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45 year age gap - Filipino bride

(293 Posts)
binkyblinky Fri 18-Jan-19 17:42:02

Argh help me.

My step dad (mum's Ex partner) is in his 60s. He split from my mum when I was 14 and we have remained very close. He has been like a dad to me and my sister.

He is a lovely, warm, kind man. We both love him to bits. He has been unlucky in love and has been desperately lonely.

Well anyway he's gone to the Philippines and met someone - turns out she is only 19. (He has told us she is 25) but I've had a nosey on Facebook and found her.

I know the age gap is huge but I've seen bigger. I don't understand the attraction and I don't have a clue about Filipino culture. Is this the norm? Is he in danger?

We are going to visit him and have a frank discussion with him. She has applied to come over here on a work visa (she's a student)

Just wanted advice / thoughts. Also I know it's a shocking age gap. I don't need to be told that and I don't want to hear abuse towards him. I'm not keen on the idea.

Thankyou

Missmother Mon 25-Feb-19 14:48:15

He is worse because she’s poor and maybe feels like this is her only chance at having money and feeding her family, etc, etc.

Imo, and most other posters, then it’s he who is in the wrong and not her.

What’s consent without payment?

RB68 Mon 25-Feb-19 14:55:25

I just remember chap who used to live across the road from me - loner in his 40's sending off for a bride (I think she was Thai not that it matters) and she arrived with her "sister" in tow (looked nothing like her) and then whilst he was at work they shagged anything that would pay for a "massage" and earnt a shed load of money leaving him with the police knocking on his door 2 yrs later. If he ever challenged them they would chase him down the street with the kitchen knives. Certainly spiced up he life for a few years - don't think he ever recovered

Missmother Mon 25-Feb-19 15:08:51

Well I knows if think that if you think buying someone is okay then you only get what you deserve, the trouble is is that so many men are deluded in what they think they deserve in terms of women’s looks and their body types, why is it so many middle aged men with beer bellies diss women their own age, because they think the women aren’t attractive enough, and yet they’ll go for women half their age and genuinely think that some gorgeous slim 21 year old fancies them?confused I’ll never understand this. It’s like women look in the mirror and put themselves down, mentally add on weight etc, yet men seem to look in the mirror and detract weight and big themselves up, it’s pure and utter delusion.

Missmother Mon 25-Feb-19 15:09:50

I meant to say ‘well if you think buying people is okay then...’, I haven’t a clue as to why I wrote that mistake at the beginning of my paragraphconfused

Pedallleur Mon 25-Feb-19 15:24:03

As my late mother said 'Better to be an old man's darling than a young man's slave!
But some men just like the Thai/Eastern woman.

Missmother Mon 25-Feb-19 15:33:22

Yes but why do they like these women? I heard that they treat their men like kingsconfused

NameChangeNugget Mon 25-Feb-19 15:51:51

Huge generalisation but, the type of man who do that would personally make my skin crawl but, maybe that’s totally why, they’d not even bat an eyelid at a woman in their 50’s, who’s no pushover.
Sex with someone that young must appeal to these men but, the thought of it is disgusting

Missmother Mon 25-Feb-19 15:56:01

Aren’t most men into women a bit younger?

I watched First Dates the other day and there was a lady in her late 60s/early 70s and she said that men her age wanted women 15 years younger than them, whether a man is nice or not then I do feel that so many of them want a younger woman, I’m 38 and men my age seem okay with women their age, but when they hit 49 they seem to go a bit...icky with the women that they want.

Missmother Mon 25-Feb-19 15:56:19

40 not 49, god I keep typing wrong today.

SuziQ10 Mon 25-Feb-19 16:00:48

Your step dad is a creep.
He is exploiting the 19 year old. The fact he is interested in teenage girls while in his sixties is... yucky.. at best.

Don't let him near your kids, if you have any. His actions, while not illegal maybe, are worrying. I'd personally have no further contact with a man like this.

headinhands Mon 25-Feb-19 16:24:09

I couldn't respect a man who did this. He's clearly exploiting how poor she is in comparison. If he was that lovely and kind he'd see it was all sorts of fucked up for a woman that age to marry a man of his age.

minieggsqueen Mon 25-Feb-19 16:55:18

@Missmother omg I thought he was in his late 40's??? Wow 60's is definitely too far! I must have made 40 something up as I read alonggrin

I agree, that's why I said he probably likes the financial control/he being completely dependant.

Missmother Mon 25-Feb-19 16:59:50

Yep 60s! Sick isn’t it?!

TedAndLola Mon 25-Feb-19 17:02:56

I hope she takes him for all he's got, leaves him, and finds a lovely man her own age, who doesn't just want a live-in prostitute and housekeeper.

Missmother Mon 25-Feb-19 17:05:46

@TedAndLola 100% agreed.

SparkiePolastri Mon 25-Feb-19 17:27:26

* As my late mother said 'Better to be an old man's darling than a young man's slave!*

So if you're an old man's slave, that's the worst of both worlds?

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD Mon 25-Feb-19 17:33:21

He knows that this is transactional. If he is kidding himself talhatbshe lived him then suggest a prenup that says she gets nothing in the case if a divorce or his death. See how she feels about that.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira Mon 25-Feb-19 17:37:40

I’d be truly revolted by this regardless of which way round it was.

If this was my dad I would tell him that too. I would tell my mum too but knowing my parents the motivations would be different.

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