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DP won’t let me drive his car

(110 Posts)
Hikers Mon 10-Dec-18 09:14:04

This has started becoming an issue that we’ve argued about a few times and I need your help to know whether AIBU in which case I will drop it, or if he is.

DP has a Freelander (4x4) and I have a Corsa (small hatchback). Due to the layout of the parking area behind the house we have to park one behind the other, obviously whoever happens to be first that day is then blocked in.

The first time this came up as an issue was when he was working from home one day and I needed to pop out with two year old DD. I just needed to go to the shops quickly and I was the one blocked in so I suggested that rather than him moving his car for me and me having to move DD’s car seat back in to my car that was in his, I could just take his car. (We both have our own fully comp insurance so are permitted to drive anyone else’s car) He said no. I said why. He just said no it’s fine, I’ll just move the cars. I said but why? And also it means I have to move the seat. He just said no. So getting frustrated I persisted in asking for a reason, which he refused to give. I eventually got quite pissed off at this and we had a row about it but he refused to say why so I eventually gave up.

For context, he has driven my car multiple times, including abroad (fully insured obvs) and I have been driving over twenty years, have never had an accident (unlike him) have driven all types and sizes of vehicles including vans, I’m a very confident and experienced and careful driver. My manoeuvring and parking skills are better than his too!

This refusal to let me drive his car has come up a few times since but I didn’t push it but today has really annoyed me as I need to pick up a bed for DD that I suspect won’t fit in my car. He said he could do it after work (from home) but I would prefer to get it in the day while it's light etc, I can get childcare for DD and it gives me time to asssemble it. So again I suggested taking his car. Again it’s been no, and when I’ve asked why, and explained that it makes me feel like he doesn’t trust me with it, he just keeps saying “no it’s not like that, it’s nothing (hmm) can we just drop it it’s really irritating” so I’ve left the room before I get properly pissed off.

I know it’s his car and he can say no if he likes so prepared to be told IABU, but the lack of a reason is pissing me off and also it’s fine for him to drive mine?

What do you think?

LucieMorningstar Mon 10-Dec-18 09:19:50

I think you should stop him driving your car!

HellonHeels Mon 10-Dec-18 09:19:51

TBH I think you need a new car, perhaps some kind of Landrover. Fancier than his. Car like that is safer for driving children around and clearly more useful for you as well. And don't let him drive it.

I have no explanation for his behaviour other than suggesting that he's a dick.

GreatDuckCookery6211 Mon 10-Dec-18 09:20:22

How bloody weird. Is he like that with other objects of his or just the car?

AcidPops Mon 10-Dec-18 09:20:41

Personally I’d just take the keys and drive it.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone Mon 10-Dec-18 09:21:15

I never drive my DHs car and he never drives mine.

knittedjest Mon 10-Dec-18 09:21:35

Do you have separate accounts and pay for your own fuel?

TeaStory Mon 10-Dec-18 09:23:47

We both have our own fully comp insurance so are permitted to drive anyone else’s car

Check your policy carefully, there is often an exception to this of the car belongs to a spouse or someone else living at the same address. DH and I have to be named drivers on each other’s cars.

I think it’s very telling that he refuses to give you an answer. It seems like a power play.

Unless you have a history of carelessness with things?

cancla Mon 10-Dec-18 09:24:13

You are only covered third party if you have DOC on your policy. I wouldn't let anyone drive my car on their own insurance either. What's really odd is that you haven't named each other as drover on your policies.

GladAllOver Mon 10-Dec-18 09:24:34

I think you need to check your insurance policies. Very few comprehensive policies now allow you to drive any car.
You should make sure that you are each a named driver on the other's policies. Or get one joint policy for both to drive both cars, which could well be cheaper.
And of course, URNBU.

Hikers Mon 10-Dec-18 09:24:34

It has crossed my mind to be petty and not let him drive mine but sometimes it’s useful as he doesn’t drink and it means I can sometimes grin

I don’t think he is like this with any other object, no

Yes we have separate accounts and pay for our own fuel

I would love to buy a brand new Landrover! What’s the biggest? A Discovery? grin

CatsCatsCats11 Mon 10-Dec-18 09:24:45

Maybe because at most you will only ge covered for third party on his car, if that. Get full insurance then discuss it.

