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Someone bought an elf for DD

(287 Posts)
Yabbers Thu 06-Dec-18 16:19:24

Got a call from school today, a staff member was talking with DD yesterday and DD told her she was going to write to Santa to ask for an elf on the shelf.

Staff member bought one and left it at her desk this morning so DD thinks Santa has done as she asked.

I've a huge problem with the whole elf thing, happy for others to do it, it's just not for us.

We're under a lot of pressure for a number of reasons and now we've
got to spend each bloody night doing something with this damned elf. AiBU to be really pissed off that someone else has done this to us?

Perfectly1mperfect Thu 06-Dec-18 18:14:39

For example I once gave a book to a child who was moving away (he was being adopted) it was a book I'd read to him many times and I put a short message in it.

That was very thoughtful of you strawberryalarmclock. I'm sure he would have appreciated it.

JeezYouLoon Thu 06-Dec-18 18:15:23

Thankfully my DCs are older now so we missed the whole Elf thing.

However when they were little I remember people saying to them 'be good as Father Christmas is watching you' I always added, so am I and I know far more than Father Christmas and I had the final say as to whether they got any presents.

Yes, I maybe a humbug but I wanted my DCs to behave for me not just to get presents!

Perfectly1mperfect Thu 06-Dec-18 18:19:33


Thanks. I wasn't concerned, the teacher is really well respected and I think just genuinely wanted to acknowledge my daughters kindness. I can see why teachers have to be careful though and why the rule is in place. I really didn't question it at the time.

Runningishard Thu 06-Dec-18 18:20:42

A bit off topic but someone on FB I went to school with continues this even though her daughter is now in senior school. Starts with a great big personalised balloon and only moves it after she’s in bed. Said she’s trying to keep the magic alive for as long as possible, also posts “why do little girls have to grow boobies (crying face)”. She was a bit of an early starter and a rebel at school so I wonder is she trying to have a second go vicariously.

Perfectly1mperfect Thu 06-Dec-18 18:25:21


I think most kids at secondary would not want an elf. I would imagine the girl is pretty embarrassed. As for the comment on Facebook about girls growing up confused, very odd.

Runningishard Thu 06-Dec-18 18:43:42

Yeah it’s odd perfectly. The mum herself is very streetwise so would know you’d think. I think she’s living a more innocent life than she lived, through her kid. Can see her kid going through a major rebellion!

Fairenuff Thu 06-Dec-18 18:49:33

Maybe there is some kind of listening device inside the elf OP. Be careful what you say - teacher Santa is watching you.

MumW Thu 06-Dec-18 18:55:50

Why not just scrap Father Christmas, in fact no scrap Christmas as a whole, I mean what with all the pressure.
Please, can we, really, pretty please? fwink
Bah humbug

cheesemongery Thu 06-Dec-18 19:02:20

My ex bought DD one last year whilst my Nan was dying in hospital - he got VERY short shrift!! Do you think I've got the time or the energy for this shit?!!!

Wish I'd binned him last year, alas...

With regards to the staff member - completely not on, I'd be raising it with the head. Love the idea of leaving it at school - class elf!

LaurieMarlow Thu 06-Dec-18 19:07:52

frankly they don't care about elf on the shelf, they care if they get to watch a Christmas movie together, or make Christmas cookies.

Nice generalising there. Surely you've noticed all children are different.

My DS adores the elf. He got up at 5.30 this morning because he was so excited about where it was hiding. He couldn't give a shit about Christmas movies, he's not into films.

Back to the OP, while I think the teacher massively overstepped the mark, I would do the elf if you think your daughter would enjoy it. It doesn't have to be a big production, the simple ideas work really well.

Strokethefurrywall Thu 06-Dec-18 19:14:51

Yes exactly and my post was a response to a poster stating that OPs child would "love" elf on the shelf.

My kids couldn't give a rats. So yes, exactly all kids are different. And surprisingly, all parents are different.

I'm flat out not going to do elf on the shelf, not because I don't have time but because I pure can't be arsed.

But I do a Christmas Eve box and I arrange for Santa to visit all the kids in our complex. So we all do things to make our kids happy - elf on the shelf isn't the be all and end all and it shouldn't bloody matter that OP doesn't want to do it, she shouldn't have to justify why.

