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Would you charge family for Xmas dinner?

(505 Posts)
Staceyjas Sat 24-Nov-18 15:31:22

AIBU to think you should ask family to pay for their Xmas lunch?
My partner has just told me
Me that his mother who he's having Christmas lunch with said she wants £17 per head from him!I'm going to my family's for lunch so invited him also but he has had it there all his life with his grandparents and siblings too. she said she doesn't want to do It all from scratch and wants to Get it all pre done so it's more money, which I understand but he's gutted and feels like he wants to come to my family now. I can see it from both sides and it's hard work and can be expensive but not like she is financially destitute.

this has never happened before and he has offered to bring the dessert etc but he said handing over cash just feels wrong. As he says it's about family not money but I wanted to see what other people's opinions are ? Or if you do this.
Thanks thanks

lucky88 Mon 31-Dec-18 21:24:27

Dear me. A mother asking her child to pay £17 to eat Christmas dinner at her house.
What!! If you can't afford it, don't host! So very rude.

Guineapiglet345 Mon 31-Dec-18 20:45:45

If you host it then you pay! If you can’t afford it then you don’t invite people round. It’s the same day every year so she can’t really claim the cost came as a shock.

SusieQ5604 Mon 31-Dec-18 20:17:15

AvoidingDM: this is how my family have done it for FIFTY years or more - people bringing different dishes, drinks, etc. But to ask for money IS tacky. I had Christmas at my house also and again, different people brought different dishes. It's a lot different when someone takes the trouble to make a casserole or a salad and bring it rather than contribute money or write a check. To me, that's just crazy. Anyway, due to family issues(my deceased mother, elderly aunt, uncle with Alzheimer's), I did both Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. And enjoyed it. And didn't CARE about paying for it. But people ASK what to bring and would feel bad if I said "nothing". Anyway, cousin is doing Easter and they will ask me to bring a cheesecake, which I will be happy to do (love making them, then don't love eating them). So go suck a fucking lemon and Happy New Year.

RustyBear Sun 23-Dec-18 14:57:56

BBC have picked this one up, just in time for Christmas...
www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-46345677

Notatallobvious Sat 01-Dec-18 21:41:15

I see it isn't just the Daily fail that steals MN threads as "news"... the Manchester evening news on twitter has taken this thread and inserted random made up names for quotes 😂
https://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/right-charge-your-family-christmas-15486584

Perfectly1mperfect Sat 01-Dec-18 16:15:30

As its only for 4 adults and a toddler, then no, I thinks it's a bit much to ask for money. Bringing a side/dessert/bottle seems fair enough.

For people catering for a large number of guests where it could cost hundreds, I think sharing costs is fair.

In his position, I would just pay though. There's no point causing bad feeling over a few quid.

Notmorewashing Sat 01-Dec-18 16:07:47

Ok fess up who went on this morning about this and got the free hamper and tree !

MartaHallard Sat 01-Dec-18 11:58:00

we all bring a dish, a dessert and a beverage

What about people who travel to see their families? I wouldn't want to be lugging desserts around with me on the train, or hitting the shops at the last minute when I arrive on Christmas Eve.

This lady is entitled to arrange things as she wants in her own home. If her family don't like it, then they are free to think of an alternate plan, instead of leaving it all to her.

EmpireQueen78057 Thu 29-Nov-18 20:17:22

My family and I do dinners every holiday. To split the cost of sharing...we all bring a dish, a dessert and a beverage. If she can't afford to do it then she shouldn't do it the way she would like. If finances to her are an issue then she should rethink of an alternate less financial plan

BrokenWing Thu 29-Nov-18 19:58:38

It's a mum's pride and privilege to have all her family around for Christmas dinner

I would be even prouder when we all still get together as grown up adults and they are they are generous and aware enough to reciprocate hosting instead of just showing up to be fed..

Gimmie Thu 29-Nov-18 19:58:36

I would say it would depend on how many people are coming. I recently hosted Thanksgiving Dinner at my home for my sister's and their families. I believe there were about 34 people here. For the first time I had help from one sister and a few of the Daughter in laws and nieces. When you are providing food for that many people it is costly in the hundreds of dollars. Easter I paid for all of it...I had less people. I think around 20. It cost us over $200 which wasn't too bad but geez...step up...tell mom you will provide the turkey if she will cook it. Buy the fixings. I will be hosting the Christmas Party on the 23rd for my family and then Christmas Dinner. We will probably have more than 34 this time. Step up and buy the ingredients or bring the big items. Yeah...just love it when someone says they'll bring the green beans or corn. Yet they have 6 people coming with them.

formerbabe Tue 27-Nov-18 22:48:14

but when you see the look on their faces, that's all the thanks any mum needs

Maybe when your children are small but surely if you have adult children you expect a bit more than a misty eyed grinning face as the only sign of thanks?!

