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AIBU to resent DP lying in bed. Baby DC in nursery.

(130 Posts)
flopseyR72 Fri 18-Jan-19 10:12:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bambamber Fri 18-Jan-19 10:17:36

He is an abusive cock lodger. First thing would be to get rid of him.

How will you support yourself if you just give up your work?

flopseyR72 Fri 18-Jan-19 10:19:13

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Aprilshowersarecomingsoon Fri 18-Jan-19 10:21:15

Would your dm be able to help with child care? Even short term? Could you get to work OK? Please look at other options than staying with such a loser. 2 precious dc and he isn't capable of being a decent df.
His other dc has the measure of him op.

formerbabe Fri 18-Jan-19 10:21:29

I'm working 2 or 3 days in a week on a rota. And a day from home roughly I have done this to keep my pay around £99k to still get free child care

Is this a typo?

RayRayBidet Fri 18-Jan-19 10:22:18

LTB op. You don't need us to tell you this.
Start making plans.

flopseyR72 Fri 18-Jan-19 10:23:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Fri 18-Jan-19 10:23:46

Do not buy a house with him in the picture, you'll never get rid of him.

I feel like packing in my job and maybe living at my mums

This honestly sounds like the best plan. He has history of DV (how on earth can it not be his 'fault') and he's a lazy shit.

he shouts at me and calls me names

He had shared custody but older children stopped wanting to see him and youngest didn't see him after court ordered no contact

We rarely get on now. I love it when he is at work or out. We argue most of the time

I"m struggling to understand why you're still there to be honest. Just pack your bags and head back North and back to a happy life!

Dimsumlosesum Fri 18-Jan-19 10:24:48

You sound like you would be better off without that baggage weighing you down.

roses2 Fri 18-Jan-19 10:24:58

I thought the salary was a typo too. If not then you can easily get rid of your DH and cope as a single parent! Get an au pair to help.

formerbabe Fri 18-Jan-19 10:25:32

I can't see why you're with him. You sound miserable. You have a good salary on your own and he's not even doing childcare. What positives does he bring to your life?

MayFayner Fri 18-Jan-19 10:26:00

I think your plan to go to your mum’s is a good one.

lily2403 Fri 18-Jan-19 10:26:38

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

whiteworld Fri 18-Jan-19 10:27:23

None of the things you metnion about your h are good.

Abusive cocklodger.

I'd leave him, go up north, start a new life.

(did you really mean you earn £99K and get free child care?? How??)

PotteringAlong Fri 18-Jan-19 10:27:42

You work two days a week and earn £99k a year?! I would definitely not be packing that job in. I would be leaving him through.

roses2 Fri 18-Jan-19 10:28:03

If you earn £99k per year working part time and you rent, why on earth are you worried about help? You can afford to move out and pay for childcare help.

flopseyR72 Fri 18-Jan-19 10:28:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PotteringAlong Fri 18-Jan-19 10:29:50

lily it is right. It’s universal free hours for all at 15 hours. You’re entitled to the 30 free hours (ie the 15 universal + the 15 extra) as long as you both work and earn over £125 a week but less than £100k a year.

OneChildOneNewBaby Fri 18-Jan-19 10:29:49

Omg he sounds horrific!
I'd buy a house where you want to, near your family if you want the extra support and move out without telling him if your worried about your safety.

If you think he's still an ok dad then tell him you want to split and will be buying your own house.

flopseyR72 Fri 18-Jan-19 10:29:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PotteringAlong Fri 18-Jan-19 10:30:26

I would get something but would earn a little less maybe.

I reckon a lot lot less...

shaggedthruahedgebackwards Fri 18-Jan-19 10:30:28

My first ever LTB!

He is not enhancing your life or your DC's lives in any way by the sound of it and doesn't sound like a nice person so I can't identify any benefits to staying with him

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Fri 18-Jan-19 10:31:13

Would it be awful to make arrangements behind his back

Nope, sounds totally sensible, given his back history of DV. DO NOT TELL HIM.

Would it be crazy to leave this work and try and find similar north. I would get something but would earn a little less maybe

You could earn a lot less and be very comfortable, especially up North.

Do it!

Wonkypalmtree Fri 18-Jan-19 10:31:42

30 hours came in a while ago in England, not all childcare providers offer it though, some ask for top ups. This isn’t available if Earning £100k and above.

OP you earn good money, I wouldn’t flee up north until you have another role of similar seniority. Get rid of your DP, he will be under your feet constantly when he takes up early retirement plan.

flopseyR72 Fri 18-Jan-19 10:32:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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