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DH doesn't get up until lunch time

(157 Posts)
robinsinthespring Fri 07-Dec-18 11:37:12

My DH is retired. (I work a 2 mornings a week). He never gets up until at least noon, and last week he stayed in bed till past 2pm. When we were on an all inclusive holiday in a lovely location he still wouldn't get up, not joining me on the beach till lunchtime. Am I being unreasonable to feel sad that life is being wasted and angry and upset that I have to do so much by myself. I try to encourage him to get up, but all I get is daft excuses like "I'm listening to music" or" I must have drifted off again". Should I just carry on doing my own thing? WWYD?

DarlingNikita Fri 07-Dec-18 12:57:34

I hate people judging when others get up. It's his retirement and the holidays are his holidays, just as much as yours. And I really can't see how it's 'rude' hmm grin I love my DP like mad, but I also love it when he stays in bed late or leaves very early and I get to potter about on my own for a bit.

JuniLoolaPalooza Fri 07-Dec-18 12:59:20

It's just very lonely isn't it. I'd like to think when my DP and I are retired we'll get to spend plenty of time together and that would involve some activities where you have to get up before lunchtime. Eating breakfast alone every morning on holiday would have me crying into my juice. My DP would sleep his life away so maybe it's a possibility! It's all very well saying 'have fun by yourself' but I'm guessing you married him because you enjoy his company and want to spend time and doing things together?! Can you put that to him? Maybe one day a week get up and go out for lunch or do something you enjoy together?

adaline Fri 07-Dec-18 12:59:26

I agree that it seems insulting, it's like he's saying 'you're not worth spending any time with I'd rather just lie in bed and drift

Hmmm, I would imagine he's just thinking "I've spent years getting up early, finally I don't have to answer to anyone and can lie in bed until noon everyday!"

HollowTalk Fri 07-Dec-18 13:00:18

It's really depressing when someone's like that. I'd be wondering whether I could be bothered being with him throughout his retirement.

starzig Fri 07-Dec-18 13:01:44

On holiday here and still in bed lol.

adaline Fri 07-Dec-18 13:03:21

But surely spending 24/7 with someone would get boring pretty quickly? I love DH but I couldn't spend every single day with him, he'd drive me insane.

Luckily he has hobbies that take him out of the house so I can have a lie-in and some peace and quiet sometimes. Unless we had specific plans, I wouldn't take too kindly to being told to get out of bed for no real reason!

DontCallMeCharlotte Fri 07-Dec-18 13:05:25

I think I would try and "negotiate" that he at least doesn't do it on holidays, after all, if he's been fully retired for years, it's not like he needs a holiday.

Will he get up in good time if you have plans?

Have you expressed how you feel? Does he stay up late at night?

Sorry to bombard you with questions!

MrsTerryPratcett Fri 07-Dec-18 13:08:55

I'd be worried TBH. Is he very productive, busy and happy the rest of the time? Does he have hobbies? Friends?

Because I wouldn't mind him pleasing himself and spending time with me in the afternoons if I thought it was a conscious choice. But just can't be arsed, drifting through life, sad and rudderless? I'd be concerned.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Fri 07-Dec-18 13:09:21

What do you want him to be doing when he gets up? Housework? Shopping? Pottery classes?

If he's got nothing to get up for, why shouldn't he stay where he's comfortable?

TimetohittheroadJack Fri 07-Dec-18 13:09:53

But if you sleep later then you go to bed later? So yes, you lose the morning but you gain later evenings.

I’d rather stay in bed till lunch and stay up till 2am.

beachysandy81 Fri 07-Dec-18 13:10:32

This would annoy me too on holiday, it's like you have to hang around to start your day properly. I actually quite like doing things on my own though so I think I would organise a few trips and activities for when he is in bed.

At home I would arrange to meet friends for coffee and do yoga and take up a craft type of activity in the mornings! Nice in a way to have a bit of time where you are not expected to be with him. Can't wait to retire!! Just make sure you are not doing all the housework when he is in bed!

DontCallMeCharlotte Fri 07-Dec-18 13:11:57

I suddenly remember there's a word for it (him)! Slugabed or Sluggard.

Thank you Susie Dent.

DontCallMeCharlotte Fri 07-Dec-18 13:14:45

When we were on an all inclusive holiday in a lovely location he still wouldn't get up, not joining me on the beach till lunchtime.

I imagine that must have been irritating for housekeeping.

AyoadesChinDimple Fri 07-Dec-18 13:15:13

An ex did this but we were in our 20s and it was weekends rather than every day.

He's an ex for a reason.

MacarenaFerreiro Fri 07-Dec-18 13:21:15

having to get up early on HOLIDAY does not sound like a holiday to me.

