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Is Dh over reacting

(102 Posts)
Tryingmybest1000 Sun 16-Dec-18 07:32:57

Dh has got up and gone to sleep in the spare room. The reason being...dd (2) woke up coughing at 1am and i still like to have the monitor on so we both woke up (monitor was on half volume next to me) and he hasn't been able to get back to sleep because of it.

He hasn't slept well recently as he has been working nights and has averaged about 5-6 hours sleep a day so i get he is sleep deprived. I have some anxiety around keeping the monitor on as dd sleeps on a different floor to us and we sleep with the door shut.

I'm having counselling for the anxiety and as a compromise we agreed to turn the volume down but dh this morning has told me that he'll now deal with it by smashing the monitor up.

He's also annoyed that i went straight back to sleep after dd finished coughing.

RhiWrites Sun 16-Dec-18 08:16:10

So he’s unpleasant, rude, and aggressive. What a delightful man.

No wonder his approach to problem solving is ‘get a hammer’. Is he actually a caveman?

lilyblue5 Sun 16-Dec-18 08:19:23

2 isn’t too old for a monitor confused
At 2 my oldest started getting recurrent croup! (Has asthma so it’s usually very bad) Without the monitor we may missed this. Most two year olds can’t speak properly yet and get up to all sorts of mischief sad
Let his sleep in the spare room!

Flowerpot2005 Sun 16-Dec-18 08:19:30

So what if OP closes her bedroom door, so what if she doesn't!

OP you're DH is being a gigantic knobhead. I had a monitor till mine was 3, if you need to use it to feel less anxious about LO being ok, then use it.

Get DH some nytol & tell him to quit moaning like a baby.

blackcat86 Sun 16-Dec-18 08:20:58

So without using the monitor what's his plan in an emergency then? What's his plan if DC does wake up and call out but can't be heard? Why can't he just sleep in the spare room If he wants to catch up on sleep? He's making a lot of drama here that isn't needed and won't help your anxiety.

If you're on a different floor then i would want a monitor on.

BertrandRussell Sun 16-Dec-18 08:30:53

“He won't feel sheepish for his comment and i would actually expect him to go and find the hammer later to smash it up.“

This is the really worrying part of this post. He behaved like a dick in the night but that could possibly be forgiven. But in the cold light of day to carry through a threat to actually smash the monitor with a hammer.....That is really, really not OK. Are you safe, OP?

Buggeritimgettingup Sun 16-Dec-18 08:32:00

I don't think he over reacted I think he's a complete selfish wanker, if you wouldn't be surprised if he did smash it ams he keeps you awake on purpose or says to me that this is the tip of the iceberg

strawberrisc Sun 16-Dec-18 08:35:33

Use the monitor for as long as you choose.

jessstan2 Sun 16-Dec-18 08:35:58

He's found a solution, sleeping in the spare room. If it's comfortable he can stay there until your little one is better, or you could sleep in the same room as the child.

Your husband is not very considerate. 5-6 hours sleep per 24 hours is not bad and being a parent of a sick child means life is not as you would like it to be but it won't last forever.

eggsandwich Sun 16-Dec-18 08:36:12

I don’t really understand why you need a monitor, blimey when mine were little I knew when they were awake by the amount of noise they made.

Unless you live in a mansion and are sleeping in separate wings of the property I don’t see the need for them.

Tryingmybest1000 Sun 16-Dec-18 08:39:35

He is very much like this if he doesn't get his own way.

He has always been a terrible sleeper and the shift working doesn't help and i have asked him more times than i can remember to try and come off shifts but he won't

He won't sleep without some form of background noise on, whereas i sleep better in silence however i have to put up with the tv being on etc so have just had to adapt over the years to it.

I wouldn't mind if he was kicking off after being kept awake every night but dd pretty much sleeps through and we barely hear anything, i think she is coming down with something given the coughing last night.

I said this morning i will compromise and turn thr monitor off and leave the door open, apparently its too little too late!

brizzledrizzle Sun 16-Dec-18 08:41:39

Yes, he's overreacting but being tired can do that to people. Can you compromise by turning it down a bit and leaving your door open?

EleanorLavish Sun 16-Dec-18 08:42:59

I still use a monitor for my youngest, who is 6yo.blush
He isn’t being very nice but it is distorting when you’re so tired.
See how he is today?

