AIBU to feel insulted for having to pay for Christmas dinner at my SIL?

(361 Posts)
Headwir3 Sun 06-Jan-19 21:05:43

My SIL said she would host Christmas this year as she has a big new house and plenty of room for us all. I asked if I should bring something and she said she would just do a shop and split the cost. She did suggest we bring our own alcohol. I thought it was a little odd, as did my hubby but he reminded me that she was cheap and the food wouldn’t cost that much anyway! Best to just agree with it instead of making a fuss.

Anyway we had Christmas, I took up 5 bottles of wine (only drank one and my hubby didn’t drink any). Left them there when we left. We were given cereal for breakfast and tinned soup for lunch and a basic Christmas dinner. No puddings and just a little cheese for desert.

We just got the bill... it came to £40 each! AIBU to feel angry and insulted by this all? It doesn’t seem right to hand over money. Especially to family. Also I feel really ripped off! I don’t want to upset my husband, but his family are a new level of cheap. If I did that to my brother, he probably wouldn’t speak to me again!

OP’s posts: |
YouTheCat Sun 06-Jan-19 21:07:40

How long were you there? How many are there in your family that you'd need to pay for?

Thingsthatgo Sun 06-Jan-19 21:08:28

Seems odd to me, but you agreed to it beforehand, so you should pay. I think that asking for a breakdown of the bill is going to cause more trouble than it’s worth!

Thehop Sun 06-Jan-19 21:09:46

£40 each is more than it cost but I don’t see what you can do?

Sugarhunnyicedtea Sun 06-Jan-19 21:10:09

If you had breakfast were you there overnight?

ihopeyouwitchesareready Sun 06-Jan-19 21:11:02

that is so uncouth and embarrassing. i would be asking her for an itemised bill and really be petty about it down to the last penny. make her see how mean and cheap she is being.

RayRayBidet Sun 06-Jan-19 21:11:09

Insulted is a bit dramatic..
I hosted my family this year, I expected to cover the cost but they all insisted on giving something towards it which I thought was nice.
What does your DH say about it?

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PinkFizzz Sun 06-Jan-19 21:11:30

My SIL and brother hosted Christmas dinner this year, wouldn't take a penny towards it and just requested that we bring our own booze. It was lovely, loads of food, pudding etc.

I'd have happily paid them to cover some of the costs if they'd asked, I think YABU in that respect howevwr what you had doesn't sound £40 a head's worth.

Id probably pay it to keep the peace though.

Momo18 Sun 06-Jan-19 21:11:31

That sounds extortionate. If it was a very basic meal with no frills I would question it tbh.

Cattus Sun 06-Jan-19 21:11:45

I think she’s trying to make money out of you all, even if she’s not fully conscious that that’s her intention. She must be, because you wouldn’t get such a measly miserly set of meals in most houses whether Christmas or not.
Abdicate responsibility for this and ask your husband to deal with it. She’s not your sister.

ErickBroch Sun 06-Jan-19 21:11:50

£40 each is a joke - I don't think there's anything wrong with contributing but £40 pp????

Penguincake Sun 06-Jan-19 21:12:44

Pay the money and see it as a tax for never having to spend Christmas with them again.

Cattus Sun 06-Jan-19 21:13:17

I’m not rich but I think I probably spent in the hundreds for my sister and family for 3 days. They brought some wine and drove here, so they have spent a bit too. I wouldn’t dream of totting it up and charging them the difference.

mummmy2017 Sun 06-Jan-19 21:13:19

Yeah ask her for an itemised bill or everything, and how many were there?

AtrociousCircumstance Sun 06-Jan-19 21:14:11

Ask for a breakdown of costs.

List what you had. Let her know the value of the wine you brought and didn't drink.

Jesus.

BlueJava Sun 06-Jan-19 21:14:54

I'd pay and then never go there again. I'm sure you can have a lovely Xmas without them in years to come! That's a ridiculous price to pay and i would never invite people and then ask them to pay (unless perhaps with mates and we were very poor).

70isaLimitNotaTarget Sun 06-Jan-19 21:15:11

Give her it in 10p pieces very random change.

Very pointedly read the local paper "Oh , I say look, Heinz Cream of Tomato is £3.59 for 4 in Tesco , you were well ripped off"

Drink the entire contents of her wine rack next time you visit (and tell her what a cheapskate she is while you're bladdered)

Decline any invite next year "Don;t fecking think so lovey , if I want to be fleeced I'll get re-incarnated as a sheep"

If it's your DH sister , let him tell her she's a CF

Headwir3 Sun 06-Jan-19 21:15:12

We were there for 2 nights but got there late on Christmas Eve and left very early Boxing morning

OP’s posts: |
schopenhauer Sun 06-Jan-19 21:15:22

£40 each is crazy, I wouldn’t want to pay that. If she’s going to be that tight I would maybe try to deduct the cost of the wine you bought. Which of course is a very stingy thing to do but she has rather set the tone. I’d ask for a breakdown.

Cattus Sun 06-Jan-19 21:16:00

I reckon you each cost her about £7, she’s a cheeky fucker.

Maelstrop Sun 06-Jan-19 21:16:07

I'd demand back the wine, then!

ISdads Sun 06-Jan-19 21:16:23

Go on .... ask for an itemised bill ... you know you want to!

Or send your own estimate

spugzbunny Sun 06-Jan-19 21:17:48

Pay the money but ask for your wk e back. Say you must have left it and you'll give her the cash next time you see and she can drop the wine at the same time.

BrylcreamBeret Sun 06-Jan-19 21:18:05

If you get on with your inlaws usually I'd probably take it on the chin and remember this for the future. If you can't let it rest ask for an itemized bill or just be honest and tell her she's being tight.

M00nUnit Sun 06-Jan-19 21:18:21

Just don't pay it. It's s ridiculous amount. The 5 bottles of wine you brought were more than enough.

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