Juicer54321 Thu 06-Dec-18 19:16:03

Slightly odd that a teacher bought one. But seriously it’s no hassle . Just move it into s fifferebt place st night. I don’t bother with any of the more detailed elf shenanigans.

hazeyjane Thu 06-Dec-18 19:27:39

Can't we be crackheads as well as elf movers??

No we can't sadly, that's the whole point - you either create magic or just arse about destroying magic. That's the way the world works on AIBU

The only thing I have done for Christmas is put a big sheet up spray painted with the words 'Fuck Christmas'

chocolatecoveredraisons Thu 06-Dec-18 19:28:35

Sorry that would be a safeguarding issue for me.

I once had a staff member give a present to a child with SEN- she did it for various reasons. We all agreed to keep said toys on school. If she wanted him to have it at home, she could have given it to mum.

It smacks of grooming and singling out for special attention and quite frankly, she is making herself vulnerable. This should never have been done.

MrsDrudge Thu 06-Dec-18 19:29:15

When the staff member contacted you, did they ask your permission to buy the elf for your DD? If not then I agree with PP that you could suggest to Staff Member it stays at school and is the class Elf and can be moved around by teacher. You can explain to DD that Santa brought it to school rather than home, so it’s intended for all the children.
Have to say it’s rather strange behaviour by the staff member, unless there is a miscommunication and it is meant for all the children.

RebelWitchFace Thu 06-Dec-18 19:29:17

* Can't we be crackheads as well as elf movers??*

Magic dust for all!!grin

LaurieMarlow Thu 06-Dec-18 19:35:14

my post was a response to a poster stating that OPs child would "love" elf on the shelf.

And many, many kids do.

I think every parent should do whatever the hell they like, but to suggest that kids as a generality don't care about the elf (which is what your post said whether you meant that or not) is silly. Loads of them love it. And it's not difficult to see the appeal.

Jeeperscreepers69 Thu 06-Dec-18 19:38:59

When did it become weird and boundary crossing for a teacher to buy a child a present. Not everyone is a pervert. Sad people think like that it makes people feel uncomfortable picking a child up after a fall for fear of peodo screams. The poor teacher. Christ if it was a man teacher all hell will break.loose he will be arrested!!!@#@!

PawneeParksDept Thu 06-Dec-18 19:42:48

Not everyone is a pervert

No of course not - but rules are there for a reason.

It's like in care settings - they can't accept or give gifts for any reason because of what they MIGHT be accused of, even if the person they care for has full capacity

Fairenuff Thu 06-Dec-18 19:44:00

Jeepers it's just standard safeguarding. Nothing to get alarmed about. Yes, 99% of the time people are just being friendly but there are procedures in place to try and prevent harm to children and this a good thing. All school staff know this.

LondonLassInTheNorthPole Thu 06-Dec-18 19:47:20

A chore?


It takes afew minutes of an evening and gives your child such joy in the morning.

You dont even have to think that hard, they have loads of ideas on line!

MilkyCuppa Thu 06-Dec-18 19:51:00

Very surprised the staff member has singled a child out to receive a gift. It’s weird, I wouldn’t let my DC accept it.

TitsalinaBumSquash Thu 06-Dec-18 19:52:11

Wrap it's leg in fabric and tell her it broke it leg and is on bed rest 😂
Mine cost £1 from the pound shop and my kids love it, I don't set it up in funny positions I must move it to a different side each night and they think it's magic.

nameiswigglywoo Thu 06-Dec-18 20:01:24

YANBU! It's a bit odd to just get one. What if you'd actually got her one for Christmas as she'd asked.

DS came back from Nannys with an elf taller than he is. "I thought he'd like an elf so that you can move it every night like everyone else does". It's huge and I've tripped over the thing twice now.

DS is just 2 so doesn't understand right now. I also have a teething 5 month old that doesn't sleep and DH works ridiculously long hours.

I couldn't hide my glee when the bloody elf got destroyed after a gentle machine wash following the horrific sickness bug we've had. grin

ShalomJackie Thu 06-Dec-18 20:02:56

I am going to tell my DS to let his teacher know he hasn't got a macbook ..... grin

LaurieMarlow Thu 06-Dec-18 20:09:48

I am going to tell my DS to let his teacher know he hasn't got a MacBook


HermioneWaslib Thu 06-Dec-18 20:23:07

I was annoyed that my brother bought us one but this year I’ve just done it my way, half the time it brings one of our decorations out of the attic or tells us what we are doing that day (getting the tree, seeing granddad). The rest of the time it suggests something kind we are going to do (see the kindness elves online).

