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45 year age gap - Filipino bride

(293 Posts)
binkyblinky Fri 18-Jan-19 17:42:02

Argh help me.

My step dad (mum's Ex partner) is in his 60s. He split from my mum when I was 14 and we have remained very close. He has been like a dad to me and my sister.

He is a lovely, warm, kind man. We both love him to bits. He has been unlucky in love and has been desperately lonely.

Well anyway he's gone to the Philippines and met someone - turns out she is only 19. (He has told us she is 25) but I've had a nosey on Facebook and found her.

I know the age gap is huge but I've seen bigger. I don't understand the attraction and I don't have a clue about Filipino culture. Is this the norm? Is he in danger?

We are going to visit him and have a frank discussion with him. She has applied to come over here on a work visa (she's a student)

Just wanted advice / thoughts. Also I know it's a shocking age gap. I don't need to be told that and I don't want to hear abuse towards him. I'm not keen on the idea.


AmoraObscura Fri 18-Jan-19 17:44:28

Discuss what with him?

HilaryBriss Fri 18-Jan-19 17:45:16

I would be worried that she really wants him for...

a) his money
b) a visa
c) both of the above

greendale17 Fri 18-Jan-19 17:46:53

Bloke in his 60s is with a foreign 19 year old girl. Doesn’t take much to see how this will end.

He is a fool.

Lifeisabeach09 Fri 18-Jan-19 17:47:36

She has, likely, into him for his (perceived) money but that's their business.
I'm sure he knows she's not with him for his warm personality.
They are both adults.
Support him but don't judge.

kateclarke Fri 18-Jan-19 17:48:25

I would be more worried about her tbh.

Seline Fri 18-Jan-19 17:49:09

I find this incredibly inappropriate. That woman likely wants an escape and the opportunities found in the UK and she's very young. She's pretty much selling her body for a better life. It's equivalent to prostitution in my opinion.

Seline Fri 18-Jan-19 17:50:43

Not that I'm saying your stepdad is a bad person, but the woman's motivations are not sincere and it isn't a good idea for either of them.

NameChangeNugget Fri 18-Jan-19 17:51:04

It could be genuine love

Said absolutely nofuckingbody

IamtheDevilsAvocado Fri 18-Jan-19 17:52:24

Two men in my town many years ago married philipino women who were many years younger than them.

At the time (no idea what UK rules are now) they got visas /citizenship... They got attractive young women to cook/clean /sleep with them....they all seemed happy.

Now both men are in their 80s...they are still being looked after by their wives who are now late 40s/50s...

Someone I know is pals with one of these women.. After he dies, she will sell up and take her inheritance back to Philippines.

They are regularly sending money back to their philipino families.

CosmicCanary Fri 18-Jan-19 17:53:01

It is his business but 60 yrs and 19 yrs... I would never look at that person the same way again. There is something quite off about it. Such a huge gap what could they possibly have in common? Shared experiences?

I always think these sort of relationships make the older person look foolish and they rarely end well.

TooTrueToBeGood Fri 18-Jan-19 17:53:17

Poor girl, she must be desperate.

Laureline Fri 18-Jan-19 17:53:27

Agreed, he’s either a fool or very cynical and doing this to get a “fresh young thing”. Neither option is very attractive.

She’ll divorce him once she has rights to his money and a visa.

I’ve seen it happen to a friend of my parents. He divorced his wife of 30 years (and mother of his children) to marry a young woman in Asia. He was then divorced by wife number 2. It was NOT pretty. He lost his family, a lot of his friends, a lot of his money and his self-respect...

Harveypuss Fri 18-Jan-19 17:53:41

She will be after him for all of those things listed. Having lived in Asia for many years, I have seen this before - an older European man with a much younger Asian girlfriend/bride. Sometimes these matches work, but they usually don't. He will be expected to financially provide for her extended family as is the norm in these cultures.

A cautious word would be advisable, but whether he will listen to you is another matter.

Laureline Fri 18-Jan-19 17:54:33

And also 19 is super young and it is honestly a bit creepy.

WorraLiberty Fri 18-Jan-19 17:54:38

A man in his 60s fucking a 19 year old student is distasteful to say the least.

The fact she's obviously desperate, probably means she sees him as a meal ticket.

However, as long as they're honest with each other, I don't see that there's anything you can do.

Cherries101 Fri 18-Jan-19 17:54:45

A 19 yo pinoy girl likely looks a lot younger than a 19 yo girl from the UK. I wouldn’t be comfortable around him any more tbh.

brick15 Fri 18-Jan-19 17:55:44

He’s hardly in danger. Besides she’ll probably have quite a difficult time getting over here on a work visa so doubtful it’ll amount to anything.
Whatever her motivations, surely he’s not deluded enough to think it’s love?! What has he said about it all?

halfwitpicker Fri 18-Jan-19 17:55:46

What does she see in him?
What does he see in her?

formerbabe Fri 18-Jan-19 17:55:55

I would be worried that she really wants him for...

a) his money
b) a visa
c) both of the above

Oh poor him....And what could he possibly want from her? hmm

binkyblinky Fri 18-Jan-19 17:56:23

Thankyou everyone. Yes I am supporting and trying not to judge. Because yes I don't feel comfortable with it. But I love him like he's my dad. He has been there twice already and has met her family (11 siblings, father and uncle high ranking public servants)

He is very lonely and I understand this. I hope she doesn't get a visa. And then there won't be a problem. But I am worried for the backlash coming his way

YeOldeTrout Fri 18-Jan-19 17:57:32

Frank discussion? Do you think he's vulnerable & being exploited?.

I met a couple bit like this the other day... she was 90% the better person (competent, trustworthy, healthy). She made her choices that it was a good prospect.

zzzzz Fri 18-Jan-19 17:59:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyBreadIsEggy Fri 18-Jan-19 17:59:19

I hate to say it, but the stereotypes exist for a reason.
My MIL was a Thai bride - she met FIL while he was on his honeymoon with his first wife! He left the wife and took up with MIL.
They got married and had DH together in the U.K., then went through an absolutely hideous divorce that has scarred my DH for life. She openly admits now that as a country girl from northern Thailand, the best thing she could hope for was to meet a normal European (preferably British!) or American man, and play into the love story in order to gain a visa. These women can go to work in the U.K. and earn in a few days what they’d earn in a month back home. That’s exactly what MIL did and sent most of the money back to her parents. Even now, nearly 30 years later (she’s happily remarried) and she still works absolutely crazy hours in order to earn enough to support DH’s kid brothers and send money home to support her elderly mother.

Missingstreetlife Fri 18-Jan-19 17:59:39

It's ick. They are exploiting each other. He could probably find a 25/30 year old but the result will be the same. She may be better off with him than some real horrible pervert but this will not end well

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