To pull year 11 DC out of school and give up?

[Afriendofmyown]

Because I don't know what else to do and because they masks at school no one will help me.

I feel like I ever escape the end of the year with their mental health intact and no grades or vice versa.
They have Dyspraxia and have been tested showing signs of Dyslexia. I think they are probably on the spectrum somewhere.

Their grades are falling and falling each term. From predicted 5/6 to 2s. They are way behind predictions from year six SATS.

DC is miserable, hates school, can't cope with the noise or the people , the meltdowns are.nightly, crying, they've become so anxious that they have started to wet the bed. They have been dry for years, they have previously been bullied and there is a real nasty child in school at the moment which isn't helping.

No one will help us, I've been to the GP who referred to Camhs but Camhs refused us. I've spoke to Young Mind, I have spoken to school.

I just do not know what to do anymore.

What hope at college is there for children with no qualifications?
I know they can do open university but what until then?
Can I force school somehow into helping .

Is on IEP and SEN register but does not have whatever a statement is no called.

[Afriendofmyown]

Year 11!! Age 16 not year one. Sorry I am massively stressed .

[TeenTimesTwo]

Presume from context you mean Year 7 ?

I would look at alternate schools - NOW - before term ends.

Your school might be rubbish. That doesn't mean others will be too.

[Thehop]

You wild not be unreasonable at all.

Can you speak to the local education authority about home Ed so you can keep up with the work and sit the usual exams?

College absolutely still an option!

[Afriendofmyown]

Year ELEVEN sorry. Will try and get MNHQ to alter title.

[TeenTimesTwo]

OK. Year 11. That's worse.

I would

• ask for a meeting with year head and SENCO.
  
• no pulling back from describing issues at home
  
• request a part time timetable covering English, Maths, and up to 3 others only that they have best chance of success in.
  
• ask that they can be in learning support or similar at other times, plus where no lesson P1/last lesson to be allowed to arrive late / go early
  

I would also post on Secondary education where some very helpful teachers hang out as well as other y11 parents.

[Afriendofmyown]

Sorry for the appalling grammar. I cannot see very well on this phone.

[TeenTimesTwo]

The school might not be keen on doing fewer than 8 due to progress 8 measurements. But that's not your concern.

For your DC passing 3 and getting 3s in 2 others is better than 8 fails.
Passing 5 including English and Maths would obviously be ideal but I know how much my dyspraxic DC struggled with English lang - she only passed due to coursework under the old system.

Dropping subjects would mean

• less stress
  
• fewer exams to revise for
  
• more ability to focus on the remaining subjects
  
• more ultimate chance of passing more
  

You can do college on whatever, the GCSEs impact on whether you do/start on Level1, or Level 2 (GCSE equiv) or Level 3 (A level equiv).

You may need someone to actively help with revision. Most of DD's revision was done 1-1 with me.

[TeenTimesTwo]

And maybe take the last week of term off?

[wednesday32]

I would contact local colleges to find out what your child's options would be. My sister has dyslexia and my parents when to the local college to explain she could not have suitable grades to get onto the course so they interviewed my sister and agreed that she had the right attitude and was interested in the course so she got onto it and loved her time at college and left with distinctions. They also got her officially diagnosed and supported her written work. Do you have options of home schooling or proving tutoring of an evening? or see if you can get some work experience to buff up his CV when he leaves school.

[skybluee]

If it's making them that miserable I'd withdraw them.

Look at other schools. It's worth a try.
I think you used to be able to do GCSEs at a college here, that might be a better set up.

I changed schools and it changed my life. From being extremely miserable to being happy. It affected my results to be honest with you but it was worth it.

[Cleo18]

My child was in an almost identical situation. (I also had bed wetting and self-harm)

I took him out. He healed.

Timeline not the same but we survived. He went to a local CFE - they were brilliant. He has no qualifications but he is so much happier and enjoying studying for a BTEC level 1.

I left my child too long in school hoping it would get better. It didn't. The damage was done. (It could have been worse)
Child also dyspraxic - and no-one gets how difficult that makes life for a child - especially a boy. (Humour, social context, banter, coolness)

[MamaDane]

Bed wetting I believe is also a symptom of sexual abuse.

[Afriendofmyown]

It's also a sign of anxiety MamaDane!
There is only me at home as I'm a single Mother and no male or anyone else who they are left alone with.
DC doesn't even go out much.

[Afriendofmyown]

Thank you Cleo18 that's very useful.
And others who have posted advise too.

