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AIBU To think the Family Court is not fit for purpose?

(262 Posts)
Notwiththeseknees Fri 04-Jan-19 11:06:29

The Judge has seen fit to name Ellie Yarrow, the mother who has fled with her three year old son. Reading the heartbreaking letter from Ellie that her sister posted on Facebook, AIBU to think that this secretive court who are responsible for some dreadful decisions, is no longer fit for purpose.

https://www.facebook.com/1311698241/posts/10216464513147988/

paulstearne Fri 04-Jan-19 11:44:43

I would necessarily say not fit for purpose but it certainly needs a review in how to deal with these things.

Doyoumind Fri 04-Jan-19 11:45:40

He will need education soon.

I understand why she's gone but the sad thing is they will more than likely find her now and the boy will end up with his dad full time. The court system is shit but it's unlikely it would have awarded full custody to him originally.

DitaVonPeas Fri 04-Jan-19 11:47:41

I don't knee jerk assume that the woman is in the right when she disappears with her children. In this case however...

Snap.

Sugarhunnyicedtea Fri 04-Jan-19 11:48:01

My understanding is that he doesn't want the child full time, he just doesn't want her to have him. He's been made a ward of court so the judge hasn't awarded full custody to the dad.

DitaVonPeas Fri 04-Jan-19 11:51:39

Do you know these people OP? It's utterly terrifying and extremely sad. If all is as it seems to be from that Facebook link this woman has been very brave indeed. I do hope that doesn't work against her.

Racecardriver Fri 04-Jan-19 11:52:23

She had breached court orders and is now in hiding. That’s not the way a reasonable and responsible parent behaves. On the face of it the father looks like a real piece of work but that doesn’t excuse her behaviour. As a parent you have to learn to work with the systems in place (even if they are often absurd when applied to specific scenarios). I appreciate the need to run from an abusive ex partner but you cannot allow personal needs to trump the needs of a child. The need for a safe and stable home being fundamental. She should have adhered to court orders and taken her legitimate concerns to the relevant professional rather than drawing her own inferences and fleeing. I would hope that she has the good sense to stop this and the courts treat her with the sympathy that is natural to a mother trying to do what is best for her child.

Mary1935 Fri 04-Jan-19 11:54:31

What a bastard he is. Keep running I’d say.
She’s not abused her son so I’m unsure why she’s been named.
He’s obviously got power and influence. 🌺 to Elle.

Elfinablender Fri 04-Jan-19 11:55:01

That’s not the way a reasonable and responsible parent behaves. On the face of it the father looks like a real piece of work but that doesn’t excuse her behaviour.

Work with the system? The system that just made your child a ward of court. Because of your abusive ex, who has no intention of looking after the child, has manipulated the court to ostracise you from your child's life.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. I'd run too.

GabsAlot Fri 04-Jan-19 11:55:56

i do get why she wants nothing to do with her ex but she doesnt know he would have got full custody anyway its very rare

shes just proving him right running off one day he'll find her or police wil and just prove that shes not thinking straight

Elfinablender Fri 04-Jan-19 11:57:59

She was encouragin a relationship between her child and the ex. She was fighting for a 50-50 split Gabs

Elfinablender Fri 04-Jan-19 12:01:16

Sorry, not sure I got to my point there, I was only saying that she's not running away with her child because she wants nothing to do with her ex.

Doyoumind Fri 04-Jan-19 12:01:33

It sounds like she was a scared individual who hasn't received decent advice and support. The child would not have been taken off her and put into care. It's terrible she was left believing that was a possibility. Her situation is undoubtedly worse now because she's gone against the system.

Houseonahill Fri 04-Jan-19 12:05:57

I read this on the news this morning and my exact thoughts were wtf has he done to make her run from everyone and everything. As someone who fled an abusive relationship my exact fear was I would be portrayed to be crazy and he would win any amount of custody. Luckily for me he wasn't interested in pursuing it but this could so easily have been me and I would of done the exact same thing. I hope she is free of this drama soon poor woman sad

SchadenfreudePersonified Fri 04-Jan-19 12:06:57

That’s not the way a reasonable and responsible parent behaves.

