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AIBU?

I just don't want his parents knowing yet

154 replies

Valeo · 10/12/2018 13:01

I know I am probably being unreasonable but I just don't want to tell my husbands parents that I am pregnant yet. His parents annoy me at the best of times, I've never particularly seen eye to eye with his mum as she has caused so many arguments between DH and I over the years, luckily DH has now seen what she is like and we no longer argue and we tend to spend most of our time with my side of the family as a result. They are very self centred and I don't agree with their lifestyle. I am enjoying my pregnancy so much and am really enjoying the fact that only us and my parents know. I am 8 weeks so would like to hold off until our first scan to tell his parents but he is insisting that we tell them this week as we wont see them again until end of January (they live 2.5 hours away). I don't know what it is that is making me so annoyed about telling them, maybe I am still a bit bitter and so I am enjoy having this lovely secret from them I just don't know.

OP posts:
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Caprisunorange · 10/12/2018 13:03

Let him chose. It’s his news too.

I don’t mind my in laws but I was upset when DH decided to tell them when I was about 5 weeks (I felt it was far too early) but ultimately, it’s his family and his news too and I can’t control when he shares it

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HollowTalk · 10/12/2018 13:03

You're being unfair. He has the right to tell his parents when you tell yours. Luckily you won't see them for a couple of months!

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Nanny0gg · 10/12/2018 13:03

It's his baby too so yes you're being unreasonable.

Why so disapproving of their lifestyle anyway?

Congratulations!

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JennyOnAPlate · 10/12/2018 13:06

I think given that your parents know it's unreasonable of you to say that he can't tell his.

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Doghorsechicken · 10/12/2018 13:06

Yes they are his parents after all. Let him tell them if he wants to. He’s excited to become a dad!

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Crimbobimbo · 10/12/2018 13:07

If you've had the 12 week scan by end of Jan, tell them then. Just say you want to be sure everything is OK rather than you hate his parents.

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Snowwontbelong · 10/12/2018 13:07

News to people 2.5 hours away is better than local ils!!
No need to contact them yourself.
Leave them to dh.

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knittedjest · 10/12/2018 13:11

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Sirzy · 10/12/2018 13:13

If your parents know then he can tell his parents.

Why not use the new child in the family to help build bridges rather than burning them more?

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masterandmargarita · 10/12/2018 13:14

The bit about dh finally seeing his mum for what she really is, sounds mean and what don't you like about their life style? And yes yabu

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NotAnotherUserName5 · 10/12/2018 13:15

I guess it’s true what they say when they say sons are sons until they marry a wife and a daughter is for life.

Yabu

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OverTheHedgeSammy · 10/12/2018 13:15

You probably are being a bit bitter. Understandably so, but in this instance you need to let it go.

However, if they blab to all and sundry before you are ready, then you have EVERY justification for not telling them news before you let EVERYONE know. Warn your DH of that.

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CaroloftheBalls · 10/12/2018 13:16

Of course you shouldn’t say anything now. Wait until you’re in your second trimester. End Jan would be fine.

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pigsDOfly · 10/12/2018 13:17

You don't like them, and you disapprove of them. That's your right and as you don't give any examples of why they're so ghastly we are unable to judge whether you're being unreasonable in that respect. But you do sound very petty wanting to 'have this lovely secret from them'.

If they're as self centred and as awful as you claim they probably won't give a damn about your pregnancy. However, they're they parents of one of the parents of the baby you're expecting and if your DH wants to tell his parents that he's going to be a father then he has every right so to do, particularly given that you've already told your parents.

Sounds like you feel you have more rights over this baby than your DH.

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PurpleDaisies · 10/12/2018 13:19

You don’t have to say anything but you can’t (shouldn’t) stop your Dh from telling his parents. You told yours.

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grasspigeons · 10/12/2018 13:19

its a bit sad that a son cant tell him mum the most important news in his life.

Although I do have some sympathy for waiting until after the scan in general.

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adaline · 10/12/2018 13:19

As you've told yours I think it's massively unfair if you don't let him tell his.

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PurpleDaisies · 10/12/2018 13:19

Of course you shouldn’t say anything now. Wait until you’re in your second trimester. End Jan would be fine.

Even though her parents know? Confused

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WendyCope · 10/12/2018 13:21

Totally unreasonable HTH

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Iamtheonlyupsyone · 10/12/2018 13:22

Going against what pp have said I understand where you're coming from OP. This is your body and your private medical information and it's not up to your DH to share it against your wishes. If things go wrong at this early stage he would then need to let them know that information as well and it's not really fair if he's telling all this to people you are not comfortable discussing your health with. He should respect that you're uncomfortable with them knowing yet and that it's still new and personal. Can you turn it into a positive that you'd be excited to let them know straight after the dating scan all being well?

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PurpleDaisies · 10/12/2018 13:24

This is your body and your private medical information and it's not up to your DH to share it against your wishes.

It’s his baby too! Why shouldn’t he be allowed to tell his parents?

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LagunaBubbles · 10/12/2018 13:25

It's his baby to, surely if he wants to tell his parents he can.

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madmum5811 · 10/12/2018 13:26

Thinking you should not have told your parents this early either if you did not want his to know to be honest.

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Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 10/12/2018 13:26

You're being unfair.

I didn't want my MIL to know but it wasn't my place to restrict that. Dh told her both times and both times 've just silenced her messages on Whatsapp and left DH to update her on things.

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icouldwriteabook · 10/12/2018 13:31

another one here going across the grain.

yes its his news too, but;
shes carrying the child
shes birthing the child

and most importantly, if she was to write a post saying I don't want my IL's to tell people my news, then would you all write back saying 'well its their news too its their granchild? probably not, everyone would say its your private news to share yourselves. so in this instance, I would say you have every right to want to wait until 12 weeks.

this is your decision, your body, your choice.
I would be telling your OH the same, its not a competition over 'well her parents know', its a simply wait 4 weeks and ensure everything is okay. her parents clearly have a good relationship with her and she trusts them. her MIL has caused countless arguments and issues and she clearly doesn't have a great relationship with her. seems unfair to force someone to tell somebody they don't like their most precious secret, all for the sake of 4 weeks.

don't tell them OP,and let that be the end of it

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