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To say I’ve won! I’ve actually won!

(805 Posts)
YouWinAgain Mon 07-Jan-19 11:41:25

Some of you will recognise my story. I hope you do, and yes I am that poster.

In March 2018 I was attacked and had threats made against my life by my husband in front of our DD aged 2 at the time.

I left him and he was a s**t. He and his family made my life hell threatening to take DD out of her Nursery, pinning me against shelves in supermarkets, accusing me of alienating DD from her paternal family, and basically being made to feel like the perpetrator instead of the victim. He also left me and DD living at my mums for 10 days just because he could. He left me with GAD, PTSD and Social Anxiety.

In November he took me to court for full residency of DD, now aged 3, accusing me of emotionally abusing her and not being able to put her first.

It was a rough time for me; I almost gave up at times, felt like everything was against me including the Social Worker who seemed to swap sides after it went to court. She was also at times suggesting 50/50 contact.

I got a SHL (S**t Hot Lawyer) and was still worried, panicking and had to be grounded several times by her and posters on MN thank you all. I had home condition problems when we first split but did my upmost to work with everyone and get myself back on track. At times I felt like it was hopeless even when he didn’t turn up to her appointments or Nativity Play.

DRA hearing is 2 weeks today. Had the final meeting with the SW this morning to give me the S7, I was nervous as I was expecting her to be on ExHs side.

There’s two bits of good news:

1) SW was recommending that DD stay living with me, and contact with ExH be once a week for 2 hours, and then every other Sunday for 5 hours going up to full day contact (9am-5pm) in 3 months’ time and then overnight just Saturday every other weekend from September when DD starts school. SW suggested the weekly contact cannot clash with her appointments or social occasions!

But 2) 2 weeks before the DRA, ExH has decided to drop the residency and just apply for consistent regular contact with DD. He hasn’t asked for a specific pattern so I think my SHL can negotiate.

I am crying with happiness. We still have to go to court on 21st but I’m not worried anymore, they aren’t taking my DD off me. Looks like SW was on DDs side and neither mine or ExHs.

Sometimes it pays to persevere. I’ve won haven’t I? I’ve actually won!

MissionItsPossible Mon 07-Jan-19 11:53:42

I don’t remember your other thread but I’m pleased for you. Sounds like you’ve been through hell and your ex and his family sound like vile scum

loubluee Mon 07-Jan-19 11:57:30

I remember your previous thread. Well done! I think you highlighted an important point about children’s social workers- they are there to benefit the children and give them the best outcome! Really happy for you!!

BifsWif Mon 07-Jan-19 11:59:52

I’m so pleased for you, congratulations OP and I hope your story gives heart to others going through the same x

Fusioluxe Mon 07-Jan-19 12:00:19



Disfordarkchocolate Mon 07-Jan-19 12:02:16

Can you link to your old thread(s)?

Marmalady75 Mon 07-Jan-19 12:03:16

Congratulations! Social workers get a lot of stick, but they are (well, the huge majority) trying their best to do a really tough job.

Lweji Mon 07-Jan-19 12:04:35


I completely understand where you are coming from.

I hope all goes well in the final hearing.

LaurieMarlow Mon 07-Jan-19 12:05:26


SchadenfreudePersonified Mon 07-Jan-19 12:07:56

SW suggested the weekly contact cannot clash with her appointments or social occasions!

Her "social occasions"? Really? What an entitled arrogant piece of trash the SW is.

But not to de-rail- Congratulations flowers - and well done, you - it has been an horrendous journey for you, but you can start to properly put your life with your DD together again.

I hope that your story will act as a beacon to other women in the same position as you were, and they will be able to hang on in there when things are rough.

Santaisfastasleepatlast Mon 07-Jan-19 12:08:02

Well done op. I won my case also. 4 years of hell.
Your dd will one day realise what a fab dm she has!!

