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To think you can't be a "nice guy" if you use prostitutes for sex?

(448 Posts)
NotMyOriginalName1 Thu 06-Dec-18 14:22:33

Or can you?

In short, somebody I've known for a number of years openly admits to visiting sex workers and has deluded himself into believing he's one of the good guys and isn't exploitative. He spouts bullshit about having respect for the women he sees and thinks they adore his charming company.

I've lost what respect I have for him.

Unbeknownst to him I have personal experience of these situations, I was a sex worker in my late teens and what lead me there was an abusive relationship. I never felt respected by one single 'customer' in fact it was the 'good guys' who made my skin crawl the most.

Aibu to say he's an exploitative c-u-next-tuesday or am I jaded as a result my own trauma?

mybumpismostlypudding Thu 06-Dec-18 14:23:33

Personally, I don't think you can be a nice guy and use prostitutes

KnobOfStork Thu 06-Dec-18 14:25:03

All the young women I know who were trafficked and pimped as teenagers would agree with you.

doublethink Thu 06-Dec-18 14:25:07

shudder no, utterly grim.

CryptoFascist Thu 06-Dec-18 14:25:40

I remember reading a post from a sex worker who said that every single man they see thinks they're different from the rest as they're a "nice guy". They also all are convinced they're great in bed and give the sex worker loads of pleasure hmm.
I'd ditch the "friend" if I were you, he sounds unpleasant and obviously triggering for you, why is he even telling you about this?!

LanceStatersGold Thu 06-Dec-18 14:25:51

He’s telling himself a story to justify his behaviour. I can’t even imagine why he’s also sharing it with others.

I’m so sorry that you’ve been on the other side of this. YANBU at all.

Gileswithachainsaw Thu 06-Dec-18 14:26:06

I'm with you ok.

The "good guys" wouldn't have any trouble finding someone to share their bed with consensually.

Someone why has a decent view of women wouldn't sleep with prostitutes. They'd be too concerned abiut what happened to them to get there.

NotMyOriginalName1 Thu 06-Dec-18 14:27:13

I've expressed my disgust and he thinks I'm talking bollocks as "how can I possibly know" what goes through the minds of the women he sees.

oofadoofa Thu 06-Dec-18 14:27:15

Out of genuine interest, what about the good guys, compared to I would presume the more demanding (?) ones, made your skin crawl?

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Thu 06-Dec-18 14:28:01

Of course he's not a good guy. He probably believes he is though, as Crypto notes above - denial is a powerful thing.

Kamma89 Thu 06-Dec-18 14:28:27

Not every sex worker has an abusive or exploitative route into it though so you can't apply your personal experiences to everyone & judge by those standards. Given we're in the UK & legalisation & regulation are not on the horizon though, I'd probably tread a little more carefully around this guy too.

LittleLifeRaft Thu 06-Dec-18 14:30:27

"how can I possibly know" what goes through the minds of the women he sees.
And he's psychic is he?

Hikers Thu 06-Dec-18 14:31:30

YANBU and I couldn’t be friends with him

NotMyOriginalName1 Thu 06-Dec-18 14:31:41

His 'hobby' came up during a discussion about online dating which went off track, surprised then I pressed him for more info and he openly admitted he's been doing it for years.

I would've never had him down as the type

zzzzz Thu 06-Dec-18 14:32:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fkyall Thu 06-Dec-18 14:33:19

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NottonightJosepheen Thu 06-Dec-18 14:33:27

No. It is beyond my ken that anyone can have sexual relations with another person solely because there is an exchange of money and they are essentially buying another's body who would otherwise not enter into sexual relations with them. It is wrong. How could that be okay?

sparklepops123 Thu 06-Dec-18 14:33:52

Ask him if he gets a discount due to being such a nice guy

NotMyOriginalName1 Thu 06-Dec-18 14:36:31

@oofadoofa I found the self labelled good guys to be more pushy in terms of boundaries and in multiple cases resulted in stalking behaviours.

I'm projecting all of this from my own experience so obviously I am biased, but having gotten to know several other women in the industry at the time, ladies who marketed themselves as professional independent escorts, not one of them I got to know enjoyed the acts with clients and came from troubled backgrounds even if they weren't directly forced into sex work

U2HasTheEdge Thu 06-Dec-18 14:36:52


Nice men do not pay for sex.

Frosty66611 Thu 06-Dec-18 14:37:07

He probably thinks he’s a “nice guy” because he’s friendly to the escorts and doesn’t physically hurt them etc. He probably thinks he has some sort of genuine rapport with them.
Little does he know that 99% of escorts will just be fantastic actresses who are only interested in his £££ and probably think he’s a revolting slimeball

NotMyOriginalName1 Thu 06-Dec-18 14:37:20

@fkyall nope.

CryptoFascist Thu 06-Dec-18 14:37:23

You had it right in your op, he has deluded himself. Is there any reason you need to stay friends with him, social circle etc? If not I'd ditch. If you have to be civil due to circumstances I'd keep it to the bare minimum.

Avegemitesandwich Thu 06-Dec-18 14:37:32

I'm sure most of the blokes who use prostitutes tell themselves that they are one of the 'nice guys' and that they get on really well with the women blah blah blah.

He isn't a nice guy.

Avegemitesandwich Thu 06-Dec-18 14:38:38

Are you one of those women who campaign for the right of podium girls to be unemployed?


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