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How much would you expect to spend on a hen do?

(115 Posts)
mybumpismostlypudding Thu 06-Dec-18 21:36:19

As a bridesmaid? I've got a hen do coming up and it's looking really expensive and it's starting to make me really cross, but I think I might be being a bit unreasonable blush as I'm not brave enough to actually say anything!

It's already going to be £175 for the weekend, plus whatever I have to pay to travel there, plus we still need to buy decorations etc. and some of the other bridesmaids want to buy loads of bride themed tat novelty gifts for the bride to behmm AND want to tack on an extra activity for another £70

I'm all for giving her a big send off, but this is looking like it'll be around £250-300 in total, which is my total monthly disposable income angry I'm having a baby soon, I don't want to spend my all pennies on one weekend!

JagerPlease Thu 06-Dec-18 21:38:35

I would probably expect to pay £200-250 for a hen weekend including travel, accommodation, drinks etc

WineAndTiramisu Thu 06-Dec-18 21:40:02

I would hope not more than £200, could the extra activity be skipped and save yourself £70?

Deerstalker Thu 06-Dec-18 21:40:02

If you can’t afford it say so. Perhaps the others don’t have a baby on the way!

Belmo Thu 06-Dec-18 21:42:08

I’d be pissed off to spend more than £100 - I just wouldn’t go on a whole weekend thing. What’s wrong with a meal and some drinks!!!

mybumpismostlypudding Thu 06-Dec-18 21:44:34

Haha maybe I am being unreasonable! It seems like a lot of money to me, but I had a very small hen do when none of us had any money, so I guess I'm biased! I want to say I don't want to do the other activity, but I think because I'm a bridesmaid I'm expected to

Kool4katz Thu 06-Dec-18 21:48:53

Bugger all! Can't be doing with them. A meal out should be adequate, anything more and they can piss right off.

name123 Thu 06-Dec-18 21:49:45

This happened for my best friends hen do, by the time we had paid for transport, hotels, activities and clothes food drinks etc it was going to be well in excess of £300! I spoke up and said I could afford it as we had bought a house and we're renovating. It turned out half of the party were in the same position and most were planning on getting into debt to pay for it. Plans were then changed so it would cost around £100, a couple weren't happy but the majority were. Everyone had a good day in the end so speak up!

loveiseverything Thu 06-Dec-18 21:59:43

No OP you are not being unreasonable. That's a ridiculous amount of money you are expected to be spending. I'm getting married soon and I have asked that if I must have a hen do then something that will cost everyone as little as possible. Brides shouldn't expect whole weekends away. What happened to a nice meal and a couple of drinks?

loveiseverything Thu 06-Dec-18 22:00:40

@Kool4katz here here absolutely with you girl!

Popc0rn Thu 06-Dec-18 22:01:30

The last one I went to cost me £350 in total when I sat down and totted it all up - that was two nights in a UK city.

I have 6 friends getting married next year, and so far 9 hen do invites because 3 of them so far are having two hen dos - one "home" and one "away".

I know it's not the norm, but personally I think the cost of a hen do should be included in a wedding budget and the majority be paid for by the bride, if she wants an expensive weekend, with guests making a small contribution. That or something cheap and cheerful!!

mybumpismostlypudding Thu 06-Dec-18 22:02:18

loveiseverything I agree, I would have been so uncomfortable with my friends having to spend that much! It's not the bride's fault, it's her bridesmaids that are planning it, but I don't know any of them very well so I don't feel brave enough to tell them what I think haha 😂 I got married young so it's a bit different but we all just got drunk at a nice bar haha

mybumpismostlypudding Thu 06-Dec-18 22:03:33

I blame Pinterest 😂 all the ideas look so good, but we're all quite young and not exactly rolling in it !

katienana Thu 06-Dec-18 22:03:47

I would be ok with it for a close friend or family. It totally depends on circumstances though. There have been times when I wouldn't have been able to afford so I wouldn't go, but I wouldn't be mad on principle for the weekend costing £300. If I had £300 spare I'd bloody love the opportunity to go and get pissed with my mates hen do or no.

user1484424013 Thu 06-Dec-18 22:03:55

My hen doo coat my friends fuck and all. Made dinner and bbq in the garden put the tv outside with fairy lights sang karaoke. My husband and his mates came back and we played games until passing out asleep on the grass. Free to everyone. Cost me 50 quid including fizz food and cocktails and some decorations.... people spending a shit load I do not get. It's supposed to be your last night of freedom not the last fucking weekend bow down to me lick my arse and tell me how pretty I am...

mybumpismostlypudding Thu 06-Dec-18 22:07:30

popc0rn that's mad! That's so many! Makes me thankful I don't have so many friends to be honest 😂

Katienana I think that's my problem actually, if I had £300 to spare, I wouldn't spend it on this weekend with a group of people I hardly know! I'm looking forward to the weekend, and I want to make it as special as I can, but for me personally, it's a lot of money to spend with people I don't know haha
For the bride it should be fab! I hope

KnightlyMyMan Thu 06-Dec-18 22:13:09

Oh god 🙈 trashy group hen do’s are my nightmare!

