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Is Dh over reacting

(102 Posts)
Tryingmybest1000 Sun 16-Dec-18 07:32:57

Dh has got up and gone to sleep in the spare room. The reason being...dd (2) woke up coughing at 1am and i still like to have the monitor on so we both woke up (monitor was on half volume next to me) and he hasn't been able to get back to sleep because of it.

He hasn't slept well recently as he has been working nights and has averaged about 5-6 hours sleep a day so i get he is sleep deprived. I have some anxiety around keeping the monitor on as dd sleeps on a different floor to us and we sleep with the door shut.

I'm having counselling for the anxiety and as a compromise we agreed to turn the volume down but dh this morning has told me that he'll now deal with it by smashing the monitor up.

He's also annoyed that i went straight back to sleep after dd finished coughing.

user1474894224 Sun 16-Dec-18 07:48:40

He's tired and annoyed that he was woken up. Be nice to him. He'll get over it. And turn the monitor down lower.

Shixtyshixpershent Sun 16-Dec-18 07:49:51

Yes he is. I’m averaging less than 5 hours sleep a night due to my sleep dodging 6 month old and I manage not to threaten to smash things up. Nor do I have a go at my dp for being able to sleep, I’m glad one of us is.

I don’t have anxiety and in your situation I would likely want to keep the monitor on as well, depending on child’s age. It’s common sense if they’re not old enough to come and alert you to any issues, especially if they’re on a separate floor. Smashing it up is hardly going to help your feelings of anxiety is it? Nor I suspect is living with a man who is taking his anger/lack of sleep out on you flowers

LoniceraJaponica Sun 16-Dec-18 07:50:42

And why do you keep your bedroom door shut? Doesn't it get stuffy?

Mumberjack Sun 16-Dec-18 07:53:41

I’d feel the same as your DH as I find it really hard to get back to sleep if woken during the night.
However any thoughts of smashing the monitor up would stay in my head as irrational tiredness and wouldn’t be said out loud.

bellajay Sun 16-Dec-18 07:53:59

Of course he’s overreacting, but he’s tired and that can really affect people. If this behaviour isn’t reflective of him as a person, I’d leave him to nap then take him a cup of tea in a few hours. He’ll possibly feel quite sheepish about his behaviour.

Puggles123 Sun 16-Dec-18 07:54:23

Turn the monitor down, he was woken up and couldn’t get back to sleep, whereas as you fell back to sleep straight away which would be annoying; especially after working nights and getting minimal sleep.

LoniceraJaponica Sun 16-Dec-18 07:56:51

He is tired. I would sleep in the spare room under those circumstances as well.

MrsChopper Sun 16-Dec-18 07:57:33

I do think he is overreacting, but I know that sleep deprivation can play havoc. Be nice to each other, let him have a nap for example.

I get that you want to keep the monitor on. Could one of you sleep in the spare room for a night so that he has a good night sleep? I would imagine he'll feel quite sheepish for his comment.

anniehm Sun 16-Dec-18 07:58:49

In all seriousness, you need to turn off the monitor - she's quite capable of calling you at 2 even from another floor. Technology can be wonderful but needs to be used wisely, unless specific health reasons these are baby monitors, not toddler! If the different floor is the issue, how about reorganising the house in the new year?

Makido Sun 16-Dec-18 07:59:21

I don't think it's strange to still have the monitor on. I definitely would if we were on a different floor. And actually I still haf it until a few days ago for my 18m old who is next door to us.

Being sleep deprived doesn't mean you can be a twat. I've averaged 5 to 6 broken hours of sleep for the last 3.5 years and I don't threaten to smash things up or get sulky that DH gets sleep.

Neverunderfed Sun 16-Dec-18 07:59:44

At 2, on a different floor I would definitely have the monitor on.

LooksBetterWithAFilter Sun 16-Dec-18 08:00:12

Yes he overreacted but if he isn’t generally like this I’d let it go. I have suffered from insomnia since childhood and when I’m going through a bad time it can be awful. I have seen me seething when we’ve been woken up and dh drops off back to sleep right away. I know it’s not his fault but it isn’t easy to be rational when it’s the middle of the night and you’re exhausted.
I don’t have trouble getting to sleep I have trouble staying asleep and it is really frustrating to be woken up when you are getting some sleep particularly if you feel it’s something that could have been avoided. I’d cut him some slack.

LuckyAmy1986 Sun 16-Dec-18 08:00:21

I would have reacted the same as him, it can be so frustrating being woken up when you are already tired and then not being able to get back to sleep. He is BU about the smashing it up part but we all say things in anger. Perhaps you should sleep in the spare room for a while with the monitor so you all get some sleep.

Lazypuppy Sun 16-Dec-18 08:00:39

Get rid of the monitor (she's 2!) And open your bedroom door

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth Sun 16-Dec-18 08:00:46

The advice from the fire brigade is to keep bedroom doors shut at night I thought so op doing the right thing.

Tryingmybest1000 Sun 16-Dec-18 08:02:02

He won't feel sheepish for his comment and i would actually expect him to go and find the hammer later to smash it up.

I guess the reason i don't feel overly sympathetic is because after a week of nights and no sleep he went out on his works party friday night, got in at 2am (no issues with this at all) but then still couldn't sleep and thought nothing of waking me up all night from when he got in moaning about how boring i was as i kept telling him i was tired and needed sleep! So i survived yesterday on about 4 hours sleep while he stayed in bed all morning.

Concernedaboutgran Sun 16-Dec-18 08:02:11

A 2 year old doesn't need a baby monitor. No wonder he's pissed off with it.

Poodles1980 Sun 16-Dec-18 08:03:39

Can you not just get a monitor like mine that flashes if there is any noise. You can keep it on mute and it will flash red if anything happens. Or get a video one with the sound off so you can see if she is moving around. I think you are being very unreasonable. Sleep deprivation is awful and if you are causing it with your personal issues then you shouldn’t be annoyed if he goes and sleeps in the spare room and smashes up the monitor which you don’t need.

Cawfee Sun 16-Dec-18 08:07:43

He’s BU saying he’ll smash it up but to be honest I’d probably want to smash it up too! There’s nothing to be gained from listening to a 2 year old coughing through a monitor. Surely you can hear her anyway! How annoying to be constantly woken up by a BABY monitor. It’s not a toddler monitor! Switch it off and let him get some sleep!

MrsSpenserGregson Sun 16-Dec-18 08:08:57

Based on your update I'd say your DH is being an arse

Nanny0gg Sun 16-Dec-18 08:12:31

Is he always like this?

Makido Sun 16-Dec-18 08:15:06

Yet another absolute arsehole husband on MN. Seriously every time I come on here I can't get my head around how many women marry these horrid men and then keep having more kids with them.

SarahET Sun 16-Dec-18 08:15:55

I can see why he's frustrated, my husband would be the same, he really struggles to get back to sleep.

I can also understand why you'd want a monitor with the door shut and being on different floors. Would leaving the door open and turning the monitor off be a potential compromise?

Juells Sun 16-Dec-18 08:15:59

I wouldn't like my two-year-old being on another floor, and bedroom door closed.

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