Returning2thesceneofthecrime Mon 07-Jan-19 12:10:09

I remember you! In fact, I was trying to find the follow on from your last thread earlier today.

Congratulations! So pleased for you and for Mini!

Bishalisha Mon 07-Jan-19 12:10:26

Congratulations! Fingers crossed it goes this way for me in a few months time ❤️

Bekabeech Mon 07-Jan-19 12:10:55

Congratulations! It does sound as if the SW was doing her job (and I know you see the interests of your DD to be the most important thing).
I did read your previous thread, and hope you will continue posting when you need encouragement, support etc. I know it has got very dark at times - but you did it!

Lweji Mon 07-Jan-19 12:13:46

Her "social occasions"? Really? What an entitled arrogant piece of trash the SW is.

What's the problem?

I interpreted as the SW ensuring contact with his dad doesn't prevent the child from attending birthday parties and so on.

indecisivepigeon Mon 07-Jan-19 12:15:22

I think I remember your other thread.

Well done flowers

I hope you find peace and start to really enjoy life because you and your daughter deserve it.

You’ve broken free from a horrible man and you’ve escaped and survived terrible time. You should be proud of yourself.


DubBeGoodToMe Mon 07-Jan-19 12:15:29

Her "social occasions"? Really? What an entitled arrogant piece of trash the SW is.

Schadenfreude I assumed that the SW was referring to the CHILD's appointments and social occasions, not her (the SW) own?

Well done OP. I don't recognise you but so pleased to hear that it seems to be working out in the best interests of your DD.

Chapterandverse Mon 07-Jan-19 12:15:33

SW suggested the weekly contact cannot clash with her appointments or social occasions!

Her "social occasions"? Really? What an entitled arrogant piece of trash the SW is.

I think the SW meant DD's social occasions.... wink

Well done Op flowers

didofido Mon 07-Jan-19 12:17:20


I think it was the DD's social occasions referred to. Not the Social Workers!

Longtalljosie Mon 07-Jan-19 12:17:32

I think the OP means the contact world around the child’s social occasions, not the SW’s social occasions!

Congratulations OP. Wishing you all the best.

recklessruby Mon 07-Jan-19 12:18:28

flowers well done OP I remember you. So glad it's gone in your favour x

YouWinAgain Mon 07-Jan-19 12:18:34

Yes SW meant for it to work around DDs Social Occasions so parties and things.

YetAnotherSpartacus Mon 07-Jan-19 12:18:41

Wonderful news!!!! Well done!!!

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger Mon 07-Jan-19 12:19:18

this is fucking brilliant - sorry for the swearing but I'm punching the air for you grin

JollyAndBright Mon 07-Jan-19 12:19:51

I remember all your previous threads and I’m very happy for you.

The sw obviously took note of everything the nursery manager and everyone else who knows you and DD and knows how great you are with her.

I really hope you can use this win to boost yourself into worrying less about DD and focusing a bit more on healing and building yourself back up.

You are your DD deserve to be happy after everything you’ve been through.

PoliticalBiscuit Mon 07-Jan-19 12:20:01

Awesome news!! Well done, that's a lot of work to get it to where you need it. Sounds like you'll be able to move forwards now flowers

CrookedMe Mon 07-Jan-19 12:22:37

Jesus, maybe read things properly before resorting to such scummy childish name-calling. angry

Well done OP! flowers

diddl Mon 07-Jan-19 12:22:51

Arrogant piece of trash??

Good lord!

NameChanger22 Mon 07-Jan-19 12:22:54

Congratulations. That's wonderful.

I also went through hell with my ex and came out the other side. I think you find out a lot about people when you go through something like this, and who you can trust.

All the best for your future.

