Advanced search

To dread visiting friend because of the constant offers of food and drink?

(198 Posts)
smashingavocado Sat 08-Dec-18 17:40:12

She is lovely and would be so hurt if she knew. But I find it really stressful.

I’ve got round it by meeting on neutral territory but she’s rearranged a visit to hers tomorrow and I know it will be foodfoodfoodfood.

Aibu to want to cancel? sad

GreatDuckCookery6211 Sat 08-Dec-18 17:41:26

Can you just say no thanks I'm full now?

Lougle Sat 08-Dec-18 17:42:44

Is food a problem for you, or does she cook badly? I suppose it comes down to why it causes you stress, really. Could you get around it by having already eaten? If you are a fussy eater, could you take some food that you like? It would be a shame to miss out on company because of food, I think. There must be a solution smile.

smashingavocado Sat 08-Dec-18 17:43:40

Oh you can say it great but it’s like she doesn’t hear it - she offers at five minute intervals and then several ‘are you sures’ - and drink too.

AntMoon Sat 08-Dec-18 17:46:04

Is she a nervous host? Sort of over compensating by offering lots?

recklessruby Sat 08-Dec-18 17:46:39

I have problems with food and a very restricted diet but my friends know this.
If it's food you don't like/Can't eat can you just tell her (lie you have intolerance to certain things if she's the type to be hurt).
Mostly it's just coffee and cakes with my friends though.

MrsTommyBanks Sat 08-Dec-18 17:46:56

I'm imagining a Mrs Doyle smile
Tell her you are doing a pre Christmas slim.

Thurmanmurman Sat 08-Dec-18 17:49:07

Can I go on your behalf, it sounds great!

CherryPavlova Sat 08-Dec-18 17:50:18

I’m feeling Father Ted too. For goodness sake, have an adult to adult conversation.

GreatDuckCookery6211 Sat 08-Dec-18 17:50:29

Tell her you've got an iffy tummy when you get there so you'll be taking it easy wink

smashingavocado Sat 08-Dec-18 17:58:33

I have tried that cherry

I don’t think she can help herself.

BackforGood Sat 08-Dec-18 18:07:15

YABU to not tell us what the problem is.

Why is it a problem for someone to offer food and / or drink ?

JudasPrudy Sat 08-Dec-18 18:09:28

This is weird, have you got some kind of food issues?

IdblowJonSnow Sat 08-Dec-18 18:10:31

I want your friend! Can u starve yourself before you go and then just have fruit for the rest of the day? Hard to advise without further info.

MaMaMaMySharona Sat 08-Dec-18 18:11:43

Ahh my DM is like this and it drives me crazy! Before I’ve even got through the door she’s offering me drinks and snacks. It’s not always as easy as saying “no thanks” unfortunately.

I’d suggest what PP says and just say you’re full if you don’t want any more and change the subject - I don’t think people realise how stressful it can be.

EssentialHummus Sat 08-Dec-18 18:13:11

I’d text in advance and say you’re looking forward to seeing her but unfortunately you have a dicky tummy (or whatever) so you won’t be able to indulge in her usual generosity. I don’t like this kind of thing either - it makes me feel self-conscious.

ILiveInSalemsLot Sat 08-Dec-18 18:13:22

Just say ‘honestly, I’m fine! I’ll help myself if I get hungry. I just want to sit and spend time chatting’

doubleshotespresso Sat 08-Dec-18 18:14:49

OP it sounds as if perhaps the issues here are your own. I don't really understand how offers of food and drink offend or stress you out?

She sounds kind........

MrsJane Sat 08-Dec-18 18:16:13

She sounds like my kind of friend!

OneStepMoreFun Sat 08-Dec-18 18:16:30

Say no thanks. Then when she insists, accept a drink and a snack and just have them slowly, or leave most of them . If she asks why tell her you weren't really hungry or thirsty and just said yes to be sociable.

I feel a bit the same. I hate meeting friends 'for coffee'. I spend my working life sitting down. When I see friends, I want to be outside walking in the contryside.