And its not usually just child or grandchildren is it? Does anyone really get a warm feeling at spending a fortune, cooking and cleaning up after their in laws?!

LuckyDiamond Tue 27-Nov-18 22:47:30

👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿

You win the thread

SuperGran6 Tue 27-Nov-18 22:40:56

It's a mum's pride and privilege to have all her family around for Christmas dinner, yes it's hard work we all know that, but when you see the look on their faces, that's all the thanks any mum needs.

And remember to put yourself on the shitty forgotten chair dragged down from the loft and serve yourself a half portion and then your martyr halo is complete.

Yes it is a privilege to have your children round for Christmas dinner and I do feel very proud, because my children are precious to me. I used to work as a paediatric nurse and worked for a while in a children's hospice and that puts everything into perspective. I feel blessed as my children are healthy, grown up and with children of their own, something I will always feel privileged about especially when I think of the poor parents who lost their children to cancer and would give anything to have their children join them for dinner on Christmas day.

Dongdingdong Tue 27-Nov-18 22:00:11

I haven’t read the whole thread but wait - what?! You’re seriously considering charging your family for Christmas lunch? I have honestly never heard anything so Scrooge-like and CF in my life!

LuckyDiamond Tue 27-Nov-18 21:22:37

Imagine finding out that your miserable son begrudges chipping in to the cost of Christmas dinner from four different news sources?!

Yes imagine, because this is imaginary. No feelings have been hurt in the making of this thread. Nice little earner for the site with all the clicks.

Ontheboardwalk Tue 27-Nov-18 21:11:39

I don’t see anything wrong with people chipping in be it some wine or whatever.

If it was a large number of people the host was catering for I would ask if they wanted some cash chipping in.

Saying that my darling mother, who I don’t want anything from, hides £50 in my house EVERY Christmas 'towards the turkey'. She now texts me when she gets home to tell me where she’s hidden it after I had to retrieve it from the bin one year

AdoraBell Tue 27-Nov-18 20:52:09

Haven’t RTFT but no, I wouldn’t charge anyone I’ve invited.

If I couldn’t afford the whole shebang I would either suggest everyone brings a small thing, side dish etc, or if I couldn’t afford anything I would cancel or rearrange with as much notice as possible.

Ebet Tue 27-Nov-18 20:47:11

We change houses every year and divide the cost evenly if the host/hostess has it catered. If you work this is the easiest solution to put on a nice meal. If the host/hostess want to cook then they cook the meat and divide out each dish and then that person has the option of cooking or bringing a store/restaurant item. The host/hostess already has the chore of cleaning the house before and after the party....We have been doing this for over 20 years.....

Munchkinbug Tue 27-Nov-18 19:34:48

I understand where your OH DM is coming from, as hosting festivities does get expensive. But to answer your question of would I do it? No, I wouldn't ask people to pay. If I couldn't afford to host, then I would apologise deeply, but say that I can't afford to do it. If they then offered to pay or contribute in some way, then it opens up the options. Similarly, I wouldn't hesitate to offer money/contributions to a host.

Whatever you choose, I hope you both have a lovely Christmas x

lazymare Tue 27-Nov-18 18:58:06

*cost

lazymare Tue 27-Nov-18 18:57:55

These ladies and gents have done their turn of Christmas meals,

Well exactly. Yet the entitled manchild in the OP resents helping his mum out with the cosy this year.

MartaHallard Tue 27-Nov-18 17:51:58

These ladies and gents have done their turn of Christmas meals... I also think that taking care of my parents and my husband's family is a lovely way of thanking them for all that they have done....This is what it should be like for loving families, support, love and care.

So where's the suport, love and care for the lady in the op? Who is thanking her for all she's done over the years?

It sounds like your MIL is using a caterer, and handing on the cost.

And why shouldn't she, if she's had enough of bearing all the cost, and doing all the work, year after year? I wouldn't be surprised if she's been increasingly fed up over the last few years, and her children have been oblivious. And now she's taking a stand, her children (or at least one of them) aren't saying 'what can we do to help, mum?' He's stropping off to get a free meal somewhere else.

5fivestar Tue 27-Nov-18 17:30:21

It is how it should be. Sadly for many it’s not doesn’t mean they should have less of a Christmas or family

GrabEmByThePatriarchy Tue 27-Nov-18 17:18:52

Mothers who can't afford to bear the entire costs of the Christmas meal for the whole clan don't love their families.

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