Attackofthepoonami Mon 07-Jan-19 12:22:55

I remember your thread and all the shit you went through. Congratulations you've done so well! flowers

What a wonderful start to the new year for you and mini

Magentaorwagenta Mon 07-Jan-19 12:23:29

Amazing. Champagne and hugs all round. Well done xxx

DubBeGoodToMe Mon 07-Jan-19 12:24:09

(Am trying not to giggle at the thought of a Social Worker insisting that the non-resident parents only see their children on days when the Social Worker isn't going out for drinks or meeting a friend for lunch wink )

YouWinAgain Mon 07-Jan-19 12:25:10

Am trying not to giggle at the thought of a Social Worker insisting that the non-resident parents only see their children on days when the Social Worker isn't going out for drinks or meeting a friend for lunch wink


Suziepoozie Mon 07-Jan-19 12:25:59

I was wondering how you were doing yesterday actually! So glad to hear things are looking brighter for you.

DevaDiva Mon 07-Jan-19 12:29:27

I'm so so pleased for you, you were so down and disheartened on your last thread. So glad that there is light at the end of the tunnel for you and your DD.

Giraffetower Mon 07-Jan-19 12:30:44


Poshjock Mon 07-Jan-19 12:33:06

I was just wondering how you were doing. I remembered your court date was soon. I thought I’d miss updates when the other thread got full (I followed both of them all the way). And here you are named changed and I found you anyway. I like the reference in your thread title. We all knew you would!
Big hugs to Mini. She’s a credit to you and no doubt her sunny personality won everyone over.
Now go and look in the mirror and tell yourself “I am strong, I am capable, I am a winner”. Believe it, it’s true.

Gomyownway Mon 07-Jan-19 12:33:14

People just love to have a pop at social workers, even when they have zero reading comprehension.

Congrats OP. You’ve done amazing.

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel Mon 07-Jan-19 12:33:17

I remember you and followed your last thread, so pleased for you and your DD. Onwards and upwards flowers

ohfourfoxache Mon 07-Jan-19 12:35:48

Oh my God! I remember you - your story stuck with me sad

I’m so, so happy for you, what a brilliant outcome. I can only imagine your relief.

Wishing you and your beautiful dd the most wonderful of times ahead x

Branleuse Mon 07-Jan-19 12:38:53

Well done. Thats brilliant news

Ariela Mon 07-Jan-19 12:42:21

Excellent news, I remember your previous posts.

AdoraBell Mon 07-Jan-19 12:52:25

Well done 👍

Blobby10 Mon 07-Jan-19 12:52:51

I remember you too and was looking around the boards for the updated thread only yesterday!

So very happy for you and your gorgeous daughter - after everything you've been through over the past 10 months this latest news must be like a huge weight off your back.

With lots of love and best wishes for a fun filled future for both of you flowers

wallpeppering Mon 07-Jan-19 12:57:16

Excellent news! I remember your threads and what a terrible experience this has been. All the best for you and your little girl. smile star

ILoveChristmasLights Mon 07-Jan-19 12:57:31

That’s fabulous, fabulous news!!!

Totally made up for you & DD 💐🍫

Stephisaur Mon 07-Jan-19 13:01:06

I think I remember your other thread.

That’s fantastic news, I’m so pleased for you and DD


Oddsocksandmeatballs Mon 07-Jan-19 13:06:19

I think I know who you are, that is amazing news flowers.

kaitlinktm Mon 07-Jan-19 13:08:25

I was wondering what had happened and worried that we hadn't heard any further from you OP.

You see - like we told you - you had nothing to worry about as you are a brilliant parent to your daughter. Long may you and she and your Mum and Grandad - and Madam Fussy Bottom the cat all prosper! grin

Bluetrews25 Mon 07-Jan-19 13:15:52

Great news!
Now make sure your DD has a list of playdates and parties as long as your arm......wink....or is that not 'in the spirit'?

ElfridaEtAl Mon 07-Jan-19 13:19:54

If you are who I think you are, I am so pleased for you flowers

Fabulous result, you are a wonderful mum to your DD.

Ellie56 Mon 07-Jan-19 13:24:13

That's great news OP.

