To not miss my baby?

[fieldofdaisies]

I feel awful even writing that question... my baby is 7 months old and I've just started back at work. Of course I've had the inevitable comments - "oh you must be really missing her" I feel like there is an expected response to that question and I find myself making out that I'm missing her more than I actually am. Am I a horrible mother for secretly enjoying my 'me-time' at work or should I feel guilty that I'm not pining after my little one all day?

[gloopygloop]

You are not a horrible mother. It’s ok to not want to be with your baby all the time!

[TwoLads]

Literally no one is going to tell you you should be feeling guilty, so what is the point of this post?

Anyway -

Why are you 'secretly' enjoying your time at work? If you're not telling the truth how will people know you're enjoying being back at work? Just say 'actually I'm really enjoying my time at work and I still see my daughter every day'

[ethelfleda]

Of course YANBU

[ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn]

Oh I hate that bullshit, so much pressure on Mums to feel however the person saying it thinks we should feel.

[TwoLads]

Could you perhaps also say 'you wouldn't say that to a man would you' and call them out on their bullshit

[Imalittleelf]

I enjoyed getting back to work and breaking up the nappy changes and managing crying.

However a few months in I found I missed my little one especially as she started doing a lot more and developing. Also the days I get up I miss my lazy mornings

[Angelik]

Perfectly fine to be happy to be back at work.

There will be times when you miss her, don't worry but for now enjoy the happy balance you have!

[notacooldad]

Absolutely this
Could you perhaps also say 'you wouldn't say that to a man would you' and call them out on their bullshit
I wouldn't' 'secretly ' be enjoying me tine if i was you. I would positvely be owning it.
Being a parent us just one part of your identity and the many sides of ' being you are all valid
And besides maybe when the terrible two's land you will be glad to have an excuse to avoid some if the tantrums! It can get wearing!!!!

[Cooella]

Don't feel guilty. I remember skipping round work with a huge smile. I was just grateful for adult conversation & the freedom to use a bathroom on my own. Doesn't mean u don't love your daughter.

[Notsurehowifeel0]

I'm back at work after being a student/sahm for the last 10 years. Have older dc and a baby. In the 6 months I've been at work I've missed the baby once for about 20 mins because he cried when I left that morning and they was a toddler at work which made me think of him. Past pretty quickly though I'm loving being back at work and have no guilt whatsoever. Don't make yourself feel bad/guilty. Just enjoy it op.

[cheeseonion]

Not even remotely! Just as your LO wouldn't feel guilty for having a stimulating and fun time in childcare for the day.

My MIL said 'oh you must feel SO guilty'

[formerbabe]

I skipped happily off to work after my maternity leave.

It was incredible to dress up smart, look nice, sit on a train by myself, go and grab lunch in peace, have a cup of coffee at my desk!

[MadameDuBarry]

You're providing for your child. What part of that is supposed to be guilt-inducing? If someone is trying to guilt-trip you about working, ask yourself very carefully why? What benefit is it to them to prefer to see you as unhappy and torn, when engaging in an entirely normal behaviour?

[redandyellowandpinkandgreen99]

Of course YANBU.

I bet no-one asks a MAN if they are missing their baby when they're at work.

Good for you for enjoying work. Enjoy your job, enjoy your baby, and enjoy your life, and don't feel bad for anything.

[Rednaxela]

People are just trying to find something to say for the sake of conversation most of the time. Don't read into it. Stock up on generic jokey comments about drinking tea while it's hot. .. and depending on the robustness of your/colleagues' sense of humour, enjoying not having anyone scream in your face or shit in your hands, etc. I got quite a bit of mileage joking about going to the toilet on my own!

[Cooella]

Say 'actually it's nice to have adult conversation and not have to deal with other peoples' shit all day - oh wait... '

[WidowTwonky]

It really is just them trying to make conversation. They’re not awful, misogynistic people

[Lazypuppy]

Nope i'm the same! I know she is safe and having fun , and i am loving being back at work.

[oh4forkssake]

Don’t be confrontational but explain that you’re not! It’s so important for those of us who don’t spend half of our first six months back crying in the loos (and I feel really sorry for those who do btw ) to own that so people understand that not everyone is the same!

I went back to work when mine were 8 months and 6 months old respectively. I’ve just had a lovely evening talking about what they did today at school. And they’re currently singing. They’re not traumatised. And I’m a better mother for having something else to do.

[Livinglavidal0ca]

I went back to work when my son was 6 months because a job opportunity came up and I had to start it then. Didnt really miss him, he was safe with my mum and my younger siblings having a whale of a time. And I got uninterrupted cups of tea and adult conversation! Love my job and love my "free time"

[fieldofdaisies]

I think it was peoples expectations of how I should be feeling that got me, and I was finding myself almost lying to meet those expectations 🙄 I'll be sure to respond honestly in future. There's definitely plenty of perks about going to work, not least the fact that my little one is in bed already after a fun and exhausting day with her grandparents! 🙌🏻

[cptartapp]

I went back to work pt at four and five months respectively because I was desperate for a break. We had zero family help, no -one ever took our DC for the odd Saturday morning, never any sleepovers at grandparents, no walk outs with the pram whilst I grabbed a bath. I felt 1000% better for it and didn't really miss them at all. It sounds awful but now teens they don't seem any the worse.

[tillytrotter1]

Could you perhaps also say 'you wouldn't say that to a man would you' and call them out on their bullshit

Oh yes, let's create an atmosphere because someone makes an innocuous comment! A man is unlikely to have just returned from a long period of leave, he'll have been at work as well as, hopefully, supporting you when he was at home. I do think that some women are hyper-touchy and point-scoring..

[Cooella]

If it helps my daughter has learned so much from nursery & her grandparents that she never would've with me. She loves it there and it's like her second home. She has such a close relationship with them and is surrounded by love & attention daily. I am a happier person when I'm working and we have more money. Win win

[GertrudetheFifth]

I just say, “Well I like my job and I like the people who work here so it’s nice to be back. And you know, honestly, after about x hours of playing, singing songs and reading stories each day I run out of steam. I still get to do that, and it’s nice to know that he’s getting someone else to entertain him and other children to interact with the rest of the time.”

Everyone seems to understand that.