BlackberryandNettle Thu 06-Dec-18 20:29:59

Honestly, I think the elves are pretty bargainous and that this was a sweet surprise. I'd be touched if someone had bought one for my DD despite the irritation of the moving it around thing. The grooming comments make no sense as clearly the girls believes the elf came from santa.

Extralargeoranges Thu 06-Dec-18 20:33:21

I personally think you are being unreasonable. I think it's such a nice thing for that teacher to do. Your child confided in the teacher that she was writing to Santa. The teacher was trying to keep your child Christmas spirit. So you have to move it around a few feet each night - not the end of the world. The teacher might not have done it for the other kids as they might all have one apart from your child.

bridgetreilly Thu 06-Dec-18 20:52:12

Your child has a new toy. You still don't have to do the stupid pretending it moves and is watching them thing.

RebelWitchFace Thu 06-Dec-18 21:07:29

* Sad people think like that it makes people feel uncomfortable picking a child up after a fall for fear of peodo screams.*

I pick plenty of kids up after a fall. I also get hugs, and apply plasters and wipe tears and listen to worries and plenty of other things.
What I don't do is play favourites or single out children for gifts. It's either a class gift, one for everyone or none at all. It's not rocket science.

TheRealHousewifeofCheshire Thu 06-Dec-18 21:10:30

Thought this was brill. It might help

Yabbers Thu 06-Dec-18 21:14:56

Thanks for all the responses. Glad to know others think this is a bit weird too. Got home to a bit more of the story, they were talking yesterday and DD hatched a plan because she’d been researching how these elves are attracted to a house. Staff member (not the teacher) obviously took it off her own back to make sure the plan worked. DD was tremendously excited that her plan had worked. The thought was a lovely one but I agree has overstepped. She’s a lovely lady and would probably be hurt if I called her out on it which I had no intention of anyway. It was OH who took the call from her, it was basically a ‘hope you don’t mind” call.

...the magic...
We do Christmas magic. It’s a brilliant time of year and we make it special. That doesn’t mean we have to buy in to every new fad that comes around.

whats your problem
I just don’t get it. The elf comes to check the child behaves but seems to be a naughty little fekker. That makes no sense. The other thing is, in our house, part of the magic of Christmas is that it’s a special time of year. Christmas outings, seeing friends and family, exchanging thoughtful gifts not just loading folk with tat. It has never been something that’s considered as a treat for good behaviour. Even if it was, I don’t need a piece of cheap cloth to make sure she behaves for 20 days.

Completely unreasonable to claim you have no time to deal with the elf, when it would have taken you less time to pinterest basic and simple ideas than it took you to write this post.

Ok, happy to take criticism but this one pissed me off. Post was written on the train during my commute. I was leaving work early to attend a school meeting this evening, it has just finished and I’m grabbing a bowl of cereal before I pass out from hunger. In 10 minutes I will be back at my PC catching up on the two hours of work I missed. I’ll fall into bed at about midnight before getting up at 4.30 to catch the 6am flight for a meeting tomorrow. I’ll arrive home just in time to put DD to bed after the party she has. I will then catch up with the dozens of emails which will no doubt come through. We’ve got a weekend of Christmas magic then on Monday it’s back to the pre-Christmas rush at work as everyone wants everything by the end of the year. Throw in online Christmas shopping, organising our holiday and wrapping presents and yes, I’m too busy to be fucking about on Pinterest and sorting out an elf I made a conscious decision not to buy. If the elf was here in July I’d have no problem, plenty of time, but December is crazy busy. If I wasn’t busy I’d be able to take the 7 days of holiday I haven’t been able to take rather than losing them.

TheRealHousewifeofCheshire Thu 06-Dec-18 21:16:41

I dont do the elf but the link i posted may help

lalalalyra Thu 06-Dec-18 21:22:02

The teacher has massively crossed a line. If she was concerned about the OP's DD feeling left out then calling the OP to say "DD has said this..." to give the OP a head's up is one thing, but to buy the Elf? That crosses a line. There can't be any parent of kids who haven't heard of the Elf thing so a parent who hasn't bought one as a choice.

