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To be a bit disappointed with boyfriends presents for me?

(153 Posts)
poppyflorrie Wed 28-Nov-18 09:14:20

Last night I was changing the bed and my boyfriend had hid my presents for Christmas in the blanket chest.
I am grateful but it's just the usual crap basically.
He's got my 2 fav bottles of perfume,a dressing gown,pair of slippers and a no7 skincare set.
It's the same thing pretty much every year.
I try and spice it up for him but he sticks to the same thing.
Aibu being a bit meh about them?

Ifailed Wed 28-Nov-18 09:15:46

assuming you are both adults, have you talked about it?

custardcream5 Wed 28-Nov-18 09:16:05

Honestly I think that all sounds and my DP will be hard pushed to get eachother a bottle of anything this year with a small DD and another baby on the way we can't really afford much, just think yourself lucky smile

SnuggyBuggy Wed 28-Nov-18 09:17:34

It does strike me as a bit formulaic. Next year ask for something

SoyDora Wed 28-Nov-18 09:17:59

What else would you like?

LagunaBubbles Wed 28-Nov-18 09:19:08

Sounds lovely to me. If he buys you the same stuff and you're fed up have you actually said anything though?

MysweetAudrina Wed 28-Nov-18 09:19:54

You do sound ungrateful tbh. He has got them in good time and obviously thought he was picking up stuff you like. The fact he knows what your fav perfume is, is a good sign.

I am just about to email by list to DH. Last year I wrote out a list of 12 things I would like thinking he would pick a few off it but he got me the whole lot.

What would you have liked?

bengalcat Wed 28-Nov-18 09:21:28

Yes YABU - next year if there's anything in particular you'd like then tell him . I can well imagine why a man would think two bottle of your favourite perfume would be a welcome gift .

Blanchedupetitpois Wed 28-Nov-18 09:22:24

It is a bit safe - the thought is obviously nice, but if you’ve been together a while he ought to know you well enough to be a bit more adventurous.

It’s too late this year as he has already bought them, but for next year try having an early conversation and point him in the direction of things you actually want.

Rhiannon13 Wed 28-Nov-18 09:22:33

He won't know what you want unless you tell him! Of course you probably feel he should know what you want, but some people are hard to buy for while others are so much easier. People who tend to moan about gifts fall into the former category so end up with the same thing each year.

Bluerussian Wed 28-Nov-18 09:22:42

Sounds like good presents to me! Not everyone has original ideas - do we want original ideas for presents? They are sometimes given and prove to be big mistakes.

Enjoy your gifts, they are lovely. He could add a nice floral bouquet either in a vase or easy to be transferred to vase.

Yulebealrite Wed 28-Nov-18 09:22:45

Communication about this and all other relationship aspects is the obvious answer. He's not a mind reader.
Read about languages of love.

UrsulaPandress Wed 28-Nov-18 09:23:20

A list is the way to go. DH always bought me earrings that I didn't like. So now I choose my own.

poppyflorrie Wed 28-Nov-18 09:23:31

I'm not really sure what else I would like tbh
Just a nice surprise of something different.
Last year I bought him a motor racing day and he loved it.

silkpyjamasallday Wed 28-Nov-18 09:23:46

Well I wouldn't want a new dressing gown every year, but I'd love to get scents/skincare that I like, it doesn't change that often so it would be samey but it's nice to not have to stock up yourself. I'd be grateful he goes for safe options of things you do actually like, rather than doing what my DP does, which is go out a few days before birthdays or Christmas and gets whatever the shop assistants talk him into. I got a load of Forver Living aloe Vera juice from him last year, along with the speil from the sales lady about how this gift basket was worth £250 (he didn't pay that thankfully but was definitely ripped off) Too rank to drink, total and utter waste of money. Or a vile grannyish polyester cardigan that the shop assistant told him was merino wool, a fake Chanel sweatshirt, the list goes on. All terrible wastes of money. I wish he would just look at my amazon book list, and get me the bath oil I like, would be less expensive than the crap I end up with.

