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To ask if you are the kind of parent you thought you would be?

(140 Posts)
Bumblebee39 Wed 09-Jan-19 16:10:13

So just that really...

I remember being pregnant with DC1 and thinking I would be a home schooling breastfeeding baby wearing earth mother
A few years (and one soon to be two more DCs) later and I am a studying and WOHP who doesn't home school, breastfeed, baby wear or (judging by our reliance on ready prepared food and disposable anything they make disposable) have much green parent earth mother to me at all
I am definitely absolutely not the kind of parent I thought I would be, are you?
What went to plan? And what didn't?

Thurlow Wed 09-Jan-19 16:18:56

I thought I'd be fine with dirt and mud and all that. You know, the whole "I'll stop them when they're eating their third mud pie" sort of parent. Turns out I can't stand the mess at all!

Also, before I had children I was very much of the opinion that you don't take them out of school for a holiday. Now I actually have a child in primary school - yeah, that last Friday of term to drive up to the rental cottage is suddenly looking very tempting blush

PoisonousSmurf Wed 09-Jan-19 16:21:11

I am nothing like my parents and I'm happy with that!

crispysausagerolls Wed 09-Jan-19 16:23:28

The opposite of you OP - I thought I would be quite strict and stern re sleeping and routine and schedules but I’ve turned into a huge Earth mother! Breastfeeding always, no dummy, babywearing, cooking all 3 meals and bedsharing etc 🙈🙈😂😂

LoopyLou1981 Wed 09-Jan-19 16:25:51

I’m less calm about things than I thought (hoped) I’d be. I really wanted to be the sort of parent that lets things wash over them but I’ve ended up shouting when they wind me up and I hate myself for that.
I’m trying really hard to get better at it though. I want them to look back at their childhood and see happy memories not a grumpy Mum x

Mummysharkdodododo Wed 09-Jan-19 16:26:12

I was, I anticipated I'd have my kids and predominately wing it. We never had any expectations about anything really, we'd just do the best we could. Three years in, 2 children we are winging it pretty well! I've breastfed both children for over 12 months (18 months in and going strong with the second) I always knew I wanted to breastfeed but I was realistic in my expectations "if I can" was my attitude. That's been my attitude for pretty much everything.

I joked when I was pregnant my children would eat only organic vegetables and would never watch tv - I wasn't the first to have children in my circle of friends, I was definitely joking! In saying that I've never fed them any baby food etc out of a jar or packet, it was all fresh cooked, just not organic grin!

LuluMelons Wed 09-Jan-19 16:26:38

I promised myself never to snap and shout. Having to work on it now with a 3 year old.

Wingbing Wed 09-Jan-19 16:27:58

God no.

Is anyone?

Knittink Wed 09-Jan-19 16:29:50

Yes I think I'm pretty much as I expected to be. I try to tread a moderate, happy medium line. There are plenty of parenting things I didn't really think about untl they came up, and that I kind of wish I'd thought about beforehand, but I've been pretty consistent on the stuff I had thought about beforehand.

GummyGoddess Wed 09-Jan-19 16:32:02

I planned on going back to work at 3 months, one child only, bottle feeding, strict routine, clean children, lots of books.

I took over a year off, have dc2 and want another, breastfed first until he weaned himself over 1 when I was pregnant with dc2, relaxed routine, lots of painting, sandpit in house, messy play daily. I do read them lots of books though!

Nothing like I expected, it's much more fun. I even love taking them to soft play!

Grammar Wed 09-Jan-19 16:36:48

My DC are 21, 19 and 16.
I think we were pretty well the kind of parents we set out to be ( kind but firm).
I'm eating my words now though, as the generation gap has presented more challenges than I ever thought.
Tinder, DD 21 is going and meeting up on a 1st date with someone who wants a makeover, so they booking a hotel for a few hours, she is taking clothes and makeup.
I have safeguarded her as well as I can....but I would like to think I am open minded and happy to have raised ( or helped) an enlightened person.
But I could NOT contain my anxiety and we had a huge set too.
I thought 20 years ago, I'd be cool about this ...turns out, I'm not, I'm just anxious!