Sounds like the twat took you to court for full residency just because he could.He had no intention of going through with it. angry

macaroniandpizza Mon 07-Jan-19 13:27:07

So happy for you

JudgeRindersMinder Mon 07-Jan-19 13:39:46

It sounds like you’ve been to hell and back, really pleased to hear the outcome

TaighNamGastaOrt Mon 07-Jan-19 13:57:38

So very pleased for you and Mini! I read your previous thread and support thread, very happy for you!

YouWinAgain Mon 07-Jan-19 14:02:13

Now make sure your DD has a list of playdates and parties as long as your arm......wink....or is that not 'in the spirit'?

She does have quite a full social diary, 2 parties in the next 2 weeks and she's only 3!

Bertiebitch32 Mon 07-Jan-19 14:02:36

Congratulations! So glad it's abought time you and mini got some good luck and so glad the court seen your vile ex for the sh1t he is flowers

Motoko Mon 07-Jan-19 14:17:12

That's great news! I'd been looking for a new thread from you, and tried sending a PM, but you've namechanged, so the PM wouldn't go through. I asked Queen if she had any news, as I knew you were on a FB group together, and she pointed me here.

I'm so glad the SW included the bit about not allowing him to have contact when Mini has appointments or social occasions, I bet that's buggered up his plans to mess you about with that!

Now, start believing in yourself! Mini is living with the best person for her, her mum.

SchadenfreudePersonified Mon 07-Jan-19 14:59:13

Schadenfreude I assumed that the SW was referring to the CHILD's appointments and social occasions, not her (the SW) own?

Oh! blush blush blush

How embarrassing! As you were.

<scuttles off to wash egg from face - there's quite a lot - it could take a while . . . >

Angrybird345 Mon 07-Jan-19 15:30:46

Good for you! Glad you stayed strong, must have been so very tough at times but like you said, you won!!

LionsHeart Mon 07-Jan-19 15:36:48

What wonderful news! I remember your threads, and it did sound as if you were starting to feel defeated at every turn... but what was quite clear was your determination to put your DD's best interests first, and to protect her come what may.

You've shone brightly through all of this OP.
You utter bloody little star you!

Confusedbeetle Mon 07-Jan-19 15:39:14

schadenfreude "You said
Her "social occasions"? Really? What an entitled arrogant piece of trash the SW is.
What planet are you on? If the child had a party or swimming class this should take priority. IE The child should take priority, good on the SW

SchadenfreudePersonified Mon 07-Jan-19 15:54:02


I've already apologised. I misunderstood the OP's post. I am on the planet "made a silly mistake"

RTFT before sticking your chitinous oar in.

Lweji Mon 07-Jan-19 15:56:06

your chitinous oar in


Nquartz Mon 07-Jan-19 15:59:38

If you are who I think you, I'm so pleased for you. I was rooting for you and your DD.

However, if you are someone else, this is still awesome news so huge congrats!

SaturdayNext Mon 07-Jan-19 16:00:50

Great! I bet he realised that he wasn't going to get his way easily and gave in now rather than have your SHL tearing him apart. I also suspect that he'll lose interest over time, which will probably be the best outcome for your DD.

BitOutOfPractice Mon 07-Jan-19 16:03:54

SchadenfreudePersonified I'd brace yourself for another billion people to come on and tell you you're wrong before this thread is over grin

OP that's fantastic news. I suspect that when his tiny brain had a chance to compute that having residency of his DD would actually entail some work on his part, he changed his mind

TimeIhadaNameChange Mon 07-Jan-19 16:14:06

Was just coming to see if I could find an update.

Such brilliant news! You would expect the SS to be on DD's side, really. Just great that it's working to your advantage as well!

Hope the pair of you had a great Christmas and New Year.

Here's to the 21st!

