This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
AIBU to feel insulted for having to pay for Christmas dinner at my SIL?(361 Posts)
My SIL said she would host Christmas this year as she has a big new house and plenty of room for us all. I asked if I should bring something and she said she would just do a shop and split the cost. She did suggest we bring our own alcohol. I thought it was a little odd, as did my hubby but he reminded me that she was cheap and the food wouldn’t cost that much anyway! Best to just agree with it instead of making a fuss.
Anyway we had Christmas, I took up 5 bottles of wine (only drank one and my hubby didn’t drink any). Left them there when we left. We were given cereal for breakfast and tinned soup for lunch and a basic Christmas dinner. No puddings and just a little cheese for desert.
We just got the bill... it came to £40 each! AIBU to feel angry and insulted by this all? It doesn’t seem right to hand over money. Especially to family. Also I feel really ripped off! I don’t want to upset my husband, but his family are a new level of cheap. If I did that to my brother, he probably wouldn’t speak to me again!
Laundry costs? It's not a hotel!
I just think it's really poor etiquette to charge guests. It's not as though a group of friends got together and said let's all have xmas together. They asked you to come.
I think I would politely ask whether the 5 bottles of wine you provided have been deducted from that ‘bill’. That would be at least £40/ £50 worth of wine. She can’t have it both ways.
Well OP, what have you done?
I really don't think you can ask for receipts or an itemised breakdown. At the very most, you could query whether or not that amount includes alcohol, as DH wasn't drinking, and you only drank one bottle of the 5 bottles of wine you brought.
You need to speak to her face to face and pull her up.
How many of you were there?
You could offer half that and make it known that you're aware she is ripping you off.... it's clearly a money making exercise.
I hosted 20 people over Christmas and Boxing day with ALL the trimmings and multiple desserts, cheese etc and that came to £200 including fizz.
There is no way she spent £40 per head, at the end of the day it's DH sister so if he doesn't want a fuss HE can pay for it.
😂 People saying the meat may have cost £100.
Yeah you’d definintely serve tinned soup followed by £100 joint of meat!
She sounds so crass! I doubt it would have even been £40 for the both of you, let alone each!!
i wouldnt pay for 40.00 id want home made soup or starter a nice christmas meal all fresh and veg and a homemade pudding from scratch and a drink or two
Obviously I didn’t mean in that situation floating. You haven’t invited them, they invite themselves!
Our family have been known to fight over paying the cashier at the checkout!
Well yes I don't cost like a b and b or ask for a particular amount, but this year I did ask for contributions. Buying takeaway or buying some shopping perfectly reasonable. Expecting one branch of the family to always shoulder the burden of "proper" hosting, as in all the expense, all the work, is plain unfair imo.
It's the daily record too....
In that situation Floating we all provide something. Pay for the meat, pay for a takeaway evening, take the drink. That sort of sharing.
The idea of costing it like a B and B seems odd.
Some weird people on here mixing up hosting guests with pragmatically being the person the family comes to as your space is larger.
If I invited friends for dinner or a party, no way would I ask for contributions.
If my family sort-of invite themselves to stay virtually every year - whilst also being of course welcome because I'd love to see them- and there's no way we can all squeeze into my sister's 1 bed flat or my mum's tiny 3 bed, and they all live 200 plus miles away so stay for a few days, should I really be expected to wait on them in a formal 'guest/ host' way for 3/4 days every year and all on my family's buck every year? We are much more informal than that. My hosting is a pragmatic decision rather than a gracious desire on my part to do all the bloody work and pay for everything. I am glad some of you aren't in my family. Imagine expecting to be proper "guests" not lifting a finger or paying your way every Christmas in someone else's home.
Some weird people on this thread who have no idea of the concept of ‘hosting’ and ‘guests’.
Making up beds etc is all part of hosting, you can’t charge for it? If you don’t want to do it, are resentful and want to charge people for the labour of making up beds and washing linen, then don’t invite people to stay.
Guests should feel welcome. Talk about bad hosting. It’s often reciprocated, that is how it works, especially with FAMILY.
If you want to charge, open a bloody bnb.
She's being tight and it's really embarrassing. However you did agree to it so you should just pay it. I definitely wouldn't be going there next year though!! How unfestive of her lol
Ask her to knock off the 4 bottles of wine you didn't drink!!
It sounds like she is charging you for B&B as well either that or you have 6 children with healthy appetites that are included in the charge. Hubby and I are not well off at all, but I would never even consider charging anyone for Christmas lunch.
Maybe your SIL factored in her labour charge for cooking the actual meal into the £40. She sounds awful £15 at the most pp would of been OK. Personally think she shouldn't charge, just take turns so its fair.
I had my family, 8 adults and 3 children for Christmas. We provided brunch for those that wanted it as we don’t have Christmas dinner until after 4pm. We had four courses with choice of starters and desserts, fresh turkey and all the trimmings. Son brought a half chocolate, half carrot cake dessert, but apart from that I bought everything including alcohol. Everything was good quality and other desserts were home made. I even offered to pay for the cake son brought, but he said that was his contribution. Having roughly costed it I would say that I spent between £200 - £250, including alcohol (fair bit still left). We had 4 staying over but certainly no tinned soup for lunch, as 8kg turkey left overs, fed dh and myself and any family members who wanted for another 2 days with turkey curry, salad, sweet and sour and turkey and mushroom.
When inviting guests there is no way I would expect them to pay for their dinner and would probably be offended if any tried to pay!
She is being very greedy but, on the other hand, you certainly wouldn’t get 2 days b&b plus Christmas dinner for £80.
I’m amazed OP. The cheeky cow.
The SIL invited and hosted the OP. She shouldn’t be trying to cover her costs or MAKE A PROFIT.
The SIL is not a B&B she’s family!
Who quibbles about laundering the bed sheets on the 1 rare occasion a family member stays. Jeeez some tight sids on here. If you can’t afford it don’t offer to host and DON’T charge £40 pp like it’s some kind of business. Was she thinking overheads of gas, lekky too?!
Pay but just mention it may be a good idea to have Christmas dinner out next year given the cost of food and the 5 bottles of wine and of course all the hassle of shopping and cooking. Should give her something to think about other than skimming money from family.
Quite frank!y - if I had to charge our family members x amount of £'s to join us in a mutual celebration of Christmas, I don't think I'd bother and would invite them over for a lovely lunch or suchlike later on in the holidays. Gratis, obvs .
On the other hand I guess there would have been laundry costs, lots of work with hosting etc. so maybe it's best to just pay the £40 and then not go to theirs next year!
Without alcohol our Christmas food cost £25 per head for
- Posh veg
- Various puddings
We didn't charge people because it's a bit of a weird thing to do! Perhaps offer £25 each and remind her that you paid for five bottles of wine each costing £X.