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To ask how long after childbirth...

(160 Posts)
bella1426 Sun 09-Dec-18 21:24:40

...it took to get 'back in the saddle' so to speak. 7 weeks PP and miss the closeness the physical side of our relationship brings but god knows when well have the energy, privacy or time to DTD again...not to mention the horrific thought of being seen naked like this...wondering what's the norm on this subject (if there is one!)

WTBE Tue 11-Dec-18 13:58:43

Just under two weeks, felt like a right sex pest after giving birth blush

Even though we took our time and DP was gentle, probably should have waited as after it was very sore for me. I had stitches also.

Isitwinteryet Tue 11-Dec-18 13:25:27

9 months before I physically was able. 12/13 months before I started to enjoy it again.

loubluee Tue 11-Dec-18 11:02:00

About 4 weeks the first time- internal and external stitches. 2 weeks the second time. I couldn’t wait blush

jessstan2 Tue 11-Dec-18 11:00:03

Eight weeks.

ethelfleda Tue 11-Dec-18 10:56:43

Months later for me. DS is 13 months and breastfed which makes me feel touched out to be honest!

OracleofDelphi Tue 11-Dec-18 10:52:32

Shepherd - thats so awful... you poor poor thing.... flowers What a total fucking arsehole he was...

I think there is no "right" time.... what feels too soon for some, will be the right time for someone else. I think its dependent on what your physical relationship was like pre conception, amount of sex during pregnancy, how you feel post birth, level of trauma and level of lochia / bleeding etc.

I was 6 weeks with my first as I had stitches and 2.5 weeks with my second (no bleeding no stitches). MY DH was not that keen on sex when I was pregnant as he was too worried about the baby. I also had a massive hormonal rush both times after mine were born when I literally wanted sex all the time... Might explain why there is only 15m between my two. Oh and DH is the least sexually aggressive man I have ever met, so there was no pressure from him.

SchnitzelVonKrumm Tue 11-Dec-18 10:41:44

* It is SO important to reconnect as a couple even if you're not totally up to it.* Fortunately DH and I connect in lots of ways, including the sheer joy of having a lovely little baby. And he wouldn't want to have sex if I wasn't totally up for it.

SchnitzelVonKrumm Tue 11-Dec-18 10:34:26

Months - neither of us felt like it. But I was told absolutely not before six weeks with all three DC, by midwifes and consultant. Suspect the idea that a woman must be up for sex even when bleeding and exhausted after birth is another gift of the porn era.

KonaMum Tue 11-Dec-18 10:01:46

3 weeks (post c section so no tearing to contend with). I was desperate to by then. Our sex life was less that amazing whilst I was pregnant - hyperemesis, feeling exhausted and then I was huuuge and it was just logistically tricky, so I was really keen to get back into it!

He’s three months now and we’re only really managing about once per week... you have to be a bit creative with a co-sleeping baby to contend with! But I’m glad we try to make the effort.

Branleuse Tue 11-Dec-18 10:00:26

less than a week with my last two. I just felt desperately in love with dp and really wanted to. It was really gentle, and I dont think we even finished properly. It seems a bit mad now looking back, but ive always been quite highly sexed.

Namestheyareachangin Tue 11-Dec-18 09:52:50

@Aquamarine1029

* It is SO important to reconnect as a couple even if you're not totally up to it. *

That is true for you and glad it worked out. Please don't make it a generalised 'fact' and add to the ridiculous pressure on new mums to just 'get on with it' when sometimes they are just not ready! For some, having 'duty sex' can really damage a relationship. The man feels condescended to and hurt when what used to get you off doesn't any more because you're just not in the mood (any decent partner will be able to tell you're not into it and won't like it one bit), or the woman feels resentful and used in spite of having 'chosen' to have the sex she doesn't want.

Not everybody (or indeed every body) is the same!

Namestheyareachangin Tue 11-Dec-18 09:48:02

@Shepherdspieisminging shock angry what a fucking swine. Poor you. Hope he falls on a post covered in barbed wire xxx

puppymouse Tue 11-Dec-18 09:41:10

This thread is so fucking depressing. I don't think I really cared if I ever shagged DH again when I had DD. Can't remember how long it was but probably around a year.

