...to pretend the bathroom door is soundproof in an effort to “be more dad”?

[Gyaradose]

DH has been pretending this for several years now so I’m thinking of adopting this strategy.

Will also work on developing clutter blindness and an inability to open the fridge and transfer what has been seen into a viable meal for children.

Any others?

[legodisasterzone]

Losing the ability to see the items on the bottom step intended to be taken upstairs?

[iklboo]

Pretend the washing machine only works by DNA imprint or retina scan. And that mine have been deleted.

[ElvisParsley]

Just telling DH when I am travelling with work and leaving it up to him to sort out childcare, meals, dog etc. If he doesn't need to check with me before planning a trip, nor should I.

[jjemimapuddleduck]

Being incapable of retaining basic information (or checking our shared calendar). If I have to hear the innocent words "What time does Brownies finish again?" for the nth time, I'm not going to be responsible for my actions...

Not knowing where the bathroom bin and thinking the cistern is a good place to put empty loo rolls.

Incapable of closing a cupboard door, drawer or turning out lights (even when locking up the house!)

[jjemimapuddleduck]

Thinks he is deserving of a lie in/afternoon nap/extra sleep but not me even though I do 95% of the night wake-up and get up earlier than him every day.

[gimmeadoughnut123]

Put all your stuff across the kitchen counter when you come in, and then loudly complain that the kitchen is always a mess 3 hours later.

[Oysterbabe]

I'm going to sit in my arse for hours then wait until we need to leave to get somewhere to start doing some unimportant tasks.

[spidermantimetravel]

I’m going to spend at least half an hour having a shit.

[FascinatingCarrot]

To never actually look after his much wanted 'princess' (aka the dog) for more than 10 mins apart from 2 (short) walks a day and feeding her.

[Tupperwarelid]

I’m never going to remember what day the bin men come even though we have lived in the same house for 11 years and the day has never changed.

[OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow]

Deny all knowledge of how Netflix/Amazon prime works and then when it is on go "I don't mind, you choose...no, not that, or that, no don't fancy that."

[Myimaginarycathasfleas]

I’m going to forget, when we have guests, that I am supposed to be hosting and topping up drinks.

[DaysOfCurlySpencer]

I am going to leave the key in the outside of the front door and go to work.

[HariboLecter]

I'm going to no longer notice that the bathroom really could do with a clean.

[scarbados]

I'm going to start shopping by standing at the end of the supermarket aisle and saying 'No, they haven't got any'.

The logical next step is to get as far as the car park and decide they haven't got what we need because I can't see it.

[brizzledrizzle]

Unable to do the supermarket shop without phoning to ask what something is.

Having a blind spot when looking for toilet paper.

[NoAngel1]

Do you ALL live at my house too!?
I am going to imagine that I can’t manage to change the sheets because they’re such hard work.

[ResistAndPersist]

I am considering becoming incapable of remembering any child-related information, despite being able to read and memorise complex engineering drawings.

Where is Brownies? Time does it start? Who on Earth is Millie? Her mum is who again? Where is the rehearsal? What snack does she need?

As if I'm the fucking parenting oracle.

[NoWordForFluffy]

I'm going to develop the inability to see crumbs (which are created by me) both on work surfaces and the floor. I will also become blind to spillages down kitchen cupboard doors.

[Nothisispatrick]

I’ll shout ‘where is it?!’ to my partner when looking for something instead of looking in the obvious place that the thing you’re looking for always is.

[JustDanceAddict]

I’m going to ask where something is when it’s right in front of me on the surface.

[sockportal]

I am going to forget how to make even the most basic of meals and eat a random selection of staff thus ruining the family meal plan for the rest of the week.

[Robots1Humans0]

I am going to periodically ask where various miscellaneous bits are throughout the day despite partner's cries of not being 'keeper of the things' just to drive them nuts, and I'm also going to go for a poo 4 times for at least 20min each time. Probably won't actually poo though just need a break from parenting. Parenting being sitting on the sofa and watching chaos instead of engaging. /rant

[TheDHand]

Immediately my marital partner falls ill I shall also fall ill, only much, much worse.

[Flaskfan]

I'm going to nap. Nap in evenings, nap at weekends.....

I wouldn't mind, but I have the harder bloody job!