It's the way a terrified person behaves.

LMDC Fri 04-Jan-19 12:10:06

Here's a non-fb link

Queenofmyownheart Fri 04-Jan-19 12:11:58

I was just reading about this this morning and honestly it strikes so many chords with me.

The bit that really got me is the father asked for full custody or for the child to be put into care. That isn't the actions of a loving parent.

If a court told me I had to give my abusive ex access to the children I'd do exactly what she has done.

The family courts have no idea, my ex tried to kill me and when my solicitor asked for the non molestation order to be made for a year instead of 6 months the judge said it was unnecessary! And would only restrict the roads to very specific roads I walked along to take my children to school. Leaving me terrified to even take the kids to the park because it was a different route along different roads. It's a bloody joke.

Xenia Fri 04-Jan-19 12:15:04

I read her letter. The relationship sounds awful.

The appointment of a guardian by the cout would be to protect the interests of the child, not a prelude to removing the children from her. The child''s interests come first and usually that means having contact withb both parents.
Being required to bring her child back from Florida presumably because the father's contact was during that time is presumabhly her and her family's mistake in not followint what was agreed. The fact the child might not want to be with his father when he is 3 is nothing unusual - they often don't want to go outside and you pick them up and make them and in 5 minutes time they are okay. The fact you have to pull a child off you to leave it at its nursery or send to the other parent is not evidence of abuse by that other parent.

However she is right the father might have been able to twist things around and seek sole contact with the child.

They may well not have a life on the run. People do go abroad, get new identities and live happy and full lives for ever.

swingofthings Fri 04-Jan-19 12:17:36

Who can possibly comment? Hell have he's side of story supported by those who believe in him and she'll have hers supported by her friends and family. This is why cases like these goes to court and a judge makes a seemingly unbiased decision based on the evidence put in front of him.

The problem with such cases is that when you feel abused yourself, it is hard to convince yourself that it does t mean your child would be to. In the end, maybe she is doing her best by her child and it will be all worth it, or maybe she is damaging her child. One sure thing, no-one who doesn't know these people can know one way or the other.

arranbubonicplague Fri 04-Jan-19 12:18:28

This is what happens when Legal Aid is stripped and no longer available to vulnerable parties. Between that and various others cuts to the criminal legal system, there are miserable abuses being carried out in our name.

Sugarhunnyicedtea Fri 04-Jan-19 12:21:10

Hell have he's side of story supported by those who believe in him and she'll have hers supported by her friends
The odd thing is that, although she has lots of support, he appears to have none. That speaks volumes

LangCleg Fri 04-Jan-19 12:26:58

This is what happens when Legal Aid is stripped and no longer available to vulnerable parties. Between that and various others cuts to the criminal legal system, there are miserable abuses being carried out in our name.

This.

The reasons our family courts are (overall) good for children are the same reasons they can often be useless for abused women. Restoration of legal aid would go a long way in combating this while maintaining privacy for children.

SnuggyBuggy Fri 04-Jan-19 12:30:36

What I've really taken from threads like this is be really really careful in choosing who you have children with because if he turns out to be an abuser you can't protect them from him. Dada rights to access are more important than the welfare of the child.

Lovemusic33 Fri 04-Jan-19 12:31:59

Yes, apparently he doesn’t want the child with him so if the child is taken from her he will probably end up in care/adoption.

The BBC seem to be covering her side of the story whilst others are covering his side, the fact he has money and a good career means he’s made out to look like the good person in all this.

I do hope they are never found, I hope they start a new life somewhere else (they could be abroad, they could have been given new identities, all done illegally?).

SaturdayNext Fri 04-Jan-19 12:32:34

What kinds of checks and balances are made to ensure that these courts are made accountable for poor decision making.

Seriously? Are you not aware that there is a whole appeal system?

AuchAyeTheNo Fri 04-Jan-19 12:32:44

I am really glad they have named her and shared pictures, hopefully it gets her more help and support.

Hopefully if shes near Scotland she will see this and message me and I would happily give her a place to hide safely

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