DH just brought a telly - annoyed with his comment

[allinmyhead12]

Dh just picked up my car to put the new telly in (nothing really wrong with the old one). not a major issue his hard earned money. All i asked was how much and was told whats it got to do with you!!! was a little annoyed at this as his wife was just asking, not massively bothered by the cost but to put it in perspective it totals a month and half of my wages!
i did say i didnt appreciate the comment and although he didnt say sorry he did give me a cuddle which i will accept as an apology.

Just wanted to know if anyone else had this scenarios and felt a bit under appreciated etc

[Arnoldthecat]

But was her for real or was he just pushing your buttons a little...?

[allinmyhead12]

its not the first time he has used money against me but i am told i take things the wrong way however sometimes i think am i being told that just to stop me being annoyed??

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1]

He was a bit rude I agree. Next time he asks you how much something was, say the same thing back to him !

[Mitzimaybe]

If he tells one of his mates that he's bought a new TV and the mate says "how much did that set you back?" would he reply "nothing to do with you, why do you want to know?" I very much doubt it.

Your financial arrangements sound very unfair on you. You are not being unreasonable and you are right to be unhappy about it.

[TheOrigBrave]

It's got everything to do with you if he's spending family money on big-budget items.

Or was it saved up from his disposable income?

[Rafflesway]

Personally I wouldn't be thrilled with him buying a family tv without discussing with me anyway.

What if you didn't like it, it didn't fit well with your decor, it didn't have the features you would like etc.?

Nope, it would be going back if it was this house but then again we never buy anything major without it being a joint decision and DH knows I am Uber Fussy😂

YADDNBU!

[WilburforceRaven]

Another person who's with a financially controlling arsehole for a husband.

[AcrossthePond55]

nothing to do with you, why do you want to know? is basically guy-code for 'more than I can afford'.

DH and I have joint finances so I wouldn't have to ask, I'd know what something costs. BFF and her DH have separate finances and pretty much never ask the other what something costs. As long as the other has the money for their share of household expenses and isn't crying 'I'm too poor' about activities or whatever, they do figure it's none of the other's business. But they wouldn't be rude about it if the other happened to ask.

Could you clarify how he is 'using money against you' by not telling you the cost of something? To me that means that a person is refusing to carry their end of the household costs, is making you beg for money for yourself, or is giving you grief about what you are spending.

[allinmyhead12]

AcrossthePond55 just meant that when my kids says thats mummy's sometimes he replies with well actually i paid for it (2nd marriage)

we have had discussions about this before and have resolved it, just wanted to check i wasnt taking things the wrong way again, dont get me wrong i have no issue with him spending his money in the slightest and i always have control of the remote in the evenings LOL

Vent over i feel better now

[EffOrf]

I would be really annoyed, it’s not just the cost, it might not be one that you want, any purchase like that we always discuss as it is a big item in the house.

Was this a main downstairs tv or something your DH was going to watch in another room

[paintinmyhairAgain]

do you work or does he finance everything ? just wondering.

[RedSkyLastNight]

Do you ask him a lot how much things cost? He may have taken it as a "why on earth have you wasted all your money on that?" type comment.

Every single time I get my hair cut, DH says "How much did that cost you then?" I have taken to making a comment along the lines of your DH the next comment will always be fake shock and overacting (I pay for the haircut out of my own money; DH doesns't really care but I am sick of him asking).

[Wordthe]

his response carries the message that he is in charge and he does not answer to you

your acceptance of the cuddle in the absence of an apology or retraction sends back the message that you know he's the boss and you will back down

[MixedMaritalArts]

Did he mean to be so rude?

[Wordthe]

when my kids says thats mummy's sometimes he replies with well actually i paid for it
it seems mean and unnecessary to say that, why not just say, it's ours, or it's part of our home, it's for all of us to use, etc

[Bluntness100]

Welll clearly you work if it's a month and a half of your wages, but do you not share money. So you have access to less disposable income than him?

[MixedMaritalArts]

Good Lord apart from the rude reply ... you obviously have internet access so hardly a State Chuffing Secret is it ? You know the make and model - it’s on the manual, the store he got it from ... its not a tough one to research if you really want to know. If he would freely tell a mate ... I would find his reply even more puerile.

[AcrossthePond55]

allinmyhead I will say that I agree with a PP above that it's unnecessary to have him point out what he's paid for in the home.

But then again, why would a child even say "That's Mummy's" about things in the house, unless it was obviously yours like your hair dryer or or an item that only you use. This may very well come from your 'd'H, this needing to specify what 'belongs' to him or to specify that he's paid for XYZ. It's not particularly healthy, is it?

[Idontbelieveinthemoon]

when my kids says thats mummy's sometimes he replies with well actually i paid for it

What a wanky thing to say. I'd kick DH in the ballbag if he tried that shit with the DC.