmother Mon 25-Feb-19 16:59:50

Yep 60s! Sick isn’t it?!

minieggsqueen Mon 25-Feb-19 16:55:18

@Missmother omg I thought he was in his late 40's??? Wow 60's is definitely too far! I must have made 40 something up as I read alonggrin

I agree, that's why I said he probably likes the financial control/he being completely dependant.

headinhands Mon 25-Feb-19 16:24:09

I couldn't respect a man who did this. He's clearly exploiting how poor she is in comparison. If he was that lovely and kind he'd see it was all sorts of fucked up for a woman that age to marry a man of his age.

SuziQ10 Mon 25-Feb-19 16:00:48

Your step dad is a creep.
He is exploiting the 19 year old. The fact he is interested in teenage girls while in his sixties is... yucky.. at best.

Don't let him near your kids, if you have any. His actions, while not illegal maybe, are worrying. I'd personally have no further contact with a man like this.

Missmother Mon 25-Feb-19 15:56:19

40 not 49, god I keep typing wrong today.

Missmother Mon 25-Feb-19 15:56:01

Aren’t most men into women a bit younger?

I watched First Dates the other day and there was a lady in her late 60s/early 70s and she said that men her age wanted women 15 years younger than them, whether a man is nice or not then I do feel that so many of them want a younger woman, I’m 38 and men my age seem okay with women their age, but when they hit 49 they seem to go a bit...icky with the women that they want.

NameChangeNugget Mon 25-Feb-19 15:51:51

Huge generalisation but, the type of man who do that would personally make my skin crawl but, maybe that’s totally why, they’d not even bat an eyelid at a woman in their 50’s, who’s no pushover.
Sex with someone that young must appeal to these men but, the thought of it is disgusting

Missmother Mon 25-Feb-19 15:33:22

Yes but why do they like these women? I heard that they treat their men like kingsconfused

Pedallleur Mon 25-Feb-19 15:24:03

As my late mother said 'Better to be an old man's darling than a young man's slave!
But some men just like the Thai/Eastern woman.

Missmother Mon 25-Feb-19 15:09:50

I meant to say ‘well if you think buying people is okay then...’, I haven’t a clue as to why I wrote that mistake at the beginning of my paragraphconfused

Missmother Mon 25-Feb-19 15:08:51

Well I knows if think that if you think buying someone is okay then you only get what you deserve, the trouble is is that so many men are deluded in what they think they deserve in terms of women’s looks and their body types, why is it so many middle aged men with beer bellies diss women their own age, because they think the women aren’t attractive enough, and yet they’ll go for women half their age and genuinely think that some gorgeous slim 21 year old fancies them?confused I’ll never understand this. It’s like women look in the mirror and put themselves down, mentally add on weight etc, yet men seem to look in the mirror and detract weight and big themselves up, it’s pure and utter delusion.

RB68 Mon 25-Feb-19 14:55:25

I just remember chap who used to live across the road from me - loner in his 40's sending off for a bride (I think she was Thai not that it matters) and she arrived with her "sister" in tow (looked nothing like her) and then whilst he was at work they shagged anything that would pay for a "massage" and earnt a shed load of money leaving him with the police knocking on his door 2 yrs later. If he ever challenged them they would chase him down the street with the kitchen knives. Certainly spiced up he life for a few years - don't think he ever recovered

Missmother Mon 25-Feb-19 14:48:15

He is worse because she’s poor and maybe feels like this is her only chance at having money and feeding her family, etc, etc.

Imo, and most other posters, then it’s he who is in the wrong and not her.

What’s consent without payment?

Missmother Mon 25-Feb-19 14:46:39

No but it almost feels like that, especially as Filipino women look so damn young, it’s not right at all and this loneliness crap he’s coming out with?! He wants a tight young body to have sex with, let’s be honest.

Also your situation is totally different and you know it, your in your 20s and your man is in his 30s, you don’t think that’s very different from a girl at 19 and a man in his 60s? How can you compare the 2?!confused and this isn’t a normal age gap relationship, he has the advantage because she’s poor, don’t make this out to be some age gap love story because it’s not, it’s about a dirty old man taking advantage of a young, poor girl.

minieggsqueen Mon 25-Feb-19 14:30:51

@Missmother it's not paedophilic when someone is 19confused pedophiles are attracted to prepubescent children.

I'm just turned 20, my boyfriend is in his 30's, doesn't make him a pedophile does it? Relationships with big age gaps can work and we've been together nearly 2 years and just moved in. Personally though a man in his 40's is way to high for me.

I think he knows what he's getting into with a mail order bride and she probably does too so they're both equally bad as each other! (Him potentially financial control/pretty thing to have on his arm, her life in the U.K., money etc)

Missmother Mon 25-Feb-19 14:20:50

@dworky I totally agree with you.

He is a pervert and I would no longer have anything to do with him, nor would I let my kids have anything to do with him, harsh you maybe think but the fact that 19 year old Filipino women look way younger than 19, makes me think of paedophilia, it’s disgusting, so many men get to a certain age and then suddenly want to sleep with teenagers, it turns my stomach.

I meant to add this on my post above but sent it out rather than previewed, sorry!

It must be hard for you OP to accept that your previously lovely stepdad is verging on being a paedophile, it just shows you that he’s not really that lovely at all.

She is being exploited more so than him because she most likely lives a life of poverty, he should know better.

Missmother Mon 25-Feb-19 14:13:30

Sorry to say but your stepdad sounds like a dirty old man and the woman, sorry girl, clearly wants his money.

It’s a win win situation for the both of them, he can fool himself into thinking that she is attracted to him confused and she can have a better life.

If she takes his life savings from him then he’s really only got himself to blame.

There’s no fool like an old fool.

Yulebealrite Sun 20-Jan-19 12:47:37

Please don't mince your words. You can do it in such a way that he knows you care for him but basically tell him he's an old dirty fool.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed Sun 20-Jan-19 12:14:22

She wants money, visa and a better life

He is having his ego boosted and great sex

Both are playing a game if he is foolish enough to want to believe she really loves that is down to him

Bookfour Sun 20-Jan-19 12:04:06

They are both adults and if they are both going into this with their eyes open then it is a matter for them

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