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To ask how long after childbirth...

(160 Posts)
bella1426 Sun 09-Dec-18 21:24:40 took to get 'back in the saddle' so to speak. 7 weeks PP and miss the closeness the physical side of our relationship brings but god knows when well have the energy, privacy or time to DTD again...not to mention the horrific thought of being seen naked like this...wondering what's the norm on this subject (if there is one!)

Philomensapie Sun 09-Dec-18 21:26:16

Months. I was bruised with friction burns.

Bibijayne Sun 09-Dec-18 21:26:43

2 weeks. But we're less active than before DS. Too tired!

QueenDoris Sun 09-Dec-18 21:26:52

About 30 minutes. Although the midwife was a bit annoyed as she was giving me a breastfeeding lesson at the time

MaryShelley1818 Sun 09-Dec-18 21:27:06

I’m positive you’ll get a wide range of replies here and there is no ‘norm’ I had a straightforward vaginal birth with no tearing. We held out almost 3wks and were both desperate for it!

steff13 Sun 09-Dec-18 21:27:25

Here they tell you to wait six weeks. We never waited that long.

Youmadorwhat Sun 09-Dec-18 21:28:28

9weeks 🙈

Sassypants82 Sun 09-Dec-18 21:28:38

4 months after DS was born and about 3 months after DD!

KitKat1985 Sun 09-Dec-18 21:29:07

I think I was about 2-3 weeks after both my births. We took it very gently though.

KatnissMellark Sun 09-Dec-18 21:29:19

7 weeks for me. Had a second degree tear. It was ok but not fab, got better quickly though. Lube and wine are helpful.

Stillwishihadabs Sun 09-Dec-18 21:29:58

2 normal deliveries, 2 weeks and 5 weeks (condoms had gone out of date 2nd time). I don't think we are particularly active (once a week ish)

newmun Sun 09-Dec-18 21:30:42

4 weeks with half a bottle of lube 🚣🏼‍♀️

AhoyDelBoy Sun 09-Dec-18 21:31:18

I really don’t think there’s a ‘norm’. You’ll get answers ranging from practically just pushed the baby out (some people do it in the hospital after all shock) to never again. I guess it depends on a range of factors too. We tried 6 weeks PP but it was too painful (episiotomy) and sometimes it still is 14 months PP. My DP is of the opinion babies can sense whenever their parents are going to DTD and wake up ensuring their own survival before all others grin

moofolk Sun 09-Dec-18 21:32:37

Are you not getting the physical closeness without sex? It's ok to ask for snuggles and cuddles if you're not ready yet.

SimplyPut Sun 09-Dec-18 21:33:00

Entirely different each time!

1st stitches - 2mths
2nd deep graze -3mths
3rd light graze -9 days blush

PerfectPeony Sun 09-Dec-18 21:33:08

It really surprises me that some only wait a few weeks shock... I hope that was a mutal decision with no pressure.

3 months for us, didn’t feel right for a while and our baby had colic. It was nice when it happened and we both felt ready.

Mouse510 Sun 09-Dec-18 21:33:57

Months! My boobs were way too sensitive to think about my husband touching them and it wasn’t until baby started sleeping for longer patches and I therefore felt better and more like myself!

Bambamber Sun 09-Dec-18 21:34:41

6 months blush

AhoyDelBoy Sun 09-Dec-18 21:35:01

I’m a slow typer so x-post with others. Honestly, I can’t understand how people are thinking about DTD 2-4 weeks PP shock. Maybe my episiotomy has more of an effect than I realised 🤷🏼‍♀️

Chocolatecoffeeaddict Sun 09-Dec-18 21:36:04

A week with my youngest, but was a c section. About 4 weeks with the others.

ChocolateTearDrops Sun 09-Dec-18 21:37:00

My ex was pressuring me from 6 weeks because the health visitor had said that it's usually ok then. Think it took me a lot longer to come around to the idea because of the constant nagging for sex! hmm

DuggeeDuggeeDuggDugg Sun 09-Dec-18 21:37:06

Around 6 weeks first tried, wasn't pleasant (still recovering from emcs) and it wasn't a regular thing until after a year for various reasons.

