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To ask how I should deal with my extremely horrific baby

(85 Posts)
JumpOfACliff Thu 10-Jan-19 21:11:55

ok she isnt the devil incarnated but sometimes i literally want to jump off a cliff. She is so so clingy. she screams bloody murder if I put her down even next to me. Shes a crap sleeper at night and during the day though is improving a little with naps.

its utterly exhausting and im running out of patience. Today i was completing a job application and she just pressed a button and I lost it all. I was so fucking pissed off. She wont play on the floor next to me with her toys. She just wants to be held and even then shes still maoning. My arms are constantly aching. My back hurts from lugging her around everywhere and doing every single thing with her in my arms - cooking, cleaning, everything with her in my arms.

Im at my wits end and cannot take it anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Littlechocola Thu 10-Jan-19 21:12:53

How old is she?

Flower777 Thu 10-Jan-19 21:13:38

How old is she?

It’s so hard when they are in this stage. It will pass I promise.

Is there any way for you to get a decent break from everything? Do you have any support?

CalamityJane10 Thu 10-Jan-19 21:14:21

Will she go in a sling? That’s how I just about coped with my Velcro baby and managed to get some jobs done.

flowers it’s so hard.

Flower777 Thu 10-Jan-19 21:14:31

I’m going to suggest a sling - is that an option for you?

FLOWER1982 Thu 10-Jan-19 21:15:41

How old is she? Do you have a sling/baby carrier? Some babies are clingier than others. She just really really loves you! Have you got any support? Try and rest eyen you can. It will pass and before you know it they won't want the cuddles.

MrStateTrooper Thu 10-Jan-19 21:16:16

Could you try a sling? My DD was very clingy too, so I often popped her in the sling when I wanted to do any chores. I'd chat to her at the same time, sing to her etc, and 9 times out of 10 she would have dropped off for a nap by the time I'd finished!

Jeds55 Thu 10-Jan-19 21:17:34

My mum said I was like this but changed overnight once I could crawl so hopefully the same for you. It sounds really tough - my 9.5 month old is really clingy atm but not as you describe. Do you have a sling to save your arms/back at least? This won't last forever. How is she when left with someone else? How long has she been like tgos? You need a break to recharge. Hope it gets better.

Bambamber Thu 10-Jan-19 21:18:10

I'm another one whose Velcro baby lived in a sling. She did grow out of being so clingy to me thankfully!

Pinkybutterfly Thu 10-Jan-19 21:19:07

Get a baby carrier, baby was inside you for 9+months she feels safe next to you. Get her in the pram after feeding changing her and get her to sleep, my 2nd sleeps a lot better that way and gives me at least a couple of hours to rest. I also think it would be beneficial if you could have someone to look after her for a bit for you to have a shower, go out for a coffee, take her to a playgroup... Those things really help.

OutPinked Thu 10-Jan-19 21:19:10

My DD was like this and I’m sorry to say, she didn’t improve until she was at least five. She’s still the most ‘high needs’ of my DC now aged 7.5. You have my sympathy OP. I second getting a sling and also co-sleeping if you can, both things saved my sanity with her.

3boysandabump Thu 10-Jan-19 21:20:13

Would also suggest a sling. My little boy is the same and with having another 3 dc to run around after he practically lives in the sling

Deadbudgie Thu 10-Jan-19 21:20:54

Op have you spoken to your health visitor? Do you have any support? You seem at your wits end. Firstly take a deep breath, babies cannot act poorly on purpose (although it seems like it at times).

Have you spoken to anyone about possible pnd? Big hugs

DarkStorm Thu 10-Jan-19 21:21:52

My DD2 was like this, it’s so hard, I really feel for you. It does pass though.

You don’t say how old your DC is but by 19 months my DD started improving. She’s about to turn 3 and while demanding and temperamental she is soooo much better. She actually plays alone for extended periods, I never have to lift her and she goes to playgroup 3 mornings a week.