Vitalogy Wed 28-Nov-18 09:23:57

I wrote out a list of 12 things I would like thinking he would pick a few off it but he got me the whole lot. Aww, he was covering all bases there smile

Jason118 Wed 28-Nov-18 09:24:43

In general us gents are terrified of getting rubbish presents for OH so it's best to either get a wish list or stick to what we know. Seems he stuck to what he knows which is always my default position.

poppyflorrie Wed 28-Nov-18 09:24:53

He went through a phase of buying me the bloody soap and glory set (the one boots reduces ) and I didn't have the heart to say I didn't like it.
He used to get up early and stand in the boots line for it opening (told me he had to start work a hour early )
Bless him
He does try

pasturesgreen Wed 28-Nov-18 09:26:26

Sounds alright to me, tbh. He's maybe playing it a bit safe, but there's nothing inherently wrong with that list, and getting your favourite perfume shows that some thought went into his choice.

Puggles123 Wed 28-Nov-18 09:27:32

Aw that’s sweet, if nothing has cropped up in conversation (assuming it hasn’t as you don’t know what you want) then he is going with gifts he knows you will like. Next year maybe give him some ideas, but I wouldn’t be disappointed as it’s still personal to your tastes and he has made an effort.

RedRoseReb Wed 28-Nov-18 09:28:35

You can't have it both ways:

Accept his autonomy and say bless him ( and truly mean it) or resolve to use your influence.

BunsOfAnarchy Wed 28-Nov-18 09:32:52

I love xmas and Valentine's tat from DH. Id love what you've described and its most likely what ill be getting.
But we've together 11 years. The 3/4years it was always something amazing though. Just talk to your DP. I would have.
Also it's only November! Maybe bigger things to come?

VanellopeVonSchweetz99 Wed 28-Nov-18 09:32:53

This is why DH and I haven't done Christmas presents for each other 16 years. It's bliss, honestly.

Vitalogy Wed 28-Nov-18 09:32:59

I think a list is the way to go OP. You could do a list of more unusual things though. Stuff that cost little or no money.

SoyDora Wed 28-Nov-18 09:33:57

I think if you don’t know what you’d like, it’s pretty harsh to think that he should.

happypoobum Wed 28-Nov-18 09:34:11

He used to get up early and stand in the boots line for it opening (told me he had to start work a hour early )

Honestly OP listen to yourself!!! grin

I got a toilet seat one year!

RedRoseReb Wed 28-Nov-18 09:34:18

I'm trying to move to no gifts!

Talcott2007 Wed 28-Nov-18 09:34:29

Have you actually asked for something specific? Will you use those things over the next year. Non of those things are awful or inappropriate. TBH that fact that it's actually a perfume that you like and he's been organised enough to get it before we are even in December is quite impressive... DH really struggles with 'thoughtful gift buying' too a lot of people seem to so now I actually say to him if I want something/need something - This year I actually sent him a link to the Wellies I want as I have a online voucher code with a message along the line of wow these look a good deal, I wouldn't be unhappy to discover a pair of these under the tree this year and leave the rest up to him

dinosaurglitterrepublic Wed 28-Nov-18 09:36:25

This is why DH and I haven't done Christmas presents for each other 16 years. It's bliss, honestly.


TheRedRoom Wed 28-Nov-18 09:37:54

You need to think of a bunch of ideas and tell him!! He's not psychic. Those sound like ok presents to me but not great, but without suggestions how is he me at to know especially if you don't know what you want yourseld.

I send my dh loads of ideas of things I like, websites, insta accounts I follow etc to give ideas, plus in the past he's gone to the big indie maker markets in our city if he needs extra ideas. He gives me ideas for him too. We don't buy much but always stuff the other likes. Suggest a range of stuff and set a total price limit for each other. One great think is better than 6 meh things.

ER1992 Wed 28-Nov-18 09:38:04

Maybe you should have a discussion each year and ask each other if there is anything you'd like? This is what me and my husband do. We always get each other a few extra little bits that neither of us know about so we have 'surprises' as well but the main present is always something we want.
However this year as we have a new born and money is tighter we've agreed to not buy eachother anything and keep the money we would usually spend and wait until little one is old enough to stay at grandparents so we can have a night away instead.
Hope this gives you ideas for next year!

