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AIBU to terminate a 3rd pregnancy for financial reasons?

(181 Posts)
3rdChild Fri 11-Jan-19 14:42:35

We have 2DC and feel our family is complete but I have just found out that I’m pregnant (6 weeks) despite taking precautions.

Really conflicted about whether to go for termination or not. It’s still early days so I would just have to take the tablets for a ‘medical termination’. Would you have the unplanned 3rd child if it would cripple you financially?

Background info to avoid drip feed...I recently started a new job so wouldn’t qualify for any decent maternity pay. We couldn’t afford to survive on DH salary alone and even if I went back to work pretty soon after birth, childcare in London for the youngest 2 DC would be more than my take home pay. We have no family nearby who could support with childcare. WWYD?

AlaskanOilBaron Fri 11-Jan-19 14:44:26

I would have an abortion, but I'm not even remotely emotional about unwanted embryos.

I would never willingly submit to financial stress.

Aquamarine1029 Fri 11-Jan-19 14:44:33

I would get the tablets as soon as humanly possible and then I'd be booking a vasectomy for my husband.

Youshallnotpass Fri 11-Jan-19 14:45:17

You will get very personal and very varied answers OP. Personally yes in those circumstances as the third child would negatively impact on the other 2 DC and at 6 weeks it's basically a cluster of cells.

OopsInamechangedagain Fri 11-Jan-19 14:46:22

What Aquamarine said.

Dextrodependant Fri 11-Jan-19 14:47:08

I would also terminate in those circumstances.

PinkHeart5914 Fri 11-Jan-19 14:47:47

I think the quality of life of existing dc should always come above another pregnancy, and if having another baby wouldn’t be a big strain on the quality of life financially then yes the termination is the thing to do.

Take the pill at the first available appointment you can book so the pregnancy is ended very early days and then look in to a vasectomy or condoms & contraception for yourself so you double up as you don’t want to be in this position again

MeltingSnowflake Fri 11-Jan-19 14:49:31

Too many people have children without thinking about the financial consequences - for their family and society as a whole, either expecting the state to pay or just crossing their fingers and hoping it will all be okay somehow. You're being financially responsible and I wouldn't hesitate to have a termination that this stage tbh. Good luck with whatever you decide!

Confusedbeetle Fri 11-Jan-19 14:49:59

The most important thing is that you make your own mind up and are not swayed by those who would and those who wouldn't. This is a big decision nit to be taken lightly. Get it wrong and there will be regrets, You might consider counseling at one of the clinics but be sure they are neutral

PoppyFleur Fri 11-Jan-19 14:50:28

In the circumstances you have described I would terminate. First and foremost in my consideration would be my existing children and my own mental and emotional well being. As others have said at 6 weeks it is a cluster of cells but nevertheless a difficult decision.

Mrsemcgregor Fri 11-Jan-19 14:52:54

YWNBU to terminate for any reason at all, as long as it’s your choice.

FridgeFullOfChocolate Fri 11-Jan-19 14:53:18

In your circumstances if there really was no alternative and you couldn't manage to survive then yes I would. I'd have to be sure there was literally no other option though.

Is there no alternative to save ££ by maybe moving out of London or closer to relatives who could help out with childcare?

Lydiaatthebarre Fri 11-Jan-19 14:55:39

No I would not terminate. To me it is a baby.

Jackshouse Fri 11-Jan-19 14:55:49

I really don’t know what I would do but that’s not important anyway. The majority of women who terminate are older women who already have children.

Cornettoninja Fri 11-Jan-19 14:56:36

Protecting your families stability is a perfectly valid reason to terminate imho. A mother with children is well aware of the true impact it will have on her family.

In your shoes, then yes I think I probably would terminate.

3rdChild Fri 11-Jan-19 14:57:43

Thanks all. If I was 16 and unwed it would be a no brainer but somehow when you’re middle aged and seem to have most of your shit together then it’s a much harder decision. But useful to read other posters points of view.

Aquamarine...waiting lists at Marie Stopes / bpas are quite long at the moment. Bpas are inundated and can only promise to call me back within 48hrs, Marie Stopes can only offer phone appt by wed next week then another week / 10 days till actual appt. is there anywhere else I can try for a sooner appt?

Nixen Fri 11-Jan-19 14:57:50

YANBU. And be kind to yourself flowers

feralfanny Fri 11-Jan-19 14:58:22

I wouldn't. I've had too many miscarriages and just couldn't bring myself to terminate one.
But I'm not you and nobody else can make this decision for you.
Just make sure you are 100% about it. But the fact you are asking on here maybe means you aren't ...?

3rdChild Fri 11-Jan-19 15:04:10

Yes Feralfanny, I’ve had several miscarriages too and DC2 was a much hoped for and planned pregnancy that required multiple drugs and hospital appts. I think that’s the kicker for me... we tried so long and hard to have a sticker which we finally got and DC2 is perfect. But now we have another sticker without even bloody trying! So considering a termination is a bit of a mind fuck. I’d always been so desperate to see those extra lines on the stick. So odd to see those extra lines now and think ‘Fuccckkkkk! This isn’t the right time’. But, I also don’t want to really regret it one day.

TipseyTorvey Fri 11-Jan-19 15:05:12

Pill. In a heartbeat. You think it's expensive now. Wait til you need a bigger house, car, holidays for 5 ( when all deals are for four) and not to mention Uni should all three want it. If it was planned that's one thing but this seems like changing all the families plans over an accident.

1poppy1 Fri 11-Jan-19 15:06:27

YANBU whatever the reason, it is your right to terminate an unwanted pregnancy. No need to make yourself feel guilty about it.

I may be wrong, but I think if you go to your GP or family planning clinic, they can refer to you to other appropriate facilities, if the ones you have tried have long waits.

AlaskanOilBaron Fri 11-Jan-19 15:06:48

In your shoes, once you've made the decision, I'd go privately. No way in hell would I want to wait 2 weeks to get it done, that's mind fuckery.

Good luck.

Flowershower Fri 11-Jan-19 15:10:56

I wouldn’t. It might be tiny, but there are limbs starting to form and often a hearbeat by that stage. To me it’s a baby.

KeepSmiling80 Fri 11-Jan-19 15:11:16

There's no right or wrong answer. It's a choice and no one can EVER tell you you did the wrong thing.

We're expecting our third, it'll hit hard financially, I won't be going back to work any time soon, bit with our history of losses the right decision for me was to celebrate.

Maybe it's not the right time to see those lines, I really do get that, but if you truely wanted to see them appear maybe it's not the worst thing that they did?

Bumblebee39 Fri 11-Jan-19 15:11:19

YADNBU

That said I would not do it myself
I don't think there are many situations in which I would terminate personally, but I support your decision to do so.

If I let finances be the decider I wouldn't be a parent at all

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