BlancheM Thu 06-Dec-18 21:30:33

It would be sweet if this happened in one of those crappy afternoon Christmas films on channel 5.
But why would a teacher risk their job just to pull off a Santa stunt? What do all the other kids reckon? Are they going to be telling her what they want for Christmas as well and hoping it turns up on their desk?
Father Christmas only comes on Christmas Eve night anyway, everyone knows that.

Yabbers Thu 06-Dec-18 21:45:02

Will add - I know of a least half a dozen kids in her class who don’t have one - including 2 of her closest friends.

diddl Thu 06-Dec-18 21:46:20

" it was basically a ‘hope you don’t mind” call."

Well since OH took the call & said that it was OK, they can sort it out.

Yabbers Thu 06-Dec-18 21:55:12

OK, they can sort it out.

His words were “not something we’d get involved in but O.K”. She had it by then so couldn’t exactly say no.

His suggestion was to leave it’s charred remains on the hob as a lesson never to play with fire 😂

chocolatecoveredraisons Thu 06-Dec-18 21:56:08

No one is saying it wasn't a kind thing but in this day and age and all the awareness, school staff should have adequate training to realise this is massively overstepping the mark. If anything happens in regards to this child, this could be used against said staff member. She has put herself in a vulnerable position by doing this.

Not everyone is a pervert, but not everyone isn't.

The child may believe it's from Santa, but the adult may be using this ploy to their advantage.

I'm not saying this staff member didn't do this out of the kindness of her heart, but she has now singled a child out. Made herself vulnerable and potentially pissed off a parent in the process which could cause all sorts of repercussions at home. Very unprofessional and not thought out at all.

bridgetreilly Thu 06-Dec-18 22:02:27

She had it by then so couldn’t exactly say no.

That would make me see red. If she's actually wanting to check that you don't mind, she needed to make that phone call before she got the elf, let alone gave it to your daughter. Once it's been given, what else are you going to say but okay?

lalalalyra Thu 06-Dec-18 22:06:54

She had it by then so couldn’t exactly say no.

That would be the thing I had the biggest issue with. I cannot stand it when people give your child something or promise them a day out or something big/special and then turn to you and say "That's ok isn't it?" which basically puts you in the position where you either have to say yes or you end up being te one that disappoints your child. It's manipulative.

Gigglebrain Thu 06-Dec-18 22:11:10

YANBU. I would be extremely annoyed, I have chosen not to do the stupid elf too, it’s not just the moving it etc, it’s remembering, if you forget you disappoint your kids.
The staff member has massively overstepped the mark.

RCohle Thu 06-Dec-18 22:21:37

I agree - it put you in a situation where it was impossible really for you to refuse.

I'm surprised you're getting so many responses saying this is fine. Generally people on here are (rightly) very hot on schools respecting parent's choices, particularly about stuff as potentially sensitive as Christmas traditions.

What if a, well intentioned, TA took it upon themselves to tell your child Santa didn't exist? Would that interference with a family's Xmas traditions be ok?

Cherrysherbet Thu 06-Dec-18 22:23:28

I think you’re over reacting. It’s a little toy that you move around your house, and it gives a bit of excitement and pleasure to your child. It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate, literally takes me 2 mins.

Ours isn’t linked to good / bad behaviour, it just comes to stay each December, and adds a little bit of magic.

The person who gave the elf to your dd was just trying to do something kind. That’s how I would see it.

If you don’t want to get involved, just tell your dd that her elf isn’t the kind that gets up to mischief. He is a good elf, and just wants to keep her company until he goes home on Christmas Eve. Don’t make such an issue out of it.

We could all list the mountain of jobs and hideously busy schedules we have over the next few weeks, but it does sound slightly dramatic op.

Rosalise Thu 06-Dec-18 22:33:17

Now that the elf has seen how happy your family is and how much magic you have in your lives, he could leave a note saying just that and asking to be left with another family who need him more. One of the girls at school or a trip to the charity shop would do nicely. OK so it's a bit of extra work for the weekend but it's a life lesson in kindness and a cue for you to put on Mary Poppins or Nanny McPhee and leave the DCren to it for a bit.