Hikers Mon 10-Dec-18 09:25:53

I will double check the insurances, but when we went abroad we checked everything then including for general use in this country too

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira Mon 10-Dec-18 09:28:40

@cancla @TeaStory

I didn’t know about that, not that it matters much because my DH doesnt drive!

But this clearly isn’t the issue here, if it was then the husband would have the perfect out - “I’ve checked the insurance and we’re not covered for each other’s vehicles and I’d rather be over cautious”. He’s being precious over his, I suspect, much nicer and/or newer car. Probably believes you’re not as specially aware as you’ve been driving a smaller car. Which is ridiculous of course but I suspect in his mind it ‘justifies’ his position. He doesn’t want to tell you think because he knows it sounds both idiotic and sexist.

knittedjest Mon 10-Dec-18 09:33:08

I would dare say he is probably low on fuel and can't be bothered/can't afford to fill her up yet and you taking his car out will mean he has to sooner. That's the reason I usually say no anyway. Out if laziness of not wanting to go and fill up my car and stretching my current take as far as possible.

nikkylou Mon 10-Dec-18 09:33:40

I could have written your post....

DP has had accidents, I haven't had any. He's perfectly happy to drive my car, or his car. And even happy to let me drive my car with him in it. (complete with insults on my driving) ...

Suggest I drive his....Nooooooo! It's too big for me / he's worried I'll crash it / insert car-related disaster here.

He's just got a new car. His old one, he's had for 2 years. I drove it twice. The second time 2 days before he sold it. It was horrid to drive, and I don't think I'd chose to do often, but that's not the point.

His new car, he says he's going to let me drive many times more frequently...But even Two times Zero is still 0.....

I have no solution yet..

Maybe have a very early appointment to attend to, far away, that you'll have to leave at 05:00 for, which just happens to be on the day he's parked in front. Insist he gets up to move his car, as you cannot possibly do it.

Refuse to let him drive your car?

Alfie190 Mon 10-Dec-18 09:35:51

If you are not named on the insurance policy, then I am not surprised he doesn't let you drive, third party cover really isn't sufficient.

However once insurance sorted, then yes he is being very unreasonable, you should both be able to drive either car.

CloudPop Mon 10-Dec-18 09:36:11

It because he doesn't trust you with his precious car. I don't blame you for being mightily irritated by this.

Thehop Mon 10-Dec-18 09:37:10

He’s being an arse.

californiascreaming Mon 10-Dec-18 09:37:20

On its own it's not the biggest issue however if there is a niggle in other areas regarding him being controlling, selfish or thoughtless then I couldn'couldn't let this drop.
I suspect when there are posts like this that there are usually other niggles and that's why you need to check...

Unicornandbows Mon 10-Dec-18 09:39:04

I think he doesn't want to let you drive because it's a bigger car and doesn't want to tell you his mysogyny ways. I would buy a bigger better car and shove it in his face.

MaxTeyon Mon 10-Dec-18 09:40:45

Not sure why he’d be precious over a Freelander - the newest is over 4 years old and they were absolute pieces of shit when they were new.

kitchenemergency Mon 10-Dec-18 09:41:37

DOC cover is intended for emergency/ very occasional use. Not as a cheap alternative to being a named driver on each other's policies.

Why are you not each down as ND btw?

You do have to be careful with DOC cover. Some specifically exclude spouse/ partner (I think this is the case with Admiral and at least 1 other big insurer) or only apply if the driver does not have use of their own vehicle.

Plus of course it does only cover you for TP damage. Far better to be a named driver.

ineedtolovemyself Mon 10-Dec-18 09:43:50

Me and my DP share a car which he pays everything for (if I'm out and it needs petrol then I will obviously fill it up). I actually have the car more than him as he drives a van for work but I if we had 2 cars then they would both be ours and we would drive them both with no issues.

Hikers Mon 10-Dec-18 09:44:34

Not sure why he’d be precious over a Freelander - the newest is over 4 years old and they were absolute pieces of shit when they were new

grin he would be so crushed if I showed him this comment grin

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