Especially the ones that involve going away and wearing matching outfits to beg for instagram likes 🤢

All whilst inflicting a £300-£500 price tag on your friends who’ll secretly resent you for it.

Why can’t a nice afternoon tea at a lovely local hotel be the norm??? £25 each - Make it part of the wedding budget!

jq28 Thu 06-Dec-18 22:14:08

I'd say £300ish for a close friend. It's the experience you're paying for with the girls think of it as that.

Popc0rn Thu 06-Dec-18 22:16:21

@mybumpismostlypudding
I don't have many friends, but seems the ones I do have seem to be all getting married in 2019!

@user1484424013
The best hen do I've ever been to sounds like yours, it was a great day/night and I'd take it over a weekend in Marbs anyday! smile

PickAChew Thu 06-Dec-18 22:18:18

About £50 - for a nice meal out and enough drinks not to make a spectacle of myself

Belindabauer Thu 06-Dec-18 22:34:48

Depends on what you are doing.
I think a full weekend away would be about £200.

WWlOOlWW Thu 06-Dec-18 23:11:46

The 6 hen nights I've been on all cost the price of a meal and drinks.

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall Thu 06-Dec-18 23:16:48

I think the whole "hen weekend" thing is silly. Surely a night is enough then you can have an optional weekend away with friends a different time without the guilt attached if people don't want to go. An evening or day out should be fine.

If you are actually doing a weekend away £200-300 sounds about right but I think it's unreasonable to expect people to spend that much to go away somewhere they haven't chosen and take a weekend away from their lives.

EmUntitled Fri 07-Dec-18 06:02:56

£50. I have never been on a weekend away type hen do. I have been invited to a couple but declined. I think it is often a case of "too many cooks" where 3 or 4 bridesmaids are organising and they all want to suggest an activity so they end up doing all 4.

The most recent hen party I was invited to was 2 nights in Bristol, night out on the town in costume, brunch, zoo visit in costume, escape room, indoor trampoline park, lunch out, dinner out...

I'm organising a hen party for a friend this year and we are doing 1 activity and an afternoon tea, costing £35 per person.

Fantastiqueangel Fri 07-Dec-18 06:08:55

I don't want to spend more than about £100 really, less if possible. I just don't see the point in them. It's not as if marriage is a massive material change these days for most people. It's not a last night of freedom.

Mummyoflittledragon Fri 07-Dec-18 06:11:28

That sounds expensive. You’ve paid the £175 I assume or at least committed to paying. Personally I would either write that money off and not attend or attend but bow out of as much of the other bits and blame tiredness. I take it this is your first baby. The last month of pregnancy is the most gruelling and at some stage you’re going to want to slow down. As for silly the extras I think it’s perfectly acceptable to say you can’t contribute to this as you’ve still got things to buy for your baby.

cariadlet Fri 07-Dec-18 06:14:40

I'm old enough to remember when hen nights and stag nights both consisted of pub crawls around the local town.

I really don't get the fad for weekends away and loads of activities. It seems quite entitled of the bride and groom to expect their friends to fork out so much money to celebrate their big day.

Loopytiles Fri 07-Dec-18 06:19:23

You sound passive about this: you agreed to the weekend away without having full info on the cost first, and now don’t want to say no to additional, discretionary costs, because you’re worried about what your friend the bride and the other women will think.

So it’s a choice between assertiveness, or paying the money.

Mummyoflittledragon Fri 07-Dec-18 06:20:31

cariadlet
I also think it’s entitled. Admittedly the one I went to a few years ago was 2 nights away. But that was renting a big house for not much money. Full occupancy. All giving cash for a food delivery and cooking / having fun together. No planned activities apart from going out for a few hours here and there if you wanted for a mooch and ice cream. Bride brought something inexpensive herself, which tbh is how it should be seeing as we were honouring her, she was honouring us for coming.