LaurieMarlow Thu 06-Dec-18 22:34:54

As with anything, if you want to you'll find the time.

Last year, I was working 60+ hour weeks, travelling lots and pregnant with DS2. I did the elf because it was important to me (or more accurately important to DS1).

Having said that, I'll defend to the death your right not to do it if you don't want to. And you don't need to justify that.

Jorgezaunders Thu 06-Dec-18 22:38:00

Tell your daughter that if she wants it, she has to set up the scenes every night. Like a pet.

Jorgezaunders Thu 06-Dec-18 22:38:53

I mean the flipping thing comes in a box, she can't possibly think it's real.

Schuyler Thu 06-Dec-18 22:39:22

If it’s a safeguarding issue, surely it needs to be referred....

ballsdeep Thu 06-Dec-18 22:41:11

Are you taking the piss??? Safeguarding issue?!

LaurieMarlow Thu 06-Dec-18 22:41:34

Even if it was, I don’t need a piece of cheap cloth to make sure she behaves for 20 days.

Our elf plays no role in surveillance. Neither does anyone else's I know of. They're just there for fun.

And I object to the 'tat' comment as our elf is quite cute and very, very loved in our house.

Again, I'm not advocating you do it if you don't want to, but no need to disparage others in justifying yourself.

Schuyler Thu 06-Dec-18 22:43:29

I was responding to the posters who think it is a safeguarding issue and if they do think it is, surely you’d refer to the professionals? I’m trying to imagine a social worker receiving this concern!

Zofloramummy Thu 06-Dec-18 22:44:44

I’d avoided the bloody elf until my mother bought one for dd. I wasn’t happy.

So far the after school club elf has, been stuck to a wall, demolished a stack of toast and worn a slice as a jumper, wrapped all of their Xmas trees in toilet paper, plus other exploits. Ours moves places. Dd is complaining that our elf isn’t doing much. She is lucky I’ve remembered to keep moving him! I don’t mind the idea of an elf sitting in a shelf (the same sodding shelf would be good), but the whole trashing your house idea is just daft!

RCohle Thu 06-Dec-18 23:07:38

Schuyler - when people are saying this is a safeguarding issue I don't think they mean that there are concerns in this particular instance such that contacting SS etc would be sensible.

What they mean is that school staff giving gifts to children can, in some cases, be indicative of potential abuse and therefore most schools have stringent policies against it. The school should possibly be informed to make sure this staff member is properly trained and to ensure the school has proper safeguarding measures in place.

AddictedToTea Thu 06-Dec-18 23:14:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RCohle Thu 06-Dec-18 23:27:05

@AddictedToTea I'm surprised, your school certainly isn't following best practice -

As I've said, there obviously doesn't appear to be any risk here, but that doesn't mean the member of staff hasn't breached important safeguarding principles.

It wasn't "the school" that rang the OP's DH, it was the member of staff themselves. So it is likely the school are wholly unaware of this.

Extralargeoranges Fri 07-Dec-18 06:24:49


Notacluethisxmas Fri 07-Dec-18 06:35:59

What do you mean by 'I just don't get it'. It's not for you to get. It's for kids.

There's loads of Christmas traditions that seem a bit weird.

Do you really only do stuff for your kids that you find fun or get?

Thewheelsarefallingoff Fri 07-Dec-18 06:48:58

A bit late to the thread, but I'm with you, op. I was pretty pissed off that my DCs have found out about elf on the shelf this year.

There is so much pressure around Xmas. Advent calendars are getting more elaborate, everyone has Xmas jumpers & PJs.

We've always invested a lot of time & effort in Father Xmas, as me & DH both want to make it magical. There's the shopping, wrapping, tree, the hosting, the food, the travelling to visit everyone. Also, due to being snowed in our village in February, I have no A/L to take time off before. I think Elf on the shelf might break me.

RebelWitchFace Fri 07-Dec-18 07:07:54

* If someone came to me with a ‘safeguarding concern’ regarding the purchase of an Elf I’d not be able to keep a straight face.*

Then I hope you're not a DSL.
It's not even about the elf, it's about going against a parent's choice, presenting it as a fait accompli and singling out a particular child.
It's obviously innocent but annoying in this case. It isn't always.

chocolatecoveredraisons Fri 07-Dec-18 07:16:20

Of course it's a safeguarding issue. It doesn't need to be referred to the SS but does need to be logged with DSL and adequate training and professional boundaries need to be reviewed.
It's not "a member of staff trying to keep magic of xmas alive" it's "a member of staff gave an individual child in her school a present for no particular reason without first talking to parents" I wonder if people would feel differently if it was a male.

