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To say I’ve won! I’ve actually won!

(805 Posts)
YouWinAgain Mon 07-Jan-19 11:41:25

Some of you will recognise my story. I hope you do, and yes I am that poster.

In March 2018 I was attacked and had threats made against my life by my husband in front of our DD aged 2 at the time.

I left him and he was a s**t. He and his family made my life hell threatening to take DD out of her Nursery, pinning me against shelves in supermarkets, accusing me of alienating DD from her paternal family, and basically being made to feel like the perpetrator instead of the victim. He also left me and DD living at my mums for 10 days just because he could. He left me with GAD, PTSD and Social Anxiety.

In November he took me to court for full residency of DD, now aged 3, accusing me of emotionally abusing her and not being able to put her first.

It was a rough time for me; I almost gave up at times, felt like everything was against me including the Social Worker who seemed to swap sides after it went to court. She was also at times suggesting 50/50 contact.

I got a SHL (S**t Hot Lawyer) and was still worried, panicking and had to be grounded several times by her and posters on MN thank you all. I had home condition problems when we first split but did my upmost to work with everyone and get myself back on track. At times I felt like it was hopeless even when he didn’t turn up to her appointments or Nativity Play.

DRA hearing is 2 weeks today. Had the final meeting with the SW this morning to give me the S7, I was nervous as I was expecting her to be on ExHs side.

There’s two bits of good news:

1) SW was recommending that DD stay living with me, and contact with ExH be once a week for 2 hours, and then every other Sunday for 5 hours going up to full day contact (9am-5pm) in 3 months’ time and then overnight just Saturday every other weekend from September when DD starts school. SW suggested the weekly contact cannot clash with her appointments or social occasions!

But 2) 2 weeks before the DRA, ExH has decided to drop the residency and just apply for consistent regular contact with DD. He hasn’t asked for a specific pattern so I think my SHL can negotiate.

I am crying with happiness. We still have to go to court on 21st but I’m not worried anymore, they aren’t taking my DD off me. Looks like SW was on DDs side and neither mine or ExHs.

Sometimes it pays to persevere. I’ve won haven’t I? I’ve actually won!

ElfridaEtAl Mon 07-Jan-19 13:19:54

If you are who I think you are, I am so pleased for you flowers

Fabulous result, you are a wonderful mum to your DD.

Ellie56 Mon 07-Jan-19 13:24:13

That's great news OP.

Sounds like the twat took you to court for full residency just because he could.He had no intention of going through with it. angry

macaroniandpizza Mon 07-Jan-19 13:27:07

So happy for you

JudgeRindersMinder Mon 07-Jan-19 13:39:46

It sounds like you’ve been to hell and back, really pleased to hear the outcome

TaighNamGastaOrt Mon 07-Jan-19 13:57:38

So very pleased for you and Mini! I read your previous thread and support thread, very happy for you!

YouWinAgain Mon 07-Jan-19 14:02:13

Now make sure your DD has a list of playdates and parties as long as your arm......wink....or is that not 'in the spirit'?

She does have quite a full social diary, 2 parties in the next 2 weeks and she's only 3!

Bertiebitch32 Mon 07-Jan-19 14:02:36

Congratulations! So glad it's abought time you and mini got some good luck and so glad the court seen your vile ex for the sh1t he is flowers

Motoko Mon 07-Jan-19 14:17:12

That's great news! I'd been looking for a new thread from you, and tried sending a PM, but you've namechanged, so the PM wouldn't go through. I asked Queen if she had any news, as I knew you were on a FB group together, and she pointed me here.

I'm so glad the SW included the bit about not allowing him to have contact when Mini has appointments or social occasions, I bet that's buggered up his plans to mess you about with that!

Now, start believing in yourself! Mini is living with the best person for her, her mum.

SchadenfreudePersonified Mon 07-Jan-19 14:59:13

Schadenfreude I assumed that the SW was referring to the CHILD's appointments and social occasions, not her (the SW) own?

