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How old is too old?

(524 Posts)
Dartilla Sun 06-Jan-19 21:52:05

To become a parent?

My DH is older than me and I wondered if a general consensus even existed about how old is too old to become a dad, or even a mum?

Is there an age where it becomes selfish to have a baby? I'm trying to get my own opinions straight, as naturally I think each to their own, but then I wonder if there's a line?

Does age matter? Would you personally have a 'cut off' age, as such?

moanymoaner Sun 06-Jan-19 21:53:14

I don't think it hugely matters as long as the child can be cared for its whole life however you have to think about the implications of dad being mistaken for grandad . However in 2019 there isn't a right or wrong way to do anything I don't think

BikeRunSki Sun 06-Jan-19 21:54:03

I had a cut off age of 40, because I didn’t want teenagers around when I retired. I had my dc at 37 and 40. DH is 5 years younger than me.

Bunnybigears Sun 06-Jan-19 21:55:15

Personally I would say if I was to be any older than 60 when my child turned 18 I would conaider that too old. I dont know why and obviously each to their own.

Sandbox Sun 06-Jan-19 21:55:55

I wish I’d waited until around 35-40 I think it depends on the person though, how healthy they are in general and if they have the energy to cope with children etc

CazM2012 Sun 06-Jan-19 21:57:04

My DH was 45 when we had our first child and 49 when we had our fourth, planned to be down by the time he was 50 and made it by a few months grin it works well for us, they are still young, but he does not look or act his age.

Bluelady Sun 06-Jan-19 21:58:46

We briefly flirted with the idea of ttc when we got married but, thankfully, saw sense. I was 45 and he was 41.

BertrandRussell Sun 06-Jan-19 21:58:47

I was 37 and 41. My children are now 23 and 17. Everything OK so far....

Bellatrix14 Sun 06-Jan-19 22:00:19

I think it partly depends on how healthy you are (I’d say it’s preferable for an active, healthy eating, non smoker in their late 30s to have a child than a smoking, unhealthy, overweight couple 10 years younger to have one), and I also think it depends on whether both parents are older or not. My boyfriend is 12 years older than me, and I wouldn’t want him to be much over 40 if we were to have a child, but that’s just me. I would personally say that 50+ is ‘too’ old, but others might disagree with me.

HalfBloodPrincess Sun 06-Jan-19 22:02:01

I’m 37, will be 38 when baby #4 is born in May. DP is 42. This is our last one. I think 🤣

MarthasGinYard Sun 06-Jan-19 22:04:46

Why are you asking

For an article?

Dartilla Sun 06-Jan-19 22:10:29

Thanks for those replies.

Both DH and I are extremely healthy, non smokers/drinkers, very active and good 'genes' parent wise.

I'm 34 but DH is (a very fit) 45 (though he looks my age).

Because DH is 46 soon I'm wondering if it's too late. Even if I fell pregnant right away, (not likely) our hypothetical DC would be 13/14yo when he was 60 sad having a teenager in your 60s when most are retired & have an empty nest.

I'm upset and worried it's too late. sad

Dartilla Sun 06-Jan-19 22:10:52

@MarthasGinYard huh?

Crunched Sun 06-Jan-19 22:12:03

Who knows why, but for some reason my cut off is 44. Maybe subconsciously I think retirement age 65 but am quite aware that no longer applies.
My DF was 45 when I was born, and died when I was 18 so that may also be influential.

TrickyKid Sun 06-Jan-19 22:12:50

I didn't want kids past 35. I think over 40 is selfish.

aibutohavethisusername Sun 06-Jan-19 22:12:51

I was 24 when I had my DD. Have a different DP now and would have loved another DC, first with new DP but had an operation at 39 and my ovaries are no longer functioning.

NataliaOsipova Sun 06-Jan-19 22:14:04

There are pros and cons of age. Financial stability is not to he sneezed at when kids are in the picture, nor is emotional maturity. Fatherhood at 45 is really nothing out of the ordinary these days; if you want to go for it, you should.

Whatsnewwithyou Sun 06-Jan-19 22:16:45

A good friend of mine has just adopted in her mid-fifties - her child is a toddler. However she's in excellent physical shape and very youthful in her attitude. I think she'll be an excellent mum.

NotUmbongoUnchained Sun 06-Jan-19 22:16:47

It’s personal to each person. I wouldn’t have a baby past 30. But others wouldn’t have a baby under 30.

SadOtter Sun 06-Jan-19 22:21:26

My mum was 49 and Dad 55 when they had their youngest, which I think was selfish as littlest sibling is now 14 and dealing with parents in their 60s who can't do as much as they could when I was a teenager and whose health is starting to go. Its not so bad for her because she's got me and other older siblings who step in but its still not the same.

Princessmushroom Sun 06-Jan-19 22:23:08

My parents had me at 45 and 46. I lost my mum at 19.

But if they thought they were too old I wouldn’t be here.

Printerneedsink Sun 06-Jan-19 22:24:57

If a woman conceives naturally I can't see how that's selfish, even if she is ober a certain age.

NameChangeNugget Sun 06-Jan-19 22:27:50

The only opinion that matters is what’s right for the individuals concerned.

30ish is my feeling on this howeverx I think everyone will be different

AnotherPidgey Sun 06-Jan-19 22:29:35

We had babies at 30/40 and 32/44. My body found pregnancy and birth hard so I couldn't do a 2 year gap again. By the time I reached the potential for a 3+ year gap, DH was 45 and not as energetic as he was a couple of years earlier. It was a factor in stopping at 2. Uni/ retirement was another consideration.

If we were starting a family at that stage, it would be different and probably shift the boundaries a few years later. 3 teenagers in your 50s would be tougher emotionally and financially than 1!

speakout Sun 06-Jan-19 22:29:40

I think over 40 is selfish

There are good and bad parents of every age.

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