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How much would you expect to spend on a hen do?

(115 Posts)
mybumpismostlypudding Thu 06-Dec-18 21:36:19

As a bridesmaid? I've got a hen do coming up and it's looking really expensive and it's starting to make me really cross, but I think I might be being a bit unreasonable blush as I'm not brave enough to actually say anything!

It's already going to be £175 for the weekend, plus whatever I have to pay to travel there, plus we still need to buy decorations etc. and some of the other bridesmaids want to buy loads of bride themed tat novelty gifts for the bride to behmm AND want to tack on an extra activity for another £70

I'm all for giving her a big send off, but this is looking like it'll be around £250-300 in total, which is my total monthly disposable income angry I'm having a baby soon, I don't want to spend my all pennies on one weekend!

LizB62A Mon 27-May-19 22:27:39

It doesn't matter whether we think it's too much, it matters that you think it's too much smile

(and - for the record - I think it's unfair to expect people to shell out that much for the hen do, on top of what people will be paying to attend the wedding - new dress, pressie, maybe hotel)

Purpletigers Mon 27-May-19 22:20:20

£50- £100 for a meal and drinks or afternoon tea and some cocktails afterwards . Don’t go abroad if you don’t want to . It’s madness !

AJ1425 Mon 27-May-19 22:16:12

I've just been on one this last weekend, a night at brides home town and then a night abroad, rough cost £550 for travel, accommodations, drinks, activities. Not including clothes and extras. That is too much.

EmeraldShamrock Mon 27-May-19 21:41:39

My heart falls when I get a wedding invite, especially someone close who you really want to see getting married, I just don't want to have to spend nearly 1000 for the pleasure.
Hen do, outfit, wedding gift, accomadation, spending money.
I know it is an invite, not a summons when it is close friends and family it is hard to refuse.

hiediharrison Mon 27-May-19 21:17:56

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Belindabauer Sun 09-Dec-18 17:32:39

Well I personally wouldn't travel 4 hours plus to someone's wedding who I barely knew, or stay overnight in this country like people appear to do on mn.
I must be unusual as I didn't invite my half cousins once removed and all their partners. We simply couldn't afford it. But it would have been considered vulgar to ask for money when I got married but it seems to be the norm now. People also appear to give an amount of money depending on how much then personally get from the wedding.
I've seen posts on here say "well I had to pay for my own drinks otherwise I would have given them more cash." And so on.
I have enjoyed the hen dos I've attended.
The worst ones have been the go for a quiet meal and a few drinks. No offence but nothing special and although I enjoyed chatting to who I was seated next to, apart from that id prefer to pay more and do something special/more memorable but that's my preference.

Fantastiqueangel Sun 09-Dec-18 17:30:43

A hen do used to mean something though. Women's lives did change more after marriage. Now, for most, it doesn't. It did used to be a last night of freedom, a send off. Less need for a big fuss now I'd have thought.

LoniceraJaponica Sun 09-Dec-18 17:21:57

I hadn't thought of it that way Belinda. Those are valid points, but it doesn't excuse the fact that for many people expensive hen dos and destination weddings are unachievable.

Belindabauer Sun 09-Dec-18 17:18:24

caprisunorange makes a valid point.
Many moons ago people rarely went out for dinner and drinks with friends, now it's common place, so hen and stag dos have moved on.
The same applies to weddings. I'm guessing most bride and grooms don't ask for bedding, cutlery, crockery, pans etc etc as wedding gifts nowadays, they openly ask for money. This would have been unheard of not so long ago.
Therefore times change. Hen dos change just as wedding gift lists have changed.
60 years ago most brides would certainly not have admitted to being pregnant before the wedding night, never mind have a child before being married. Now nobody cares, times change. I think people need to get with the times.
If you don't want to go on the hen do dont. But don't expect that part of the wedding plan to stay stuck in the past.

HugoBearsMummy Sat 08-Dec-18 14:47:16

@Caprisunorange @Torsz gringringrin

Gwenhwyfar Sat 08-Dec-18 12:13:22

I've been on a weekend away. It was in a shared chalet so not expensive. I'm not sure I'd do one in a hotel.
Oh yes, and there was one in one of the girls' parents' holiday flat - no accommodation costs there, just travel and a big meal.

