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about this...........

(18 Posts)
Busybean Wed 27-Jun-07 22:11:09

1.partners brother +wife have arranged christening of their LO and although they were both godparents for our oldest LO, they have askd dp to be godfather, but have not asked me to be a godmother, I feel abit offended as though theyve excluded me....??

2. They have arranged the date for the first weekend after I start uni-it'll be my first week of getting up at 5am, leaving at 6am, driving 100miles to uni and not getting myself or kids back till about 7pm. To go to the event, I will have to drive to theirs-about 3 hour drive and stay in b+b on the sat, then travel back on the sunday, then straight back to uni on the monday-is it unreasonable for me to say dp will go, but myself and the children wont as its too much traveling and we wont get a rest at all before repeating it the following week???

thoughts please........

mummytosteven Wed 27-Jun-07 22:12:09

1.yanbu
2.yanbu at not going.

JoeAverage Wed 27-Jun-07 22:12:46

YABU about not being godmother. Doesn't make any difference if they are your eldest LOs. It is their choice and no point being offended.

YANBU not to go and take the kids. I wouldn't either personally with your circumstances

Tortington Wed 27-Jun-07 22:12:49

i think if you would have done it if you wer e asked to be godmother, then you should go.

i tink you know the answer, despite your logistica problems this is a one time only deal for this child

JoeAverage Wed 27-Jun-07 22:14:39

Actually agree with Custardo. They may think you are being churlish by not going.

Busybean Wed 27-Jun-07 22:17:18

I seriously think I would of turned turn the offer even if asked, purely because of the distance and the weekend in question. Just would o been nice to have been asked. Would never of asked just dps brother and not his sil when they were godparents for ds1.

bookwormmum Wed 27-Jun-07 22:19:05

It doesn't follow that because your dp is a godparent, that they're obliged to ask you to be godmother as well.

I think you should go the christening - how will your children feel at missing their cousin's christening. It's only one weekend, after all.

gess Wed 27-Jun-07 22:19:45

1, YABU - they can have who they like.

2. YANBU, but then I don't really ever 'do' christenings. However, will it cause fall out/hassle if you don't go & if so is it worth it?

Busybean Wed 27-Jun-07 22:20:50

Tbh, they wont feel anything at all at missing out as both tiny, one 3 and the other under 2

gess Wed 27-Jun-07 22:23:00

if it won't cause any repurcussions then I wouldn't go. I don;t got to SIL's children's christenings (dh does though) and it's never really seemed to be an issue. I do have a very good excuse though. If I didn't, and it was going to cause offence by not going I probably would.

Busybean Wed 27-Jun-07 22:28:20

I think the amount of traveling i will have to do that week-about 1400miles is a very good excuse, doubt the rest of dps family will think so though

bookwormmum Wed 27-Jun-07 22:37:51

In that case, then just send your dp and don't worry.

RosaLuxembourg Wed 27-Jun-07 23:19:48

To be honest, it has never occurred to me to ask both halves of a couple to be godparents. It is not usual as far as I know.
As far as the travelling goes it is clearly a pain in the neck but that's what family stuff is like. I would go, but swearing under my breath the whole time. Your new commute does sound hellish - if you decide you can't go though, couldn't your DP take the children with him?

MamaMaiasaura Wed 27-Jun-07 23:45:41

I think it is difficult deciding godparents esp if your side of the family is bigger/more choice etc. I have 3 sisters and is very hard because I am only going to ask 2 of them to be god parents. There is nothing wrong with third, we are not especially close but I also only want ds to have 2 godmothers. He will also have at least 1 godfather. By choosing 1 of the couple like she has with your dp she is in away still choosing you but is allowing herself to be able to choose someone else as well iyswim.

I dont think she would have meant any harm

cat64 Wed 27-Jun-07 23:57:51

Message withdrawn

sarah573 Thu 28-Jun-07 07:10:10

Are her kids different sex? Its tradition to have 2 female + 1 male god parents for a girl, and 2 male + 1 female for a boy. Could that explain why you were asked last time but not this time?

I wouldn't be p**d off about not being asked.

YANBU by not going - but you need to explain the BIL and SIL why (travelling, uni, times etc), otherwise they will think you are p**d off!

Can DP take the kids while you stay at home (I know only a small number of men could be trusted with this task ).

CristinaTheAstonishing Thu 28-Jun-07 07:13:26

I am wedding godmother to my sister (the godfather is a friend of her DH's). Neither my Dh nor the godfather's DW felt offended for not being asked.

If christenings are not a big thing for you then not travelling so far for one sounds OK. As long as you don't do it out of spite for not being asked.

bookwormmum Thu 28-Jun-07 11:19:19

I must say I think that the 100-mile trip to uni (is it a round trip or is that each way??) sounds horrendous. I seriously considered living 80 miles from my uni once before I realised that I'd be clocking up 160 miles a day on at least 3/4 days a week to pursue my course so I found local accommodation. Is there not a more local uni you can go to or do distance learning? If you're doing that amount of driving, you won't be in the best frame of mind to study once you get home at 7pm, no matter how much you get done during the day, there'll always be more needs doing at night or at weekends to do as well as you'll want. Just a thought .

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