You will find the time, trust me... Pregnant with DC2 now, conceived when DS was around 16m

londonrach Sun 09-Dec-18 21:37:19

You meant to try within 6 weeks according to midwife to make sure everything ok. We tried. It worked. Might have been months later next time!

randomsabreuse Sun 09-Dec-18 21:37:29

Long time before bed without a child in it means anything other than sleeping. Priorities change!

Tiredteacherlass Sun 09-Dec-18 21:37:38

2 weeks with no 1...a section
About 6 weeks with no 2...2nd degree tear

OwlBeThere Sun 09-Dec-18 21:38:30

A couple of months after the first, a fortnight with number 2, about 6 months with number 3. Directly correlational to how hideous they were at sleeping 😂

gamerchick Sun 09-Dec-18 21:38:40

About 30 minutes. Although the midwife was a bit annoyed as she was giving me a breastfeeding lesson at the time


There no norm OP. When you're ready.

Do some cuddling if you're missing the closeness.

I'm crossing my legs at some of these replies, but the people I know IRL who did it before the placenta had dried had sexually aggressive men.

AintNobodyHereButUsReindeer Sun 09-Dec-18 21:39:12

3 weeks with our eldest, 5 weeks with our youngest. And no I wasn't pressured at all.

legalseagull Sun 09-Dec-18 21:40:40

All these early shaggers!!! I bled for about 5/6 weeks so after that.

bellsbuss Sun 09-Dec-18 21:43:54

Between 10 days and 3 weeks with my 4 but that's when I felt ready.

WonderTweek Sun 09-Dec-18 21:45:22

6 weeks for us. I had a second degree tear that healed a bit funny and when they stitched me up I ended up being a lot, ahem, tighter than before so it was certainly interesting! However we both felt ready for it and I'm glad we got the first time "out of the way" as I was nervous if it was even going to work. It got easier after a while and now it's like back in the old days except that we don't do it as often as we used to because we're knackered, and I have a bit of a tummy. grinIn all seriousness though, it took me awhile to get used to my new body but I wore loose shirts and tops etc until I felt less self conscious and it was all good. smile

WineAndTiramisu Sun 09-Dec-18 21:46:47

About 3 months after caserean, I bled for 6 weeks, then had a coil put in and bled for 5 more weeks! However she's now 8 months and it's only happened once since... More his choice than mine, think the breastfeeding freaks him out a little, although he wouldn't admit it.

Verbena87 Sun 09-Dec-18 21:47:32

First attempt about 8 weeks. First painless attempt about 5 months. Still numb and disappointing now (15 months). Birth injury and nerve damage suck, but from talking to friends I really don’t think my experience is common.

CookPassBabtridge Sun 09-Dec-18 21:48:42

God it was months with my first, and it was a section! Maybe 5... Was just too tired and touched out.

Second section.. I think it was week 3. My hormone went nuts, it surprised me as I was in mother mode but at the same time wanted filth grin

elQuintoConyo Sun 09-Dec-18 21:48:49

Um... 6 years. I was ripped to shit and had to have corrective surgery. Then there was the painful internal scar tissue. We neex to 'make love' these days rather than lovely long bonking sessions or quickies in the shower sad

It's a good job DH is who he is.

AlpineButterfly Sun 09-Dec-18 21:49:15

Months - 3 months after my first and I fell pregnant
Nearer six months with my second. He's 11 months now and we're just getting back in the groove. It does still hurt occasionally.

It's just when you're ready

Emma145 Sun 09-Dec-18 21:49:34

6 months, was healed a lot sooner but my son was in a next to me bed so didn't really get the chance till moved him into his own room

Verbena87 Sun 09-Dec-18 21:50:13

In terms of feeling better about my body, I felt like I’d be weirdly-shaped forever but now I look pretty much as good as before except with nicer boobs (hooray for breastfeeding says I)

Lynne45 Sun 09-Dec-18 21:50:50

About 3 months. I had stitches but I did feel ready after about 2 months, I was just too bloody tired!

peachgreen Sun 09-Dec-18 21:51:35

Hardly any time at all but then once the post-birth hormones wore off I went off sex entirely and it was months. Even now my drive isn't what it used to be but I have a very understanding husband and we express physical affection daily in other ways.