MrsJane Sat 08-Dec-18 18:16:38

Nothing worse than a dry house.

Timetobealive Sat 08-Dec-18 18:17:18

Can you say in advance you won’t want anything to eat?

Butterflycookie Sat 08-Dec-18 18:18:17

Go at lunch time?

BumbleBeee69 Sat 08-Dec-18 18:18:35

I loathe FEEDERS, you have my sympathies OP grin

paxillin Sat 08-Dec-18 18:19:02

Do you have an eating disorder? Could you tell her if so? Otherwise, I don't see a big issue.

Jezzifishie Sat 08-Dec-18 18:19:50

Oh, I know someone like this. It's stressful! Do you want this? Are you sure? Or this? I'll just get you a bowl of this.... It's done from a place of love, but it's incredibly frustrating because they don't listen!

smashingavocado Sat 08-Dec-18 18:20:55

Obviously I say no thanks! But I don’t think some of you are realising it isn’t the offer but the refusal to accept no. I will politely decline a biscuit or slice of cake and she will go in her kitchen and start rooting through her fridge and cupboards for something. If I accept anything she just keeps pushing more of it onto me. Tea, cake, flapjack.

HarrySnotter Sat 08-Dec-18 18:21:58

Just politely refuse when you've had enough. Unless there is something you haven't told us, this is just silly.

GreenandBlueButterfly Sat 08-Dec-18 18:24:59

I understand you. I have a friend like that. I think it's the norm in her culture but I ended up feeling extremely annoyed about it. When I'm not hungry, I'M NOT HUNGRY. The constant offers were annoying and in the end I don't visit her any more. We just meet outside in neutral places.

easyandy101 Sat 08-Dec-18 18:25:05

Going to see the other halfs mum is a constant barrage of food and drink, even when you take some you get forced to have more

It's great if you're in the mood!

You just gotta be firm though

Atthebottomofthegarden Sat 08-Dec-18 18:27:34

It sounds like when you say no, she interprets that as having offered you the wrong thing rather than as you not wanting anything. I think you need to be clearer in your refusal!

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Sat 08-Dec-18 18:29:59

DH has an Auntie like this. It’s really strange as she seems completely unaware of how bonkers she comes across. I think she is a very nervous person who can’t relax. We are seeing her tomorrow.🙈 She can’t stop asking and asking. It’s tiresome even though I know she means well.

dontgobaconmyheart Sat 08-Dec-18 18:31:09

A few people have asked it OP, but do you have some sort of health issue surrounding food or is it just that you for whatever reason can't bear your friend not listening when you refuse whatever it is? Wanting to cancel because of it does seem rather an extreme way to feel, she can't force you to eat. I also really dislike when people do this as i'm a bit of a people pleaser but i view that as my issue not theirs really.

I would have thought that rather than saying no thank you to each individual item, causing her to think you just don't want that thing but she should fetch something else, it would be quicker to reply "no thankyou I don't want anything to eat this evening thanks, i'm not hungry/am full/whatever, let's just sit and have a chat instead'. Or if there is something you've accepted but don't want more of just say " What i've had is more than enough thank you, i'm really rather full" and then change the subject...
I'm not sure people here aren't realising what you're saying so much as they can only suggest what you might do, they can't make your friend stop offering you food.

EdWinchester Sat 08-Dec-18 18:31:13

God, she sounds really annoying.

Sassybynature Sat 08-Dec-18 18:32:14

Its probably a cultural thing. I am from an Italian background and it is the norm to offer guests food and drink, it would be considered rude not to. Guests are always fed, if they like I think or not, to bursting point.
Just politely accept something small, it wouldn't hurt.

nicoala1 Sat 08-Dec-18 18:33:23

She sounds like a lovely and very generous host. Enjoy.

I am also a small plate/portion person, but say it up front. No problems so far!

nicoala1 Sat 08-Dec-18 18:34:23

The Stingy Thread needs to read this right now!! LOL.

