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How much would you expect to spend on a hen do?

(115 Posts)
mybumpismostlypudding Thu 06-Dec-18 21:36:19

As a bridesmaid? I've got a hen do coming up and it's looking really expensive and it's starting to make me really cross, but I think I might be being a bit unreasonable blush as I'm not brave enough to actually say anything!

It's already going to be £175 for the weekend, plus whatever I have to pay to travel there, plus we still need to buy decorations etc. and some of the other bridesmaids want to buy loads of bride themed tat novelty gifts for the bride to behmm AND want to tack on an extra activity for another £70

I'm all for giving her a big send off, but this is looking like it'll be around £250-300 in total, which is my total monthly disposable income angry I'm having a baby soon, I don't want to spend my all pennies on one weekend!

Mummyoflittledragon Fri 07-Dec-18 06:11:28

That sounds expensive. You’ve paid the £175 I assume or at least committed to paying. Personally I would either write that money off and not attend or attend but bow out of as much of the other bits and blame tiredness. I take it this is your first baby. The last month of pregnancy is the most gruelling and at some stage you’re going to want to slow down. As for silly the extras I think it’s perfectly acceptable to say you can’t contribute to this as you’ve still got things to buy for your baby.

cariadlet Fri 07-Dec-18 06:14:40

I'm old enough to remember when hen nights and stag nights both consisted of pub crawls around the local town.

I really don't get the fad for weekends away and loads of activities. It seems quite entitled of the bride and groom to expect their friends to fork out so much money to celebrate their big day.

Loopytiles Fri 07-Dec-18 06:19:23

You sound passive about this: you agreed to the weekend away without having full info on the cost first, and now don’t want to say no to additional, discretionary costs, because you’re worried about what your friend the bride and the other women will think.

So it’s a choice between assertiveness, or paying the money.

Mummyoflittledragon Fri 07-Dec-18 06:20:31

I also think it’s entitled. Admittedly the one I went to a few years ago was 2 nights away. But that was renting a big house for not much money. Full occupancy. All giving cash for a food delivery and cooking / having fun together. No planned activities apart from going out for a few hours here and there if you wanted for a mooch and ice cream. Bride brought something inexpensive herself, which tbh is how it should be seeing as we were honouring her, she was honouring us for coming.

TORDEVAN Fri 07-Dec-18 06:24:40

Just had this ... discussion with family recently. DH and I both expected to go on the each of the bride's hen do's, one wanted to go abroad (about £300 + food/drink/activities) and one wanted to stay somewhere for a weekend (£500 + travel/food/drink/activities). We have a baby and I'm pregnant - no way we could drop that money on a weekend. I flat out refused to go on the £500 one and DH expressed his unwillingness for the other (but would have gone as it was his DS).
Both saw sense and it's now coming to £200 total 😁

When DH and I got married his stag cost £15 per person plus a meal, and my hen do cost a meal.

Nettletheelf Fri 07-Dec-18 06:26:42

I read a post on here once from somebody who was invited on a hen trip to Ibiza, where the organiser had decided that they would all be spending one of the days at Ushuaia, one of the more expensive beach clubs, where you had to pay €50 to book a sunbed before you even started buying expensive drinks. She was really worried about it. Feels like some hen trip organisers need to scale back their ambitions a bit: it’s quite selfish to assume that everybody wants to spend hundreds on a hen do, even if they can afford to do so.

Shoxfordian Fri 07-Dec-18 06:31:37

Yeah it does sound expensive but you need to start being a bit more assertive op. If you can't afford to do it all then say so!

Torsz Fri 07-Dec-18 06:31:42

I was really conscious about what my friends were spending as we got married in Ibiza - but when we worked it out, dh and I were paying for the villa (for a week - hen/stag and wedding) so they paid around £70 each for flights and then £80 for the hen (which covered a day at ocean beach club - it was a minimum spend on food/drink and included entry and the day bed) so it worked out about £150 per person for the whole holiday which we felt was pretty good. I've typically spent around £250 on hen dos but normally that's a weekend away.
I do have one friend who wants to go to Vegas for her hen so I've told her I'll need lots of notice to save up for that one!!

Hisaishi Fri 07-Dec-18 06:35:08

Going away for a weekend with a group of women, some of whom I barely know, is my idea of hell. If I go away for the weekend, I want it to be with my family or maybe 2 or 3 friends. Plus all the cheesy stupid 'activities' etc. It just leaves me cold. When did it become a 'thing' that everyone 'must' do?

I'd rather just go on a night out/nice meal.

So I'd spend 0 pounds because I just wouldn't go.