If she wanted said child to have the toy, she should have checked with parents first. It's not on.

Caprisunorange Fri 07-Dec-18 07:34:10

You don’t have to do any of the elf is making sure you’re being good stuff. I don’t know anyone who does this, the Elf just comes to stay

Leonie87 Fri 07-Dec-18 07:39:39

We have managed to avoid elf on the shelf so far, as DD1 is only 3 and hasn’t yet discovered it.

I could probably find time to do it but I don’t want this to be one of our traditions. I don’t particularly like it. I agree with the increasing pressure at Christmas, the ridiculous advent calendars etc (dont even get me started on the homemade ones where they get a present every day - don’t they get enough over Christmas??) and I miss The more simple Christmas from when I was a little girl.

You can create a lovely, magical Christmas without buying into absolutely everything.

ViragoKnows Fri 07-Dec-18 07:46:12

A chore??? pressure??? Jesus!!! Someone did something nice for your daughter and you are pissed off?

Why not just scrap Father Christmas, in fact no scrap Christmas as a whole, I mean what with all the pressure.

It would annoy me too. For several reasons. Not least that children can be quite astute and will probably figure out that a soft toy doesn’t come to life at night at a younger age than they would realise the Father Christmas is mythical.

If rather be left to choose our family traditions (and try to prolong the magic) for my own family. Other people interfering isn’t on.

diddl Fri 07-Dec-18 08:28:33

So are you going to bother moving it about or just let your daughter have it as a toy?

Yabbers Fri 07-Dec-18 08:30:05

Do you really only do stuff for your kids that you find fun or get?

Pretty much. I’m not going to take her hiking, or to a football match but I’ll take her to the library or to a rugby match because it’s what we’re interested in. That’s what families do. This elf is hardly a tradition, it’s a fad. Nobody needs to buy into everything.

We could all list the mountain of jobs and hideously busy schedules we have over the next few weeks, but it does sound slightly dramatic op.
If you’re already stretched to breaking point, one more thing can really be a problem.

ViragoKnows Fri 07-Dec-18 08:55:27

If you’re already stretched to breaking point, one more thing can really be a problem.

Its one more thing to remember more than anything else. (Which is fine of you’re up for it.)

I remember one year the tooth fairies forgot to come to our house TWICE in two months. The guilt! The cover stories! blush

hazeyjane Fri 07-Dec-18 09:00:12

our elf plays no role in surveillance. Neither does anyone else's I know of.

Most of the children I know who have them do have the 'watching the children' thing - with some added weirdness about the elf being sent back to Santa if they are little boy was beside himself all morning as he had touched his elf and he had disappeared and wouldn't come back. He then had to say sorry to Santa and lo his elf was back...allelulah it's a miracle of Christmas magic blah.

Ds loves YouTube videos of families like Daily Bumps....the families on there do the whole 9 yards, setting up scenes, Santa cams, the lot. Don't other kids watch these things?

Personally I am not a fan of all the naughty/nice thing - I like giving to be unconditional.

Ds finds the elf idea scary and is happy that we have 3 ninja elves who you can't see but who leave a sack outside the front door on Xmas eve filled with the vegetables for Xmas lunch.

ViragoKnows Fri 07-Dec-18 09:02:02

some added weirdness about the elf being sent back to Santa if they are touched..

What kind of victim blaming is that?! shocksmile

WhatchaMaCalllit Fri 07-Dec-18 09:18:24

Easy solution - elf breaks leg. Wrap Elf's leg in tape. Doctor says elf must remain in a stable location (preferably on the mantelpiece or somewhere equally visible so he doesn't move) for the foreseeable future. Job done!

Safeandwarm Fri 07-Dec-18 09:25:43

Does anyone else not want one just because they’re creepy looking? I have the same thing with pot dolls, I’m not afraid of them, but I wouldn’t want one in my house. Ds is only 2 so not a problem as yet.

diddl Fri 07-Dec-18 09:55:54

"Does anyone else not want one just because they’re creepy looking?"