Missingstreetlife Mon 07-Jan-19 16:20:35

Well done op. Let's hope he will be reasonable. You will have to watch for signs of emotional or other abuse and bad mouthing you.
Nothing to stop dad taking her to parties, classes whatever, no need to change his contact for that.
Hope she can get something good from this and you both can relax and enjoy life more

notacooldad Mon 07-Jan-19 16:28:23

I must admit when I saw your post it made me laugh ( not in a nasty way but I could see how you misinterpreted it)

pointythings Mon 07-Jan-19 16:33:40

I remember your previous threads and posted a few times on your last one. This is the most amazing news, what a fabulous start to the new year for you and Mini! flowers

MissMacaron Mon 07-Jan-19 16:34:27

I remember you (I'm a few name changes on!) and I am so very very happy for you.

PolkaDoting Mon 07-Jan-19 16:34:53

SW suggested the weekly contact cannot clash with her appointments or social occasions

To be honest, I think this is completely unfair even though it is the child’s appointments. It’s completley up to me or DH whether DD attends parties/appointments when she is with either of us. This seems like a way of making it very easy for the resident parent to make contact difficult.

BovrilOverkillOhMyInsides Mon 07-Jan-19 16:37:51

Absolutely well done! I've been through this, minus the ex in-laws pinning me against stuff, there were no in-laws left.

It's liberatingly wonderful to come out on top when you know you weren't in the wrong.

I'm so proud of you, random stranger on the web!

Bettercallsaul1 Mon 07-Jan-19 16:40:39

Come on, folks - it was an honest mistake! grin

Let's not indulge in Schadenfreude against Schadenfreude!

Lweji Mon 07-Jan-19 16:42:56

To be honest, I think this is completely unfair even though it is the child’s appointments. It’s completley up to me or DH whether DD attends parties/appointments when she is with either of us. This seems like a way of making it very easy for the resident parent to make contact difficult.

I suspect the SW realised that the most likely party to make contact difficult was the father. Not the mother.
The limited contact recommended can easily be booked around the child's schedule. And it should ensure that the father takes the child to activities or events when he has a full day, so that the child does not suffer the consequences of being with dad.

Yulebealrite Mon 07-Jan-19 16:43:57

So basically he didn't really want her. He just wanted to put you through hell and punish you. He never had any intention of going through with it did he?

PivotPivotPivottt Mon 07-Jan-19 16:45:07

I've been following your other thread but have never commented. As soon as I saw the thread title I was hoping it would be you. That's great news I'm so happy for you.

Honeypickle Mon 07-Jan-19 16:48:14

Wonderful news! So happy for you and your daughter x

Tistheseason17 Mon 07-Jan-19 16:50:55

I hope this good news will give others hope - well done for persevering!!

AcrossthePond55 Mon 07-Jan-19 16:55:38

Oh this is absolutely WONDERFUL!

I was on your last thread and am so glad to find this one. I'm so so so glad you found the strength and courage to fight on for you & your mini!!

RaspberryRipple1963 Mon 07-Jan-19 17:05:03

I remember your previous thread OP. Congratulations. You deserve some happiness. flowers

BessMarvin Mon 07-Jan-19 17:10:27

I read your previous thread (threads?) and didn't comment but I'm so pleased for you, though sad you had to go through all that.

TeachesOfPeaches Mon 07-Jan-19 17:32:36

Hi OP, well done for getting this far. I've had a very similar experience, 2.5 years through the family court system (son only 3) and ex was awarded 2 hours unsupervised contact every other Saturday. He couldn't believe it as he was going for 50/50 shared residency.

YouWinAgain Mon 07-Jan-19 17:52:56

Sorry for lack of replies I've been celebrating by taking DD for a milkshake!

For those asking why appointments take priority over contact, DD has Global Developmental Delay among other diagnosis's and ExH refuses to believe there's anything wrong with her, so won't take her to her appointments so to protect her health all appointments will take place during my time with her. In time if he will take her I am happy to loosen up on this rule but as I will go to them all anyway for now it's best it's during my time.

