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Is this rude guest behaviour?

(131 Posts)
quepoe Fri 21-Dec-18 22:56:49

Warning - this is trivial.

Husband's family are coming to us for Christmas for the first time. SIL text me a few weeks ago and asked should she bring dessert, which was appreciated, but they are travelling a fair distance so I declined the offer and asked what sort of thing would they like.

SIL said family favourites were sticky toffee pudding and pavlova. So it was agreed I'd make those and today I got all the necessary ingredients to make them.

Husband gets a text tonight from SIL saying she has a shop bought sticky toffee pudding and pavlova to bring!

My take on that is that it's rather rude, and basically saying she doesn't trust my cooking!! My husbands point of view is that she just wants to help out. I don't see it as helpful as it's not what we agreed.

User323676890 Fri 21-Dec-18 22:58:22

She’s trying to be helpful and misjudged. Don’t make her an enemy for no reason...

Redskyandrainbows67 Fri 21-Dec-18 22:59:00

I think I’m with your oh. It would be rude if it was day before but I think as it’s a few days she’s just trying to ease your load

Bibijayne Fri 21-Dec-18 23:00:16

Yeah. I think this is a misjudged helpful thing.

VashtaNerada Fri 21-Dec-18 23:00:29

I think it’s rude! She knew you were making it and bought ones of her own?!!

FittonTower Fri 21-Dec-18 23:00:51

Yeah, she's just trying to help would be my guess. Unless she sits eating it loudly proclaiming it's better than any home made muck then i don't think it's rude at all.

BigBairyHollocks Fri 21-Dec-18 23:01:32

I think she’s just trying to be nice.Be happy with one less thing to do.

WhatwouldCJdo Fri 21-Dec-18 23:02:33

Isn't she trying to be helpful???
Or is there a back story ?

CatToddlerUprising Fri 21-Dec-18 23:02:57

Make the homemade ones- you can never have enough pavlova!

KC225 Fri 21-Dec-18 23:03:04

Relax OP. There is never enough dessert. Seconds, thirds anyone?

user10001999 Fri 21-Dec-18 23:03:35

She's being helpful it saves you a job .

quepoe Fri 21-Dec-18 23:04:13

I most definitely won't make an enemy, I will of course say thank you and show appreciation

But I'm still annoyed 😂

Ellisandra Fri 21-Dec-18 23:04:37

Of course she’s trying to be helpful!
Unless you’re about to drop the dripfeed mother lode, why on earth would you think otherwise, and think it rude?

quepoe Fri 21-Dec-18 23:06:23

Ok thank you! I will probably make something different entirely so that I feel I've made enough effort, and as pointed out there can't be too much pud.

No backstory- although maybe there is, my husband is always telling me I'm being over sensitive perhaps he has a point blush

Clarich007 Fri 21-Dec-18 23:06:54

I'd just be glad to have 2 less jobs to do.!!
I think she's just trying to be nice...relax

AlpacaLypse Fri 21-Dec-18 23:07:40

Since it's still only the 21st it was a reasonable assumption from SIL that you hadn't yet either made or pre-bought ingredients for the puddings. I'd let this one slip past (although I might make it anyway and eat lots of it over the next couple of days, last minute Christmas stuff gives me an appetite that's my story and I'm sticking to it).

E20mom Fri 21-Dec-18 23:07:43

I think she's trying to be nice.

Wearywithteens Fri 21-Dec-18 23:09:13

Totally thoughtless on her behalf. It would annoy me but I’m always annoyed when people bring food to my house when it’s perfectly clear that I’m doing the catering. My SIL brings so much chickeny nugget and pizza crap for her ‘fussy eater’ son that I end up spending half the time cooking her stuff before I can do my own! And it’s usually on a lovely summers day while I’m stuck in a boiling kitchen and she’s sat on her arse in our garden relaxing with a chilled glass of wine. Not that I’m bitter. 😠

GetOnWithLife Fri 21-Dec-18 23:09:44

I’d be happy with that, I doubt she’s saying she doesn’t trust your cooking, more that she wants to contribute and take away some of the work so your not stuck with it all.

quepoe Fri 21-Dec-18 23:09:55

I really feel like a twat now, but thank you I appreciate it. I might need to run a few more things past AIBU before I vocalise them to people in real life wink

Amazonian27 Fri 21-Dec-18 23:17:38

You sound a perfectly capable cook/hostess. SIL is possibly/probably is less capable/possibly less organised, maybe feeling guilty and maybe her way of contributing. It’s honestly not worth falling out over if at all possible. Could you maybe explain it’s easier on the phone than texting it’s really kind but i have already made both could she put hers or one of hers in the freezer as a compromise or if she reallly insists on contributing/bringing something suggest something that travels easier alcohol, vegetables, crackers, party games, table decoration or something.
DH’s Family are notoriously badly organised. If I buy food in to cook or cook they want to eat out. If we suggest eating out or getting a takeaway as they can’t commit to a day never mind an arrival time. MIL or SIL has a sarcy comment that she thought I/we would have cooked.

brizzledrizzle Fri 21-Dec-18 23:19:48

Smile and make something else, she's trying to be helpful or she'd have just turned up with it instead of texted.

Ooplesandbanoonoos Fri 21-Dec-18 23:20:19

Just trying to help I'm sure.
I am.now craving Pavlova...

LannieDuck Fri 21-Dec-18 23:23:40

I would be annoyed too. You said 'no thank you' and she ignored you.

quepoe Fri 21-Dec-18 23:24:22

Well I have the eggs and cream and fruit, none of those ingredients could be put to any other use so I will have to make one tomorrow

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