I wasn't in the mood to have a conversation let alone sex at 9 days/9 weeks pp. sad

rainbowquack Mon 10-Dec-18 23:49:12

@PirateWeasel don't feel inadequate and have you seen a doctor?

I had 4 c-sections, so we had to be very very gentle, but it was 10 days after the first two, 3 months with the third (But I tore a lot of muscles) and 3 weeks with the fourth.

I have friends who haven't, a year later.

It's all individual and there isn't a right or wrong answer.

mortifiedmama Mon 10-Dec-18 23:29:12

@Plumbuddle yup. I'm there with you.

Plumbuddle Mon 10-Dec-18 22:52:10

Just thought I'd put in a word for mums who never really feel like sex again after the first child. There are a lot of us about! Children really changed my priorities.

PirateWeasel Mon 10-Dec-18 21:07:33

Wow, I don't know why but this thread has made me feel really inadequate! We first tried at 9 weeks and it was excruciating, and still is. I'm so worried sex will be awful forever now. My DH is being amazing so far, but I wouldn't blame him for getting frustrated if this goes on for months or years. I would be too!

BubblesBubblesBubbles Mon 10-Dec-18 20:47:52

Within a week of dc1. And within 2 weeks of dc2. May have been within a week I can’t remember.

I didn’t bleed a lot, and my hormones were raging fgrin

olicat Mon 10-Dec-18 20:43:52

Also @Shepherds and @Miraculous I'm so sorry that happened.

olicat Mon 10-Dec-18 20:39:07

@Aquamarine It's important to remember that birth experiences range hugely, so you can't just breezily say that you should give it a go even if you don't feel up to it (which is problematic in itself - some pps have said similar, but my DH would genuinely not want to have sex if he thought I was in pain/not enjoying it. The idea of anyone forcing themselves to do it is icky. That said, if both parties feel like it then why not). I think the key is communicating with your partner about exactly how you're feeling. Me and DH talk about the whole situation a lot in a non pressured way, so he knows that I'm not physically up to it but hope I will be soon (am still having quite a bit of medical treatment to deal with my post birth issues). We also are super close in other ways.

Not back to normal at all 7 months later as still too sore and exhausted.

Ouchymother Mon 10-Dec-18 18:46:37

9 days. My idea. I'd had a really traumatic birth. Induced due to a placental issue. They introduced a staph infection when rupturing my waters and I ended up with an emergency section after 38 hours labour and 10cm dilated. Pushing for 2 hours then failed ventouce, failed forceps and crash team in theatre while I'm starting to fade out of consciousness while they're trying to get my son out alive. Turned out I had sepsis and was actually very sick. Awful. A week in hospital. I was desperate for normality. My husband was apprehensive but agreed to try. I was very lightly bleeding and we didn't finish but it felt like I needed to feel normal. Condom and lots of lube. Then a bit cuddle session after as it was DH last day on pat leave too.

Eilaianne Mon 10-Dec-18 15:38:29

i had no idea that so many people would be saying within weeks - i'm fairly sure from the limited info i have from friends and family its' more like 3 months that i considered "average". certainly not before 6 weeks of healing / getting over the hormonal bumps / sorting out sleeping and coping routines... i'm impressed at the energy grin,

..but also a little disgusted at the PP saying they felt pressured into it from their partners - what a disgusting time to show their real colours sad

AssassinatedBeauty Mon 10-Dec-18 14:55:25

That's awful, MiraculousMarinette - 6 years of enduring unenjoyable sex. thanks

Are you still with your partner?

CycleWoman Mon 10-Dec-18 14:46:04

Sleep deprivation and BF put me right off! First time about 7 months but didn’t get back to normal until I stoped BF about 16 months blush

MiraculousMarinette Mon 10-Dec-18 14:37:26

Probably 8 weeks later or so. Gosh it was horrendous, I just concentrated on holding back the tears and every second of it lasted a lifetime. Whilst I carried on putting out on demand, I only started enjoying it again six years later.

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