CottonTailRabbit Sun 16-Dec-18 08:43:54

He should sleep in the spare room all the time.

Owlettele Sun 16-Dec-18 08:44:10

Tbh. Keep the monitor as long as you want. It's for your piece of mind that you would hear your little one. There is no maximum age at which they don't suddenly need to be heard in the night. Given that she can't come and find you safely on her own should she need you then leave the monitor. We had one longer than what apparently is the rule!!! - dh also wanted piece of mind that lo was ok. Your dh is being unreasonable. Not your fault he will be more tired as he chose to stay out til 2 the other night. Sorry no advice but please don't think the monitor thing is a major issue XX

MincePieMum Sun 16-Dec-18 08:44:52

He is massively over reacting. We sleep on a different floor to DS. We shut the doors and put the monitor on. He is 7.

Your DH is behaving like a prick. There are many more parenting challenges to come, with sleepless nights included. DS was throwing up last night. No one slept.

What is your DH going to do when you are getting your DD dry through the night? How will he handle the usual coughs and colds each year? And what if you were dealt a more serious blow?

If he's behaving like such a prick now, how will he handle it if you had another child? I've no advice other than to see this as a massive red flag and potentially a deal breaker.

MrsChopper Sun 16-Dec-18 08:46:04

Ok, given your recent updates, he sounds like a self centred prick. Let him stay in the spare room until he grows up

UntilTheVeryEnd Sun 16-Dec-18 08:46:19

I still use my monitor for 2 year old DS! DH and I had this exact argument last night - that the monitor was too loud even tho it was on the lowest setting - I refused to turn it off. Good thing I did as DS woke in a coughing fit and spew all over the bed and was choking on his sick!
Tell him to wear ear plugs if it’s that big a deal! Men can be a bit selfish when they are tired and just don’t understand. You are defo not being unfair here!

SarahET Sun 16-Dec-18 08:47:55

Too little, too late hmm A touch over dramatic when you're taking about a baby monitor! If he smashed it I'd be seriously pissed off. Sell it by all means, give it to charity but purposefully break something in a temper, nah.

RefuseTheLies Sun 16-Dec-18 08:48:19

Put him in the spare room and have your dd in beside you. She will probably be more reasonable and mature than your husband anyway.

ErictheGuineaPig Sun 16-Dec-18 08:48:21

I wouldn't want him sleeping in the same house as me. I've been seriously sleep deprived and somehow managed not to take it out on my husband or threaten to smash stuff up.

He sounds horrendous. It's all about him isn't it? I also worry about your safety there if you know he may well smash the monitor up. Life doesn't have to be like this op. You and your child deserve so much more.

53rdWay Sun 16-Dec-18 08:48:23

He makes you sleep with the TV on? What would happen if you threatened to smash that up with a hammer? (Not saying you should actually do it!)

Disrupted sleep is hellish and can make the best of us irrational, but between the alarm threat and the TV being on and him telling you off for being ‘boring’ for wanting to sleep when you were tired, he just sounds like he thinks he matters more than anyone else in the house. Which he doesn’t.

Petitprince Sun 16-Dec-18 08:49:28

Why doesn't he stay in the spare room for a few nights and you can bring your daughter in with you while she's ill?

Babygrey7 Sun 16-Dec-18 08:50:14

Really, at age 2, you'll hear her if she wants to be heard! Without a monitor

supersop60 Sun 16-Dec-18 08:53:22

Yes, he is overreacting. If he needs his sleep in order to be a 'nice' person, then he should sleep in the spare room all the time.
I totally understand OP - my DP wanted me to move our DD out of our bedroom because her 'noises' were keeping him awake. She was only a few weeks old.

AmIRightOrAMeringue Sun 16-Dec-18 09:02:27

This is hard on both of you

He sounds very very tired but it isn't all down to having the monitor on so smashing it up isn't the solution obviously. It sounds from your update like he needs to take more responsibility for getting some better sleep.

At 2, on a different floor, I think I'd be wanting to keep the monitor on depending on the type of house (some houses especially more modern ones carry sound more than others). If you can't hear her crying in her cot from your bed then you need to really. I know if I'm concerned I won't hear for whatever reason then I am constantly waking up thinking I've heard something when I haven't. Could you put it on vibrate instead if it has this option and put it under your pillow?

Also if he needs background noise would he consider white noise? May be easier for you to sleep and block out some monitor noise

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