AssassinatedBeauty Sun 09-Dec-18 21:51:39

Months and months. I had lochia that lasted for ages, and would restart if I did too much physically. I had an infected c section scar, everything in that region felt like I'd been kicked by a horse and was heavy and uncomfortable for a long time. Baby had been in hospital very unwell and emotionally I couldn't have cared less about having sex, it was off my list of priorities. Then add in breastfeeding fairly constantly and a baby that would only sleep on me, and that further reduced my inclination and the chances of getting any time for it.

In the grand scheme of our relationship, it was not that long though.

Bigonesmallone3 Sun 09-Dec-18 21:51:45

After my first it was 3 weeks but that was a bloody big mistake..
After my second was probably 6 weeks..

Verbena87 Sun 09-Dec-18 21:52:36

@elQuintoConyo sorry you’re in the battlescarred bits club too. Thank god for really good partners. flowers

Ceecee18 Sun 09-Dec-18 21:53:01

Just under 6 weeks. I had a forceps delivery and saw a perineal specialist midwife at 4 weeks to check the stitches which had started to come undone at 2 weeks pp. She advised me that although not completely healed I should attempt sex as soon as possible to stretch the scar tissue. I was shocked to hear that! And there was no way I'd have attempted it then! At 6 weeks I felt fine (did use a lubricant though).

RayRayBidet Sun 09-Dec-18 21:53:16

18 months with first. I was so tired and shell shocked and then got PND. It was the last thing on my mind.

Bringbackbertha Sun 09-Dec-18 21:53:37

3 months didn't stop bleeding. Did it once then bleeding started again for another 2 months. Realised it was the pill.

Since then probably once a month if we are lucky... small person stops alot of adult nightly activities and replaced them with getting up to deal with them. Nothing like s crying child to break the mood

TickleMeEmo Sun 09-Dec-18 21:56:22

We tried around 8 weeks but was too painful... tried a couple of times after that but was still too uncomfortable, didn’t have sex properly until about 7 months pp.
DS was a colicky baby and we were too knackered most of the time 😂
Still don’t have sex as often as we’d like as DS is still a crap sleeper and I’m currently 5 months pregnant but keep physically close in other ways if we can’t dtd 🙂

sdaisy26 Sun 09-Dec-18 21:56:24

About a week first was too soon really but I’d had a section and was a bit desperate to prove there were some upsides to it.

Probably about 2 weeks second time round (another section), I was a bit more poorly after it so took longer to get back to normal.

user1468348545 Sun 09-Dec-18 21:57:00

Emergency section and about 2 weeks if that.

I think everyone is different and as long as both parties ( mostly mum obviously!!) Are happy and comfortable then why not. And of course safe to do so after labour.

MonicaGellerHyphenBing Sun 09-Dec-18 21:57:06

8 or 9 months. I bled for 9 weeks, DD had hideous colic and was a crap sleeper until she was nearly 1, it was unfortunately very low down on my list of priorities.

tryinganewname Sun 09-Dec-18 21:58:45

3 weeks.. and I'd had a 2nd degree tear so was stitched.

We didn't do it a lot before DD, even less now! Farrrrrr too tired.

MotherOfDragonite Sun 09-Dec-18 21:59:17

8 weeks after the first (had an episiotomy and the stitches then got infected so recovery took longer); 3 weeks after the second.

Previous norms about having sex in bed seemed to fly out the window once there was a baby sleeping in there too... get creative! Living room?!