Huntawaymama Wed 28-Nov-18 09:38:23

Aw he sounds like he puts the effort in. Men aren't the best with ideas so ask for something next time and this year appreciate what you get and consider how lucky you are. If my farmer husband actually goes to a shop for me I know that's a huge effort

Alfie190 Wed 28-Nov-18 09:39:11

I agree that it is a bit unreasonable to criticise his choices when you have not guided him and cannot think of anything yourself.

Surfskatefamily Wed 28-Nov-18 09:39:58

Thatd be great for me. Mine normally buys some crap from china as hes terrible at budgeting and never saves money..its almost like he doesnt know me

Sparklingbrook Wed 28-Nov-18 09:40:07

DH and I haven't bought each other anything for years, it's very much simpler. If I need a new dressing gown, I will just go and buy one, same as perfume.

It's only November so maybe he is going to get you some more things? But what he's got sounds ok to me.

BuffaloCauliflower Wed 28-Nov-18 09:41:39

He’s not a mind reader. If you don’t tell him what you want how will he know?

HomeMadeMadness Wed 28-Nov-18 09:41:45

Lots of adults don't go all out for presents once you're in an established relationship. I would just have a chat and say you'd love it if this year you could each get each other one new, thoughtful gift as a surprise.

staffiegirl Wed 28-Nov-18 09:43:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maelstrop Wed 28-Nov-18 09:45:11

Amazon wishlist or email him with a link. I too went through the whole getting stuff I didn't like and did the same to the DH who is very fussy! Now he tells me what he wants so no-one gets pissed off.

Tighnabruaich Wed 28-Nov-18 09:49:33

We do a 'handy hints' list which we give to each other at the beginning of December. Some years we declare a budget limit - say, no spending over £50 (makes it difficult), other years (like this year) we have declared 'no budget'. After 22 years of marriage it would be too difficult to do it without our wish lists.

Tighnabruaich Wed 28-Nov-18 09:51:18

Actually my remark about no spending over £50 making it difficult, makes me sound like a bit of a knob. It's not difficult at all.

MrsStrowman Wed 28-Nov-18 09:51:24

We set a budget and the main present is usually something to do together, tickets to a gig/comedy show etc, so we have two events in the calendar right from Christmas. I actually quite like the stocking bits, usually something from lush, a book, a bottle of perfume etc. Close friends of ours have been together 18 years and the male goes out the day before Christmas Eve with his brother and DH and buys whatever, the aim bring to get it all done in no more than an hour or two. DH goes with him as it's their Christmas tradition, they go for lunch and usually a film in the afternoon, but DHs shopping is done by then, I might end up with an extra pair of socks or something if he sees something I'd like, but the male friend will just buy a load of stuff in Argos or wherever had the smallest queue, he bought her PJs last year (no problem) but they were a 16-18 as that's all they had left and she's an 8. DH pointed out they'd swamp her and he just said oh she likes them comfy (she did not like them I get the run down after Christmas), he also bought her some Lego he wanted and a DVD box set of a show she likes but had already seen all of that was about £100.
At least your DP is thinking of you in advance

bringbacksideburns Wed 28-Nov-18 09:51:50

He's bought these well in advance so at least he didn't rush to the shops on Christmas Eve and grab a voucher.

Next year let him know what you really like? He's played safe.

I'm waiting for a whole bunch of posts worse than this to arrive on Mumsnet soon. People who didn't get what was on their 'lists' etc

And - not aimed at you btw OP - I always think...stop moaning. There are women out there going to food banks this Christmas because they can't feed their kids because their universal credit is fucked up. It could be worse.

thecatsthecats Wed 28-Nov-18 09:52:29

At the risk of sounding ungrateful, I TOTALLY get you OP.

I have a wonderful husband. Who is a shite gift buyer. It's not what I married him for, but every year there's that little FGS moment.

He doesn't want to get me generic gifts. I lay out subtle to not-so-subtle hints all through Autumn (December birthday).

Ooh, I'd love some new...
I'd like to go see that...
All the way up to 'I dropped massive sodding hints about getting me x last year and you didn't'...