Not particularly-but I don't like the idea of the watching & reporting back-although I doubt that everyone does that.

I don't think that not wanting to do it (even if your kid does) is a bad thing.

What is bad is being bought one by someone else because your kid has mentioned wanting one.

lottiegarbanzo Fri 07-Dec-18 10:11:27

Does anyone else not want one just because they’re creepy looking?

It's one of the reasons I would not entertain the idea of one entering my home. I find them really, really creepy - repulsive.

But really, why would I consider one? We have our Christmas traditions. Why on earth would I consider buying some tatty, creepy, surveilling toy, just because some other people do it and someone wants to sell me one? People want to sell me a lot of tat I don't want, need or contemplate buying.

Notacluethisxmas Fri 07-Dec-18 10:51:14

and I miss The more simple Christmas from when I was a little girl.

You can get plain advent calendars. Super .markets had load if the ones with just one chocolate per day . Or no chocolate. I got my ds a simple one from asda.

Pretty much. I’m not going to take her hiking, or to a football match but I’ll take her to the library or to a rugby match because it’s what we’re interested in. That’s what families do. This elf is hardly a tradition, it’s a fad. Nobody needs to buy into everything.

Really? So if she wants to go a rugby match, you wouldn't take her? Or football? Or something that isn't of interest to you?

I don't know any families that will only do stuff with their kids, if the adults want and like it.

Notacluethisxmas Fri 07-Dec-18 10:52:10

I also find it a bit sad that people have their traditions and are so firm against adding new ones.

I love when traditions just naturally evolve.

NonaGrey Fri 07-Dec-18 10:54:41

I love when traditions just naturally evolve.

A member of your child’s teaching staff imposing an elf on the family is hardly a natural evolution.

lottiegarbanzo Fri 07-Dec-18 10:55:12

I love when traditions naturally evolve too. Ours certainly have. World of difference from having some commercial fad foisted upon you.

Happypie Fri 07-Dec-18 11:00:56

Contact the school safeguarding officer. It is totally inappropriate for a staff member to buy your child a present. It does not matter what the present is. Rules to prevent grooming are in place for a reason.

PumpkinKitty82 Fri 07-Dec-18 11:01:44

As much as that was kind ,I think it was crossing a line .
We don’t do the “Elf” thing , I think it’s ridiculous and feel pressured every year because dd comes home telling me stories about her friends Elves which makes me feel guilty.
Great if you have to time to do that shot every night but I for one do not and many I know who do are so half arsed with it now that they wish they never started it !

SpiritedFarAway Fri 07-Dec-18 11:09:16

My dd age 7 told me this morning that everyone has an elf in her class, and the teacher asks the children every morning what their elf has done.

She also said the same thing happened last year when she was in year 2 and the teacher asked about her elf and she had to say she doesn't have one. Made me feel a bit shit to be fair...

She doesn't believe in father Xmas btw, so the reason for the elf wouldn't appeal to her. I asked if she wanted one now and she said she wasn't sure...

Wixi Fri 07-Dec-18 11:17:27

We have an elf. It only appears after the visit to Santa (next weekend) and doesn't do anything stupid, just moves from room to room. My DD is not allowed to touch it or talk to it, just looks for it each morning. No big hassle, until you get into bed just about falling asleep and realise that she hasn't been moved :-). We've told my DD that she goes back to Santa each night to report on her behaviour which is why she comes back in a different place. Works for now but probably this is the last year.

LaurieMarlow Fri 07-Dec-18 11:24:13

Nobody needs to buy into everything.

This is absolutely true.

This elf is hardly a tradition, it’s a fad

I'm never sure why people get so worked up about this. I can't say it's status as a 'tradition' or not really concerns me. I saw something I knew my DS would love and I went with it.

Only time will tell anyway. All traditions have to start somewhere. I bet there were plenty of people in the 1840s (or whenever) berating the awful new fad for Christmas trees. grin

LaurieMarlow Fri 07-Dec-18 11:31:24

World of difference from having some commercial fad foisted upon you.

The vast majority of our long standing, shared Christmas traditions will have had commercial backing and shrewd marketing behind them at the beginning.

