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AIBU to expect my mother, dad or brother to look after my baby for half an hour?

(128 Posts)
Battler1126 Fri 11-Jan-19 19:35:28

So.. short version is..
Its my father in laws funeral on Monday (he died on Xmas day) my fella really needs me and I want to be there to support him but none of my family will look after our baby. I hardly ever ask them. They've had her 3 times in 10 months.. but this is important! It's not like we just want a bit of time to ourselves or want to go drinking. ITS HIS DADS FUNERAL!!! We wont even go to the wake so we don't put on to anyone.
We've sorted everything and had to empty his house with the baby there. Not with ONE offer of help. She won't stay with anyone at the minute so I can't even ask friends cause she just cries for 20 mins after ive gone, but surely I should be able to rely on my parents at a time like this? Am I being selfish to want them to have her so I can support my other half at this horrific time?

FerretyFemale Fri 11-Jan-19 19:36:30


Birdsgottafly Fri 11-Jan-19 19:40:17

I'm a hands-on Grandmother and can't understand the lack of interest that some display towards their Grandchildren.

What do they say when asked?

What type of Parents were they?

Is your Baby very clingy?

Butchyrestingface Fri 11-Jan-19 19:46:23

YANBU, unless there is some torturous drip feed still to come about you being the daughter-from-hell, your husband a member of the Cali Cartel, your parents being oxygen dependent in ICU and your daughter being the baby from The Omen .

Just remember this the next time one of them asks you for a favour.

Battler1126 Fri 11-Jan-19 19:47:02

@birdsgottafly They were great with my 10 year old. They never even ask to have my 10 month old. Shes a bit clingy at the minute due to teething. She just wants me all of the time. She has stayed at their house 3 times since she was born. Each time for a valid reason, not just coz she can. They complained that she was a bit twisty but I explained its because she hardly sees them.
I'm only asking for half an hour or so as its just a small service at the crem. They say works important yet they take time off all of the time for days out with friends. I'm asking for half an hour at the end of my mother's shift or an hour before my dad's supposed to finish. They wont even leave early and now I feel wrong for asking.

Battler1126 Fri 11-Jan-19 19:48:23

@butchyrestingface lol. I would say she was the kid from the exorcism (shes teething and horrid. Haha) but no theres not really much excuse

Aquamarine1029 Fri 11-Jan-19 19:49:56

Just take the baby with you to the service.

BaaBaaBaaMoo Fri 11-Jan-19 19:50:02

Can you take her with you and stay near the back for a quick get away I'd necessary

birdiewoof Fri 11-Jan-19 19:51:16

My grandma died a year ago, my son was 11 months. He came to the funeral and was surprisingly very good and very quiet all the way through.

Dieu Fri 11-Jan-19 19:51:27


FortyFacedFuckers Fri 11-Jan-19 19:51:49

Sorry OP can you not just ask a friend I would be happy to watch a friends baby even if I knew they would be unhappy to let you go to a funeral.

Cherrysherbet Fri 11-Jan-19 19:51:54

That’s pretty harsh of them. What reason did they give?

XmasPostmanBos Fri 11-Jan-19 19:51:54

Well I do think it is unkind of them but in this case I would take the baby to the funeral and if she cries wait outside.

FortyFacedFuckers Fri 11-Jan-19 19:53:35

Or ask if a friend could take the baby a walk in it’s pram near the church for half an hour then take the baby to the wake?

Elfinablender Fri 11-Jan-19 19:54:59


Look, you are saying that you won't ask your friends because she will cry but if you were my friend, I'd still help. Worst comes to the worst and she does cry the whole time, well it's only temporary.

XmasPostmanBos Fri 11-Jan-19 19:55:29

Also you could go to the wake and put in an appearance. The family may like to see the baby there.

Shoobydooby09 Fri 11-Jan-19 19:55:36

Haven't you fallen out with all your family though just before Christmas? Or is everything sorted now?
Take her with you. At my DH aunts funeral a while back a relative had 6 month old twins there she obviously had no one to look after them as everyone attending funeral.

ABoozedMoose Fri 11-Jan-19 19:55:46

Have you actually asked them? Or are you just waiting for them to offer?

Shoobydooby09 Fri 11-Jan-19 19:56:59

That's a good idea from a PP have a friend come with you who can take baby for a walk.

ashtrayheart Fri 11-Jan-19 19:57:04

Families can be so disappointing. My mum did look after my children (older, not difficult) when I went to my dp’s dad’s funeral but this is the only time and she was very begrudging!
I would take your baby and be prepared to nip out if necessary.

DawgLover Fri 11-Jan-19 19:59:56

If they've only had the baby 3 times in 10 months, isn't the baby just as likely to get with them anyway?

If you explain to your friends she'll cry I'm sure they'd offer to help anyway. Sorry your family won't help though

indecisivepigeon Fri 11-Jan-19 20:02:50


Honestly I’d be really reluctant to have much to do with my parents if they wouldn’t help me out when I was in dire straits.

I couldn’t imagine not helping my DCs with their children if and when I become a grandma.

NormanChrist Fri 11-Jan-19 20:05:32


I understand GP/ family not wanting to provide actual childcare in place of a paid setting but a bit of babysitting here and there isn’t a big ask.

Either bring the baby or send your bloke on his own.

fiorentina Fri 11-Jan-19 20:06:03

Could a friend take the baby for a walk nearby during the service. Your DP can surely still go to the wake and you can take baby to that? If your expectations for your parents and siblings are low, you sadly won’t be disappointed going forward.

Kahlua4me Fri 11-Jan-19 20:10:44

Would maybe be a good idea if a friend could come along to the crematorium and walk your baby around in a pram whilst the service is going on.

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