I would provide him with a list, but the thing is, he WANTS to be the kind of person who gets my hints by himself. He doesn't want a list.

Then when it comes to shopping, he panics, and buys me lots of small things including smellie. Last year was half from Tiger.

This year I've bought him a fancy pillow - he's always complaining about ours, it's expensive, but he'll enjoy it every day. And I'll get... lord knows. Be happy with a fancy pillow myself, but he doesn't want to be told, and he won't buy sensibly himself either.

It's not the biggest deal in the world (and I do spend all year buying things for myself). It's just... why? I get you.

buckingfrolicks Wed 28-Nov-18 09:53:06


He's put effort in. He's spent a lot on you. He's preplanned.

If you don't know what you want how should he? You sound like you want him to be responsible for making your xmas magical. Bad idea. Bring your own magic.

Rhiannon13 Wed 28-Nov-18 09:53:24

He used to get up early and stand in the boots line for it opening (told me he had to start work a hour early )

That's really sweet. Do the presents matter when you have someone who cares this much?

OutPinked Wed 28-Nov-18 09:54:13

You sound ungrateful. Many people get sweet FA, sounds like your DP has bought you a fair amount there.

ogglet Wed 28-Nov-18 09:54:20

Bleurgh how ungrateful you sound OP!

TheFaerieQueene Wed 28-Nov-18 09:54:59

To those saying men don’t have the imagination for gift giving. That is sexist bollocks. It’s no different to saying women are better at cleaning or ironing.
My DH is very good with present buying, on the whole. Jewellery is the staple and 90% of the pieces have been fab. The year of the gold and diamond skull earrings is now a thing of legend. 🤣 (Reader, I returned them.)

lilyheather1 Wed 28-Nov-18 09:55:03

YABU. It sounds like he's spent a lot on things he thinks you'd like.

Pinkblanket Wed 28-Nov-18 09:56:32

If you don't know, how does he?

Avegemitesandwich Wed 28-Nov-18 09:57:07

He's got my 2 fav bottles of perfume,a dressing gown,pair of slippers and a no7 skincare set.

God, what an absolute cunt.


ILoveTreesInAutumn Wed 28-Nov-18 09:57:16

This year just try to be thankful that you have a loving DB who has already sorted Christmas presents for you and at least buys you things for you, not the house, that he knows you like.

AFTER, a good while after, Christmas say to him that you have started a list of things you’d really like but don’t want to buy for yourself and that you’ll leave it ‘here’ so that if he or anyone else wants to buy you a gift you can have a lovely surprise from you list. Be specific - don’t write ‘Books’ write the title and author etc.

I love giving people gifts. I HATE the angst of choosing something. I hate waste and want the gift to be something they’ll love.

WinterfellWench Wed 28-Nov-18 09:57:36

I feel your pain OP. It sounds ungrateful as some women have men who can't be arsed to get fuckall.

But my DH always gets the same stuff too. A DVD, A CD, a box of chocolates, a pair of socks, a paperback book, a puzzle book, and some bubble bath.

Then he says (with a huge smile!) 'now you have something to watch, something to listen to, something to eat, something to wear, something to read, something to do, and something to bathe in!' grin

He is so chuffed with himself, but I always have to paint on a smile, and wish he would buy me something nice, exciting, or fun - maybe some perfume, or jewellery, or a parachute jump, or balloon flight, or something........

And yeah, I HAVE said something before, because he has always asked me what I want for Christmas. I have given him a list before (as he has asked me!) but he has never gotten anything on it. After 5 or 6 years (of giving him this list that he has asked for,) I stopped, and started saying 'there is nothing I want...' Coz no matter what I said, he would still get that same lot of things.

I sometimes wish he would just give me the £50 he has spent so I could go out and get something myself LOL!

I sometimes wonder if it would be better for us to just get our own stuff (as a few people have said here...)

RedRoseReb Wed 28-Nov-18 09:58:18

I have no imagination for gift buying. It hurts my head, hate it.

Avegemitesandwich Wed 28-Nov-18 09:59:27

I tell my DH exactly what to get me every year. Exactly. I leave nothing to chance!

