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DH family are so weird...

(39 Posts)
LightItUp Thu 06-Dec-18 14:52:10

... me and DH have moved recently back to his childhood hometown. I'm starting to get to know some of his less immediate family better and they're... weird...

Turns out both of his uncles visit prostitutes who are much younger than them (their are in their 50s, girls are in their early 20s). DH didn't know this. His brother who he doesn't speak to much is actually quite racist (I'm mixed race and he thinks it's normal to talk about 'blacks' and 'coloured folks' in front of me as if they're (we're?) a bunch of muppets who belong in our own little box) - again, DH claims to be unaware of this, but did shut his brother down very quickly. Another family member was caught last week exposing himself to someone in the woods near us (they were a family) and his youngest brother just sits in his room smoking weed all day doing absolutely nothing with his life...

AIBU to feel generally uncomfortable that his family are so odd? Is this normal? Does everyone have people like this in their family?

I literally had no idea they were THIS weird...

I have a newborn (7 weeks) and as ridiculous as this sounds, I felt very uncomfortable with a man who visits prostitutes holding my baby. DH says none of my business, but I feel... odd...

Not sure where I'm going with this post. Just need to get that off my chest I guess! Can't talk to my family about it as I don't want them judging DH for it. DH is very normal...

Raintreeap Thu 06-Dec-18 14:55:26

Oh goodness! No this is not normal and I would be keeping my distance.

LightItUp Thu 06-Dec-18 14:56:22

I don't know how you can be married to someone and have absolutely no idea how nuts some of their family members are...

DonaldDucksTowel Thu 06-Dec-18 14:59:10

confused did you just reply to your own post OP?

LightItUp Thu 06-Dec-18 15:04:09

@DonaldDucksTowel no? I just made a statement. I am shocked that I had no idea about any of this stuff. They're people I've met before!

BagelGoesWalking Thu 06-Dec-18 15:06:02

F**ing hell! They do sound a bit ... extreme. Do you have to stay there?

What will happen when your child is a bit older and wants/relatives want a visit or sleepover? Not sure I'd feel happy with that lot babysitting my precious child.

The racism is awful too and could very well wear away at you over time. Even if they're using terms out of ignorance more than any actual wish to hurt you, it's still pretty horrible.

LightItUp Thu 06-Dec-18 15:08:16

@BagelGoesWalking we moved here because I have very little family, it's a gorgeous town and we wanted to live somewhere nice to raise our DC. Was a bonus that his family were so close by, but turns out they're complete weirdos (not all of them but a few).

There most certainly won't be any sleep overs!

SilverLining10 Thu 06-Dec-18 15:10:39

I honestly would be keeping my distance especially with my DC from them. They sounds more than weirdos but perverts

GreatDuckCookery Thu 06-Dec-18 15:13:04

They sound pretty awful OP. Let DH see them if he wants but in your shoes I would be keeping a wide berth.

christmaschristmaschristmas Thu 06-Dec-18 15:17:32

They would be nowhere near my children. Ever.

Namestheyareachangin Thu 06-Dec-18 15:21:32

They sound bloody batshit. The fact your DH 'isn't aware' and says it's 'not your business' are your real problems though. He is basically condoning the behaviour by not calling it out or even recognising it as problematic!

Jog22 Thu 06-Dec-18 15:24:48

Nothing useful to add. Just that your situation is reminding me of the brilliant comedy 'This country'.
www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b09twr53/episodes/guide

MissionItsPossible Thu 06-Dec-18 15:26:24

Weird? They sound rude, racist, disgusting and perverted before weird.

secondarymincepie Thu 06-Dec-18 15:29:06

How did the uncles visiting prostitutes even come up in conversation?!

ILoveHumanity Thu 06-Dec-18 15:31:28

People have all kinds of ppl in their family but the odd part is when such behaviours are accepted to the point it’s out to be witnessed .. then I’d b concerned as their weirdness could influence others

Ellie56 Thu 06-Dec-18 15:32:06

A racist, 3 perverts and a junkie all in one family? As others have said a bit more than weird. I'd be keeping a wide berth in your shoes OP.

AcrossthePond55 Thu 06-Dec-18 15:33:25

It may be a 'nice place' to raise your children, but they're certainly NOT 'nice people' to raise your children around.

Are there any family members with whom you feel comfortable? You're only mentioning the male members (uncles, brothers). What about the female members?

Honestly, if there were no people in his family worth knowing, and I was sure that there was no way my DH would agree to not having the children around them, I'd look into moving. I'd rather live in a 'less nice' area surrounded by nice people, people with whom I can form my own 'family', a family by choice.

MsTSwift Thu 06-Dec-18 15:35:20

Less weird more unpleasant. Would distance myself and wouldn’t be keen on my dcs growing up with people like that in their lives. My in-laws can be abit dull but am looking at them in a new and favourable light as they have never flashed at anyone, smoked weed, used prostitutes or been openly racist

trulybadlydeeply Thu 06-Dec-18 15:37:10

How did you manage to find out about the uncles visiting prostitutes, when your DH claims to have no knowledge of this? I would suggest that he did know about this (although this must mean that the uncles discuss it openly??), as well as knowing how racist his brother is. His wife and his baby are mixed race, and yet your DH is prepared to spend time in the company of a racist?

They sound a deeply dysfunctional family. Are your DH's parents still around? If so, what are they like - do they condone any of this behaviour?

Despite the fact that you say your DH is "normal", coming from this family he is going to have some very deeply ingrained beliefs that you may actually discover are not so "normal". All of us develop beliefs about ourselves and the world from influential people around us, and many of us have to work hard at challenging more negative or destructive beliefs in order to live a truly happy life.

Tread carefully OP, and be cautious about spending too much time in their company, especially as your baby grows. You're not spending time with them over Christmas, are you?

PinaColada1 Thu 06-Dec-18 15:38:51

I don’t think they are odd, I think they sound not very nice!

Urge, do you have to live there?

Tinkobell Thu 06-Dec-18 15:41:38

Mmm.....I wouldn't be throwing any big family parties too soon ....keep any interactions v brief and a good arms length for the next 20 years or so, if you Can. Often easily said, not easily done.

MirandaGoshawk Thu 06-Dec-18 15:45:45

They sound as you'd have to... "suspend judgement", i.e. look really hard the other way in their company in order to tolerate them. But flashing in the woods? No. No. No and no again. Not normal and not acceptable and no looking the other way (no irony intended). Steer DH away from seeing them and I would be keeping my child away, thanks very much.

VictoryOrValhalla Thu 06-Dec-18 15:46:01

Oh wow. I’d be wanting to move away again tbh. Is there anything preventing that?

LegoAdventCalendar Thu 06-Dec-18 15:54:15

WTAF? They're sex abusing pervs. No way I'd turn the other way.

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall Thu 06-Dec-18 15:55:54

Bloody hell! The weed smoking brother sounds the most responsible of the lot! Definitely not normal

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