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I just don't want his parents knowing yet

(155 Posts)
Valeo Mon 10-Dec-18 13:01:07

I know I am probably being unreasonable but I just don't want to tell my husbands parents that I am pregnant yet. His parents annoy me at the best of times, I've never particularly seen eye to eye with his mum as she has caused so many arguments between DH and I over the years, luckily DH has now seen what she is like and we no longer argue and we tend to spend most of our time with my side of the family as a result. They are very self centred and I don't agree with their lifestyle. I am enjoying my pregnancy so much and am really enjoying the fact that only us and my parents know. I am 8 weeks so would like to hold off until our first scan to tell his parents but he is insisting that we tell them this week as we wont see them again until end of January (they live 2.5 hours away). I don't know what it is that is making me so annoyed about telling them, maybe I am still a bit bitter and so I am enjoy having this lovely secret from them I just don't know.

Caprisunorange Mon 10-Dec-18 13:03:17

Let him chose. It’s his news too.

I don’t mind my in laws but I was upset when DH decided to tell them when I was about 5 weeks (I felt it was far too early) but ultimately, it’s his family and his news too and I can’t control when he shares it

HollowTalk Mon 10-Dec-18 13:03:44

You're being unfair. He has the right to tell his parents when you tell yours. Luckily you won't see them for a couple of months!

Nanny0gg Mon 10-Dec-18 13:03:59

It's his baby too so yes you're being unreasonable.

Why so disapproving of their lifestyle anyway?

Congratulations!

JennyOnAPlate Mon 10-Dec-18 13:06:46

I think given that your parents know it's unreasonable of you to say that he can't tell his.

Doghorsechicken Mon 10-Dec-18 13:06:49

Yes they are his parents after all. Let him tell them if he wants to. He’s excited to become a dad!

Crimbobimbo Mon 10-Dec-18 13:07:11

If you've had the 12 week scan by end of Jan, tell them then. Just say you want to be sure everything is OK rather than you hate his parents.

Snowwontbelong Mon 10-Dec-18 13:07:43

News to people 2.5 hours away is better than local ils!!
No need to contact them yourself.
Leave them to dh.

knittedjest Mon 10-Dec-18 13:11:31

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sirzy Mon 10-Dec-18 13:13:28

If your parents know then he can tell his parents.

Why not use the new child in the family to help build bridges rather than burning them more?

masterandmargarita Mon 10-Dec-18 13:14:20

The bit about dh finally seeing his mum for what she really is, sounds mean and what don't you like about their life style? And yes yabu

NotAnotherUserName5 Mon 10-Dec-18 13:15:08

I guess it’s true what they say when they say sons are sons until they marry a wife and a daughter is for life.

Yabu

OverTheHedgeSammy Mon 10-Dec-18 13:15:28

You probably are being a bit bitter. Understandably so, but in this instance you need to let it go.

However, if they blab to all and sundry before you are ready, then you have EVERY justification for not telling them news before you let EVERYONE know. Warn your DH of that.

CaroloftheBalls Mon 10-Dec-18 13:16:02

Of course you shouldn’t say anything now. Wait until you’re in your second trimester. End Jan would be fine.

pigsDOfly Mon 10-Dec-18 13:17:19

You don't like them, and you disapprove of them. That's your right and as you don't give any examples of why they're so ghastly we are unable to judge whether you're being unreasonable in that respect. But you do sound very petty wanting to 'have this lovely secret from them'.

If they're as self centred and as awful as you claim they probably won't give a damn about your pregnancy. However, they're they parents of one of the parents of the baby you're expecting and if your DH wants to tell his parents that he's going to be a father then he has every right so to do, particularly given that you've already told your parents.

Sounds like you feel you have more rights over this baby than your DH.

PurpleDaisies Mon 10-Dec-18 13:19:06

You don’t have to say anything but you can’t (shouldn’t) stop your Dh from telling his parents. You told yours.

grasspigeons Mon 10-Dec-18 13:19:23

its a bit sad that a son cant tell him mum the most important news in his life.

Although I do have some sympathy for waiting until after the scan in general.

adaline Mon 10-Dec-18 13:19:32

As you've told yours I think it's massively unfair if you don't let him tell his.

PurpleDaisies Mon 10-Dec-18 13:19:46

Of course you shouldn’t say anything now. Wait until you’re in your second trimester. End Jan would be fine.

Even though her parents know? confused

WendyCope Mon 10-Dec-18 13:21:55

Totally unreasonable HTH

Iamtheonlyupsyone Mon 10-Dec-18 13:22:34

Going against what pp have said I understand where you're coming from OP. This is your body and your private medical information and it's not up to your DH to share it against your wishes. If things go wrong at this early stage he would then need to let them know that information as well and it's not really fair if he's telling all this to people you are not comfortable discussing your health with. He should respect that you're uncomfortable with them knowing yet and that it's still new and personal. Can you turn it into a positive that you'd be excited to let them know straight after the dating scan all being well?

PurpleDaisies Mon 10-Dec-18 13:24:47

This is your body and your private medical information and it's not up to your DH to share it against your wishes.

It’s his baby too! Why shouldn’t he be allowed to tell his parents?

LagunaBubbles Mon 10-Dec-18 13:25:38

It's his baby to, surely if he wants to tell his parents he can.

madmum5811 Mon 10-Dec-18 13:26:22

Thinking you should not have told your parents this early either if you did not want his to know to be honest.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone Mon 10-Dec-18 13:26:47

You're being unfair.

I didn't want my MIL to know but it wasn't my place to restrict that. Dh told her both times and both times 've just silenced her messages on Whatsapp and left DH to update her on things.

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