DPotter Sat 08-Dec-18 18:35:06

I know just what you mean.

It's not just a case of someone saying 'would you like a cup of tea or coffee and a slice of cake' and you politely refusing. A refusal will elicit an inventory of all the food they have in the house 'How about crisps, biscuits, fruit, cheese, etc etc'. And then horror of horrors they will 'recall' you like X, which they don't have in the house and it'll be 'Oh no Gordon (or any other name) DPotter likes X and we haven't got any, can you nip down the shop and get some?'

This can go on for the entire visit.
My MIL used to be like this; I would decline repeatedly, DP would re-assure her I was fine repeatedly but still it continued. In the end it took a very exasperated me mildly exploding with ' For the love of God will you just stop offering me food. When I'm hungry I'll ask for it.' I think it was a nervous tick and she just couldn't help herself. It did reduce after that - thank God.

Kintan Sat 08-Dec-18 18:36:09

Jut say yes early on in the visit and slowly nibble/sip whatever she gives you and then she won’t feel she needs to keep offering!

DPotter Sat 08-Dec-18 18:37:40

Sorry - crossed posts with a few.
Have to say with my MIL saying you were not thirsty or hungry didn't work. It was almost as if she saw it as a challenge to tempt you with something.

BewilderedPiskie Sat 08-Dec-18 18:37:41

Accept everything but ask for a doggy bag and give it to a homeless person???

DPotter Sat 08-Dec-18 18:39:27

Agreeing to eat / drink something would just lead to the next level - the entire cake needs to be eaten, your body weight in crisps consumed. You get my drift.....

nicoala1 Sat 08-Dec-18 18:42:26

Feeders. Probably size zero themselves. Sorry couldn't resist!

Or a "Mrs Doyle" from Fr. Ted clone.

Happy Christmas everyone.

RCohle Sat 08-Dec-18 18:46:55

I'd just accept a cup of coffee or whatever and nurse it.

It does strike me as odd that this bothers you so much though, do you have issues with food? Having food pushed on you at Christmas is pretty par for the course!

lljkk Sat 08-Dec-18 18:47:39

Can you distract her from her obsession? Get her to talk about herself instead, that engrosses most people.

Noloudnoises Sat 08-Dec-18 18:47:47

I totally get this. I don't drink tea (or coffee after 11am as I'll be up all night). And know someone who was constantly trying to shove tea at me every 15 mins. It's exhausting saying no thanks and nursing a water to make it obvious I am sufficiently hydrated. She cannot compute that someone doesn't like tea.

DavedeeDozyBeakyMickandTich Sat 08-Dec-18 18:48:03

Just have a tea and a biscuit or whatever and then when she offers anything more just say very clearly, no thank you I couldn't possibly eat any more, make up an excuse about cutting down on sugar or whatever if you have to but I would just be very clear and move conversation on, don't see the big issue. Yes I know a few people like this, would never put me off going round I just say no. Perhaps it's you with the issue, as in, you don't like turning people down? Or, don't eat before and turn up hungry grin

Shootingstar20 Sat 08-Dec-18 18:50:03

My MIL is like this and one of the main things I love about her is her generosity. I said yes all the time at first to be polite and if you said no she’d list every other thing for you to have, you just have to keep saying no thanks and it finally sinks in, my MIL is a nervous host and is just so polite she hates the thought of her guests being hungry or thirsty! I understand your strain but your friend is just trying to care for you that’s all!

Travisandthemonkey Sat 08-Dec-18 18:50:21

Just say no
It’s not that hard

JakeBallardswife Sat 08-Dec-18 18:50:55

Can you just say yes, you'd love a glass of water? I don't really see a problem, say you don't want anything to eat as still not hungry....

