My step mother in law has DD once a week on a Thursday. This wasnt mine or DH's idea. It wasn't a problem though, because it's when we do our weekly shop so it fit in nicely.
I live 230 miles away from my mum. Travel is expensive and sometimes she pays over £100, depending on how close she books the tickets. My mum came up on Wednesday evening last week. I messaged SMIL with my apologises and said we're going to have to give the weekly visit a miss, because it was the first full day my mum was coming up. It didn't seem right her granddaughter not being here. I made it clear that SMIL is more than welcome to come up instead so she can see her, or she can have her later on in the week if she wanted her alone. She text back a short reply but I thought nothing off it.
Fast forward a week, my mum has left. Yesterday my SMIL caught my husband in town. She started saying to him I was pushing her out and taking advantage of her. Apparently when my mum comes up I want nothing to do with SMIL and it makes her very upset and she feels as if I'm using her for babysitting services. I would of spoke up if I was there but I wasn't. It feels wrong to message her now about it because DH handled it. He didn't add points I would of added though, which has left me feeling as if more things need to be said but as I said, I don't want to bring it up again. She was still very annoyed with DH and has said to him 'I need to see DGD ASAP' she also wants to increase the visits to 3 times a week, and once overnight a week when I stop breastfeeding her in the night. I feel that's far too much for her to have her.
I'm worried if I say no then she would say I'm pushing her out. AIBU in saying no, I want to keep to our weekly arrangements or should I negotiate/just agree with SMIL and let her have her them times to avoid arguing. Am I also being unreasonable for not letting SMIL have her the first day my mum comes up.
Reading this back I can hear how much of a pushover I sound I have PND, with no family around. DH works 60 hours a week and I'm a stay at home mum. I have no friends or family within a 200 mile radius. I feel isolated and SMIL is the only person I have to talk to that lives near by. That's why why it's important to me I keep the peace. I feel so down at times and all of this is stressing me out left right and centre.
Sorry it's such a long post and thank you for reading it
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AIBU?
Overbearing SMIL
88 replies
FishFingersAndCustard11 · 13/12/2018 16:04
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