TheBigBangRocks Fri 07-Dec-18 06:51:59

A meal out, maybe a little towards a tacky sash and balloon for someone else's. I covered the costs of my own for my guests.

I hate expensive hen do's though and don't think weddings should cost guests to attend bar new outfit if needed and transport.

Myimaginarycathasfleas Fri 07-Dec-18 07:01:51

If you’re pregnant then you have that as your get out. You won’t be drinking, will probably be tired. I would just make my excuses and duck out, bridesmaid or not. Maybe you could do something special for the bride to make up for “not being able to travel”.

Mayra1367 Fri 07-Dec-18 07:02:28

Love the idea of bbq and drinks in the garden . Every time I see a group on a hen weekend most look miserable and embarrassed to be going round in matching outfits trying to look like they are having a good time .

Caprisunorange Fri 07-Dec-18 07:10:50

I think to be fair, £200-300 isn’t bad for a weekend away. Obviously the fact you don’t want to do it is a different matter grin

I’d expect to pay the same, and £150ish for a night out. I haven’t done dinner and drinks for £50 since the last time i went to pizza express confused

Alfie190 Fri 07-Dec-18 07:30:14

I think the cost sounds about normal. But if you don't have it to spare just say so and don't go. Nobody is forcing you.

londonrach Fri 07-Dec-18 07:34:33

The cost of a meal and drinks so £50 or less. Anything else is ott.

ScreamingValenta Fri 07-Dec-18 07:39:19

I wouldn't get involved in a weekend-away hen do or an activity. I'd go for drinks and a meal, so the cost of my meal and drinks plus share of hen's costs - £50 - £60?

adaline Fri 07-Dec-18 07:43:23

I didn't expect anyone to pay anything for mine but then we were quite civilised - cocktails and dinner and in bed by 11pm!

I footed the bill because it was my night.

AmIRightOrAMeringue Fri 07-Dec-18 07:52:36

My friends have all done just a night with maybe one or two activities in the day. If say 100 - 150? That

AmIRightOrAMeringue Fri 07-Dec-18 07:55:58

...oops. that includes hen dos for some very high earners who recognised not everyone has the same disposable income

I don't really understand the concept of the whole weekend away in ibiza or something to celebrate your wedding. People are already celebrating the wedding at the wedding. I think expecting people to go on holiday to further celebrate hit big day is very cheeky

Torsz Fri 07-Dec-18 07:59:47

Just to clarify as there have been a couple of posts which feel directed at me - our wedding was in Ibiza and we did a hen and stag day whilst out there. Our friends were thrilled to pay less than the cost of a normal hen do for a weeks holiday including the hen and wedding itself - but I understand that not everybody would like this, and people could say no if they didn't want to go.
I'm just hoping others do the same as I've spent twice that on weekends away for hen dos several times (plus travel and a night away for the wedding).

GhostsToMonsoon Fri 07-Dec-18 08:07:23

I went on one this year that cost me nearly £300 - petrol, night in a spa hotel, spa treatment, eating out, and fun activity.

I'd try and say something if it's going to be a problem - at least cut out the novelty gifts and maybe rethink the activity.

LoniceraJaponica Fri 07-Dec-18 08:19:36

You must live on a different planet to most mumsnetters Caprisun.
£150 for a night out is a lot of money. Where I live you can get a pretty decent meal with drinks for £50.

MaMaMaMySharona Fri 07-Dec-18 08:52:32

If you'd asked me a couple of years ago, I would have said maybe £100, but none of the hen dos I've been on have been less than £150!

Mine is next year and I've begged my bridesmaids to make it as cheap as possible but I have no idea how much everyone is spending blush

I've got one in July (in Newcastle) which has already cost me £110 and that's just for accommodation.

nutellalove Fri 07-Dec-18 09:13:25

I was invited to one that was going to be around £600 in total (flights, accommodation, activities, food, cabs etc). Abroad in Europe. I declined as couldn't really afford it. Wouldn't spend that much on a holiday to Europe on myself even!

LoniceraJaponica Fri 07-Dec-18 09:18:24

Why on earth are people so passive about being guilt tripped into going on a hen do they can't afford? This is why so many bridezillas get away with it. Because they have friends who aren't assertive enough to tell them to rein it back a bit.

TBH I do get irritated by these passive posters who can't put their big knickers on and say "no, I can't afford it". It isn't embarrassing or shameful to not be able to afford something like this.

OP you just need to say to the organiser that you have already spent more than you can afford and "please don't guilt trip me into spending money I don't have". End of.

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