ShadowHuntress Sat 08-Dec-18 18:57:49

Oh I know someone like this. She’s so lovely but won’t take no for an answer. It’s literally every few minutes there will be an offer of more food, more tea, more juice. I put up with it before but now dc are toddlers and eating proper food she starts on them. Every time we went she had a huge bowl full of crisps, cakes, chocolates and passed it over to the kids as soon as we got in. I had to tell her after the second time as we don’t often give the kids sugar and they were leaving her house so sugar high there would be crashes and tantrums on the way home. It’s tiresome

WereYouHareWhenIWasFox Sat 08-Dec-18 18:57:51

My MIL does this. I used to be really polite and try to accept something just to make it stop, now I just say very curtly, “No thank you, I do not want anything.” After that all offers that she makes are firmly ignored. The other thing she does is if me, DH or the kids ever eat anything, she will buy tons of the bloody stuff for the next time we visit, because “you liked that last time”. I know they are trying to be hospitable, but actually it is rude to keep going on.

DearTeddyRobinson Sat 08-Dec-18 18:58:17

Just say yes then don't eat it. I'm Irish, very used to this!

nicoala1 Sat 08-Dec-18 18:59:36

I think this is a visitor issue rather than a host thing.

Arrange beforehand what you will accept maybe.

I have to say I really dislike this FEEDING thing, where the host will be mortified and in therapy if the guests do not eat everything including the tablecloth.

Winlinbin Sat 08-Dec-18 19:01:48

My MIL is like this. I take something and eat/drink it very, very, very slowly so when she offers again I can decline as I’m still eating whatever the previous delicious morsel was.

I think it’s a nervous thing with MIL, she’s quite shy and I am very quiet so offering food fills in some silences.

ScottyDog7 Sat 08-Dec-18 19:02:01

I'd take some nibbles with me. Lidl and other places do loads this close to Christmas. I picked up a tray with loads of crackers and pretzels and stuff in for 99p. Take that with you, and every time she asks say you're fine with those. If you nibble one every now and then it might make her settle a bit better.
Or try saying, "honestly I'm fine, if I change my mind I'll let you know. Right now I don't want anything other than a nice chat". Or maybe even suggest going out for a walk???

Positivethinking1 Sat 08-Dec-18 19:05:45

How well do you know her? Do you have a relationship where you can tease her a bit, e.g. make a joke out of it and set her a target that she's not allowed to offer you food for at least 30 minutes - and set a timer on your phone? We did this with a friend who always said sorry for everything - we made a buzzer sound every time she said sorry for something that wasn't her fault - it became a long running private joke, she got the message, and no one got offended. You have to have the right relationship though!

Thedukes Sat 08-Dec-18 19:09:52

I just say 'oh gosh, I didn't realise you were cooking, I've just had a huge lunch, I will see if I can try a little'.

MrsMcW Sat 08-Dec-18 19:17:19

Afraid I'm like this... Complete feeder. blush It feels rude not to offer something to a guest and I'll generally try to find an alternative if they don't like what's on offer. She's just trying to be a good hostess.

EmeraldShamrock Sat 08-Dec-18 19:24:03

I think I am a bit like this. I usually except no to food and drinks after the 3rd time. blush

springydaff Sat 08-Dec-18 19:25:37


maybe you could be super super brave and tackle her about it?

I love seeing you x, but I do find the constant offers of food really difficult. You're such a great person and I'm so glad we're friends.

Or take all her food and make her happy. What's the harm, every now and again?

MiddlingMum Sat 08-Dec-18 19:26:41

Tell her you're on a 5:2 diet and today is a 2 day.

underneaththeash Sat 08-Dec-18 19:29:41

Can you not just go for lunch (or not eat first) then it won't be an issue. It's quite normal to offer a bit of food and drink to a visitor.

greendale17 Sat 08-Dec-18 19:31:00

OP obviously has eating issues.

Echobelly Sat 08-Dec-18 19:33:22

I know it's hard, but I might be honest with her and say 'You know [friend], whenever I come round here you offer me food all the time and you really don't need to, I'd much rather you relax and we can talk. If I say no, I honestly mean it and it actually makes me kind of uncomfortable when you keep asking'

springydaff Sat 08-Dec-18 19:36:20

Im wondering why you're talking about the op as if shes not here, greendale.

