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Would you charge family for Xmas dinner?

(532 Posts)
Staceyjas Sat 24-Nov-18 15:31:22

AIBU to think you should ask family to pay for their Xmas lunch?
My partner has just told me
Me that his mother who he's having Christmas lunch with said she wants £17 per head from him!I'm going to my family's for lunch so invited him also but he has had it there all his life with his grandparents and siblings too. she said she doesn't want to do It all from scratch and wants to Get it all pre done so it's more money, which I understand but he's gutted and feels like he wants to come to my family now. I can see it from both sides and it's hard work and can be expensive but not like she is financially destitute.

this has never happened before and he has offered to bring the dessert etc but he said handing over cash just feels wrong. As he says it's about family not money but I wanted to see what other people's opinions are ? Or if you do this.
Thanks thanks

Notatallobvious Sat 01-Dec-18 21:41:15

I see it isn't just the Daily fail that steals MN threads as "news"... the Manchester evening news on twitter has taken this thread and inserted random made up names for quotes 😂

RustyBear Sun 23-Dec-18 14:57:56

BBC have picked this one up, just in time for Christmas...

SusieQ5604 Mon 31-Dec-18 20:17:15

AvoidingDM: this is how my family have done it for FIFTY years or more - people bringing different dishes, drinks, etc. But to ask for money IS tacky. I had Christmas at my house also and again, different people brought different dishes. It's a lot different when someone takes the trouble to make a casserole or a salad and bring it rather than contribute money or write a check. To me, that's just crazy. Anyway, due to family issues(my deceased mother, elderly aunt, uncle with Alzheimer's), I did both Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. And enjoyed it. And didn't CARE about paying for it. But people ASK what to bring and would feel bad if I said "nothing". Anyway, cousin is doing Easter and they will ask me to bring a cheesecake, which I will be happy to do (love making them, then don't love eating them). So go suck a fucking lemon and Happy New Year.

Guineapiglet345 Mon 31-Dec-18 20:45:45

If you host it then you pay! If you can’t afford it then you don’t invite people round. It’s the same day every year so she can’t really claim the cost came as a shock.

lucky88 Mon 31-Dec-18 21:24:27

Dear me. A mother asking her child to pay £17 to eat Christmas dinner at her house.
What!! If you can't afford it, don't host! So very rude.

Karwomannghia Thu 03-Oct-19 08:28:08

She’s maybe doing the m&s thing and can’t really afford it. He should gladly pay- it’s cheaper than going out on Xmas day which is around £100. Tell him to stop being a tightwad. How mean to suggest not going and going with you instead, over £17.

CampingItUp Thu 03-Oct-19 08:34:23


Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe Thu 03-Oct-19 08:35:29

Absolutely either host willingly or you don;t.I would be horrified to either charge or be charged..If you can;t afford to do it don;t do it or let someone bring the starter or dessert but charging absolutely not under any circumstance.

nakedavengeragain Thu 03-Oct-19 08:42:30

Given this was OVER A YEAR AGO I'm fairly sure they sorted it out LAST XMAS!!

wishiwasinthesun Thu 03-Oct-19 08:50:26

Surely you are a guest? Why would you pay? It's not a restaurant. I appreciate that it costs a lot of money but you could just say 'no thank you'.

Actionhasmagic Thu 03-Oct-19 08:55:48

It seems wrong to charge family to me. Taking turns is nice. Chipping in by bringing fizz or puddings or cheese is nice. I think part of hosting is footing the bill and a decent Christmas lunch can be done for cheap if you shop at the right places.

CornishMaid1 Thu 03-Oct-19 09:38:32

We 'split the cost'. We host now because we have the space, SIL and her family travel to visit and it takes the pressure off ILs. DSIL will transfer over money to contribute (we don't ask for any). MIL will do the same, but often she will go with us on the Christmas shop and will just buy some of it.

