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AIBU?

To be really annoyed DH decided to give up smoking on Boxing Day

55 replies

churchmouse84 · 30/12/2018 07:41

Don't get me wrong, I really want him to give up. He's been smoking for the past year after not smoking for 10 years.

But giving up on Boxing Day was a really selfish and dickish move.

He's been vile. I was so looking forward to a relaxing few days off work to lounge about but it's been impossible.

He's snappy, restless and just generally vile. It would be fine if he just took himself off but I feel he wants us all to suffer with him.

And if I object to his horrid behaviour then I'm being unsupportive and it will be my fault if he starts again.

He's currently not speaking to me for reasons I have no idea about, but he was up at 6am clattering about so we all knew he was up but refusing to speak.

I'm so uptight, and now just really angry that my hard earned Christmas break is being ruined.

OP posts:

Report

RayRayBidet · 30/12/2018 07:43

At least he has given up?

Notacluethisxmas · 30/12/2018 07:44

Yanbu. My Dp gave up on the Sunday before Christmas. By Christmas afternoon I sent him to our local shop to get some. Told him I appreciated the gesture, but that it was stressing me out.

He Is going to quit r in New year with a proper plan.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 30/12/2018 07:44

I’d get out of the house, or send him out.

churchmouse84 · 30/12/2018 07:45

Yes there is that, but I'm not confident it will last.

He doesn't seem to be taking responsibility for it. My fear is that he's completely ruining Christmas but will start again and it will all have been for nothing.

At least ruining January is fine because it's already miserable.

OP posts:

churchmouse84 · 30/12/2018 07:46

I've tried both but he got really snappy when I said I would just leave him to it.

He wants us all to go out for the day today but I'm not sure it's going to be fun for any of us.

OP posts:

JustABetterPlayer · 30/12/2018 07:47

He says you are being unsupportive because you are.

churchmouse84 · 30/12/2018 07:48

Yes I probably am.

But I'm furious he decided to start smoking again after 10 years. Furious about the £1000 he's literally set fire to this year when we couldn't afford a holiday. And furious that he's chosen my only time off in the past 6 months to give up.

All of this done without discussion, or asking for my support.

OP posts:

ischristmasoveryet · 30/12/2018 07:50

My DH used to give up on first day of a holiday ( he's tried several times).

It would spoil the holiday.

It's not about being unsupportive it's about being realistic the effect of going cold turkey in withdrawing an addiction can have on other people.

YANBU

churchmouse84 · 30/12/2018 07:54

Thanks Christmas, that's exactly it.

OP posts:

longwayoff · 30/12/2018 07:55

Get some substitutes, takes the edge off and will improve mood

churchmouse84 · 30/12/2018 07:56

I've suggested that. He has refused.

In much the same way as he refuses paracetamol when he has a cold.

OP posts:

TakeMe2Insanity · 30/12/2018 07:57

Go to a chemist and buy him some nictotine patches/gum. It’ll help him and you’ll be supportive rather than just moaning.

churchmouse84 · 30/12/2018 07:58

And I am being supportive.

I booked and paid for a massage for him, gone along with everything he's wanted to do - including spontaneous bike rides etc

Me? I've had fuck all in return apart from snappiness. And I've done all the post-Christmas tidying.

I feel like I've been taken for a mug.

OP posts:

churchmouse84 · 30/12/2018 07:59

As I say Insanity, he point blank refuses to consider it.

OP posts:

Gina2012 · 30/12/2018 08:03

I've suggested that. He has refused.

In much the same way as he refuses paracetamol when he has a cold.

Yes - they want to be seen to do it all them-self , they don't need help, but they make everyone else's life a misery in the process

That doesn't count, though, as it's then OUR fault because we're unsupportive

Fucking unbelievable twats

PumpkinPie2016 · 30/12/2018 08:06

YANBU - it's good he is giving up but it's not ok to ruin everyone else's time off!

He either needs to take himself off or he needs to get support from a pharmacy/GP.

Can you and the kids go out on your own somewhere? Even if he doesn't want that.

jessstan2 · 30/12/2018 08:07

Does he not have aids to help him quit? My attempts to give up, many years ago, were difficult but Niquitin Minis helped tremendously. I was quite calm.

The4thSandersonSister · 30/12/2018 08:11

I basically took two weeks off work and life, and apologised in advance for the Monster I would become while I went cold turkey for two weeks. OP there is never a good time and never a bad time to give up smoking. There is only the right time for the individual.

minisoksmakehardwork · 30/12/2018 08:13

Op yanbu.

He is looking to absolve himself of blame if he doesn't manage to quit. If he genuinely wanted to not smoke again he would be apologising for being snappy and irritable.

Babygrey7 · 30/12/2018 08:15

Poor you, he sounds so selfish

He's already talking about it being your fault if he starts again

It will not last, but then he can blame YOU

lucky you....

churchmouse84 · 30/12/2018 08:16

I get that Sanderson, but there is a good time that won't spoil what should be scarce family time by biting everyone's heads off.

The kids and I can't go out without him because that will cause a massive row and he'll start smoking again which will be our fault.

He literally wants us to suffer alongside him.

He's been on the XBox since 6am. This would be fine except he made an absolute racket emptying the dishwasher at 6am making sure everyone woke up, and just barked at me when I asked if he was OK.

I don't deserve it.

OP posts:

churchmouse84 · 30/12/2018 08:17

He wants us all to go out for the day today and I really don't want to go.

OP posts:

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BigFarmer · 30/12/2018 08:22

He's being a shit. Both DH and I used to smoke. We quit within weeks of each other. It was hard, but we didn't treat each other like shit.

Tell him to have a fag, pick a proper quit date, maybe register with the local stop smoking service (usually through GP - I found them very helpful) and stop blaming you for existing. DH and I used to be able to say "You're being a cunt my love" and we'd go have 30 mins "time out" by ourselves to have a little strop and destress. Not on being a cunt to loved ones over fags.

user1486250399 · 30/12/2018 08:23

⚘🍫
I would be shoving a packet of fags up his arse sideways and threatening divorce by this point.
There's nothing wrong with being unsupportive of an attempt to quit when it's so likely to fail and you are all suffering. Why would you support that?
YANBU and I hope the situation improves soon xxx

MsVestibule · 30/12/2018 08:24

There is only the right time for the individual.

And sod everybody else? Never mind that the OP's Christmas break had been ruined? What a breathtakingly selfish attitude.

OP, there's nothing you can do about this particular situation. You're right - your break is ruined and he'll probably start again soon anyway. You have my sympathy.

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