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to be rather concerned about my nephew

(11 Posts)
Corkleg Sun 13-Jan-19 01:49:05

He’s 8. We are visiting his family, staying in a hotel (and I’m up because the minibar is making a noiseangry) and we all went to a family party today. Nephew knew everyone there, his mum was there and he was very tricky. Pushing ahead of everyone, shouting, sulking when he couldn’t get his own way, interrupting the entertainer, and all in a very loud voice. His mum just lets him get on with it and had disappeared to talk to other relatives. I was chatting to his mum later and she mentioned he had been tested for something or other as he keeps getting into trouble at school but whoever it was said he was fine so that’s that. And yet it seemed obvious that there IS something going on. Another cousin has a child in the same class and said he’s very loud, interrupts the teacher all the time and is very bossy with the other kids.

All of this is none of my business except my (rather tipsy) brother confided in me that he’s worried that his boy just gets on everyone’s nerves and seems to have no idea, and what did I think. I said I did think there was something but I didn’t know what (and that I’m sure he’ll be fine, lovely boy, reassurance etc etc)
But what does behaviour like that generally point to?

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira Sun 13-Jan-19 01:54:32

8 year olds are quite tricky at times I find. They’re at that age where they want a bit more autonomy and independence but are t ready for it, plus they’re in juniors now and feel all grown up and like they know it all!

He sounds completely obnoxious, the worry from me would be that this is because he’s not being disciplined or steered very well at home rather than anything else.

I have two almost ten year olds and a seven year old, all boys, and while they wouldn’t get away with this behaviour they’ve all displayed some level of obnoxious belligerent behaviour similar at some point! Quite often a sharp ‘stop showing off’ stops it (like it did me at that age!) but then mine know that any stropping about and tantrumming will have a consequence.

Boysandbuses Sun 13-Jan-19 01:57:45

Honestly, do you think it's points to something he needs to be tested for.....Or the fact that you think your sil let's him do what he wants?

Because quite honestly, I don't why your brother is moaning about worrying people don't like his son......But also isn't trying to manage his behaviour. This isn't all on sil.

Though it does sound like him not being taught manners.

My son has SN, I would still step and manage his behaviour, but so would his dad.

Corkleg Sun 13-Jan-19 02:02:10

That’s true, all kids play up sometimes, I know. I think what struck me as different with my nephew is that he didn’t seem to care what anyone else thought. He wasn’t told off as such but he had plenty of feedback from everyone around that I think most children would have picked up on. My Dad spoke to him sharply a couple of times and so did some older cousins, along the lines of “wait your turn, it’s not your turn, that’s not your food, stop shouting” etc and the other children near by straightaway pulled themselves together but he carried on. That was the difference.

My own kids are more than capable of showing off and being pests but they also do care about other people and don’t like upsetting anyone. Nephew, to quote another brother, “doesn’t give a shite.”

Corkleg Sun 13-Jan-19 02:05:36

Boysandbuses honestly I do t know. School were concerned enough to seek outside help. My brother is very hands on with him when he’s there as is SIL but they both work opposite shifts so his other granny picks up the childcare slack. He’s an only child and only grandchild on that side.

He was just so so loud and obnoxious that it seemed like there must be definitive reason. And yes, SN or not, his parents should have stepped in.

cariadlet Sun 13-Jan-19 02:24:38

He was just so so loud and obnoxious that it seemed like there must be definitive reason
But what does behaviour like that generally point to?

Could just be a mixture of slack parenting and you nephew's natural personality. I don't see anything in your posts that suggests a diagnosable condition. After all, plenty of adults are loud, self-centered and obnoxious - when we come across people like that we don't tend to assume that there must be some kind of SN to explain their behaviour.

FuckingYuleLog Sun 13-Jan-19 03:17:01

Is your brother the child’s father? If so why wasn’t he correcting his behaviour?

Petalflowers Sun 13-Jan-19 03:49:31

The definite reason could simply be lack of discipline and an entitled child who is used to getting his own way.

kateandme Sun 13-Jan-19 03:56:17

i think you see your children as able to be considerate though because you have been?im not having a go but do you see what I you've brought up your child and they have inprnted and learnt how to be "good " from you.
where as from what you mention it sound like his mum/dad just leave him to he will no no boundaries or see and then look up to others,be told off,be told about social etiquette etc.
so could it just be they don't parent him.

Justagirlwholovesaboy Sun 13-Jan-19 04:12:21

It could mean anything or nothing. My brother and SIL are amazing people but pretty crap when it comes to any form of discipline. They are very loving parents just a bit too chilled. Turned out there was nothing wrong with him a other than being hyperactive, just with their approach to him. They all took counselling and a year later the difference is amazing. He could have been labelled with a disorder if they hadn’t

ApplestheHare Sun 13-Jan-19 05:19:42

I don't think you can judge based on experience at a family party. There may well be school issues as well, but that's just hearsay. Lots of kids will be over excited/ anxious in a party situation and appear to act up or lose their ability to listen.

As for him mum not acting, it can be really hard to discipline children in that sort of environment. Sometimes making a big deal out of it will push a child over the edge. Leaving the party with him probably would have been best, but then I'm sure she'd have been criticised for being antisocial herself confused

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