It does add up and it is nice to split - I have no issues splitting, but then we have never asked for a set amount and just get a contribution voluntarily.

feelingverylazytoday Thu 03-Oct-19 09:59:05

If it's a small gathering it's better to ask the guests to bring something (or hope they offer). If it's a large group I think it's more acceptable to share the costs ie ask for a financial contribution up front, if you want a slap up meal of course. Just whatever's more straightforward really.

Beautiful3 Thu 03-Oct-19 10:02:49

It is expensive to host. The meal, drinks, and evening buffet costs alot. I wouldnt charge parents or children. Perhaps in the future I'd consider it when it becomes bigger, e.g daughters boyfriends come etc. Your partner would have to stop going at some point won't he? When he has his own family? Perhaps nows the time to stop? Sounds like shes opted for expensive premade christmas meals. She probably feels too old/tired to cook from scratch so feels this is a comprise. Suppose if he wants to go he needs to buy the outsourced dinner like he would in a restaurant. I tried a big extended family christmas meal one time. I asked people to bring specific things e.g cheese board, and cakes to contribute. Only one person brought his (apparently it was my actual present too) and the others forgot! Getting the money is easier.

Beautiful3 Thu 03-Oct-19 10:03:43

Zombie thread guys!!!

Nanamilly Thu 03-Oct-19 10:17:54

I don't see how you can cater for 7 for £70 if you're including alcohol

I think everything must have been a version of the mumsnet Chicken.

LaurieMarlow Thu 03-Oct-19 10:19:46

I wouldn't charge, but I'd expect contributions. Particularly of the alcoholic variety.

SilverySurfer Thu 03-Oct-19 11:00:18


Wexone Thu 03-Oct-19 11:43:22

Totall think this is wong, if you have been invited its rude to be asked to pay. We have xmas in our house every year because its the only one that has the space (now feeding about 22 poeple). But each family has to do somthing, like we did main course, mother brings extra table delph etc, sister does starter brother does drink and other sitser does dessert, It works out quiet well and people spend roughly the same. Saves arguments. If was going to my mothers for a sunday dinner she wouldn't want anything but would bring wine or flowers or nice biscuits that she would never buy with me. Don't bother hosting if you are to be like this

Rezie Thu 03-Oct-19 11:56:53

Charging people is a lot easier than dividing what to bring amongst attendees equally. I probably woudknt do this, my parents don't do this but I don't find it rude either. But now I'm wondering if I should offer to contribute!

InOtterNews Thu 03-Oct-19 14:01:26

For a relatively small number of people no. Last year was our last big family Christmas (various people moving aboard) for 14 people. My DB hosted and did side dishes. I cooked the turkey and made 2 desserts and took it round with me. Others bought wine. etc etc, If I was being asked to cook I would ask for a contribution - but usually, just food of some kind. When DM was fit and able to cook/host I would buy the food and DB would bring the booze.

This year there is on'y 3 of us so I wouldn't expect any contribution

Aprillygirl Thu 03-Oct-19 14:52:31

God no. It makes it sound like a transaction. Just awful! I usually go to my mum's for Christmas, but I buy the turkey and often all the veg (with my online shop) and bring plenty of wine, a pud, my gorgeous kids and my scintillating company. What more could she possibly want? grin

summersherewishiwasnt Thu 03-Oct-19 15:02:34

What a rum lot his family, especially his Mum must be to ask for money then spend it on what food she wants!
I’d take a packed lunch !

Jaxhog Thu 03-Oct-19 15:32:24

Sharing costs is fine, especially as she's incurring an extra cost by buying pre-prepared stuff. Christmas dinners for family are expensive. I assume that no-one offers to help with prep or even to buy the turkey?

She probably could have worded it better, e.g. asking for a specific contribution maybe, but perhaps she doesn't think anyone would actually pay without a direct request. This way he has a choice.

Rezie Fri 04-Oct-19 07:58:46

But isn't asking for contribution basically the same thing as asking attendees to bring certain things? It is often easier when one person goes goes to the shop. Especially since Christmas menu tends to be similar every year so it's not usually one person's favourite food.

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