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To cancel on friend?

(39 Posts)
pinkky Sun 16-Dec-18 12:00:48

I don't want too but I can't go.
I've organised to meet her Wednesday night to swap presents and go for tea but I'm terrified.
I've had severe anxiety for the last year and going outside makes me ill.
I really really want to go and see her but I'm so scared.
I keep shaking and sweating thinking of it.
Then making a fool of myself.
I always feel like I'm having a heart attack when I'm outside and I need to run home.
I don't know whether to push past it and just go or take the easy option.

pinkky Sun 16-Dec-18 12:03:47

I think I just want some one to say I can do this and get past this.
I really want to be ok

moanymoaner Sun 16-Dec-18 12:06:19

Go! Push through the anxiety , do not let it control you! Anxiety is horrific but if you don't go now it will take an even bigger hold on you. The more you push through the easier it gets I promise!

OffToBedhampton Sun 16-Dec-18 12:06:54

You're meeting a friend. You'll be fine - just say hi, exchange gifts and go home. You can do it all in an hour and feel great after you did it.
Can you change place you are meeting her if it's a busy public place to a quieter one?

Holidayshopping Sun 16-Dec-18 12:09:05

Of course you can go. Does she know you are suffering from anxiety? Explain your worries to her.

RangeRider Sun 16-Dec-18 12:09:09

Could you explain how you're feeling beforehand and agree that you'll turn up & then see how you feel? So hopefully you'll feel fine and able to stop for tea but so that you're only agreeing with yourself that you'll turn up at her front door and if necessary throw the presents at her and leave? It just makes it easier if you break it down and don't set yourself too much - often you'll feel capable of doing everything in the end

Orchidflower1 Sun 16-Dec-18 12:11:43

Explain to your friend how you feel before. Just make it very brief and think how proud you’ll be after. I hope you feel better soon.

Thatsalovelycuppatea Sun 16-Dec-18 12:11:45

Could you invite her round. I totally understand I get nervous meeting friends, yet once there I'm the last to leave.....it's just biting the bullet and saying my friends love me I am going to be ok.
sending hugs and thanks

Hazardswan Sun 16-Dec-18 12:12:13

Options
A) just go, anxiety sucks but it can't kill you
B) invite her round to yours instead?
C) not really an option because you'll let a mate down and you've made it clear you really don't want to do that?

pinkky Sun 16-Dec-18 12:12:20

We've arranged to go to her local pub and have tea and I used to love to do that.
It's took over my life.
She knows about my anxiety and how bad it is yeah.
I have zero interest in nothing anymore.
I haven't washed my hair in a week or even got washed.
I just think it's pointless what I look like as my anxiety is that bad I can't go out anyway so who cares if I look a hot mess.
I used to love every day to dress myself up,do my hair etc.
It's all gone.

pinkky Sun 16-Dec-18 12:13:21

I know all my physical symptoms are anxiety yet when they happen I feel like I'm going to die.

SaucyJack Sun 16-Dec-18 12:13:44

Yes, you can do this.

Is there a particular aspect of it that’s triggering you? Maybe getting there first, not knowing the menu, what to talk about?

Speak to you friend, and let her know that you’re anxious- so that you can plan together to minimise the main stressors if possible.

Sweepington Sun 16-Dec-18 12:14:58

Can you pick somewhere familiar so you feel more secure? Remember you are safe. You are valued and loved by your friend

SnuggyBuggy Sun 16-Dec-18 12:15:02

Maybe break it down into small steps

SaucyJack Sun 16-Dec-18 12:15:28

“who cares if I look a hot mess”

It sounds as if you care, so go and have a shower. Take care of yourself. You deserve to feel nice about yourself.

Hazardswan Sun 16-Dec-18 12:15:56

I think consider her coming to you not be best. Focus on washing your hair and feeling you in the safety of your own environment might be a bit enough step to make right now. Then next time you see her go to the pub? Break it down into mini achievements. Talk to your friend about it, I'd 100% be on board with this and I'm not even a nice person grin

Hazardswan Sun 16-Dec-18 12:16:43

*might be best!

Pinkyyy Sun 16-Dec-18 12:17:07

OP what help are you currently recieving for your anxiety? Perhaps you need to consider making an appointment to find out about other options. Would your friend be willing to come to your house and maybe have tea with you there?

pinkky Sun 16-Dec-18 12:17:38

For me it's the physical symptoms that happen every time I leave home.
It's the feeling of these happening and not stopping and

pinkky Sun 16-Dec-18 12:19:45

At the minute if I know i nomally have a cup of tea at 2 il get nervous about half one before I have to stand up to make it.
My heart races and my hands turn to Ice.

pinkky Sun 16-Dec-18 12:19:59

I'm getting CBT but isn't helping at all

pinkky Sun 16-Dec-18 12:20:43

I've been to this pub loads of times and I like it and I know she's picking me up and driving me back home again.

EverardDigby Sun 16-Dec-18 12:27:41

What strategies do you have to deal with distracting yourself from the physical symptoms, e.g. deep breathing, concentrating on what you can see, hear, smell etc., looking around and finding five blue / red / yellow things, singing and so on (I've kind of made those up from hearing about them over the years but you get the idea). I get heart palpitations and a racing heart too, it is horrible when it happens.

pinkky Sun 16-Dec-18 12:32:28

I have zero coping strategies at the minute except full blown panic and I just start running home (which doesn't help )

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet Sun 16-Dec-18 12:34:50

Please don't cancel. I know from experience how overwhelming this feeling is, but if you give in to it, you feed it and next time it will be worse.
Wash your hair, lay out your clothes and think about how you will feel after the outing, when you've managed just fine and have had a lovely time with your friend.
If you asked your friend, would she be able to come an hour or so early, so she could be there to support you while you got ready?

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