Adult Son aged 25 lives with me. Pays no rent, no bills and has 24/7 access to broadband, Sky TV in his room (paid for by me) and invites his friends round as and when he wants. I also make all his meals for him.
He has borderline personality disorder so not sure if it’s part of his condition. Earlier this year I went on holiday for 2 weeks, I asked him to feed the cats – I left enough food for 3 weeks plus money in case he ran out (expected him to use it on himself). He refused to feed them, saying he wouldn’t know what to do put a pouch in the bowl and top up the water, not difficult. Thankfully my DD whose older than him was available and fed them for me, but he then moaned when DD took the £20 I’d left and bought a magazine and a bar of chocolate for herself and a cheap £1 DVD for her DD. He also complained that she bought her then 2 year old with her as she apparently makes too much noise when he’s trying to sleep (she’s now 3 and is a happy girl, who has problems communicating so does get overexcited and squeal or shout random things when she’s very happy – I love it but Son says it’s annoying and she needs to be quiet).
He sleeps all day and then is up all night. Complains when GD comes over but invites his friends over from 10pm onwards when I have to be up for work the next day – I never complain.
Yesterday I saw some new pieces of furniture I wanted – a chest of drawers and a new toy box for my GDs toys (she has a box of toys at my house). I rang my son asking if he would help me carry the furniture up from my car to our flat (we live in a block, we’re on the 1st floor – 1 set of stairs so not far at all). He shouted down the phone that I’d woken him up, that it was the middle of the night for him and we shouldn’t be encouraging my GD to want to come to my house anyway as his sister (my DD) already doesn’t look after her often as it is* so no he won’t help me and then hung up on me.
I cried having him be so rude to me. I do so much for him and he can’t help me do one small thing.
So I’ve done nothing for him – not put his clothes that are in the basket in the washing machine, only cooked food for myself, and have text my DD to say I’ll go pick GD up from Nursery at 3pm.
AIBU? Or too harsh due to his disorder meaning he was always going to be so rude to me?
*My DD is 27, is a single parent to GD aged 3. DD works 3 days a week so GD is in Nursery, but to make the days shorter for GD I pick her up on 1 or 2 of those days and take her to mine. I also cook a Sunday dinner every Sunday for DD and EO Sunday for GD and they eat this at my house. My DD is a brilliant parent, GD has SN (as said previously) but tries her hardest to be polite and is a happy child – all the reports from her Nursery describe her as a contented, well liked child and I know that’s due to my DD who has a firm but fair attitude to parenting and does pull GD up on her bad behaviour while taking into consideration her SN. DD picks GD up from me and if I ever can’t pick GD up she gets her herself and never asks me to babysit or do extra childcare than what I offer. And DD helps me with Sunday dinner, either by providing a pudding or by cooking it herself at my house while I play with my GD and chat to my dad who also comes.
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AIBU?
To stop doing anything for my son?
116 replies
RudeDS · 11/12/2018 11:46
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