Kemer2018 Sun 09-Dec-18 21:59:17

About 5 years.

shecamefromgreece Sun 09-Dec-18 21:59:24

Between 3 and 6 weeks. I've had four very easy births with no stitches. I got pregnant when dc3 was about ten weeks old so my last two babies were very close together!

homegrownmumma Sun 09-Dec-18 22:00:31

11 weeks , my episiotomy was too tender to even consider it before then

Nothisispatrick Sun 09-Dec-18 22:00:50

5 weeks. Had not been up to sex for pretty much the whole pregnancy and was absolutley gagging for it, and I have to admit sex is actually better since having DD, like it feels better. I’m very lucky.

bimbobaggins Sun 09-Dec-18 22:02:47

Mine was about 6 months, I was stitched up too tight and had to go in for a procedure under ga to rectify it.

Cavort Sun 09-Dec-18 22:02:55

6 weeks exactly. I probably would have waited longer but it was our 1st wedding anniversary. I had an episiotomy but it was honestly fine on the pain front.

Shepherdspieisminging Sun 09-Dec-18 22:04:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mammylamb Sun 09-Dec-18 22:06:20

6 weeks. But had an elective c section which went very smoothly

snowone Sun 09-Dec-18 22:06:27

Until I could get some birth control sorted.....about 8 weeks I think grin

Mammylamb Sun 09-Dec-18 22:07:10

We also didn’t have sex for most of my pregnancy. DH was horrified by the very idea that something co possibly hurt his long awaited baby

whatsthepointthen Sun 09-Dec-18 22:08:39

2 weeks, could never wait months

MaverickSnoopy Sun 09-Dec-18 22:08:59

1st - 2 months but sporadically thereafter until about 6 months. Took me a while to feel like my normal self though.

2nd - 4 months as I was on my knees with exhaustion and quite miserable due to it. I didn't want sex at all. DH was wonderful about it.

3rd - currently 7 weeks pp and haven't done it yet, although we've had foreplay. I'm not as tired as I was with my second so it's more feasible from that perspective, although with 3 children I'm really worn out. I am however terrified about falling pregnant again as I fall pregnant very very easily (even when on contraception) and our family is now complete. I'm awaiting an appointment to discuss having a coil (DH has offered to have a vasectomy but if our finances changed we'd consider another), so I want to wait until I have my coil and will then double up contraception before having sex. Due to slow appointments I'm expecting it to be late January.

It's all irrelevant though because you need to wait until you're comfortable.

PerfectPeony Sun 09-Dec-18 22:11:44

Shepherds flowers I can’t get over how disgusting some men are.

Lizadork Sun 09-Dec-18 22:12:24

Takes 40 weeks to grow a baby, and id argue a furthur 40 weeks to heal from the whole thing. I don't know about these woman who are says they had sex 3, 6, 9 weeks after birth. That sounds way too soon for me, utter madness!!! But each to their own.

Shepherdspieisminging Sun 09-Dec-18 22:12:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ClaireElizabethBeauchampFraser Sun 09-Dec-18 22:13:02

Five and a half weeks, which was when I had stopped bleeding/ passing lochia. Just before my six week check. It was fine, I have never needed extra lubrication and didn’t then. We were both terrified and my dh was incredibly gentle. It was lovely and very reminiscent of my first time (also with dh).

fedupandlookingforchange Sun 09-Dec-18 22:13:42

About 6 weeks because I wanted to check it all still worked. Since then about 4 times and DS is 16 months old. Not perfect my partner but he never hassles about sex thankfully. DS is a rubbish sleeper and I’m knackered

PerfectPeony Sun 09-Dec-18 22:13:52

I don’t blame you! Been reading your thread, you’re doing amazingly well. smile

Pooshy Sun 09-Dec-18 22:13:51

Can't believe everyone's at it so quickly post birth!

8.5 months after first

4 months after second

SilverDoe Sun 09-Dec-18 22:18:35

With first - 1 week, baby slept fantastically and we hadn’t done it in a while as I had been uncomfortable and exhausted before birth.

Second baby - about 9 days. Felt great and was spending a lot of time snuggled up in bed together as it was winter, and Baby 1 was still a great sleeper sleeping from 7pm - 7am.

