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AIBU?

Partner wants to go away for 4 days 3 weeks before my due date - need help with this one

55 replies

Baileyswithice1 · 07/01/2019 20:27

I’m due baby number 3 at the end of March. Partner has just asked me if I’d be ok with him going away to Germany to see his friend who is in the army, for 4 nights, 3 weeks before my due date. I asked if he could go sometime this month or during February but he says he can’t as his friend has other commitments...training...etc.

I don’t want to say to him not to go but I do feel it’s a bit close to when I’m due. Both of my DD’s came early and my labours were really quick (3 and 4 hours) so I know if I went into labour while he was there there’s absolutely no way he would get back on time for the birth.

Would I be unreasonable to say I’m not ok with it? I know if I say I don’t want him to go, he won’t.

OP posts:

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Ohheyyy · 07/01/2019 20:30

Because your other children came early I wouldn't want him to go either (unless by early you mean a day or two early).

formerbabe · 07/01/2019 20:30

When did you go into labour with babies 1 and 2?

ID81241 · 07/01/2019 20:30

How many weeks early did your previous pregnancies come? Do you have an alternative birth partner in case baby comes early?

My husband's also travelling 3 weeks before my due date and I didn't really think anything of it. But thinking about it my first was 2 weeks early. I guess my mum's also my birth partner so if one of them isn't there I don't think I'd mind too much!

formerbabe · 07/01/2019 20:31

Sorry just re-read your post and you said.

In that case...yanbu!

hidinginthenightgarden · 07/01/2019 20:31

I wouldn't because I don't think it is fair that he leaves you with 2 kids at 8 months pregnant!

Dimsumlosesum · 07/01/2019 20:34

I'd say ok. If he misses it he missed it. But then I'm harsh, so.

ID81241 · 07/01/2019 20:35

Also it doesn't sound like an urgent trip... he's not travelling for work just visiting a friend which surely can wait until new baby's a bit older. Also agree with the previous poster that being left alone for 4 days with 2 little ones at 37 wks pregnant isn't very fair.

Smotheroffive · 07/01/2019 20:36

I would wonder at him suggesting it tbh.

I would ask him if he minds missing the birth of his third DC, which seems not unreasonable to expect?

Also, how he would feel about you going through this alone...

It's his decision, not yours,but it would give me quite some concern that he thought 4 days away catching up with a pal was more important despite risking missing his DCs arrival in the world, and leaving you alone at this vulnerable time.

If he's not bothered,

Owwlie · 07/01/2019 20:37

YANBU. You'll be 8 months pregnant and already be having to deal with your two elder children. Considering they came early (and quickly) it's quite a stupid idea for him to go. Different if it's essential or work related but this isn't.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 07/01/2019 20:37

How old are your other dc OP?

Santaisfastasleepatlast · 07/01/2019 20:38

On my due date ds was 5 weeks old....
No warning, emsc after 1 spot of blood. Dh needs a plan B.

Smotheroffive · 07/01/2019 20:40

Can you expand on why ages of other DC is relevant?

Baileyswithice1 · 07/01/2019 20:42

I don’t have another birthing partner and would really need him there if I was to go into labour as he would have to drop the 2 other DC’s at a relatives before were to head to the hospital.

I’m really not bothered about him going but it’s just a scary thought that I might go into labour while he’s away and I’m on my own with 2 other kids, so I’d rather he went either this month or next.

OP posts:

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 07/01/2019 20:44

Can you expand on why you want to know?

Baileyswithice1 · 07/01/2019 20:45

Other DC’s are 7 and 10 so would need looked after while I’m in having the baby

OP posts:

MimiSunshine · 07/01/2019 20:46

Why 4 nights? Seems a bit much abs I would accept any BS about it not being worth the trip otherwise. Germany is practically next door.

I’d say 2 nights at a push but otherwise no I’d not be happy especially as you would be left to parent your existing children solo the whole time when due any day

CantWaitToRetire · 07/01/2019 20:46

The other DC ages is relevant because OP would be 37 weeks pregnant and on her own looking after them. It’s a bit different if they’re say 7 and 9 than if they’re 1 and 3 and she’s carrying them, changing nappies and bathing them.

ID81241 · 07/01/2019 20:46

If you don't have another birthing partner i don't think he can take the risk really.

Lollypop701 · 07/01/2019 20:47

You are allowed to say no or specify suitable times. It doesn’t mean you are selfish. You are pregnant and need him around. Even if baby hoes over yanbu.

YouTheCat · 07/01/2019 20:48

I'd say no. The chances are high that your baby will arrive early and you shouldn't be having to stress about getting the other kids looked after when you go into labour.

What if you ended up needing a section or something?

Baileyswithice1 · 07/01/2019 20:48

Yea I did suggest he go for 2 nights but it seems he wants to go for 4

OP posts:

jessstan2 · 07/01/2019 20:50

I don't think he should go, his responsibility is to you at this time.

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Smotheroffive · 07/01/2019 20:54

What does he want OP, as that's important to know.

It's clear he wants to go and that's his choice. You can't 'make' him stay, but I would ask him whether he minds about that would feel for you?

Smotheroffive · 07/01/2019 20:55

*minds about how that would feel for you.

I don't think he's giving you a second thought tbh

Amallamard · 07/01/2019 20:56

I wouldn't want to be left alone in the circumstances either. Can't he put it off until later in the year?

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