[MamaDane]

Ok that's a relief to hear. I just wanted to say.. Just In case. @Afriend wish you all the best of luck xx

[TigerMummy1]

Bit out the blue there @MamaDane! It can be, but it can also be a sign of stress, bullying and many other things which are obviously apparent here.
OP I would say contact local colleges. Some have am access year where students like your DC can do core GCSEs with more support. I think it's officially called "home ed" but with a few days in college a week for classes in those core subjects. It might be tricky at this point though as if they do different boards, different English texts etc they might have to drop back a year. But do have a look around.

[BigSandyBalls2015]

Mental health is far more important than qualifications, pull them off this awful treadmill that our kids are now on. There's more mental health problems than ever before.

Let them enjoy Christmas and recover and then discuss options for the future - there are some.

Best of luck

[Chimchar]

It's so very hard. Your poor dc.
I think that school should be able to do something to help significantly. If they can't, and your dc continues to be unwell, then take them out...they can come back to education when they are well.

Our local authority has specialist provision for very anxious learners and our local college has programmes that young people with no qualms can go on, and are able to access specialist support to go with the course. I don't know in practical terms how much they deliver, but it's really not the end if your dc gets nothing.

They need to be heard and be well over and above anything else.

Sending you both a big hug x

[quietmoon]

It's not worth the damage to mental health. Education is so accessible these days that no matter what, they can eventually get the education they need one way or another. Right now though mental health should take priority. Hope it all works out for you all x

[VickyEadie]

Whilst looking at a new school is one of the options, I'd have to advise that other schools would be (a) unwilling to take a Y11 student at this stage (there are all sorts of implications, not least the exam syllabuses involved) and (b) would advise that a school-refusing Y11 is unlikely now to attend a different school.

I'd be pushing for alternative provision for your child - as others have suggested, dropping down to a limited number of GCSEs (it sort of helps now that coursework isn't involved, because otherwise school-refusing Y11s tended to have blown it already by this point).

[OhTheRoses]

Take him out. Happiness is worth more than qualifications. If he is out of school CAMHS are more likely to assist although you will have to be very firm.

Write this to school and CAMHS office when you have got GP to refer again.

My son is 16 and is now so unhappy and stressed at school it is not in his best interests to attend.

He has an IEP and is on the SEN register. He is dyspraxic and potentially dyslexic. I suspect he also has an unyet diagnosed neuro-developmental disability and this needsnto be assessed urgently.

Additionally he is being bullied, his performance has deteriorated from 5/6 to level 2s. He is extremely anxious and it is affecting his quality of life, he suffers nightly meltdowns and is manifesting in bed wetting which has never before been a problem.

All of these issues need to be addressed both clinically and educationally. When steps have been taken to ensure there is clinical and educational support in place I shall be pleased to meet to discuss his reintegration into school (and a school thst can assure me of adequate pastoral support) but not without a clear plan with agreed timelines.

To date I have asked for suppirt on x occasions:
Date school/gp/camhs
(List them all)
To date no support has been forthcoming. CAMHS refused support on x

Yours

Copy this to Head of Children's Services, ceo of mh trust responsible for CAMHS, Chair of CCG and your MP.

[Scifi101]

Get a re referral to camhs. Get your mp involved.

Do not accept camhs not helping your child unless you can afford to go private for help.

[OhTheRoses]

Oh, and as reassurance, my stepfather left school at 15 and has severe dyslexia. His head told him he was useless and unemployable and would come to nothing because he was a truant. He sold a thriving construction firm a few years ago and has lived the life of riley since he was about 22.

[Afriendofmyown]

Thank you that letter is brilliant. It's hard to word things and separate the emotions.

[LittleSwede]

If his attendance is low due to a medical situation then the school and LA should be doing some sort of referral for educational support. How low is his attendance?

I don't want to out myself but I work for my LA teaching students who are out of school for medical reasons (and yes, most are due to mental health problems). I don't actually know the whole process of how each student gets to the point of receiving home education through 'us' but it involves referrals and panel meetings etc. So I know it's possible! This only amounts to a few hours of education in the key subjects so not a full set of qualifications.

I would seriously consider pulling him out though, can you do a bit of home education yourself? Would school still let him sit the actual exams at school (maybe in a separate room)? Maybe focus on the key subjects only and drop the rest.

I used to work in an exclusion center and although most of my students only took a handful of GCSEs (some only Functional Skills) they still went on to college and the like. It is not the end of the world, not all young people can cope with mainstream education and sadly specialist provision is rare and difficult to get.

I would put his mental health first now, young people can't learn when suffering severe stress and there are opportunities to gain an educational through other means.

Sorry, there are a lot of 'I' in my text...