Minimal birth injuries both times.

There is no right or wrong answer. Perhaps like you I would have missed the physical side as it makes me feel safe and loved and brings us closer. Any pressure at such a vulnerable time would have been a possible relationship ender for me.

Batteriesallgone Sun 09-Dec-18 22:19:38

The bit I can’t believe is that OP’s DH hasn’t seen her naked post birth.

DH had to help me dress for a while after having my first. And then there’s bathing with the baby...and skin to skin and breastfeeding... and ‘airing’ the wounds, legs akimbo. Haha. I was naked a lot in the first few weeks post birth with all of mine!

I can’t really remember how long we waited. Definitely had some mega dry patches though. If you are missing feeling sexy, I hear you, it’s horrible feeling all used up from making a baby and like there’s no mojo left in you anymore.

That feeling doesn’t last forever though. You’ll get ‘you’ back. Takes a long time to recover from pregnancy and birth. Be kind to yourself.

Mammylamb Sun 09-Dec-18 22:19:45

Lizadork. I think everyone’s birth experience and healing from it is different. I had a dreadful pregnancy; but the world’s easiest birth (well, via c section) so felt totally fine at 6 weeks. However if I had a vaginal birth with tearing etc; i would probably have waited a lot longer

Oysterbabe Sun 09-Dec-18 22:21:05

It was about 3-4 months both times.

Sandsnake Sun 09-Dec-18 22:22:45

Only about three weeks, I think. I had a planned CS that healed well. We’re not hugely sex focussed, but the hormones made me quite horny as far as I recall!

MilkManiaMama Sun 09-Dec-18 22:25:21

Our DD is 10 months and we've still not had sex. We have a very close relationship with lots of affection and cuddles but I really haven't felt comfortable enough to have sex yet and I'm knackered most nights too! Totally up to the individuals but I would rather have died than have sex 2 or 3 weeks post partum!

concernedforthefuture Sun 09-Dec-18 22:27:44

1 year.. to the day. It took me months to be able to sit down comfortably confused. DC2 was conceived that night too grin

scrivette Sun 09-Dec-18 22:31:43

About a year, then about 6 months, then 3 months (DC3 was c section).

TheSheepofWallSt Sun 09-Dec-18 22:31:59

2.5 years on here and still havent...

My birth was wonderful and I was very fortunate not to have any birth injuries beyond a graze.
But breastfeeding dampened my libido to basically nothing. I breastfed for 2 years... libido just about returned, but exDP had separated by 9 months postpartum.

So I imagine it’ll be some years yet before I do “get back in the saddle”, given I have no willing babysitters who would babysit often enough for me to do anything LIKE dating.
And I fear my one night stand days are behind me so.... confused happy Christmas!

Chocolate1984 Sun 09-Dec-18 22:35:23

First birth probably a year+. Had difficult birth, difficult recovery, prolapse, incontinence, failed at breast feeding, sick baby & generally felt worthless.

Second baby once I stopped bleeding around 6/7 weeks.

Lazypuppy Sun 09-Dec-18 22:35:25

About 3 months i think, didn't start again properly till around 10 months. We had low sex drives before having a baby, ttc was a challenge! and its got lower since having the baby. I'm not bothered, could quite happily only have sex once every other month or so as a max.

8DaysAWeek Sun 09-Dec-18 22:39:53

First tried to do it maybe 13 months pp... Didn't actually want to do it and felt pressured. Not by DH but by myself. Tried again a few months later, no joy as I still wasn't up for it. Stopped BFing at 19 months pp and the libido came back within a couple of weeks and we were back to normal!

Those who did it within the first few weeks.... Serious question - weren't you still bleeding? I'm no prude but it took me a good few weeks before I could switch from the bumper maternity pads to normal pads, and a number of weeks later before it stopped completely.

TurquoiseDress Sun 09-Dec-18 22:49:07

DC1- elective CS- 7 weeks post partum, lots of wine beforehand!

DC2- elective CS- baby is now 4 months but cannot really remember when we DTD for the first time afterwards blush

Think baby was at least 2 months old, maybe just before 3 months?

