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To think it's not ok that our neighbours have buried their mother in the garden

(146 Posts)
temporarilynamechanging Sat 08-Dec-18 12:15:35

Two middle aged brothers live next door to us with their elderly mum in a house which could well appear in a documentary. The mum's funeral was this week and the grave is in their garden. I'm not sure they won't be sleeping on it. Weird?

wineandcheeseplease Sat 08-Dec-18 12:16:34

Is that even legal?

Urbanbeetler Sat 08-Dec-18 12:17:46

I think it depends if it’s above or below the water table, and how deep they interr her.

livingthegoodlife Sat 08-Dec-18 12:17:49

It is legal. I think you have to get a special licence? But what happens when they want to sell up?

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain Sat 08-Dec-18 12:19:20


Does that not require special permission etc from the council?

What kind of property is it? I can’t imagine getting approval to bury your mam in the rockery of a three bed semi...

NiceViper Sat 08-Dec-18 12:19:31

I think your post is a bit weird - WTF have documentaries got to do with this?

Burial at hope us a normal, though uncommon choice. Uncommon, because moving house away from the grave of a beloved is tough to the point of impossible. So unless the house has been in the family for a while and you know you'll never sell, or you're leaving a vicar behind in their vicarage, I really don't think it's a good choice for the bereaved.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Sat 08-Dec-18 12:19:49

I don't think its weird to want your loved ones buried on your own land. Weirder to bury them in a cemetary surely? (unless you don't have the land available)

Weezol Sat 08-Dec-18 12:20:20

It is legal - local by-laws may apply, also distance of grave from water/power supplies and other services.

I know too, too much aboit this stuff after underwriting a re-mortgage on a property with a pair of graves in the garden.

themoomoo Sat 08-Dec-18 12:20:30

I think it's fine. it's perfectly legal. you just have to declare it if you ever sell up.
Why's it any weirder than in a cemetery?

easyandy101 Sat 08-Dec-18 12:22:19

This article is great

easyandy101 Sat 08-Dec-18 12:23:27

You might want to take a bucket to stand on so that you can get out of the grave at the end of a tiring day!


Beamur Sat 08-Dec-18 12:32:46

My Mums ashes are still in my house, it's not really that weird.

MinistryofRevenge Sat 08-Dec-18 12:33:15

I like "we have the opportunity to bury ourselves where we want"! I'm pretty sure that if I'm still able to bury myself, I'm not yet at the point where I need to be buried (zombie exception may apply. Or possibly vampire).

CrispbuttyNo1 Sat 08-Dec-18 12:36:04

Why would they be sleeping on it? confused

ComtesseDeSpair Sat 08-Dec-18 12:37:09

It’s legal with the right permissions. And let’s face it, with the UK’s rich archaeological history being what it is, the house is probably built atop plenty of other antiquated places of death and final resting places anyway.

A house near where I used to live was sold a few years ago and the listing stated the vendor’s parents were buried in the back garden. It took ages to sell and ended up going for quite sunstantially less than equivalent houses in the street so if you’re ever after a bargain...

Hohofortherobbers Sat 08-Dec-18 12:39:44

I think ashes are different. A proper coffin and skeleton in the Garden seems odd to me

cheesywotnots Sat 08-Dec-18 12:42:14

Is it a grave or are they her ashes, there's a headstone in a garden near us, I've often wondered who Is there. I think it's a nice idea to be buried at home if you loved the house and it stays in the family, I thought many people got buried in the grounds of grand houses and estates. I don't see why these two sons would sleep on it, why do you say that.

PinkSparklyPussyCat Sat 08-Dec-18 12:44:20

Surely it might reduce the chances of selling. There's no way I'd buy a house with someone buried in the garden! As well as just not liking the idea, I'd be worried the family might want to visit, which would be a definite no.

theworldistoosmall Sat 08-Dec-18 12:45:02

Wouldn't bother me. But then I realise that lots of places have skeletons beneath the soil. Didn't bother me either when I was told the previous occupant had died in the property. People die and they get buried somewhere, or their ashes are somewhere.

Raspberry10 Sat 08-Dec-18 12:45:37

I went to view a house which had a grave in the garden, gravestone and flowers - bloody weird!. Was tempted to ask the seller if he was taking his father with him? But did the British thing, pretended I didn’t see it and refused the kind offer of the estate agent for a second viewing. Shame it was a lovely house, just didn’t fancy gardening around someone else’s dad grin

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints Sat 08-Dec-18 12:48:15

The house I grew up in was built on the towns plague burial grounds.

My Dad's ashes are on top of my box unit.

It's an unusual choice but not anything awful. The undertaker will have checked all the relevant permissions have been sought (& quite probably have helped with it).

Timeforabiscuit Sat 08-Dec-18 12:49:04

People legitimately buried in the garden would worry me not a jot!

As long as its at the right depth, not near any water courses, on their own land and she didnt die of anthrax/plague/small pox I can't see what the problem is.

Caprisunorange Sat 08-Dec-18 12:49:42

It’s not your house OP so who cares? What do you mean you’re not sure they won’t be sleeping on it?

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet Sat 08-Dec-18 12:52:20

I don't think it's strange at all. Presumably you knew the deceased, and weren't afraid of her when she was alive? So now she's dead and not actually in a position to hurt you, she shouldn't be disturbing your sleep or anything. After all, all she can do now is decompose.

I don't know if it's going to be healthy for her sons though, although presumably they are better judges of that than anyone else. After my daughter died, I had a very strong urge to lie down on her grave and go to sleep and hopefully never wake up (middle of winter in Scotland, so death a real possibility). If her grave had been in my garden I would probably have done it. However, the (expected?) death of an elderly parent is a very different thing and one would hope that this is for more practical reasons (grave plots are eye-wateringly expensive, visiting the grave is easier at home, maintenance also easier and they may like the feeling of her not being buried alone in a place full of strangers).

CheeseCakeSunflowers Sat 08-Dec-18 12:52:37

Farmers are not allowed to bury fallen farm animals on farm land they have to go to licensed premises for incineration but pets and it seems parents can be buried in gardens, how odd.

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