Itsmenotyouisntit Wed 09-Jan-19 16:38:58

Close but not really. I imagined playing contentedly with her for hours at a time but I'm lucky if I can manage half hour bursts without getting frustrated/bored 😕 we've recently been doing crafts together and I find that easier, but we're doing it more side by side and not together fyswim.
I also wish I had more patience with her, I never imagined yelling at my child so I'm not really enjoying that and feel guilty but I'm practicing counting to 10 atm which is helping.. I've always been house proud so I find it pretty soul destroying tidying up one room only to go into another and find things pulled out/thrown all over the floor again, I wish I could just chill with it but I can't ☹
All in all, I thought I'd be more relaxed and playful but I'm actually pretty uptight. I think so anyway, people are always saying I'm really patient and loving with her but I guess I just wish I was more of that. 🤷‍♀️
I never knew parenting would be so full on and sometimes I really just want to be left alone, I find the conatsmt nagging/asking for things and never being left alone really draning and by the end of the day I feel like pulling my hair out, even though I start each day happy and full of ideas.
I just need to chill really.

FlippinNora1 Wed 09-Jan-19 16:41:13

Thankfully I’m better than I thought I would be. I hadn’t set the bar very high though. I didn’t want kids at all for many years.

Even my parents comment on it. Apparently when I was younger I killed all my pets through neglect (hamsters and goldfish). They thought I’d transfer my neglect onto my kids. Instead I’m 100% smother grin

GummyGoddess Wed 09-Jan-19 16:43:15

@Itsmenotyouisntit maybe have a look at schemas, identify which one your child currently is in and then google for activities you enjoy for that schema? That should keep you both happy and occupied, as well as helping her brain development.

Itsmenotyouisntit Wed 09-Jan-19 16:44:24

Conatsmt?? 🤔 constant

Fluffymullet Wed 09-Jan-19 16:45:12

Thought I'd be supernanny, strict, no nonsense, well behaved children who slept well, ate what they were given. I was niave!!

I've ended up a lot more earth mother than I ever expected, extended breastfeeding, slingwearing, bed sharing (by necessity of going insane from sleep deprivation) and probably way too soft!!! I wouldn't want it any other way though

Itsmenotyouisntit Wed 09-Jan-19 16:45:16

I will, thank you @gummygoddess 😊

Bluntness100 Wed 09-Jan-19 16:45:21

Yes pretty much, I think what I didn't estimate is simply how much I would love my daughter, now 21, and how very, very important she and her happiness is to me.

GummyGoddess Wed 09-Jan-19 16:45:55

Also, if there's a solo activity for that schema they will be occupied for AGES! Then you can have a drink and relax for a while. Dc1 is obsessed with pouring at the moment so he has a bowl of coloured rice and just sits there pouring it into things for about 45 minutes. I just scoop it up and then vacuum at the end.

Bambamber Wed 09-Jan-19 16:45:59

Me! I thought I was going to be quite a stern parent, I was adamant no child of mine would ever be sharing my bed, I had so many ideas!

And then she was born and it turns out I'm soft as shit grin

Longdistance Wed 09-Jan-19 16:51:59

Erm no.

Quite frankly I’m glad to come to work tbh. It’s easier blush

I thought I’d be really maternal, and motherly and that I might like the baby stage.
Reality - I hated the baby stage.

Now they’re 7 and 9 and in school, happy days!

They’re good sisters to each other, and much prefer me to their -lazy- dad. I must have done something right, ha!

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc Wed 09-Jan-19 17:35:38

I thought I'd be the strict one and more fun blush

justanotherparent Wed 09-Jan-19 18:43:46

I'm only a couple of years in, but so far I've been pretty much what I expected. My wife, sadly, not so much - I always knew she'd find it challenging, but I wasn't expecting her to break down and scream at the kids every time they got a bit challenging sad

Dontcarewhatimdoing Wed 09-Jan-19 18:50:47

I don't recall ever really thinking about what kind of parent I'd be. I am just making it up as I go along, and it seems to be going OK so far, despite being a dismal failure at breastfeeding, and maybe lazier than I should be. It helps that DS is fairly easy going and eager to please.

PearsandWine Wed 09-Jan-19 18:57:11

No, but then I didn't have the children I expected to have either. Not a museum loving bookworm amongst them!

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