Have an appointment with my SHL tomorrow so will iron out exactly what I want for contact.

glueandstick Mon 07-Jan-19 18:25:00

Ah you are the poster I think you are.

Well done you. Your daughter is a complete credit to you and you are one strong mama. I don’t know you but I’m so bloody proud of you.

AcrossthePond55 Mon 07-Jan-19 18:36:11

Well, you give your SHL a big, fat smacking kiss from me, OK?

wictional Mon 07-Jan-19 18:39:28

YES! Been keeping my fingers crossed for you - i’m so happy for you!!

Motoko Mon 07-Jan-19 18:43:04

Nothing to stop dad taking her to parties, classes whatever, no need to change his contact for that.

He won't take her though, that's the reason it's been included. She would miss out on nursery, swimming lessons, and important health appointments as OP has explained.

We're not talking about a reasonable man who has his DDs best interests at heart. He is an abuser (it says it in the first post!) and has been using contact arrangements as a way to continue trying to control OP and make her life hell.

user139328237 Mon 07-Jan-19 18:48:36

Either the social worker is a resident parent who enjoys frustrating contact herself or is very naive to allow contact to be moved on the basis of social invitations for a 3 year old. I can't see any experienced judge listening to that 'advice' and it will probably weaken the rest of what she has to say.

Blessingsdragon1 Mon 07-Jan-19 18:55:21

Userstupidnumber - it's fucking obvious why the SW has made the stipulation

YouWinAgain Mon 07-Jan-19 18:56:26

I can't see any experienced judge listening to that 'advice'

It's only a suggestion and to be honest as long as she doesn't miss her medical appointments and swimming lessons (which help her medically and I have evidence from her paeds for this) I don't care so much about the other stuff as I can make up for it with extra playdates or soft play invites in my time. It's the appointments/swimming which is the most important.

Lweji Mon 07-Jan-19 18:58:28


You're either very naive or one of those woe me dads.

Friedspamfritters Mon 07-Jan-19 19:03:36

Great news op! I'm glad it makes allowances for her social life too. It would be awful for DD if her dad deliberately stopped her doing her hobbies or going to parties when she's older! (sounds like the kind of person who would do something like that to spite you).

SchadenfreudePersonified Mon 07-Jan-19 19:20:04

I'm not the sharpest knife in the box notacooldad (or even the sharpest spoon, if it comes to that) and have had a couple of disturbed nights (which has also made me a bit bad-tempered).

Am awaiting the deluge promised by BitoutofPractice

<piles sandbags against keyboard>

SchadenfreudePersonified Mon 07-Jan-19 19:21:22

Thank you saul

<wipes away tear of self-pity>


notacooldad Mon 07-Jan-19 19:35:41

I'm not the sharpest knife in the box notacooldad
Hey, we all have moments when we don't quite get something!! I know I have plenty ( more than I want to admit to if I'm honest!)
I wasn't mocking you, I was just imagining some of the social workers in our team getting their diaries out to work out their social arrangements!!

MyOtherLifeIsAFairytale Mon 07-Jan-19 20:08:38

@schadenfreudepersonified Your Update made me laugh. Nothing more refreshing than someone acknowledging they got the wrong end of the stick and jumped the gun. Don’t sweat the egg - you’re good now smile

For those getting all hot tempered over Schadenfreude’s initial comment: you’re doing the same as her. Tyiping before you think: “Hang on, that doesn’t sound right” so off your high indignant horses you pop :D
OP, I am delighted for you! Well well well done!!

Orchidflower1 Mon 07-Jan-19 20:22:38

I too read your previous thread but didn’t comment but whooooohooooo!! Hope all goes well. Sounds like your shl was worth every penny! Xx

SchadenfreudePersonified Mon 07-Jan-19 20:24:40

I know you weren't notacooldad - sorry if I came across snippy. It wasn't intended (curse the lack of facial expression and vocal intonation on a printed page)

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