Butteredghost Wed 28-Nov-18 10:02:12

If even you don't know, how is he supposed too? Why not agree you won't buy gifts any more, and maybe put in together and get tickets to a show or something.

bellinibobble Wed 28-Nov-18 10:03:06

This is so weird and unnecessary.. just write a list!

GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery Wed 28-Nov-18 10:03:11

I'm really thoughtful buying my DP gifts, but he plays safe as yours does.

What we now do is set up a wishlist each on Amazon, obviously we don't buy each other everything on there, so they are a sort of surprise when we open them. The lists also gives us ideas for other gifts.

I also ask him to surprise me with something not on the list, to put thought into it. Which he's heeded.

EmeraldShamrock Wed 28-Nov-18 10:03:52

The perfume is good as it will be used. Why don't give him an idea some people are really bad at choosing gifts. I love deciding what gift to buy.
This year like most years when everyone else is sorted with gifts, we usually are left with a token gift each. I'll have my list when the DC grow up.

baileystime Wed 28-Nov-18 10:04:47

I see what you mean I wouldn't mind it but it is very boring.

We write lists then just swap but I usually do a surprise as well.

gamerchick Wed 28-Nov-18 10:05:11

He's just playing it safe and if you don't know what you would like then how is he supposed to? Some people are rubbish at presents, I've got it wrong a few times because he refused to tell me what he would like.

He tells me what he would like at this stage of the relationship and me him after kindlegate.

Talk to your dude and do a wishlist somewhere for next year.

baileystime Wed 28-Nov-18 10:06:26

@WinterfellWench sorry to laugh but your post did crack me up! At least you have something to watch wink

Handsfull13 Wed 28-Nov-18 10:06:48

I see what you mean. It's nice but not exciting especially if it's the same every year. Maybe learn from it for next year, you could do themed gifts.
My partner and I do that - something the colour x or something edible.

Avegemitesandwich Wed 28-Nov-18 10:07:21

I think the OP has this romantic notion that her DP is just going to come up with the most amazing gift, that even she didn't realise she wanted, and she will end up loving him even more because he is Champion Gift Giver.

However, in the real world, buying presents is actually quite tricky!

DerelictWreck Wed 28-Nov-18 10:08:09

Do you actually get a new dressing gown every year?! What happens to the one from the year before?

BarbaraofSevillle Wed 28-Nov-18 10:08:17

DH and I haven't bought each other anything for years, it's very much simpler. If I need a new dressing gown, I will just go and buy one, same as perfume

^ This. We just do token presents. I buy DP a load of treats from the Lidl Christmas range which he eats most of for breakfast on Christmas morning. And he buys me a bottle of gin. Win win.

If we want anything for ourselves, we just buy it when the need arises as we both want to choose the exact item and then shop around for the best price. Once you've done that you done all the work anyway and I don't see any advantage of being bought something by someone else for adults with their own money.

I also really don't see the point of coming up with a list of exact things you want for Christmas, or significant surprises, because then there's a risk of money being wasted. As illustrated by your dressing gown and slippers because no-one needs new ones of these every year.

But well done on probably being the first to do the 'my DH got my Christmas present wrong' thread - it must be nearly a month before the big day. Many people find shopping for presents extremely difficult, I know I do, which is why I'd rather not get involved.

If someone wants something for their hobby, or clothes, tools or anything else they'd like, it's much better that they just buy what they want when they want it, rather than it, rather than expecting people to be mind readers and dressing it up as a 'he bought me this for Christmas' etc.

Wheresthebeach Wed 28-Nov-18 10:09:19

You need to tell him what you want - and make it clear what you don't want. Nicely. Firmly.

If you've been getting the same stuff - be clear that you don't want it again. If he gives it to you then I'd (after a few days) sit him down and ask why he's given you things you specifically said you didn't want. Tell him to buck up for next year and to listen to you.

Its not being spoiled or ungrateful. A gift you don't particularly want from you Great Aunt gets a smile and an enthusiastic thank you. Your partner needs to care enough about gift giving to give you something you want, not something that's easy for him to give.