DoinItForTheKids Sat 08-Dec-18 19:42:03

It's not an eating issue if you just don't want to eat - it's healthy to say actually I'm full I don't need to eat anything! Jesus wept - this is why we've got a country full of pre-diabetic people - because they all say 'yes' when offered something, even though they've eaten enough already.

Why should OP force food down if she's not bloody hungry, to please someone else?!

OP you'll just have to be utterly brutally (almost) clear with her, she's obviously not one who picks up on people's facial expression or any other clues so it's got to be pretty overt or she just won't hear you.

Willow2017 Sat 08-Dec-18 19:50:06

Loving the fact that op has been told she must have an eating disorder because she doesnt want constantly bombarded with food and drink.when.she just wants to talk to her friend.
Having someone spend the whole time trying to force you to eat/drink and not taking no for an answer is incredibly annoying and a complete waste of time. If her friend spends the whole visit rooting through her kitchen for something else to tempt op.with it must be bloody frustrating.

On another thread people were berating op.for having one snack at and again as nobody.need to snack between.meals this one they are telling her she has a disorder for not eating non stop when visiting a friend.

Only on mn.

Geraniumpink Sat 08-Dec-18 19:50:10

I don’t like eating out all that much (I have a history of being very anxious at dining out- though I’m a lot better than I was) and just a very firm ‘No, I’m fine thank you’ with whoever is doing the offering usually works.

underneaththeash Sat 08-Dec-18 19:50:40

springy - I think she was replying to me.

speakout Sat 08-Dec-18 19:52:19

I sympathise OP.

My mother was a feeder.

I learned to regurgitate in the toilet from the age of 8.

smashingavocado Sat 08-Dec-18 19:52:24

I don’t have food issues. I just hate constantly having to say no thank you.

Twisique Sat 08-Dec-18 19:53:16

Tell her you are doing a fasting test for the Dr and can only have coffee until 9 am!

UhUhUhDennis Sat 08-Dec-18 19:54:33

To be this stressed about it then you do have food issues I'm afraid. Maybe you need to tackle those before you tackle her.

smashingavocado Sat 08-Dec-18 19:55:17

Lying will not work.

‘I can’t eat X’ will mean she goes on the hunt for Y. I don’t like A will have her looking for B.

I want to see her, not eat.

Avrannakern Sat 08-Dec-18 19:55:35

Is that all you say, just no thank you everytime?

Have you tried "that's the 4th thing you've offered me. I'm not hungry and really don't need to eat more food. Stop asking me and carry on telling me about....".

Repeat everytime. She's your friend; you can be blunt and honest.

WereYouHareWhenIWasFox Sat 08-Dec-18 19:57:24

Dennis, either you have never been around someone who does this, or you do this yourself. I would say the ones demanding you eat are the ones with food issues.

Grannyannex Sat 08-Dec-18 19:58:01

Tell her you’re completely stuffed and not interested in eating a morsel.

A580Hojas Sat 08-Dec-18 19:58:28

Is your friend MrsDoyle?

Has she invited you for lunch or dinner? If you then refuse food that's rude.

Has she invited you at some other time of day? If so can't you just accept a cup of tea or coffee?

Harramph Sat 08-Dec-18 20:02:06

I do feel that you have some issues around food of some kind OP because usually it is easy to say no to things we don’t want, and not to develop strong feelings around the people and places associated with them, unless there is some triggering issue around the thing itself.

For eg I would say I have a phobia of fairgrounds. If I was constantly asked to go on a rollercoaster despite saying no, I would find it very stressful to repeatedly say no and I would start to be angry and dislike the people asking me and would suspect they had motives to harm me or expose my fear by their repeated asking, even though they would probably nog be intending to do that. People who don’t have some obsessive issue around fairgrounds could probably just say “no i don’t really like rollercoasters so stop asking me.” But I can’t do that. And it would be very hard for me to separate my phobia from having bad feelings about them.