There's a balance between getting up at 6am and festering in your pit until lunchtime though.

thenightsky Fri 07-Dec-18 13:26:06

I've retired recently and I could easily slip into your DH's routine. I'm a night owl and have always hated mornings.

My DH hasn't retired (workaholic type) and works from home. I stay in bed until about 9am, then sit around mumsnetting and drinking tea in my pyjamas until about 11am, when I go get in the shower and get my act together.

DH likes to be in bed by 11pm, whereas I'm just getting my 2nd wind around then, so I watch Netflix or box sets with headphones on and go up about 12:30am - 1am.

On holiday, weirdly, I can be in bed asleep by 9.30pm - perhaps its the fresh air? I'm always up for a hotel breakfast!

LegoAdventCalendar Fri 07-Dec-18 13:29:45

God, I fucking hate mornings! The only thing I despise more are self-righteous virtue signallers who claim moral superiority because they are early risers and judge a retired person who may also hate mornings but had to get up early for 40 odd years and who finally has a chance to jack that shit in.

I'd find another way to amuse myself and not take it personally.

You don't have to be joined at the hip and it's not like he scarpers off.

If my husband tries to chivy me out of bed in my retirement I'd tell him t sling his hook.

masterandmargarita Fri 07-Dec-18 13:34:21

I think its a bit depressing to be around people who consistently get up really late. I'm aware that there are artistic types Who see the night as their creative time, but unless you're a shift worker, a teenager, clubber etc, get up and live life!

Fairenuff Fri 07-Dec-18 13:34:58

When we were on an all inclusive holiday in a lovely location he still wouldn't get up, not joining me on the beach till lunchtime.

When dh and I were on all inclusive holiday he liked to get up and out early for snorkelling and general lying about on the beach. I wanted to have a lie in. So we both did what we wanted.

We had a lovely room with a balcony looking out over the sea and I had a shower, a coffee and a good read of my book in peace. He went to breakfast on his own and I went to late breakfast on my own.

The rest of the time we spent together. Just because you are a couple doesn't mean that you have to spend every waking moment together. He will chat to anyone, I like to be on my own. You can't blame your dh for just being who he is. If he has nothing in particular to get up for, why shouldn't he schedule his own day?

How would you like it if he insisted you stayed in bed til lunchtime? Don't try to impose on him unless you are willing to do it his way too.

I imagine that must have been irritating for housekeeping.

I put the 'do not disturb' sign on the door and was not in the least concerned about housekeeping. I paid for the room, they can work around me. They did in fact come in the afternoons when we were out.

GunpowderGelatine Fri 07-Dec-18 13:37:35

That would send me absolutely nuts. I hope you don't sit around waiting for him to get up?

Oakenbeach Fri 07-Dec-18 13:38:21

I'd be worried TBH. Is he very productive, busy and happy the rest of the time? Does he have hobbies? Friends?

I’d be worried too... There’s a difference between having a lazy couple of weeks on holiday, and living like this long term. Although for those of us who get up early each day whilst juggle family and work commitments this lifestyle sounds tempting, it’s not consistent with being happy and healthy. I remember I lived like this as a student when on my ridiculously long summer holidays... . after the initial feeling of relief at having no responsibilities or need to anything, I quickly became bored, lethargic and depressed. Pound to a penny, he’s the same... His lifestyle is really not to be envied. He’s essentially giving up on life and vegetating.

Allaboutmeandyou Fri 07-Dec-18 13:40:17

Does he like Golf or any other relaxing activity that he could do regularly.

DoJo Fri 07-Dec-18 13:41:26

I personally can't stand people who fester in their pit before about 2am - it's so lazy to just lie around in bed when there are stars to be spotted,
night-time activities to partake in and the quiet calm of the wee hours to be enjoyed. I'm aware that there are 'conventional' types who feel the need to conform by getting up early, but for those who don't have to get to work in the morning, there's no excuse for missing the best part of the night.

LegoAdventCalendar Fri 07-Dec-18 13:43:14

unless you're a shift worker, a teenager, clubber etc, get up and live life!

Says The Golden Virtue Book in the Sky? I do plenty of living at night, bake, batch cook, clean, work, read. It's just a different part of the 24 hour cycle.

So glad my h isn't the type to try to rule my body clock. But, well, I loathe morning people because they forever bang on about how morally inferior it is to be a night person so I certainly didn't marry one smile.

Our son is a morning person but now he's a tween he gets himself up at the weekends, makes his breakfast and games until the rest of us get up. Then we happily do stuff as a family. So glad the toddler years of early stats is behind us.

GabsAlot Fri 07-Dec-18 13:44:12

my dh lies in on his days off so could be up to 6 days in a row-he can do what he likes means i can have some space

if u want to do things with him plan a day and tell him about it then if he still doesnt get up u need to talk

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