MissRhubarb Wed 28-Nov-18 10:10:56

YABU and a bit ungrateful and princessy. Just ask for something you want if you're not happy. He's spent a lot on things you like by the sounds of it.

sadkoala Wed 28-Nov-18 10:11:56

You should be happy he gets you nice bits op. My DP went through amazing gifts the first few years and then one year (when we said no gifts as we are getting some stuff for the house and each other in the Jan sales). He got me a Sega console 🤨 and when his mum asked what I'd like for Christmas he told them an iron (ours was giving up) FFS we only use the flipping thing for his work gear.

He hadn't heard the end of that once since and DMIL has resolved to asking me directly if I'd like/need anything or going for gift voucher to my fav shops.

WinterfellWench Wed 28-Nov-18 10:12:12

@baileystime I forgot about the cuddly toy he always gets me too, so I have 'something to hug' (when he's not there.) Daft arse he is. grin

I do love him, bless him, but if I really want anything, I usually buy it myself!!

CookPassBabtridge Wed 28-Nov-18 10:13:55

I love these threads. Just tell him, people aren't mindreaders! I agree with someone above, safer for men to stick to what they know you like or a wishlist.

ErickBroch Wed 28-Nov-18 10:15:47

I give my bf a list of ideas - he doesn't have to pick anything of it at all but it just for ideas in case he is struggling. All my family do this and share it around to help get things that each person would like.

Birdsgottafly Wed 28-Nov-18 10:16:07

WinterfellWench, did he grow up Parents who did the, something you want/need/to read/eat, presents? I often think that the fun element is missing.

OP, did you root through the chest to find it all? You should have shut it as soon as you saw there were presents in there

I stopped doing presents with my DH and we had an alloted amount to each spend (shared finances).

After taking my BF to the Guess shop twice to 'look' at handbags and me enthusing over certain ones, to then be given a blender and tummy toning belt, I told him straight and insisted he stuck to my list, as I did with his.

If he's the same over your Birthday, have a conversation about a month before and come to a better agreement over present buying.

FiveShelties Wed 28-Nov-18 10:18:45

So he has bought you the 'usual crap', which includes two bottles of your favourite perfume plus other items? What would you find to moan about if he really bought you crap? Merry Christmas.

EdisonLightBulb Wed 28-Nov-18 10:20:00

I get it too, but mine is a slightly different first world problem.

I get something really lovely and very expensive, BUT, I am low maintenance, I resent spending a lot of money on a gift, I don't want expensive gifts even if we can afford them, I want something much cheaper and nice that I wouldn't buy on a normal Saturday (think box of Hotel Chocolat or Molton Brown foot scrub) that's it. Last year I got 2k diamond earrings, beautiful and a total surprise but what a waste of fucking money and not that imaginative.

I am a bit of a Bah Humbug at Christmas though, it's such a waste of commercialised crap. Cristingle, then Panto followed by a curry with no presents but be my idea of a heavenly Christmas. Or maybe I am just tight?

unfortunateevents Wed 28-Nov-18 10:21:36

So you don't tell him what you want, you don't actually know what you want and you are disappointed because he buys you "safe" things which he knows you use (e.g. your usual perfume)? Surely you can see how unreasonable and ungrateful you are being?

puzzledlady Wed 28-Nov-18 10:21:53

Sorry but you’re coming across as very ungrateful, and a little entitled and spoilt. You haven’t told him what you want and then come onto a public forum saying his gifts are shit? Presumably you communicate with him - why haven’t you told him what you want? Have you even given him some ideas of what you might like?? He’s not a mind reader you know? He seems to have put some thought into the gifts, he even got you your fav routine perfumes? Sorry but you’re being unreasonable.

BarbaraofSevillle Wed 28-Nov-18 10:26:12

To the people who write specific lists, what is the point? Presumably you could just buy these things yourself, whenever you want to and if you can't you have bigger problems than your partners not knowing without being told what you would like.

If they are buying off a list, there's no surprise and no thought or effort on their part, except going to a shop or clicking on a website, so a pointless exercise for 'show' only.