However I do completely understand the OPs annoyance that her hand has been forced on this one. it wasn't the teachers place to instigate this tradition for her.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Fri 07-Dec-18 11:31:38

The first thing I thought was has she bought the rest of the kids something.
I don't think other parents will be pleases if she hasnt. Itd be looked on as blue eyed favoritism where I'm from

BumsexAtTheBingo Fri 07-Dec-18 11:31:57

I think it’s crossing boundaries a bit for a member of staff to single one child out and give them a gift. I doubt it’s the intention but the staff member should be aware that it could be considered grooming and is a big safeguarding no no.
I would be telling your dd that the elf lives at school and I’m sure he’ll be getting up to lots of mischief in the classroom 😂

Queenofthedrivensnow Fri 07-Dec-18 13:20:48

@cadburysflake I agree with you.

Farking hell don't have kids they are a massive inconvenience.

Queenofthedrivensnow Fri 07-Dec-18 13:21:42

We have 3 elves. One each. The dds bloody love it. fgrinfgrinfgrinfgrinfgrinfgrin

Gatehouse77 Fri 07-Dec-18 13:26:07

Both DH and I would be livid if anyone did to us.

We choose not to do the whole elf thing because as far as we're concerned our children need to behave all year round and to do it because it's the right thing to do . Not out of fear of disappointing someone/thing and losing out on a 'reward'.

And it wouldn't be coming home.

Willow2017 Fri 07-Dec-18 13:26:58

I 2ould be pussed off tbh.
I decide what happens in my house not some random.
I would be explaining this to school and whereas it might have been to them a nice gesture its not been thought our nor parent asked if its ok. Not very professional at all to impose your idea of xmas on someone else.

BlueJava Fri 07-Dec-18 13:30:48

I think YABU - just stick him on a shelf and sometimes he moves, sometimes he just watches. They did something your daughter will love... and you think it's pressure. Perhaps you cba for your DD, fair enough - but it is not pressure.

hazeyjane Fri 07-Dec-18 13:33:57

Farking hell don't have kids they are a massive inconvenience

Jeez, how the hell do people get to that conclusion because some people don't want to do the fucking elf!

Jimandemilyplorn Fri 07-Dec-18 13:38:58

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

EerieSilence Fri 07-Dec-18 13:41:25

I personally hate the bloody little Chucky-like stalker but if someone bought DD one, I'd have most fun moving it around and messing around with that stupid thing.

Want2bSupermum Fri 07-Dec-18 13:46:59

There have been a couple of teachers who have purchased very nice things for our DC. I don't encourage it but I certainly would never think it's negative. They work closely with our DC everyday and really love our DC in a good way which our DC benefit from.

Personally I would say thank you. After the first day I'd tell my DC it's been called to Lapland to help Santa with the Christmas gift making and hopefully can make it back for Christmas Day. Wrap it that night as a Christmas gift for the child. Job done.

Queenofthedrivensnow Fri 07-Dec-18 13:49:08

@hazeyjane it's not a massive commitment though is it?

RosieRoo4 Fri 07-Dec-18 13:55:48

I can’t believe all the drama about a little toy. My DS has special needs and is at a SN school, his TA frequently buys him little inexpensive gifts, it’s not a safeguarding issue nor is she grooming him as suggested by a PP. We have an elf, he doesn’t do anything naughty, he moves around the house each night, it takes me less than a minute, DS has to find him when he gets up and is delighted when he does.
If your DC wants an elf then let them have one for goodness sake.

70isaLimitNotaTarget Fri 07-Dec-18 14:06:13

The teacher is being so VVVU........ she gave it on the 6th? So your DD has missed out of 6 Days of Elf related Fun and Japes?

Yes he's a creepy looking little fecker.
But "Elf on the Shelf: A Christmas Tradition" is a Thing in he USA.
The Elf (that you have to name) and the Book to track his progress.
Not a passing fad at all.

hazeyjane Fri 07-Dec-18 14:10:52


Loads of posters have said why they don't like them, why they don't want to start having to remember to do it every night for a month, why someone else shouldn't be choosing which traditions your family have and that they do lots of other things that are christmassy and magical yada yada yada.....this idea that it's just because you can't be arsed to create the magic is horse apples.

hazeyjane Fri 07-Dec-18 14:13:12

....and why does not want to do elf bollocks = children are an inconvenience sheesh that is a big leap

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