Please help(17 Posts)
First all sorry 4 my english and bad grammar . I have no friends 2 talk about this and this is the reasons i come to asks advice on here.
I moves out of my council house 6 years ago to be with my ex and his the father 2 my boys, i had no family around here so everthing was fine , i was working and did make some new friends then things didnt works between us that we broke up. Because i had no ones here my family has begged me to moved back home , to find a new house around them so they will be helping me with the boys. I first i wasnt sure about the decisions , it tooks me a good one year to thinks about it because i knews that things might no work plus it is no easy to get a private rented house . But i decided to give it a try and see how it goes , so i moved out of my 2 bedroom house here to my parents house last year june , in the meantime i was searching for a house too , and because im not working it was hard to find a landlord who accepts DSS, so my parents told me is fine i can stays with them as much i wanted , the kids got a new place at school and we are still here. But my problem is that my sister who is not working bring her son 3 over every fridays at 1pm after nursery till sunday 6pm and every school holidays while she stays at home doing nothing , both my parents are working so it is me who looks after him friday and saturday while i have my own kids to look after too and my youngest is 3 also, so it is too much stressful while my sister spends all day doing nothing while i have 3 kids in charge but i cant say anything because it is not my house and my parents also doesnt says anything.before i moved back he uses to come saturday evening like 6pm till sunday. He did spends xmas holidays over here for the whole 2 weeks i had him included my children while my parents were working so his mum picked him this monday the 7th of january so i was expecting her to keep him with her for this weekend because my mum will be going to france tommorow and my dad is also out of the country and i told my mum to tell her not to bring him this weekend because she will be away but my mum didnt listen , she bought him today at 6pm and she is expecting me to look after him till my sister picked him on sunday. Im so pissed right now because im on homeless and i have no right to say anything. My sister wont even look after my kids she always had excuses that she is busy and that but shr rather look after her friends children morning till evening . Im so pissed right now , i want to move out this night , i cant stop crying . Im thinking of moving back in a couple of weeks to where i used to lived atleast there i will get a chance to find a new house and work. Please am i wrong ? Sorry 4 the long post
OP sorry but I found it hard to follow your post.. But it sounds like you are upset because your sister always leaves her DS (3) with you - so you have to look after your own 2 DC and your nephew.
It sounds like your parents were previously doing the free babysitting but now that you’re living there, you are.
Perhaps you need to find a place of your own... while you’re living with your folks (rent free... and no board?) they might see the babysitting as your way of contributing to them?
Perhaps break up your post into paragraphs so it’s easier for people to understand
This is hard to understand but it does seem like you don’t work, you have free accommodation, your parents look after you and your children. Yet you are complaining about occasional babysitting for your sister? Yes I would say move away and get your own accommodation
If I have read your post correctly, you resent the fact that your parents expect you to look after your sisters child, often for long period of time, in their home while your sister is busy. Is she at work that this time? What did she do before you were there?
It does seem unfair that your sister gets the free babysitting service but you don’t. Are you getting free rent/board though?
It would be best if you moved out so no one can dictate what you do with your time. Whetehrcyhat is local so you can still see your parents ( like your sister does) or somewhere else is up to you. Where would you prefer to live?
Soŕry if i didnt make sense i will try to put in paragraph.
I recently moved back home with my 2 children , im currently not working , i give them £50 a month they wanted nothing ftom me still i give them money.
Before i moved in they used to look after my nephews saturday 6-7pm till sunday 6pm
After i moved my sister start bring her friday 1pm till sunday 6pm. Without my consent an both parents worked monday to sat till 5pm and 7pm
During xmas holiday i did look after him for the whole holidays while my parents were working and my sister picked him on the 7th of january
My mum is going on holiday today till sunday evening , i asked her not to bring my nephew in but she did , so i will.be the ones who will.be looking after him while they are away
My sister is not working too, she will.be at home doing nothing while am here with 3 kids
My paeents dont care about my feelins and because i have nowhere to.leaves so they expects me to accpet anything which is not fair they expecting me to babysit him while they are away
I take good care of my nephew but my sister wont even babysit my children and she rather look after her friends children from morning to evening.
On monday im going away to views some houses in leeds , i will have to take my children out of school go with them because i have no ones to looks after them while i will be away
She says she cant because my nephews will be at nursery but it is oy for 2 days , she can over at my parents house to stays with them but she refused
But if it was the other ways around ,i will take care of him
Go out with your kids, (park, cinema, swimming, playdate, whatever) so you're not there to provide free child care for your sister when she turns up.
She'll soon get the message, and you'll only have to do it a couple of times.
Thank you ladielaky the problem iis she bring hin friday 1pm when my chdren are in school which i cant do much and i take him with me for the school run too.
During xmas holidays i was expecting to do lots of things you did suggest with my children but i couldnt because of that
Just because you are living rent free does not mean you should be treated as an unpaid babysitter all weekend while your sister sits on her arse .
Definitely look for another place to live and point blank refuse to take her kids again and just say you’re busy house hunting and then go out.
There’s no reason why you can’t find something to do outside the house until your kids finish so you won’t be home when the CF tries to dump her kids in you .
Btw, I didn’t find your post hard to follow at all
Go look for houses. Is Leeds where you used to be?
You can not rely on your family so you will have to rely on yourself and build up a friends network of parents from school etc to help each other out as you are a single mum.
You sound a strong person and you know what you want. Go get it!
Sounds really hard. Why does sister need childcare all weekend?
Difficulty is you can't stop visitors to parents house but it is unfair as you end up doing most of the work.
I would have told sister not to bring him while mum in France myself.
Really sympathise, I think you need to get saving and get your own place asap.
Thank you yes i was leaving in leeds before that is why i want to go back there , it will be easier for me and the kids can go back to their old school.
She needs childcare so she can relax in bed all day or goes out that what she does .
Yes i learnt a big lesson to never trusted anyone because my parents were the ones who begged me to moved back home for support but it is not what i was expecting really
OP sounds like you’re doing the right thing to move back to Leeds - I can totally understand your feeling disappointed with your family though
Apart from the situation with your sister and nephew though - does being near your parents help at all? What if you were close without living in their house?
Thank you yes my parents are very helpful with my children especially mum she helped me with school run when she is off work and looks after them too, moving here has help alot but the only problem im having its just about my sister and nephew. I cant afford to stays closer to them because you know london rent is higher and i havnt managed to find a job too, is hard to find a landlord that accepts housing benefits. But gokng back to leeds , i will get a job and will manage to pay my rents and everything like i used to do before
I need to leave for the school run early so she can’t drop him off with you and the when you collect your children, bring them for a walk or something to waste some time. I think you need to speak to your sister and tell her that you can’t keep looking after her child as it’s hard enough to look after your own. Tell your mother that you want to move and tell her it is because you are being used as a unpaid babysitter. The next time your sister drops him round and your mum is there, leave with your kids and tell your mother it is her problem as you have plans with your own!
It sounds tricky OP - you do get some support from your parents, but then the extra work you get from your sister almost outweighs it!
Maybe try to insist to your sister that she stop burdening you, and reinforce the same with your parents. It sounds hard - hang in there
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