Gazelda Wed 28-Nov-18 10:28:15

I've always expected my DH to get me something wonderful every year. Sometimes he comes up trumps, sometimes it's a disappointment (2 vases when I've already got a cupboard full and I only ever get flowers from MIL).
I've finally realised this is all my own fault. He's not a mind reader. I'm fortunate enough to be able to buy things if I need them. I've got a drawer full of jewellery from my previous husband. I'm continuously dieting so tricky to buy clothes/lingerie for.
So I've just emailed him a list of ideas. And the names of friends who might explain my rather confusing descriptions.
And I'll be grateful for whatever he gets me. Because I know that he gives with love.

Many years ago, in the dying moments of my previous marriage, my then H (who I left because of DV, affairs, abuse etc) rushed out on Christmas Eve to find something to wrap for me. He ended up spending a fortune on an awful ceramic statue. It was hideous. Completely inappropriate. No thought went into it at all. All of which made it bloody hilarious! I loved it and it still lives with me (current DH doesn't know its back story, only that it stays with us regardless of how awful it is). It makes me chuckle every time I notice it.

Heartofglass21 Wed 28-Nov-18 10:28:19

You sound ungrateful. If I were him, I'd take the stuff back, and donate the money to Shelter instead.

When did people's expectations become so high?

HoppingPavlova Wed 28-Nov-18 10:28:29

I'm not really sure what else I would like tbh. Just a nice surprise of something different.

Well, if you don’t know how is he meant to confused. Either communicate what you would prefer to him or take what you get. Given you have no idea yourself my suggestion is to suck it up until something comes to mind that you can suggest.

JellyBaby666 Wed 28-Nov-18 10:29:32

I concur - either give him a list, OR decide that this year you're buying things to do rather than just things. Poor sod, he isn't a mind reader!

HoppingPavlova Wed 28-Nov-18 10:30:34

Forgot to add, given he has already gone to the trouble and purchased gifts for this Xmas, don’t bring it up now. Wait until a decent amount of time has passed and then bring it up as a ‘I was thinking, in the future...’ type of thing, otherwise you will come across as ungrateful.

HomeMadeMadness Wed 28-Nov-18 10:31:22


I agree about lists to an extent DH's family just tell you to buy them X which takes all the fun out of actually choosing something for them (especially FiL who will say he wants a very specific cable for his speakers, or a particular set of screws from the hardware store). I think sometimes lists have a place when there are luxury items that you would never buy for yourself but feel nice to get for Christmas.

Mamabearx4 Wed 28-Nov-18 10:32:50

Be grateful that you dont have to buy your own. My dh is useless rather thrn attempt to suprise me he just tells me to get what i want. 14 years and its not changed

HomeMadeMadness Wed 28-Nov-18 10:33:01

I'm not really sure what else I would like tbh. Just a nice surprise of something different.

To be fair surely you can tell what OP means? She doesn't mind what she gets specifically she just wants DP to take the trouble of choosing her something as a surprise rather than just buying stuff she could buy herself. I think this is fine she just needs to tell DP. Obviously she can't then complain if DP tries to find her something new and she ends up not liking it.

steppemum Wed 28-Nov-18 10:33:25

my dh is not a natural present buyer. He also doesn't think ahead, so on holiday I saw some lovely earrings and told him how much I liked them and then wandered off down the market, it would nEVER occur to him to buy them, as it was August! But then in December he doesn't know what to get.

So now I send him links to about 20 things during Oct/Nov/Dec and then he has a list to go from.

Sometimes he goes off piste, but usually with great success, because he knows I want something. Like the year when I really wanted a greenhouse, but didn't think it was something we could afford, and he sourced and found a second hand one, and built it for me.

I don't expect him to get it, to instinctively know, or to be great at surprises, so I have accepted that I need to point him in the right direction.

SnuggyBuggy Wed 28-Nov-18 10:35:48

If there isn't actually anything you want then that's different, I presume it's stuff you will use. I've stopped buying DH a birthday present because he never knows what he wants and I'm not prepared to spend money on tat he doesn't want.