If you have any kind of support system then USE IT (DP/family/friends) and accept all offers of help. Other than that just do what you can to get through each day and try to make time for yourself too, if possible. It will get better, I promise.

morethanafuckingbleeder Thu 10-Jan-19 21:23:34

Are you genuinely thinking about jumping off a cliff or harming yourself in some way? I know it's a phrase people bandy about but you reference it twice - once in your username and then again in your post. That's a little concerning.
If your baby is less than 28 days old I think it's worth contacting your community midwife and telling her how you feel; otherwise make an urgent GP appointment tomorrow. Don't suffer in silence on your own.

JumpOfACliff Thu 10-Jan-19 21:23:37

oh gosh im so bloody stressed and forgot to say shes 10 months old. I see other mums with babies her age and they are so happy and cheery (i know i shouldnt compare- but how can i not?!) and mine is screaming and just never sits still.

i find a sling too tiring. i wear it for while but it does my back in.

Northernsights Thu 10-Jan-19 21:24:29

I had one like this - but I have twins - so was unbelievably hard! The clingy one is still much harder work even as a teen! We found out he had various allergies quite early, but now know he has a sensory processing disorder too, so everything is more uncomfortable and more difficult for him. But he’s also much more loving and empathetic than his brother

AnnaBegins Thu 10-Jan-19 21:25:39

Oh gosh I sympathise as mine was like this! Sounds like you need a better fitting sling. It really shouldn't hurt your back. I lived in my connecta at this age.

Justajot Thu 10-Jan-19 21:25:43

I don't have personal experience, but there is a lot by Dr Sears on high needs babies www.askdrsears.com/news/sears-family-blog/high-need-baby-needs-be-held-all-time.

spugzbunny Thu 10-Jan-19 21:26:58

She's still very young. My 10 month old is the same. I find I can distract her for about 15 minutes with toys or food or a video but otherwise she wants me to be with her, cuddling her or carrying her etc. It's very normal at that age. The best thing you can do is get out the house so she's entertained and when you need time to do things then draft in friends, family, partner if possible.

lifecouldbeadream Thu 10-Jan-19 21:28:27

Bar the job application, I could have written this. My youngest has reflux- and possibly allergies- could it be something like that?

3out Thu 10-Jan-19 21:28:43

Our DD is like this, always has been. She’s 6. I think if she could unzip my skin and climb under so that she could get even closer to me, she would.
Sorry if that’s not helpful, but I thought it might help to know you’re not alone. If it’s any consolation, she’s quite bright.

Purpleartichoke Thu 10-Jan-19 21:31:00

My dd was the same way. I even took to holding her while she napped because it was the only way she would sleep. She just wanted to be touching me constantly.

It did eventually get better. Gradually I was able to set her down once she was asleep and she just slept touching my leg. Gradually she got to the point where a toy could hold her interest for a couple of minutes. Basically when she started walking, she calmed down. She was still a clingy toddler, but it was easier.

In the meantime, DH took over all household duties and I just accepted that carrying dd around was my lot in life. It was hard emotionally and physically.

She is 9 now. Well adjusted. Enjoys spending time with me occasionally, but mostly wants to do her own thing.

GreenEggsHamandChips Thu 10-Jan-19 21:32:17

Many moons ago. But i simply couldn't carry a baby around all day or wear a sling because my back couldnt hack it.

If you have to put the child down, put the child down, talk to it, sing to it, put it under a baby mobile, i even had a self rocking chair for a bit. I sometimes think your making a rod for your own back by allowing the baby to accept it will always be held.

Absofrigginlootly Thu 10-Jan-19 21:34:04

www.askdrsears.com/topics/health-concerns/fussy-baby/high-need-baby/12-features-high-need-baby

Sound familiar OP? ^^

My DD was/is like this. Was a total Velcro baby and is still very attached in an insecure separation anxiety way even now at 4 years old. She also had various allergies which she recently grew out of, and sensory issues. She has had a traumatic delivery and separation from me straight after the birth which affected us both for a long time. Also, she had horrendous silent reflux which went undiagnosed for 2 months so had a very difficult and painful start in life sad which I think also made her more clingy. It’s also just her personality. She has always been such a serious little thing. Now we’ve got baby DS I can see a huge difference. He’s so much more chilled out and a happy little soul who just sits and giggles to himself. Getting DD to crack a smile let alone laugh was/is hard work

I survived the baby years by slings, cosleeping and BF until she was 3

Sympathies!! flowers

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