Caprisunorange Sat 08-Dec-18 11:20:28

Yeah. In the harvester Torsz 🤣

Torsz Sat 08-Dec-18 11:12:01

I've just realised we went on a family holiday to Canada for my mums 60th in August. I hadn't realised it was tacky and selfish of her to get us to go away to celebrate something that's about her. Guess we should've just gone out for a meal instead...

StoppinBy Sat 08-Dec-18 10:47:02

I would only pay for things that I wanted to do, I would not pay for any organised 'compulsory' activities unless agreed prior.

I would pay for my drinks/meal if I decided to go to a night out but only if it was either a cheap set meal price or I could pick off the menu.

No way would I be spending all the money you have outlined they want to spend.YANBU

Caprisunorange Sat 08-Dec-18 10:37:01

I think the thing is lots of women go for dinner or a few drinks with their friends regularly. So doing that for a hen isn’t special, it’s just a normal Friday night out. What’s the point?

NotUsedBySomeoneElse Sat 08-Dec-18 10:34:33

Honestly, unless it was a relative or very close friend, maybe a little more than the cost of an average night out. If I was bridesmaid (only likely for my sister) then maybe enough for a night away. If my sister gets married we probably won’t bother though. I never had a hen do. The whole idea didn’t appeal to me.

A very good friend of mine got married a few years back and had what I considered to be an expensive do. £80 for meal and day out and minibus. Transport to and from her house + drinks + other extras made it closer to £150. Good friend so I guess it’s not so bad, but she doesn’t live in the UK (came back for hen do) so her actual wedding involved flights and hotel, + food and drink in expensive hotel she married at as we had to stay for 3 nights due to times of ceremony etc. Going to her wedding cost us £600+ at least so might have been nice to keep the hen do a bit more budget friendly.

MrsGollach Sat 08-Dec-18 10:28:44

This is one of those things that has gone completely over the top and become quite tacky.

Go out for dinner or down to the pub together and have fun.

Eledamorena Sat 08-Dec-18 10:27:36

My hen do was a day out at a festival locally for a small group and then a few more friends joined for dinner and drinks. I told the friend organising it that some people would be on a small budget so she deliberately chose a cheap restaurant everyone could comfortably afford. To be honest the best bit was hanging out with all my friends before we left for dinner!

I'd be too embarrassed to add up how much the most expensive one I've attended cost... It was a weekend in Vegas!! blush We were very young and carefree, first friend to get married. Thank God we didn't all follow suit with mad hen weekends!

And importantly... We had the money to do it and were happy to do so, the hen thing was just an excuse to finally go. It was originally just the bride and 2 bridesmaids, but we chipped in for one more person to join us who otherwise wouldn't have been able to come. It was great but obviously only in those circumstances, I wouldn't dream of asking anyone to spend more than about 50 quid unless they were clearly totally up for it and we would be doing something they genuinely wanted to do.

Being a wedding guest can be pricey enough without tacking on hen and stag do costs. Especially when you go through that period of everyone getting married in the same couple of years!

Caprisunorange Sat 08-Dec-18 10:16:56

Well the divorce rate is the % of married people who divorce so it doesn’t really make any difference whether fewer people marry.

Torsz Sat 08-Dec-18 10:13:04

God it's so tacky spending money on going away with friends. We should be spending all that money on educational materials and trips to museums, not on having fun 😂

LoniceraJaponica Sat 08-Dec-18 09:37:24

Probably because fewer people are getting married Caprisun

explodingkittensexpansion Sat 08-Dec-18 09:07:47

Less than £100. Local meal out and drinks. All this overnight stuff is just tacky.

PinkSparklyPussyCat Sat 08-Dec-18 09:05:39

The price of a meal drinks at the most. I've never been to anyone else's hen do an never will. Mine was a meal at a chain restaurant and I only did that as other people wanted me to do something.

Caprisunorange Sat 08-Dec-18 08:57:42

Honestly weddings have been like this for 20 years now bigbang. Divorce rate is lower than it used to be.

LoniceraJaponica Sat 08-Dec-18 08:54:46

I agree The BigBangRocks

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