A friend of mine also has similar reactions to you with other friends of ours when we go to their houses. I get texts from her while she is out saying “Emma is trying to feed me again,” or “Emma was watching me while I was eating.” Emms is our mutuel friend and she tries to feed everyone, but my other friend can’t help but take it very personally because she has some issues around food and Emma continuously offering it to her triggers something inside her.

DoinItForTheKids Sat 08-Dec-18 20:03:28

Uuh she's not stressed out about the FOOD! She's stressed out about keep being offered food ie her friend's behaviour. Christ on a bike, some of these responses are nuts.

InsomniacAnonymous Sat 08-Dec-18 20:03:39

I really don't think being exasperated by incessant offers of food at every visit is a sign of food issues. It's really extremely wearing when people won't take 'No thank you' for an answer. It's nice that the host offers and perfectly normal. It's when the offers never stop that it becomes too much, especially when you have to endure this at every single visit.

CosyToast Sat 08-Dec-18 20:05:05

Haha my granny does this! I rise to the challenge and just wear stretchy trousers 😂 but DH can't stand it because he finds it pushy, whereas we're all used to it 😂 eventually he said 'no thanks, I'm really sorry but if I eat more I will be sick. I'll ask if I want anything, but don't worry, I'm very comfortable.' After a few more times of labouring the point that he has a limited capacity for food, she's accepted it and won't press him

She doesn't understand it at all, but that's to do with her food issues, not his.

Can you do the same? I understand it's uncomfortable, but I don't think it's her fault, I don't think she understands.

WereYouHareWhenIWasFox Sat 08-Dec-18 20:05:58

Yes people who do not understand the word “no” are incredibly rude.

Harramph Sat 08-Dec-18 20:07:12

But OP is also finding it hard to draw any boundary with her. If the friend doesn’t take no for an answer you say, listen, I love you but I am going to leave if I can’t talk to you because you’re constantly offering me food.

Willow2017 Sat 08-Dec-18 20:08:32

Ffs she wants a conversation with her friend not to.keep repeating "" every 5 minutes during the whole visit. Thats not an.eating disorder thats being pushed to the limit.

If you think not wanting to eat constantly is an eating disorder you have a skewed view of eating disorders!

DoinItForTheKids Sat 08-Dec-18 20:08:58

^ This ^
Harramph I do not believe that OP has an eating disorder! IT'S NOT ABOUT THE FOOD, it's about this endless badgering by a clueless friend.

ShesABelter Sat 08-Dec-18 20:09:34

Just tell her when you get there "look if I want anything I will ask you honestly I'm here to see you and chat so don't feel you need to offer me anything as I'm fine thanks. Let's have a chat."

Girlwhowearsglasses Sat 08-Dec-18 20:10:21

I am thinking that maybe it’s the friend who has some issues. Perhaps she’s really nervous to have visitors - or maybe she finds it hard to talk - even to friends? I would try a really honest grip of the hand and a really sincere ‘I’ve come to see YOU not eat your food, sit down, relax’ of you can.

Either that or make her actually cook you lunch or take. her a cake.

Things like can often be a distraction technique - even if unconscious. Is she up and down from her chair all the time?

Or go for a walk?

Willow2017 Sat 08-Dec-18 20:15:06

I do feel that you have some issues around food of some kind OP because usually it is easy to say no to things we don’t want,

Op has stated several times her friend wont take no for an answer.
Spending your whole time saying "no" would stress anyone out.
There is no point in her friend asking her to.visit if she won'tsit down and actually op is there?
Constantly harrasing someone and drink is beyond annoying and actually very rude.

OffToBedhampton Sat 08-Dec-18 20:17:37

I'm like this, both sides of the coin. I don't like eating cakes or biscuits at other peoples' houses, I just want my two cups of tea or coffee (!) but also my half Irish family are feeders so I also offer several times too to guests..