TORDEVAN Fri 07-Dec-18 06:24:40

Just had this ... discussion with family recently. DH and I both expected to go on the each of the bride's hen do's, one wanted to go abroad (about £300 + food/drink/activities) and one wanted to stay somewhere for a weekend (£500 + travel/food/drink/activities). We have a baby and I'm pregnant - no way we could drop that money on a weekend. I flat out refused to go on the £500 one and DH expressed his unwillingness for the other (but would have gone as it was his DS).
Both saw sense and it's now coming to £200 total 😁

When DH and I got married his stag cost £15 per person plus a meal, and my hen do cost a meal.

Nettletheelf Fri 07-Dec-18 06:26:42

I read a post on here once from somebody who was invited on a hen trip to Ibiza, where the organiser had decided that they would all be spending one of the days at Ushuaia, one of the more expensive beach clubs, where you had to pay €50 to book a sunbed before you even started buying expensive drinks. She was really worried about it. Feels like some hen trip organisers need to scale back their ambitions a bit: it’s quite selfish to assume that everybody wants to spend hundreds on a hen do, even if they can afford to do so.

Shoxfordian Fri 07-Dec-18 06:31:37

Yeah it does sound expensive but you need to start being a bit more assertive op. If you can't afford to do it all then say so!

Torsz Fri 07-Dec-18 06:31:42

I was really conscious about what my friends were spending as we got married in Ibiza - but when we worked it out, dh and I were paying for the villa (for a week - hen/stag and wedding) so they paid around £70 each for flights and then £80 for the hen (which covered a day at ocean beach club - it was a minimum spend on food/drink and included entry and the day bed) so it worked out about £150 per person for the whole holiday which we felt was pretty good. I've typically spent around £250 on hen dos but normally that's a weekend away.
I do have one friend who wants to go to Vegas for her hen so I've told her I'll need lots of notice to save up for that one!!

Hisaishi Fri 07-Dec-18 06:35:08

Going away for a weekend with a group of women, some of whom I barely know, is my idea of hell. If I go away for the weekend, I want it to be with my family or maybe 2 or 3 friends. Plus all the cheesy stupid 'activities' etc. It just leaves me cold. When did it become a 'thing' that everyone 'must' do?

I'd rather just go on a night out/nice meal.

So I'd spend 0 pounds because I just wouldn't go.

TheBigBangRocks Fri 07-Dec-18 06:51:59

A meal out, maybe a little towards a tacky sash and balloon for someone else's. I covered the costs of my own for my guests.

I hate expensive hen do's though and don't think weddings should cost guests to attend bar new outfit if needed and transport.

Myimaginarycathasfleas Fri 07-Dec-18 07:01:51

If you’re pregnant then you have that as your get out. You won’t be drinking, will probably be tired. I would just make my excuses and duck out, bridesmaid or not. Maybe you could do something special for the bride to make up for “not being able to travel”.

Mayra1367 Fri 07-Dec-18 07:02:28

Love the idea of bbq and drinks in the garden . Every time I see a group on a hen weekend most look miserable and embarrassed to be going round in matching outfits trying to look like they are having a good time .

Caprisunorange Fri 07-Dec-18 07:10:50

I think to be fair, £200-300 isn’t bad for a weekend away. Obviously the fact you don’t want to do it is a different matter grin

I’d expect to pay the same, and £150ish for a night out. I haven’t done dinner and drinks for £50 since the last time i went to pizza express confused

Alfie190 Fri 07-Dec-18 07:30:14

I think the cost sounds about normal. But if you don't have it to spare just say so and don't go. Nobody is forcing you.

londonrach Fri 07-Dec-18 07:34:33

The cost of a meal and drinks so £50 or less. Anything else is ott.

ScreamingValenta Fri 07-Dec-18 07:39:19

I wouldn't get involved in a weekend-away hen do or an activity. I'd go for drinks and a meal, so the cost of my meal and drinks plus share of hen's costs - £50 - £60?

adaline Fri 07-Dec-18 07:43:23

I didn't expect anyone to pay anything for mine but then we were quite civilised - cocktails and dinner and in bed by 11pm!

I footed the bill because it was my night.

AmIRightOrAMeringue Fri 07-Dec-18 07:52:36

My friends have all done just a night with maybe one or two activities in the day. If say 100 - 150? That

AmIRightOrAMeringue Fri 07-Dec-18 07:55:58

...oops. that includes hen dos for some very high earners who recognised not everyone has the same disposable income

I don't really understand the concept of the whole weekend away in ibiza or something to celebrate your wedding. People are already celebrating the wedding at the wedding. I think expecting people to go on holiday to further celebrate hit big day is very cheeky

Torsz Fri 07-Dec-18 07:59:47

Just to clarify as there have been a couple of posts which feel directed at me - our wedding was in Ibiza and we did a hen and stag day whilst out there. Our friends were thrilled to pay less than the cost of a normal hen do for a weeks holiday including the hen and wedding itself - but I understand that not everybody would like this, and people could say no if they didn't want to go.
I'm just hoping others do the same as I've spent twice that on weekends away for hen dos several times (plus travel and a night away for the wedding).

GhostsToMonsoon Fri 07-Dec-18 08:07:23

I went on one this year that cost me nearly £300 - petrol, night in a spa hotel, spa treatment, eating out, and fun activity.

I'd try and say something if it's going to be a problem - at least cut out the novelty gifts and maybe rethink the activity.

LoniceraJaponica Fri 07-Dec-18 08:19:36

You must live on a different planet to most mumsnetters Caprisun.
£150 for a night out is a lot of money. Where I live you can get a pretty decent meal with drinks for £50.

MaMaMaMySharona Fri 07-Dec-18 08:52:32

If you'd asked me a couple of years ago, I would have said maybe £100, but none of the hen dos I've been on have been less than £150!

Mine is next year and I've begged my bridesmaids to make it as cheap as possible but I have no idea how much everyone is spending blush

I've got one in July (in Newcastle) which has already cost me £110 and that's just for accommodation.

nutellalove Fri 07-Dec-18 09:13:25

I was invited to one that was going to be around £600 in total (flights, accommodation, activities, food, cabs etc). Abroad in Europe. I declined as couldn't really afford it. Wouldn't spend that much on a holiday to Europe on myself even!

LoniceraJaponica Fri 07-Dec-18 09:18:24

Why on earth are people so passive about being guilt tripped into going on a hen do they can't afford? This is why so many bridezillas get away with it. Because they have friends who aren't assertive enough to tell them to rein it back a bit.

TBH I do get irritated by these passive posters who can't put their big knickers on and say "no, I can't afford it". It isn't embarrassing or shameful to not be able to afford something like this.

OP you just need to say to the organiser that you have already spent more than you can afford and "please don't guilt trip me into spending money I don't have". End of.

BlueJava Fri 07-Dec-18 09:19:49

If it's too much just drop out the whole thing and say why. "I'm sorry, with my baby coming I can't spend as much, but have a lovely time". Job done. I think that unless you are close to them why would you want to spend a month's disposable income on it.

OohBabyBabeh Fri 07-Dec-18 09:20:46

I would expect to pay no more than £100 on a celebration. I hate weekend hen dos, they're tacky and awkward because you're not all from the same friendship group. One night/day out for around £100 is fine IMO

mybumpismostlypudding Fri 07-Dec-18 12:53:21

Lonicera I know I sound annoying, I'm annoying myself grin
The bride is a family friend, I've known her my whole life, I'm her bridesmaid, I want to go! I just resent spending all this money when I won't really know anyone else there

Tbh given half of you think £175 is a reasonable amount to spend then I can go for that and stop moaning haha

TheDustbunny Fri 07-Dec-18 12:55:18

There's not a chance in hell that I'd pay £175 or anything close to that for a hen party. I think it's disgusting to expect people to spend a fortune or go away for days at a time with numerous activities. What's wrong with dinner and drinks?

LegoAdventCalendar Fri 07-Dec-18 13:12:29

What Lonicera said. So suck it up and spunk the money if you're not going to say no.

I've been invited to 'big birthdays' that are like this (seems like the latest trend among entitled, self-obsessed people). And whilst technically we can afford it, it's not how I want to spend our money, so I just decline.

^I really don't get the fad for weekends away and loads of activities. It seems quite entitled of the bride and groom to expect their friends to fork out so much money to celebrate their big day.&

Same.

Torsz Fri 07-Dec-18 13:48:38

Wow some people are angry/spiteful on here! Surely it depends on your financial situation and friendships - sometimes people invite me to things I can't afford or where I don't know many people and I make an excuse and decline. Other times it's something with close friends where I'd get to spend quality time doing something that I wouldn't have otherwise had an opportunity to do - and I happily accept.
I don't understand this thing about being self-centred and selfish for inviting people to come celebrate something with you?!

April2020mom Fri 07-Dec-18 13:55:38

£200 is my upper limit. Anything more sounds unreasonable. I’m getting married next summer and we decided to have a hen day instead. We are going to have afternoon tea at a decent hotel and a pampering day that’s it. Nothing too fancy or expensive either.

LegoAdventCalendar Fri 07-Dec-18 14:02:02

I don't understand this thing about being self-centred and selfish for inviting people to come celebrate something with you?!

That's very telling of you then if it involves people spending a load of money or time to do it. 'Come spend tons of cash and use up annual leave time for ME! I'll dictate how you do it, too! Me! Oh, and give me a gift, too!'

Planesmistakenforstars Fri 07-Dec-18 14:13:52

For a sister or best friend, no more than £100.

BrightYellowDaffodil Fri 07-Dec-18 14:18:27

Going away for a weekend with a group of women, some of whom I barely know, is my idea of hell. If I go away for the weekend, I want it to be with my family or maybe 2 or 3 friends. Plus all the cheesy stupid 'activities' etc. It just leaves me cold. When did it become a 'thing' that everyone 'must' do?

This. I don’t want a “girly” spa day; I’d rather chew my own eyeballs than spend a precious weekend afternoon wearing a bathrobe and making polite conversation with people I hardly know. I don’t want to shell out for activities (cocktail making, jewellery making and anything ostensibly “risqué” I'm looking at you - if I wanted to learn these things, I would and without paying over the odds for an ersatz version because it includes “bubbles”).

Anything more than a meal coming in at about £50 and I’m out.

Lyricallie Fri 07-Dec-18 14:18:58

I’m not sure about you all but I love going and doing things with my friends. If it’s for the girls I’ve been a bridesmaid for I probably know them quite well (being as I’m close enough to be a bridesmaid) I wouldn’t see it as “come spend money on me” more of let’s use this as an excuse to all get together and have fun as we all live so far from each other!

The two I went to last year was a night out with cocktail making, boogie bus and dinner and dancing “theme was tacky so makes sense” and was probably about 150-200 as I lived in London at the time (with no money) and had to get to Glasgow. But this was for my best friend of course I’d want to go!

Then the next one was night away in a cottage with friends with flower crown making and we all brought snacks/chipped in for food and we all gave lifts in the car so that was probably about the same as again I had to get up from London. Sure I didn’t know some of the people but I was with my best friends having a laugh and fun!

A lot of you seem like you don’t even want to spend time with your best friends regardless if how much it cost e.g “my idea of hell.”

I’m getting married in 2020 and I’d hope none of my friends would think spending time together and just being silly would be their idea of hell and if so I’d hope they’d rather make up an excuse not to come.

If you really can’t afford it speak to your friend you’re obviously close enough that you’re invited/bridesmaid so surely they’ll have a vague idea of your situation anyway. I’d be mortified if this happened with my friends and no one said anything.

TheDustbunny Fri 07-Dec-18 14:55:00

I like seeing my friends occasionally but I have no desire to spend hundreds to do so unless it involves an activity that we both adore. One day is enough for me. I'm an autistic introvert and one day is generally my limit.

I also don't drink, dance or do anything especially physical like Go Ape(due to phobias and disabilities) so most hen parties don't hold enough appeal for me to throw away hundreds of pounds on them.

TheDustbunny Fri 07-Dec-18 15:01:48

And I do think it's cheeky to expect people to spend a fortune or days of their time on a hen weekend, unless you've been talking about certain things that you'd love to do together and know that you can all afford it. Fine, have a hen night but why have they turned into days of events or even a week abroad together, as one person I know demanded that her bridal party and friends attend, and wasn't at all happy when most declined.

HugoBearsMummy Fri 07-Dec-18 15:02:44

I'm going to go against the grain here, but surely the Hen Doo should be something the bride WANTS to do and is within her means, and people who she decides to invite along should not feel obliged to go if they can not afford it. I wanted to go to London for 2 nights, have a couple of nice meals out, cocktail making and see a west end show. So that's what I booked. If one of my friends could not come because they could not afford it then I'd have been 100% okay with that & would not have given them a hard time about it, but I also would not have changed my plans either, as that's what I really wanted to do. People who are saying that the Brides or whoever plans the hen doo should do it on the cheap to please the entire group, WHY? Just pipe up and say if you don't want to attend due to cost or whatever other factor there may be.
I knew that the opportunity to go away for a girly break would be very few and far between once married as we were starting huge house renovations and also TTC (now 6 months preg) and have a 3YO, so I wanted to go 'all out' for my hen, Can't see how that's such a bad thing...

BrightYellowDaffodil Fri 07-Dec-18 15:20:33

A lot of you seem like you don’t even want to spend time with your best friends regardless if how much it cost e.g “my idea of hell.”

I always want to spend time with my friends since they are, you know, my friends. Sometimes we do go and do something specific - e.g. theatre or trip away - but the difference is that we all have a say in the matter and everyone is free not to go. You don't need to be guilt-tripped into spending a shit load of money in order to spend time with your friends.

LegoAdventCalendar Fri 07-Dec-18 15:22:48

Hen 'doo' hmm. It's a do.

but surely the Hen Doo should be something the bride WANTS to do and is within her means,

Yeah, sod the guests! It's all about oneself. Why not just go and do what you want on your own then?

Caprisunorange Fri 07-Dec-18 15:42:19

“I like to see my friends occasionally” tbh I think this says it all about some of the attitudes here. Ime my circle of friends love seeing eachother and do so eagerly. And whilst I think most people are sympathetic to keeping costs realistic I don’t think under £50 for a hen party is realistic.

A lot of posters on here obviously have no desire at all to celebrate with their friends and that’s fine. But I think it’s quite a niche point of view and maybe comes from a place where close female friendships aren’t very common.

HugoBearsMummy Fri 07-Dec-18 15:45:22

Yeah, sod the guests! It's all about oneself. Why not just go and do what you want on your own then? Not sod the guests at all, but why do something you don't want or 'scale back' to make other people happy when it's your weekend away, as you are the person getting married after all... Most people only plan on getting married once so would like to do something memorable and special for themselves WITH close friends to mark the occasion. If people can not attend due to cost then they most certainly should not be made to feel shit about it but I don't think they can also grumble that their needs haven't been accommodated for... Just don't go !

And I'll ignore the pathetic 'dig' spelling police...

HugoBearsMummy Fri 07-Dec-18 15:48:38

I don't understand this thing about being self-centred and selfish for inviting people to come celebrate something with you?! Exactly! Bizarre thought processes on this thread.

LegoAdventCalendar Fri 07-Dec-18 15:48:51

Not sod the guests at all, but why do something you don't want or 'scale back' to make other people happy when it's your weekend away, as you are the person getting married after all...

Because considerate people consider their guests if they are going to invite them along to something. Just a thought. No one owns a weekend, or a day.

Pointing out correct spelling is not a dig.

hmm

TheDustbunny Fri 07-Dec-18 15:48:56

What bollocks. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to see one's friends occasionally. It's neither inferior or superior to wanting to seeing one's friends regularly. Different people like different things that's all. I'm autistic and have other disabilities and find social occasions physically and emotionally draining so I don't care to go out with friends too often, but we talk regularly online.

Caprisunorange Fri 07-Dec-18 15:50:38

And as I say, I don’t think that’s representative of people who enjoy close female friendships. Which hen parties are generally a celebration of.

Howdoyoudoit31 Fri 07-Dec-18 15:53:57

For a weekend away abroad I’d expect to spend £250-£300 plus spending money.

For a weekend away in the uk about £250-£300 all in.

TheDustbunny Fri 07-Dec-18 15:57:15

I'll be the judge if I feel close to my friends, thank you very much, but that doesn't mean that we have to see each other constantly. We talk most nights and meet about every 6 weeks or so.Two of my friends also have autism so it suits us and two live a few hundred miles away. There are people who continue close friendships when they are thousands of miles apart, yet they still have a strong relationship.

Thankfully we tend to have similar interests so anything planned regarding a hen party is likely to be something I might enjoy(a few exceptions aside) but I still wouldn't want to pay out hundreds of pounds for the 'privilege'

Caprisunorange Fri 07-Dec-18 16:02:52

You’re making this very much about you dust bunny, which it isn’t.
You’ve posted on a thread about hen parties to give the very niche view that you only see friends occasionally and don’t like doing anything hen party like and therefore won’t be up for a hen party confused

HugoBearsMummy Fri 07-Dec-18 16:05:45

Because considerate people consider their guests if they are going to invite them along to something. Just a thought. No one owns a weekend, or a day. But it's THEIR hen weekend confused as THEY are the one getting married. So therefore not entirely unreasonable to plan how they so wish?? It of course WOULD be unreasonable to make people feel shite if they could not attend.

I was invited on a 4 day break to Ibiza for a hen weekend, I politely declined as I could not afford it, not once did I think 'how insensitive of bride to not think about my personal finances before inviting me' Didn't even enter my mind, and she was totally fine with it. Ended up she changed her mind and decided on a 2 day break in UK instead which was in my budget so I happily attended & had a great time... Can not see the issue.

TheDustbunny Fri 07-Dec-18 16:06:07

I am not making it about me. I answered the question that the OP asked and I stated that there's no way that I'd pay that much for a hen party. What I didn't say is what I would spend which is £100 max. I would attend one but I draw the line at spending hundreds of pounds or days of activities. I'm not the only one who has stated that they think the expectations people have of their guests over hen parties are becoming ridiculous now.

cariadlet Fri 07-Dec-18 16:44:52

why do something you don't want or 'scale back' to make other people happy when it's your weekend away, as you are the person getting married after all... Most people only plan on getting married once so would like to do something memorable and special for themselves WITH close friends to mark the occasion.

Isn't that what weddings are for?

The bride and groom pay for the wedding so they get to choose the scale/style, wedding venue etc etc.

Hen nights and stag nights used to just be a chance to let your hair down with female/male friends before the big day. Why the need to turn them into expensive holidays?

It's one thing for a group of friends to decide they fancy going away for a weekend or for a longer holiday, choose together where they want to go and what they want to do when they get there. That sounds a great idea.
But the expectation that so many brides have now that their friends should be honoured to be allowed to spend a fortune on a hen do (in addition to the cost of attending the wedding) is ridiculous.

StinkySaurus Fri 07-Dec-18 18:02:52

I think it snow balls, because you end up doing a more costly hen do before any of you have houses, kids and other drains on money. And then as you get older and adulting happens you end up feeling like you have to have a big hen do for Sandra because you did it for Kim when you were young and carefree ish. It’s so annoying! Costs quickly spiral!

LoniceraJaponica Fri 07-Dec-18 18:04:30

"why do something you don't want or 'scale back' to make other people happy when it's your weekend away, as you are the person getting married after all... Most people only plan on getting married once so would like to do something memorable and special for themselves WITH close friends to mark the occasion."

Because, to some of us, having the people you love around you is much much more important than the place or activity.

It is intrinsically selfish to have an expensive hen do and invite people that you know will struggle to afford it. Basically you are telling those people that where you have the hen do is more important than having your nearest and dearest with you.

feelingverylazytoday Fri 07-Dec-18 18:17:47

I'd only do an evening , so however much that costs nowadays.

speakout Fri 07-Dec-18 18:32:12

Zero.

A hen do is my idea of hell.

maddening Fri 07-Dec-18 18:32:19

For mine I did cocktail masterclass for which we got our costs worth in drink - £35, local town but for those who wanted to stay over there was a travelodge which was £50per night (so £25 pp of you shared) a meal where we ordered what we wanted so could spend £5 or £20 and then a cocktail bar where I paid for some bottles of champagne to be on the table when we arrived. Quite frankly why you would want to put your friends out so much money is beyond me.

Seafoodeatit Fri 07-Dec-18 18:34:26

I'm another that wouldn't be happy to spend more that £100 all in, I wouldn't go to a weekend thing either.

HugoBearsMummy Fri 07-Dec-18 18:56:18

So infuriating when people choose to not read comments correctly. Not once did I say that anyone should make their friends or family feel like rubbish because they can not afford to attend their hen do/weekend.

But I do believe that a bride should have the weekend she wants, if this means some people can not attend then the bride must accept this & not take it personally regardless of whether the person is a bridesmaid/sister/distant work colleague. Some people have weekends abroad etc as they only want their closest people in attendance, much like when people get married abroad.
Others have a cheaper night out down the local pub where they know 30 people will be able to attend. It's up to the bride at the end of the day. Jeez!

HugoBearsMummy Fri 07-Dec-18 19:03:06

And I don't think it's selfish for a bride to do what she would like for her hen do, no doubt the bride has been to plenty of their friends hen do's or weekends, now it's her turn to do what she would like!
Ten close friends were invited to mine I gave 1 years notice and booked through a company where you could do a payment plan monthly, only one couldn't come as she was TTC and didn't want to commit to a weekend away.
No one ever mentioned money but if they had done I would not have been offended. They all came & we had a lovely time.
I actually think it'd be very selfish for someone who's invited to a hen do to moan because of a bride's choices!

Torsz Sat 08-Dec-18 07:59:49

@HugoBearsMummy couldn't agree more with pretty much everything you've said on here!
What people don't seem to understand is that normally close friends have things in common and actually like doing the same things. Our friends were begging us to get married in Ibiza as they'd always wanted an excuse to go, and my girls helped me plan the hen so we had a day out that we all wanted. They didn't begrudge spending money as they weren't wasting money doing something that just I wanted to do - it was basically an excuse for our group to have a brilliant girly day out. And the other hens I've been to have been the same - eg a weekend away in Lisbon, a spa trip - and I happily spend the money for quality time with my closest friends.
If I get invited to something which I wouldn't enjoy (which typically means it's not for a close friend) or which I can't afford then I decline - nobody has a problem with that.
Personally I'd pick a weekend away with my best friends over a cheap meal any time - but everybody is different and I don't have a problem with that (unlike several people on this thread!)
We were actually saying the other day how sad it is that nobody in our friendship group is getting married next year so we won't have any girls trips!!

HugoBearsMummy Sat 08-Dec-18 08:07:13

@Torsz thank you for the support ! smile

LoniceraJaponica Sat 08-Dec-18 08:47:58

HugoBearsMummy that's fair enough, but I think you are missing the point that many brides/MOHs don't kow the hen party well enough to know that an expensive hen do may not be achievable for all the invitees.

If I had to be MOH I would find out the top budget for all the invitees before making any plans, then bounce some ideas with them before booking anything.

TheBigBangRocks Sat 08-Dec-18 08:53:39

Weddings seem to be getting out of hand. The focus for many is what the bride wants so expensive hen do that others pay for, a huge party and cash for a honeymoon.

Very few now seem to be about the actual ceremony and the promises they are making to each other. It's little wonder the divorce rate is so high as little thought seems to be given to the actual marriage as it's all about the brides day.

LoniceraJaponica Sat 08-Dec-18 08:54:46

I agree The BigBangRocks

Caprisunorange Sat 08-Dec-18 08:57:42

Honestly weddings have been like this for 20 years now bigbang. Divorce rate is lower than it used to be.

PinkSparklyPussyCat Sat 08-Dec-18 09:05:39

The price of a meal drinks at the most. I've never been to anyone else's hen do an never will. Mine was a meal at a chain restaurant and I only did that as other people wanted me to do something.

explodingkittensexpansion Sat 08-Dec-18 09:07:47

Less than £100. Local meal out and drinks. All this overnight stuff is just tacky.

LoniceraJaponica Sat 08-Dec-18 09:37:24

Probably because fewer people are getting married Caprisun

Torsz Sat 08-Dec-18 10:13:04

God it's so tacky spending money on going away with friends. We should be spending all that money on educational materials and trips to museums, not on having fun 😂

Caprisunorange Sat 08-Dec-18 10:16:56

Well the divorce rate is the % of married people who divorce so it doesn’t really make any difference whether fewer people marry.

Eledamorena Sat 08-Dec-18 10:27:36

My hen do was a day out at a festival locally for a small group and then a few more friends joined for dinner and drinks. I told the friend organising it that some people would be on a small budget so she deliberately chose a cheap restaurant everyone could comfortably afford. To be honest the best bit was hanging out with all my friends before we left for dinner!

I'd be too embarrassed to add up how much the most expensive one I've attended cost... It was a weekend in Vegas!! blush We were very young and carefree, first friend to get married. Thank God we didn't all follow suit with mad hen weekends!

And importantly... We had the money to do it and were happy to do so, the hen thing was just an excuse to finally go. It was originally just the bride and 2 bridesmaids, but we chipped in for one more person to join us who otherwise wouldn't have been able to come. It was great but obviously only in those circumstances, I wouldn't dream of asking anyone to spend more than about 50 quid unless they were clearly totally up for it and we would be doing something they genuinely wanted to do.

Being a wedding guest can be pricey enough without tacking on hen and stag do costs. Especially when you go through that period of everyone getting married in the same couple of years!

MrsGollach Sat 08-Dec-18 10:28:44

This is one of those things that has gone completely over the top and become quite tacky.

Go out for dinner or down to the pub together and have fun.

NotUsedBySomeoneElse Sat 08-Dec-18 10:34:33

Honestly, unless it was a relative or very close friend, maybe a little more than the cost of an average night out. If I was bridesmaid (only likely for my sister) then maybe enough for a night away. If my sister gets married we probably won’t bother though. I never had a hen do. The whole idea didn’t appeal to me.

A very good friend of mine got married a few years back and had what I considered to be an expensive do. £80 for meal and day out and minibus. Transport to and from her house + drinks + other extras made it closer to £150. Good friend so I guess it’s not so bad, but she doesn’t live in the UK (came back for hen do) so her actual wedding involved flights and hotel, + food and drink in expensive hotel she married at as we had to stay for 3 nights due to times of ceremony etc. Going to her wedding cost us £600+ at least so might have been nice to keep the hen do a bit more budget friendly.

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