Oh! blush blush blush

How embarrassing! As you were.

<scuttles off to wash egg from face - there's quite a lot - it could take a while . . . >

Angrybird345 Mon 07-Jan-19 15:30:46

Good for you! Glad you stayed strong, must have been so very tough at times but like you said, you won!!

LionsHeart Mon 07-Jan-19 15:36:48

What wonderful news! I remember your threads, and it did sound as if you were starting to feel defeated at every turn... but what was quite clear was your determination to put your DD's best interests first, and to protect her come what may.

You've shone brightly through all of this OP.
You utter bloody little star you!

Confusedbeetle Mon 07-Jan-19 15:39:14

schadenfreude "You said
Her "social occasions"? Really? What an entitled arrogant piece of trash the SW is.
What planet are you on? If the child had a party or swimming class this should take priority. IE The child should take priority, good on the SW

SchadenfreudePersonified Mon 07-Jan-19 15:54:02


I've already apologised. I misunderstood the OP's post. I am on the planet "made a silly mistake"

RTFT before sticking your chitinous oar in.

Lweji Mon 07-Jan-19 15:56:06

your chitinous oar in


Nquartz Mon 07-Jan-19 15:59:38

If you are who I think you, I'm so pleased for you. I was rooting for you and your DD.

However, if you are someone else, this is still awesome news so huge congrats!

SaturdayNext Mon 07-Jan-19 16:00:50

Great! I bet he realised that he wasn't going to get his way easily and gave in now rather than have your SHL tearing him apart. I also suspect that he'll lose interest over time, which will probably be the best outcome for your DD.

BitOutOfPractice Mon 07-Jan-19 16:03:54

SchadenfreudePersonified I'd brace yourself for another billion people to come on and tell you you're wrong before this thread is over grin

OP that's fantastic news. I suspect that when his tiny brain had a chance to compute that having residency of his DD would actually entail some work on his part, he changed his mind

TimeIhadaNameChange Mon 07-Jan-19 16:14:06

Was just coming to see if I could find an update.

Such brilliant news! You would expect the SS to be on DD's side, really. Just great that it's working to your advantage as well!

Hope the pair of you had a great Christmas and New Year.

Here's to the 21st!

Missingstreetlife Mon 07-Jan-19 16:20:35

Well done op. Let's hope he will be reasonable. You will have to watch for signs of emotional or other abuse and bad mouthing you.
Nothing to stop dad taking her to parties, classes whatever, no need to change his contact for that.
Hope she can get something good from this and you both can relax and enjoy life more

notacooldad Mon 07-Jan-19 16:28:23

I must admit when I saw your post it made me laugh ( not in a nasty way but I could see how you misinterpreted it)

pointythings Mon 07-Jan-19 16:33:40

I remember your previous threads and posted a few times on your last one. This is the most amazing news, what a fabulous start to the new year for you and Mini! flowers

MissMacaron Mon 07-Jan-19 16:34:27

I remember you (I'm a few name changes on!) and I am so very very happy for you.

PolkaDoting Mon 07-Jan-19 16:34:53

SW suggested the weekly contact cannot clash with her appointments or social occasions

To be honest, I think this is completely unfair even though it is the child’s appointments. It’s completley up to me or DH whether DD attends parties/appointments when she is with either of us. This seems like a way of making it very easy for the resident parent to make contact difficult.

BovrilOverkillOhMyInsides Mon 07-Jan-19 16:37:51

Absolutely well done! I've been through this, minus the ex in-laws pinning me against stuff, there were no in-laws left.

It's liberatingly wonderful to come out on top when you know you weren't in the wrong.

I'm so proud of you, random stranger on the web!

Bettercallsaul1 Mon 07-Jan-19 16:40:39

Come on, folks - it was an honest mistake! grin

Let's not indulge in Schadenfreude against Schadenfreude!

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