We're approaching the final countdown, around 90 days or so to go, and I'm dreading it.
I wanted to go away and get married but never because of my grandmother. She won't see another grandchild get married, has done a lot for me, and wouldn't be able to fly.
I'm now stuck with a wedding I've never envisioned, in a venue I'm not too fond of, with a guest list I'm not keen on with no way out. Our honeymoon also won't be the kind I dreamed of as a child (I dreamed of the honeymoon, not the wedding) because we have kids.
My parents and DPs parents have kindly paid for our wedding and it is a budget wedding. We've have contributed some savings.
The venue is nice but, had I known I'd be married in this country, it would not be anywhere near my top 50. I have a top list of venues that I genuinely go weak kneed for, but at over £8,000 for hire only and no food/drink I'd mever, ever be able to afford them. My guest list is too much for my liking but again, it's done. Honeymoon won't be the far off places because of young kids.
I know we could have waited and saved more but with two kids I didn't want to spend silly amounts on one day, when it could go towards them. I also had enough for the wedding I dreamed of. DP and I compromised on a lot because we're people pleasers. This has massively impacted our day, much to my now dismay.
To top it off my sister's boyfriend has just messaged me about ring shopping and I am thrilled to go, she deserves this. However I know, knowing my sister, she will not have the same issues I do. I know it will be a big wedding, in the venue she wants (even if it cripples my parents and his) because she gets what she wants. I feel jealous and she's not even engaged. Not jealous of a big white wedding, but jealous of having what she wants. This bit I know is bloody pathetic.
I'm hoping this is just nerves. My day will be good, I'm marrying the man I love and that's that. As a bonus we will have so many people who love us there. In a few months no one will care about the day apart from us. The stress is also starting to creep in - finalising our ceremony, ensuring we have all our decorations, writing vows, ordering invites and so on in between work and real life. Work is also stressful, hence sitting at 11:55pm, drinking wine, worrying and getting upset about something that makes me seem so selfish and precious.
Aibu in feeling a bit sad, a bit gutted, while also knowing this is a first world problem and my day will be perfect, if not what I imagined?
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AIBU?
To dread my wedding?
113 replies
sailorcherries · 15/01/2019 23:56
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