Best strategies are
(1) Either say yes to a biscuit then just take one and "still be eating it" the whole visit.
(2) Or to say, "Lovelyfriend, you're always a generous host but I really don't like eating in-between meals. I'm not being ungrateful, please don't worry about keep offering me as it'll invariably be a no thanks from me!... Cup of tea will do me perfect".

*Of course if you don't accept a cup of tea/coffee/drink of water for a long visit then that's just ruuuuude!! Ask for water in my house and you'll get offered fruit in it too (we have frozen fruits in freezer ready for "posh visitors water"!!) (We just can't help ourselves I'm afraid!!) gringrin

OffToBedhampton Sat 08-Dec-18 20:20:06

Ps. Dont cancel!!! Just be honest or politely crafty as suggested above
I don't think OP is being harrassed nor is friend being rude. It's cultural and very ingrained.

Workreturner Sat 08-Dec-18 20:22:56

Here’s the situation

You have an eating disorder and prove my very underweight

She is worried about you but I’ll informed about the illness and how best to approach


RangeRider Sat 08-Dec-18 20:27:06

'A refreshing glass of cold water would be lovely thank you' Sorted. Doesn't go cold. You can sip it. She's been hospitable. And if she offers food you can say 'No thanks, the water's all I need thank you. Just what I needed.'

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll Sat 08-Dec-18 20:27:53

It's very interesting (and infuriating) how many people really don't understand what the OP has very clearly described and are turning it back on to OP as a personal failing or medical/psychological disorder. I've known determined feeders like this and they quite probably believe the same - that their target has some kind of disorder - rather than understanding that the problem is their own crossing of boundaries.

From the feeder's POV, they are not willing to let you have the choice of saying No - your only choice is in which foods that you don't want you will be expected to eat vast quantities of.

Yes, you can say No thanks to these people, but THEY IGNORE IT. Your only options are:
1. Accept everything they offer (and the more you accept, the more they will offer);
2. Tell them outright to F off or throw the food back in their face (not great if they're family or people you otherwise like and want to stay friends with - and that will only convince them more that you must have an eating disorder anyway);
3. Avoid them

Offering your guest food and drink periodically is a normal, kind thing to do as a host. Politely accepting or declining offered food and drink is also a normal, kind thing to do as a guest.

However, when it turns into a form of relentless bullying (whether the host realises this or not), it is NOT normal, reasonable or acceptable - and it is a form of controlling.

Substitute 'food' for 'sex' and the different endless food options for all manner of possible sexual acts - when you've clearly said No - and imagine if it was a partner (or hopeful 'suitor') instead of a friend or family member.

Are you really just saying that you would happily stay with/get with them? You'd just keep saying No 50 times and batting them away every time they ignored that your clear, unmistakeable decision is NO and indicated that you must be frigid or have a sexual dysfunction - and you would still believe that YOU were somehow the unreasonable one for seeing this as a problem? It's exactly the same principle.

nicoala1 Sat 08-Dec-18 20:29:37

Mezze on the table. Or Tapas. Eat what you want or don't. Simple.

Forcing food or drink on people is just..... something else!

We are all different let's face it.

WereYouHareWhenIWasFox Sat 08-Dec-18 20:30:58

I agree we built this buffet and for those saying it is cultural, why are they themselves being so culturally insensitive? Surely they understand that people are different? It is rude. Very very rude.

tulippa Sat 08-Dec-18 20:32:40

I don't understand why people are saying OP has an eating disorder for not wanting to eat when she is not hungry. confused

I have friend like this. She'll bring a massive bags of snacks for an hour's trip to the park and looks confused when I say "no thanks". I don't eat to be polite so she probably thinks I'm really rude. But we still get on ok in other aspects.

InsomniacAnonymous Sat 08-Dec-18 20:37:18

Workreturner No, not "right?" Wrong! In fact your post is ridiculous.

Workreturner Sat 08-Dec-18 20:39:10


How do you know? Are you the OP cocking up a name change?

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »