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Someone bought an elf for DD

(287 Posts)
Yabbers Thu 06-Dec-18 16:19:24

Got a call from school today, a staff member was talking with DD yesterday and DD told her she was going to write to Santa to ask for an elf on the shelf.

Staff member bought one and left it at her desk this morning so DD thinks Santa has done as she asked.

I've a huge problem with the whole elf thing, happy for others to do it, it's just not for us.

We're under a lot of pressure for a number of reasons and now we've
got to spend each bloody night doing something with this damned elf. AiBU to be really pissed off that someone else has done this to us?

NoelGallaghersEyebrows Fri 07-Dec-18 14:15:45

This thread has turned out weirdly.

OP I'm with you, it's a massive inconvenience when your plate is already full to overspilling. I've made a conscious decision not to start this elf nonsense, and I would be mightily pissed off if someone in a school had overridden this decision and left me with the decision of disappointing my child or possibly pushing me beyond my limits.

RCohle Fri 07-Dec-18 14:15:50

Should people who don't celebrate Christmas at all not have children because clearly they just can't be arsed?

Queenofthedrivensnow Fri 07-Dec-18 14:33:16

@RosieRoo4 exactly.

I do loads of stuff that's not to my exact taste because my dc like it.

Perfectly1mperfect Fri 07-Dec-18 14:48:44

I have never met a single person in real life who has such strong feelings against the elf on the shelf. 😂 They're obviously all hanging out on mumsnet. fgrin

Queenofthedrivensnow Fri 07-Dec-18 15:34:37

I need an expression for this. What's the opposite of virtue signalling?

Yabbers Fri 07-Dec-18 16:43:41

I have never met a single person in real life who has such strong feelings against the elf on the shelf

Did you ask any? Because my work colleagues definitely heard my opinion on it yesterday whereas never before has it come up in conversation. Some of my friends do it for their children so I’m not likely to tell them I think it’s horseshit

FWIW I do see the lovely sentiment behind it and it isn’t a safeguarding issue, no problems there.

Perfectly1mperfect Fri 07-Dec-18 16:51:09

Did you ask any?

Well it's certainly been talked about at the school gate. Some do the elf, some don't. There are a fair few mums there that don't hold back on their opinions about teachers, parenting methods and what the 'right' amount to spend on your child for Xmas etc but the strongest thing I've heard said on the elf thing is that they don't do it. I've honestly never met a real life elf on the shelf hater. 😂

Yabbers Fri 07-Dec-18 16:53:24

So are you going to bother moving it about or just let your daughter have it as a toy?
He ate chocolate and watched TV last night. My sister is coming down tonight so she can do something with it!

Really? So if she wants to go a rugby match, you wouldn't take her? Or football? Or something that isn't of interest to you? I don't know any families that will only do stuff with their kids, if the adults want and like it.

Really? I don’t know of any who spend their whole time traipsing after their children and pandering to their every whim, but each to their own.

Perfectly1mperfect Fri 07-Dec-18 17:01:50

I don’t know of any who spend their whole time traipsing after their children and pandering to their every whim

It's not pandering to their every whim. It's just doing something your child likes.

But personally yes, we do go that extra mile for our children. It doesn't take up too much time but we expect to spend some time on things that are important to them.

Willow2017 Fri 07-Dec-18 17:09:21

this person was clearly trying to be nice to DD and create a bit of magic for her.

We have our own traditions in our house that make xmas 'magic'. I do not need nor want someone else imposing new traditions on me.

I am sure the teacher meant well but asking after she had already got it was overstepping. Put ops dh.on the spot. What about the other kids in the class that dont have them? Is she buying them all one or just one child?

Notacluethisxmas Fri 07-Dec-18 17:10:29

Really? I don’t know of any who spend their whole time traipsing after their children and pandering to their every whim, but each to their own.

Lol. You don't know anyone who would take their kids to something for the kids. That they may not choose to do, but their wants to?

What would you do if you child decided they wanted to play football. It's no because you don't like it?

Perfectly1mperfect Fri 07-Dec-18 17:17:56

Lol. You don't know anyone who would take their kids to something for the kids.

It's that mumsnet parallel universe thing again. Most parents I know are often off to swimming, football club, dance class, beavers etc. I can't stand football but have spent many hours freezing cold watching from the side. It's just what parents do.

ToffeePennie Fri 07-Dec-18 17:24:11

I agree yanb. I loathe those elf things, hate them with a passion and wish the trend hadn’t caught on here. It’s not just the fact that they’re creepy, it’s also the pressure. You have to do something cool or wild or move it to various locations. So it stops being a 2 min thing and becomes a proper month long project.
We have had a letter from school asking the children to bring their elves into school dressed in something that you can shoehorn “elf” into (think a national elf service, a s “elf” ie elf etc) and really has angered me. My son doesn’t have one so he’s probably the only child in his class not to do it!
The teacher has overstepped her boundaries here - there are professional barriers that need to be upheld!

Jogonandshutup Fri 07-Dec-18 17:37:09

Why be annoyed? Can’t school staff just be ‘nice’ anymore without having some agenda or offending anyone FFS!

Wheresthebeach Fri 07-Dec-18 17:45:49

I can't imagine wanting to get a teacher in trouble for a small kindness...although others may complain about clear favouritism.

Just move it from one room to another each night, no need to go 'full elf' and put on scuba diving gear...

Notacluethisxmas Fri 07-Dec-18 17:46:15

Perfectly1mperfect totally agree. I don't believe many parents out there, refuse to do something their kids enjoy, because it's not their thing.

Surely that's not how families work.

blueluce85 Fri 07-Dec-18 17:51:04

Problem solved! 🤣

Mitzimaybe Fri 07-Dec-18 17:55:43

Well as DH was the one who said it was OK, DH can be the one to deal with it. Not your problem.

maureen17 Fri 07-Dec-18 17:56:09

be grateful ...they were being nice!

NottinghamNeil Fri 07-Dec-18 17:57:00

Do the elf thing this year (have some fun with it) and then on Christmas Eve chuck it in the outside bin. On Christmas Morning tell her it must have gone back to the North Pole with Santa.

Paddy1234 Fri 07-Dec-18 17:58:36

I agree, be grateful for a teacher being nice

Safeguarding - are you serious?!?!? I cannot believe what I have just read.

And you all wonder why the teaching profession is becoming like it is......

MrsBombastic Fri 07-Dec-18 17:59:18

Ok, so, a couple of things:

1) it IS short sighted of the staff member to do this, it's not her place which is clearly why the school called, to ASK you if it was ok.. at which point you should have said no, so, well meaning as the teacher was, it was down to you to say "thanks but no thanks".
So this one is on you. Own it.

2) If you've brought it home and can't be bothered with moving it around either give it to her to play with or sit it somewhere prominent and tell DD that he is keeping an eye on her for Father Christmas to ensure she's a good girl (mine sits on the mantle).

I can understand why you're peeved and I'm sorry if you're having a hard time right now but you've allowed this instead of nipping it in the bud when you had the chance.

Also, if you have got a lot going on right now, maybe your DD does too and it might be nice to make the effort for her but that's up to you obvs.

QuitMoaning Fri 07-Dec-18 18:02:29

@theonlyKevin
you seem to have plenty time to post on MN, so no, I don't take your I am so busyyyyy seriously, sorry!
Slightly off topic (and my son is 20 and doesn’t want an elf) but did want to comment that I actually use MN on my commute so I could be too busy at home if it was me.
(Prop the iPad up on steering wheel, careful not to obscure the windscreen).

Queenofthedrivensnow Fri 07-Dec-18 18:03:11

* It's just what parents do.*

This.

Scrooge signalling? Humbug signalling?

I don't know anyone who spends all their time traipsing after their kids.....barrel of laughs they all sound.

Amallamard Fri 07-Dec-18 18:03:46

It is massively inappropriate for a member of staff at a school to buy a gift for a child like that. We are categorically not allowed to do it and that has been explicitly explained.

I'm totally with you in the feeling of being stretched to breaking point as it is and that a fcuking elf might just tip me over the edge. I grew up having perfectly magical Christmases with no elf, no Christmas Eve box, I didn't even have chocolate in my advent calendars! All these things just aren't necessary. All more and more spending and time. Yes I have time for MN right now but yesterday I literally didn't stop from 6am to past 9pm (most days are like that) and the very lest thing I would need then is to have to sort out an elf!

mumlost1940 Fri 07-Dec-18 18:07:12

Yabbers. You are coping admirably: I'm there for you. Surely free advice is available or counselling. Have you tried the National Elf Service.

ToftyAC Fri 07-Dec-18 18:13:09

Wow! What’s happened to people? AIBU are usually full of school/teacher bashing’s and here someone at school did something NICE. You can’t win whatever you do these days. So, in answer to your question? Yes, I think you’re being ridiculously unreasonable.

anatol Fri 07-Dec-18 18:15:29

I'm a teacher and while I dont agree with it being a safeguarding issue that the staff member bought your child a gift, something like that, meaning you will have to continue with the elf's 'mischief making' at home, is not okay. Neither is it ok to buy a child something that they have said they are upset about their parents not having not them. The staff member would have had no idea why you had not bought an elf for your dd so it's absolutely not their place to do so and it undermines your parenting.
I would contact the school and without kicking up a stink just let them know that while their heart might have been in the right place it wasnt appropriate.

anatol Fri 07-Dec-18 18:16:09

*got

Notacluethisxmas Fri 07-Dec-18 18:17:32

I grew up having perfectly magical Christmases with no elf, no Christmas Eve box, I didn't even have chocolate in my advent calendars!

And I bet that your parents/grandparents etc could say the same.

Should no one ever have anything new because you enjoyed Christmas as a child?

sj257 Fri 07-Dec-18 18:21:20

I hate this whole elf thing.... I just think it’s unnecessary pressure, where the heck has it come from?! My older kids are 10 and 12 and it has only seemed to be a thing in the last 3 or 4 years. Thankfully have gotten away with it. Plus now the elves are all over the shops? Surely that takes the magic away!

My youngest is 22 months....bet I’ll end up caving at some point 😩😩😩

Enjoying my last elf free Christmas 😭😭😭

Cachailleacha Fri 07-Dec-18 18:21:35

Just tell her it's a toy. It's not going to move around on it's own! She could have fun moving it each evening or early morning and surprise you.

RosieStarr Fri 07-Dec-18 18:21:57

I genuinely don’t understand why parents buy these things for their kids, the whole concept of this elf on the shelf thing watching them all the time creeps me out.

SezziBaybee Fri 07-Dec-18 18:23:39

Contact the school safeguarding officer. It is totally inappropriate for a staff member to buy your child a present. It does not matter what the present is. Rules to prevent grooming are in place for a reason.

Don't do this. Jesus what is wrong with you!

Faith77 Fri 07-Dec-18 18:33:24

My 10yo DD became a "Santa" this year after discovering the secret, and she is taking her new role very seriously. Part of that is that she has insisted on getting her 6 and 2 year old cousins an elf each. My brother is not happy, but I am not going to tell my 10yo off for doing something kind using her own money, just try to steer her towards slightly less time consuming ways to spread the magic in future! I have just told my brother to tell the kids that these elves literally just sit on the shelf, and told my daughter that she has to go along with that, because he is the one who would have to do the work, not her! Part of the problem is that she had an elf herself, and absolutely loved it, so she wants to share the fun. Now the elf is in her possession and she sleeps with it every night because she still adores it. Yes, the elves are a bit of a pain, and I have forgotten to move it numerous times over the years, but they also bring a bit of extra magic. It is only 24 nights a year, and they don't have to do anything big. They don't even have to move every night! I did have fun doing it!

Ginburee Fri 07-Dec-18 18:34:10

I love the elf, we have more than one as we have more than one child. We are en route to Granny's house for the night and tucked in my bag are reindeer egg cups and kinder eggs, for breakfast.
I certainly wouldn't report the member of staff but have a quiet word if you think you need to.

skybluee Fri 07-Dec-18 18:36:32

It wasn't something nice though was it for the OP? She'd made the conscious decision that the Elf on the Shelf was a Christmas tradition their family didn't want to take part in. They do lots of other stuff by the sounds of things, just not this. That's the parents choice. So the TA took that decision out of her hands and made it for her. That's the problem.

If the school rules state no buying presents for children, there should be no buying presents for children. What if her daughter talks about how it appeared and the other kids in the class who don't have one get upset over that? Or they wonder why she got one and they didn't? It opens up a whole can of worms, which is probably part of the reason they have that rule.

Islandbabe Fri 07-Dec-18 18:39:19

Bah humbug! Think it's a nice gesture. Our kid's class has one and it's such fun. If it's really that much trouble let the class/teacher adopt it.

diamondofdoom Fri 07-Dec-18 18:41:27

I'm glad I'm not doing the bloody elf this year or any year tbh

I'm with you, they are incredibly irritating fangry

Palaver1 Fri 07-Dec-18 18:50:11

Wow ...something so nice you and a couple of comments ruined.Cant we say thanks and see the nice giving side, why do we always have to.make things so hard..OP YABU

Queenofthedrivensnow Fri 07-Dec-18 18:56:55

No one has the stress monopoly. If the teacher had bought her a pony you might have a point.

Bollocks it's a safeguarding issue.

cloudspotter Fri 07-Dec-18 19:25:50

I'm with those that think this was a nice gesture, albeit perhaps not very well thought through. A forgiveable mistake.

Maybe you got a "lazy" elf that doesn't do much? grin Kids don't generally have the high expectations, that's us with our competitive parenting.

I think it's fun, but yes can be a rod for your own back.

Mind you, if we hark back to the fact that we never had one, we could do a full four Yorkshireman sketch and go back to the time where our grandparents got a walnut and an orange and were grateful for that...etc....

Putthekettleonplease Fri 07-Dec-18 19:28:17

All you have to do is move the elf from one shelf to another. It’s not exactly strenuous. How busy can someone’s life be that they can’t manage that?
My elf actions are not inventive. But he moves. And their little faces are so excited every morning when looking for him.

Fabulousdahlink Fri 07-Dec-18 19:29:48

Send it back to school. Tell her it's culturally inappropriate for your home.

Tell your daughter the elf told you he's allergic to your cat./dog/ whatever so has got to go and live at school. That way it's up to school to entertain your daughter with elf nonsense. I'm no bah humbug...but if you wanted one...you'd have bought one. Grrr.

LaurieMarlow Fri 07-Dec-18 19:37:08

I genuinely don’t understand why parents buy these things for their kids, the whole concept of this elf on the shelf thing watching them all the time creeps me out.

I don't think it's that difficult to understand.

Firstly, our elf doesn't do any surveillance.

Secondly, DS loves to see what (very tame) mischief the elf has been up to in the night. He bounces out of bed to search for the elf every morning. It's not hard to see why that would capture his imagination.

The time and energy it takes are entirely worth it for his reaction.

LaurieMarlow Fri 07-Dec-18 19:38:44

Tell her it's culturally inappropriate for your home.

What does this statement even mean? confused

Just tell them you don't want to do it.

Amallamard Fri 07-Dec-18 19:39:52

Should no one ever have anything new because you enjoyed Christmas as a child?

Er no, my children have lots of things that I never had as a child, including advent calendars with sweets in. I'm just saying that it's really not essential to do an elf as some people on this thread seem to think. It's not like Christmas is cancelled in my house and there's no magic. I just don't want the faff of an elf. Please don't worry about my children, they are far from deprived and anyone who wants to do an elf is free to fill their boots. Just don't pressure other people into doing it too (which is what has happened to the OP and which a lot of people here seem to be trying to do). It doesn't make us evil killjoys because we aren't buying yet another thing to add to Christmas (like there's not enough going on already).

Yabbers Fri 07-Dec-18 19:52:18

*it was down to you to say "thanks but no thanks".
So this one is on you. Own it*

Actually not on me (or OH) because by the time we knew about it she already had it. Had I have said no at that point, then I would have been a really shit parent. "You know that thing you think is totally magic and that you made it happen, well it's shit because someone bought that for you and I don't like the whole elf thing so it's going back". Yeah, sure, that was a real choice I had. 🙄

Similarly, having it just sit there when she is expecting it to do stuff will make her sad too. So, no, I'm not going to be that person and certainly not because of something someone else has done.

I've no intention of reporting the staff member to anyone. She meant well and is a lovely lady.

And I do love how this has gone from me not having time to do an elf to me not ever doing anything DD wants to do. Only on MN can that ridiculous leap ever happen.

Notacluethisxmas Fri 07-Dec-18 19:53:05

Amallamard why would I be worried about your kids? Who mentioned your kids?

I don't think everyone should have an elf. Simply pointing out that just because certain things weren't around when you were young doesn't they can't be introduced and fun now.

Notacluethisxmas Fri 07-Dec-18 19:54:44

And I do love how this has gone from me not having time to do an elf to me not ever doing anything DD wants to do. Only on MN can that ridiculous leap ever happen

What bullshit! That came about, because of your comments about only doing stuff with your child that you were interested in.

Not because you don't have time for the elf.

Yabbers Fri 07-Dec-18 19:55:18

Anatol it wasn't done because I had said no.

alacazam Fri 07-Dec-18 19:55:38

That elf on the shelf has such a menacing face. I don't know why anyone thinks it's cute. Looks demented. Stop kidding yourselves it's cute. Elves are supposed to be mythical, mysterious characters so why have one in the house all the time at Christmas?????

Amallamard Fri 07-Dec-18 20:00:54

I never said they shouldn't but people seem to be getting quite upset about others saying they don't want to do it. This staff member got so upset that she felt the need to buy an elf for the child!

As someone who works in a school I'd say that was very, very wrong for all sorts of reasons. Anyone who did that where I work would be in lots of trouble for it. There are good reasons why staff are not allowed to buy gifts for individual children.

OP it's probably too late now but I think I would have told your dd that she was obviously mistaken and that the elf was meant to stay at school for the class, then get her to take it back to school. Let them know that's what you are doing and then that staff member can make the magic for all of the children in the class and not just your dd. That would be far more appropriate.

LaurieMarlow Fri 07-Dec-18 20:04:06

That elf on the shelf has such a menacing face. I don't know why anyone thinks it's cute. Looks demented.

There are lots of adorable non official elves out. And they're much cheaper.

Yabbers Fri 07-Dec-18 20:12:11

What bullshit! That came about, because of your comments about only doing stuff with your child that you were interested in

Only. Won't Only do the things she wants to do. There is a difference.

GlomOfNit Fri 07-Dec-18 21:45:02

I made our elf. <shrug> Not trying to be poncetastic, I just like doing things like that. That was six years ago.

The little fucker gets a new name to add onto the train of names he already has every Christmas and DS1, who is now ten going on eleven, shows no sign of abating his love for the thing. It's part of Christmas to him, and he's now well aware it's me. I've never used it to enforce good behaviour though.

OP, if it makes it any better, the whole American Elf on Shelf thing was just that - the wretched little imp sits on a high shelf the entire month and Looks. Doesn't move. All the messy biscuit-making, toilet roll unravelling crap is subsequent to that. Ours doesn't make a mess - I'm not stupid - it just moves from obvious place to obvious place, and I forget to move it about one night in three. grin

cherish123 Fri 07-Dec-18 21:53:48

The elf book/toy is a relatively new phenomenon. Like other fads, it will pass. This member of staff over stepped the mark. What if another child said that they wanted an action man? Would they buy them this? I would call the school and ask to speak to said member of staff to explain why they bought it. Let your daughter have it and if she wants to do funny stuff with it, she can do it herself. You don't have to do it.

Redcrayonisthebest Fri 07-Dec-18 22:17:21

Oh for goodness sake, the staff member was trying to be kind, he/she'll get that knocked out of them in a hurry won't they. The elf isn't a stress or a commitment. Yes I know Pinterest shows him complete with miniature fishing rods and all sorts but honestly don't over think it. Top of the tv one day, inside a shoe, a cereal box, in the Christmas tree. Basically just bung him in a new hiding place each night... it takes 30 seconds.
You say you're under a lot of pressure just now. Maybe whoever bought the elf thought that your dd needed a bit of magic right now? Just a thought!

purplebunny2012 Fri 07-Dec-18 22:34:31

YANBU. I would be extremely annoyed as I don't buy into the idea at all. Stupid idea that came over from America and will not be part of my household

RCohle Fri 07-Dec-18 22:49:52

I have no idea why MN loves the elf on the shelf so much and thinks it's a joyful new tradition but Halloween on the other hand is a nasty tacky American import.

ReanimatedSGB Fri 07-Dec-18 22:50:50

I think OP has been very gracious about this whole business but the teacher who bought the thing does need someone to have a gentle word with her. Suppose there's another kid in the same class who really, really wants a puppy? While the teacher will (hopefully) have enough sense to know you don't buy puppies for other people's DC, the puppy-wanting kid might believe that, because Santa or Magic or Christmas meant that OP's DD got the elf she wanted, this kid should magically get a puppy...

I'd also be having a sharp word with the school if they started behaving as though elves were compulsory. Yes, many 'traditions' grew out of marketing campaigns but that doesn't mean schools need to impose them on all DC regardless of parents' wishes. Surely school staff know to be reasonably careful about Father Christmas if they live in a diverse area, rather than assuming that all families have the same viewpoint...

celticprincess Fri 07-Dec-18 22:59:00

I can see where OP is coming from. We got ours about 5 years ago as a gift from mil. We were totally skint and this was the first year they seemed to start getting popular. Sil had one for niece. We are talking about the official original elf on the shelf that comes with the book. Was around £30. We had decided we were not doing it and DD didn’t really know about it. Half way through December we met up with mil and there was the elf for DD. We’ve had to take part ever since. When ex dh and I separated I kept custody of the elf and he ended up getting a new elf for his house - totally different soft bodied green elf. Since then the shops have exploded with elves for sale. £1 versions of the official one (but with creepy ears and stripey legs) and various cuddly ones. The elf has become expected now as DD1 has ASD traits and once something happens once there’s a huge expectation of it continuing. We decided it’s not that bad a thing and I couldn’t get all worked up about it. Ours does do silly poses - not really naughty things - but the original books just has the elf hide spots each night. That’s the simple approach we should have taken.

celticprincess Fri 07-Dec-18 23:00:00

Oh but I should add that it seems very odd for a teacher or staff at school to have bought this!! I’m a teacher and this is not something that would be seen as acceptable really.

FairyFlake45 Fri 07-Dec-18 23:10:29

Although it seems a nice enough thing to do for your child, it is absolutely not allowed in any school. I work in a primary school and it is completely forbidden now to give any gift to any child, by law, as it can be seen as grooming. Sorry but I think YANBU

ContessaHallelujahSparklehorse Fri 07-Dec-18 23:19:04

Another one chiming in to say the elf is a creepy little fucker who a) makes no sense as a concept, b) is a terrifying manifestation of a surveillance state and c) makes kids be good because they're being watched rather than just being good because they bloody should be.

You may have guessed that we don't have one; any fucker who bought us one would receive (polite) short shrift too!

celticprincess Fri 07-Dec-18 23:22:46

Oh and the official elf has a lovely face. You can choose skin colour and gender. They don’t look creepy. The copy ones from £1 shops however DO look creepy.

wavesmax Fri 07-Dec-18 23:24:16

I think it's a lovely gesture. This teachers heart is in the right place. I wish there were more like that at my child's school.

Catsinthecupboard Sat 08-Dec-18 00:33:10

The irony of the elf is that, knowing where it's originated, it probably was an evil judgey elf who really didn't have a good sense of humor.

If i got one, i would burn it on principle. (Only slightly bitter and a little bit poorly judged, once upon a time.)

LittleMsM Sat 08-Dec-18 00:39:50

I saw an elf on the shelf post t'other day where the elf had a plaster cast on his leg so was on strict bedrest for a couple of weeks... skiing accident I believe...

kateandme Sat 08-Dec-18 02:58:16

me and my mum have a moose! those toddler size ones that were in ikea years ago.(I think they stopped selling it because he was too big and might hurt children blah blah stupid fecking blah)
so when she comes down or goes out(no pressure for everyday) I will surprise her with his position and she mine.tofay she kidnapped my hat and put it on him.yesterday I positioned him across the worktop looking adoringly into her slow cooker at the pork stew.
its fun for us but we are idiots about it and there is no pressure.

kmckenna477 Sat 08-Dec-18 05:13:55

What a lovely kind thing if the teacher to do. If you really don’t want to share in the elf magic , you could bandage its leg and leave a note to the effect that, with a broken leg, the elf needs to rest. I’d love the idea that the teacher took the time and effort to buy an elf for my child and I would make my child’s fun a priority.... only for 2 weeks. Elves and Santa only last for a very short time in a child’s life.

LaurieMarlow Sat 08-Dec-18 05:25:56

makes no sense as a concept

Santa makes no sense as a concept either. It doesnt stop us.

b) is a terrifying manifestation of a surveillance state and c) makes kids be good because they're being watched rather than just being good because they bloody should be

Neither of these are necessary features of the elf. No one I know does surveillance. It's perfectly possible to do it as 'elf comes to stay, gets up to mischief/moves around at night, end of story'.

Obviously it's ok to dislike the elf. I just find that lots of the reasons given on here don't apply to how we (and everyone I know) does the elf.

tillytrotter1 Sat 08-Dec-18 06:20:34

I think it's a lovely gesture. This teachers heart is in the right place. I wish there were more like that at my child's school.

I do hope that this maligned teacher has made a note never, ever to do anything kind again!

Notacluethisxmas Sat 08-Dec-18 07:14:49

Only. Won't Only do the things she wants to do. There is a difference.

That's bullshit too. That's not what you said. I can cut and paste the quotes but people can read them themseleves. You didn't say only. You posted it more that once.

Yabbers Sat 08-Dec-18 21:30:59

That's not what you said

Post as many quotes as you want, but as you seem determined to argue and completely miss what the whole point was, and twist it to suit whatever judgement you have of how other people parent. I'll clarify just for you. "Because she wants to" does not mean "we have to". If I have a problem with what she is choosing, as a parent I step in and say no. Thankfully she's not an idiot and understands that.

busyhonestchildcarer Sun 09-Dec-18 09:52:53

Tell her that elves normally watch to see whats going on and like to be left alone but vert very occasionally will do naughty things as they are mischievous.Any child would be more thrilled by this then an elf doing something every day.They will get used to it and it becomes boring.I would keep it high on a shelf and very infrequently do something

Fairenuff Sun 09-Dec-18 10:39:03

I actually would tell the school OP because that staff member needs more safeguarding training.

I wonder what other gifts they buy for children who they considered to be deprived of something. It's really not ok for them to do be doing this and the HT should be made aware of it.

safeguarding best practice

From the link above:

'Gifts, loaning and borrowing
Avoid giving pupils gifts and lending or borrowing items. There are issues of power, control and equality involved in these areas. Pupils should be discouraged from offering gifts to staff.'

carringtonm Sun 09-Dec-18 11:25:32

I second PP. This is a safeguarding concern. Speak to the school because a staff member should not be behaving in this way, no matter how well-meaning it is.

Elphie54 Sun 09-Dec-18 11:30:02

Does your daughter still believe that the creepy elf is real and really talks to Santa? If you really don’t want her to have it, you could make the elf vanish and leave a note in its place:

“Dear _____,

You have been such a good girl this year (yes we elves check during the year but you can’t see us) that I am not needed here. Santa has asked me to return so I can go keep my eyes on another child who is being naughty.

Happy Christmas,
the Elf

P.S. just because you don’t see me, doesn’t mean I am not watching”

Gatehouse77 Sun 09-Dec-18 12:26:32

Having done plenty of safeguarding training there is absolutely NO safeguarding issue here AT ALL.

It's simply a member of staff who has overstepped the mark and, if it were me, would be held accountable but not in an accusatory way but a don't do this again kind of way.

Gatehouse77 Sun 09-Dec-18 12:29:19

*Gifts, loaning and borrowing
Avoid giving pupils gifts and lending or borrowing items. There are issues of power, control and equality involved in these areas. Pupils should be discouraged from offering gifts to staff.'*

If there were a pattern then can see that argument being used. However, it appears to be a one off. Which is why I would say something in case a pattern needed to be detected.

ReanimatedSGB Sun 09-Dec-18 12:42:33

I don't think anyone's advocating trying to get the teacher sacked, but someone does need to have a word with him/her and suggest it doesn't happen again.
@Fairenuff I thought some schools now have a policy of loaning uniform items to kids who haven't got them or have lost/damaged/outgrown them and the family can't afford a replacement. (Am pretty sure many primary/infant schools have a few spare pairs of trousers etc for reception kids who might have the odd accident).

Fairenuff Sun 09-Dec-18 13:08:19

Staff do stock spare clothes for toileting accidents, yes. These are usually expected to be washed at home and brought back. Obviously it's in the best interests of the child not to be left in soiled/wet clothes.

School would not supply uniform to families who cannot afford it without first getting permission and agreement from the parent/caregiver. They usually 'sell' them for 50p or something affordable, or just ask for any donation so that the parent does not have to feel embarrassed about receiving charity (not that there's anything to be embarrassed about but some people are).

Both of these situations are concerning the welfare of the child and are completely different to over stepping the boundary by providing not only a gift to the child but a toy that the parent did not actually want the child to have.

SweetheartNeckline Sun 09-Dec-18 13:22:25

Completely innappropriate and suggests a lack of safeguarding training and/or critical thought about why such training exists. It's normalising gifting from a position of trust which is grooming behaviour (NOT suggesting staff member is actually grooming) as well as normalising ignoring parental and family boundaries.

My DD2 would love an Elf. I'd be fucking raging if school singled her out to give her one from "Santa" - we don't have one as my eldest DD is terrified of being watched and has enough anxiety and guilt about any minor (perceived) bad behaviour without there being another "wintness".

GoldenWonderwall Sun 09-Dec-18 13:54:00

We don’t do elf on the shelf because it is utter bollocks and I can’t be arsed. My dc are obviously utterly denied any of the magic of Christmas and should probably be removed by ss.

The sheer number of posts about the elf breaking its leg so it can’t get up to pinterest shit proves that even the people that buy into the magic of a made up story by an American woman a few years ago, are not really filled with the joys of Xmas as they set up their elf sized remake of the Sistine chapel out of chocolate fingers and Cheerios.

Looneytune253 Sun 09-Dec-18 14:01:05

I would say leave it at school and it has to get up to it’s tricks there at school. May take a cpl of days but I’ll bet the teacher is sick of it 😂😂

TheDarkSideOfTheMoon Wed 12-Dec-18 06:55:48

That’s why as soon as my kids asked if the santa was real - l was like - NOPE 🙄 and Christmas is not about fat, bearded old man bringing you presents at all so l’m the one buying presents for you - better be nice to me 😂

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