LizzieBennettDarcy Wed 28-Nov-18 10:41:17

I write DH a list. Every chuffing year. Birthday and Christmas. He reads said list and decides that I don't "need" any of what I've put... so toddles off to Homesense or the local garden centre and buys utter shite instead.... even our DDs looked at him in horror when he bought me some books about sexually abused nuns and colleen nolan's life story.

My birthday was some vile smelling body lotion in a huge size... I can't use it as I get eczema, candles (I have about 40 now) and some random mugs and plates (we have matching sets). It sounds churlish to moan but I actually dread opening things from him. The worst was a fish tank...(i hate fish) and a mirror for the living room!

Your DP sounds very lovely in comparison. Swap??!?! grin

HoppingPavlova Wed 28-Nov-18 10:42:02

To be fair surely you can tell what OP means?
No, I can’t. Apparently her BF is also clueless. Given this she needs to clearly articulate the issue to him. Preferably after a suitable amount of time has passed post Xmas.

RedRoseReb Wed 28-Nov-18 10:43:41

I don't know what op means either.

It's not even mind reading that's required as she doesn't even know what she'd like!

AromaticSpices Wed 28-Nov-18 10:45:41

You could always pretend you haven't seen the gifts and say 'I'd really like something different this year, like tickets to XX show/special dinner out at XX restaurant/spa day together at XX local place' and he may rethink one or two of the items.

If he doesn't take up on the hints, then you'll have to be more obvious next year if you really don't want the same things.

I do think he's been sweet though, they're perhaps not the most exciting or revolutionary gifts but he has thought about them a little and has shopped in advance, so let's give him some dues. But you can't expect him to read your mind.

MadamePeony Wed 28-Nov-18 10:47:50

DP and I have been together too long to care about presents these days. I'm giving birth to his present around Christmas time grin

Sparklesocks Wed 28-Nov-18 10:50:45

I think some people struggle with gift giving, even with the best will in the world and knowing their loved ones very well they might stick with the safe options rather than risk get it wrong.

Other people are very good at it and seem to have an innate gift (ha ha!) for it.

I think if your partner is one of the less good ones then it’s best to give them recommendations or tips, if you give them a range of things (or links) then you don’t know what they’ll pick so it’s still a surprise.

HoppingPavlova Wed 28-Nov-18 10:52:22

You could always pretend you haven't seen the gifts and say 'I'd really like something different this year, like tickets to XX show/special dinner out at XX restaurant/spa day together at XX local place' and he may rethink one or two of the items.

I think that’s a complete dick move givennshe knows he has already gone to the trouble, even if it’s not what she wants.

LifesABeachCoaster Wed 28-Nov-18 10:52:59

You do seem a little ungrateful. Some people get nothing, or have no one.

Me and DP dont have any children (yet) so we usually spend a fair bit on each other.

We each have an Amazon wish list where we put stuff in that we like then we will choose a few items from each others lists, or similar items.

HomeMadeMadness Wed 28-Nov-18 10:53:54

No, I can’t. Apparently her BF is also clueless.

I'll tell you then she wants a present that her boyfriend has thought about of his own accord rather than just spent money on. If you just pay for something someone tells you to buy there's no thought or care in it. Some people are happy with this because they'd rather not have money wasted on something they may not actually like (fair enough) other people want a gift that's an expression of love because the person has spent time thinking about it and using what they know about the person to choose something nice (also fair enough). If the OP is in the latter category surely you can see it's fairly silly to ask her what she actually wants - she wants a surprise. Obviously if you are in the latter category you do have to accept that the giver might get it wrong sometimes and buy something that isn't quite to your taste.

Obviously her boyfriend might not be aware that OP would prefer a surprise and she needs to tell him but the fact that she wants a thoughtful surprise as a gift (something she might not have thought of herself) isn't in any way unreasonable in an of itself.

flowerandflower Wed 28-Nov-18 10:55:19

You sound really ungrateful. Their nice gifts. Maybe ask him what he would like then throw a few suggestions in? confused

anniehm Wed 28-Nov-18 11:02:16

Sounds about right, I get underwear in the wrong size, a dress that needs to also be exchanged, sometimes a computer game he wants! I don't bother with his consequently, red dead redemption 2 have come to the rescue

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