Just realising how tired I have been for months on end...!

Notgotajarofglue Sun 09-Dec-18 23:03:08

First baby about 3 weeks, second baby 3 days blush
These days we're down to once a month if he's lucky

FishFingersAndCustard11 Sun 09-Dec-18 23:04:09

7 months. First month or so I was too sore and bleeding. After that we simply had no time because of a colicky baby and DPs working hours 🤷🏼‍♀️

DramaAlpaca Sun 09-Dec-18 23:08:28

It was about 6 weeks after DC1, just before the six week check. It took longer after the next two because of sheer exhaustion.

Joinourclub Sun 09-Dec-18 23:09:14

Months, at least 4 or 5. I could barely walk two weeks after let alone shag! And after I’d healed I was exhausted with waking up multiple times to feed. And my boobs were ENORMOUS and sensitive and leaky. And I had zero libido.

dottycat123 Sun 09-Dec-18 23:29:30

7 days ds1, 10 days ds2. No stitches with either. dh definitely not sexually aggressive, we both wanted to and took it gently. I didn't find breastfeeding dampened my libido.

TheBubGrower Sun 09-Dec-18 23:29:35

It was at least 6 months for us, after the baby was able to be put asleep in a different room. But i didn't feel like it before then. It was uncomfortable (forceps and stitches) so we didn't do it again for a little while after.

I'm almost 9mos pregnant now and we haven't dtd since I found out I was pregnant. I've had a previous miscarriage, and i often bleed after sex, so I've been worried about causing bleeding which would stress me out in case it's more than just the sex. Husband is completely understanding though and doesn't even bring it up as he respects how i feel about it. I think i have a really low sex drive generally though as i can go a couple of months without feeling the urge, even when not pregnant. When we dtd it's always fantastic and when we were ttc we did it most days, which was lovely. But i just tend not to need it much generally. I'm always so surprised to hear how frequently other people dtd and how soon after birth people are saying they did it. Within days! Makes me feel like a freak confused

JustABetterPlayer Sun 09-Dec-18 23:53:50

Under a week.

Enko Mon 10-Dec-18 00:04:03

7 months after dd1 DH was traumatized..

about 4-6 weeks after 2 3 adn 3

RedPandaMama Mon 10-Dec-18 00:05:29

I can't believe sex is on people's minds in the first week after having a baby! Not judging, more just amazed! For the first few weeks PP I feel like life was a sleep deprived, achy, bloody, flabby mess!

About 4 months for us I think, but it wasn't good. Painful and dry and stingy afterwards. And DD was a bad sleeper and woke up crying during. I had absolutely no 'want' for ages as I was breastfeeding so it was a rare occurrence. Stopped BFing a couple of months ago and back to normal now grin

YeOldeFishWife Mon 10-Dec-18 00:19:04

By the book with the 1st 3 so after 6 week check up.

5 days with the 4th. DH was shock. No idea what came over me but I was desperate blush even though service continued up to the day before he was born to try to induce.

Now the older ones are teens and awake later than we are, I have to dust the cobwebs out of there grin.

unequivocallyxo Mon 10-Dec-18 00:21:45

5 weeks and very cautiously 😂🙈

meow1989 Mon 10-Dec-18 00:23:05

Just over 3 months I think, partly due to paranoia about getting pregnant again whilst waiting for a coil!

mortifiedmama Mon 10-Dec-18 00:24:41

We tried at 9 weeks but it was agony. Tried again at 4 months and same. Took about 18months (and a fuck tonne of physio) until it was bearable. Still shit though 3 years later though.

NutCrackerSuite Mon 10-Dec-18 00:27:13

6 weeks

hohohobags Mon 10-Dec-18 00:32:20

9 Months .. seriously you lot, rather of had a sleep

TheChickenOfTruth Mon 10-Dec-18 00:33:33

Couple of weeks after c-section; gently with no handling of the udders.

Keep lube on hand - the hormones are not your friend postpartum.

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