To take this money off my DD

[MargotLovedTom1]

DD (12) asked for football boots for Games and football club a few month back. I bought some she picked out for 20 quid. They've been used precisely never. They still fit (I made her try them on to check the other night) but she still hasn't used them, despite reminders to pack them with her kit. She had football today at school and has come home with her trainers covered in mud and soaked through. AIBU to think Fuck it! If you're going to wreck your trainers and not use the boots on which I've clearly wasted my money then I'm having that money back? She has plenty of birthday money stashed away.

[Loopytiles]

Seems reasonable to me.

[TittyBoneGhoul]

I’d imagine there’s a reason she isn’t wearing them. Not fashionable or no one else is.
Therefore I wouldn’t punish.

Lots of things we buy our kids ends up going to waste

[Weezol]

Sounds fair. A good learning opportunity for her too.

[Kpo58]

I'd get her to buy the next trainers after she has wreaked these ones instead.

[MargotLovedTom1]

Titty I cant agree with that laissez faire attitude tbh ( "Lots of things we buy our kids end up going to waste") and she chose the boots.

[pumpastrotter]

Can you not sell them on if they've never been used? But I don't think you'd be unfair to have the money off her for them seeing as she's ruined something else totally unnecessarily.

[Bluetrews25]

Hope you make her clean up the trainers?

[littlemisscomper]

I think it would be unreasonable yes. Unless it was a condition when you bought them. Instead I'd tell her now that she's responsible for her own shopping in future - for 'wants' anyway , you should still take care of genuine 'needs'. That way she can learn the value of money and decide for herself what she really would get use out of before being too hasty in purchasing.

[CaMePlaitPas]

I wouldn't be happy but taking £20 out of her birthday money seems a bit off to me. I'd tell her that the next thing she wants to buy she'll have to buy herself (i.e. work around the house in order to raise the funds given by you) or she'll have to wait for Christmas/Birthdays. I understand how bloody frustrating it is... (and maybe I'd take a fiver out of her birthday money to buy myself a huge coffee.)

[CondomsLubricantAndFlapjack]

MY DD 'needed' boots and shin pads for PE. For one term. And if the weather was bad they would stay in. We borrowed a kit but she moaned to have her own.

I thought if the school was doing football, they should provide the kit.

I've just found the borrowed bag in the back of the cupboard whilst looking for my Uggs. Used about 3 times, 3 years ago.

[bridgetreilly]

I think it would be fairer to suggest that she replace the trainers when the time comes.

[Bluntness100]

Personally I'd ask why she isn't wearing them and try to find out what's up.

No I wouldn't take twenty quid of her birthday money. I couldn't be that parent, but you crack on and help yourself.

[Pinkyyy]

I think you'd be unfair to take her money. I remember when I started secondary school the kit list said you'd need football boots, my DM bought me them but nobody else ever wore them so neither did I. Yes it's a waste but it doesn't warrant taking her birthday money

[MargotLovedTom1]

She's had boots before (same boots, smaller size) and worn them plenty so I had no reason to expect her not to wear these, especially when she'd made a point of asking for them and picking them out.
It's annoying me that she requested them, has chosen not to wear them (or probably couldn't be arsed to pack them even after being reminded) and now got her trainers in a state (no, I won't be cleaning them up - it's a shit job and didn't need to come about). She'll be a lot worse off if she ends up having to replace the trainers out of her own money.

And, no need to be snide, I wouldn't just "help myself" Bluntness100 - I'd explain my reasons. Probably be accused of drip feeding but it wouldn't be the first time she's reeeeeally needed something which then barely gets used. I thought the boots would though!

[Antigon]

YANBU. She needs to lean to value her belongings.

Ruining her trainers because she doesn't want to wear her football boots is irresponsible.

[itswinetime]

I don't think you can add conditions on to something that has already been brought. I would say to her that a she has to clean her own trainers perfectly reasonable and b if she carry's on like this she will have to replace her trainers or at least put money towards new ones say the wasted £20.

If something similar occurs in the future I think then you can agree from the start of not used she pays you back. But I think adding a condition after the fact isn't the best way to do it.

[UnderMajorDomoMinor]

I wouldn’t recoup the money but I wouldn’t replace early or clean the trainers either. If you can, I’d sell the boots on.

[cowfacemonkey]

I would make her clean her trainers and leave it at that; it's just mud and water they're not unuseable. Her choice to wreck the trainers and if she ruins those before she out grows them because she won't use her boots THEN I would tell her if she want to replace her trainers she will need to use her own money. That would seem like logical consequences to me.

[Fuckimdoingaphd]

I wouldn't take the money off her, but I wouldn't be buying her football boots again. Ever.

[minisoksmakehardwork]

I wonder if she's had the piss ripped out of her for having those boots again. In the first instance I'd be asking kindly why she isn't wearing the boots she chose. And see if you can work a solution from there. If nothing is forthcoming then you'd not be unreasonable to tell her she will have to fund her own boots in future if she's not going to wear the purpose bought footwear and ruin something else instead.

[cowfacemonkey]

Just out of curiosity was the budget set at £20 by you? I know you said she chose them but tbh £20 boots will be pretty cheap and not great to wear. I know these things shouldn't matter to kids but unfortunately at this age they do.

[cowfacemonkey]

I always managed to get my boys pretty decent football boots off local facebook selling sites. Kids feet grow so quick so they were always in great condition. Usually pay about £10 for boots that would have been £40 or £50 new.

[SlippedMyIdiom]

She's 12, she made a mistake. I grew up with what sounds like less than your DD so I'm not viewing this from privilege. Have her clean her trainers and gently say to her 'darling, I do wish you'd remember to wear the correct footwear for sports because we can't afford to replace your everyday trainers. I've been reminding you for a reason '. Then if she willfully does it again there can be a punishment. In the meantime I'd be checking if there was a reason why...is there a new pair of everyday she wants? Or is she over loaded with schoolwork/life that she forgot? Hormones kicking in?

[AiryFairyUnicornRainbow]

OH I don't know OP. I think you might be being a bit unreasonable here.....You are punishing her because she has annoyed you

There is a reason she isn't wearing them. Talk to her + find out. Sell the boots and get some she really wants as I cannot imagine £20 boots to be that great and actions speaking louder than words, she doesn't appear to like them does she? Maybe they were the only boots within your budget or were the best of a shitty lot for that price

Seriously, this is not a big deal. Shes a kid.

[AnyFucker]

Christ, if I added up the money I have wasted on stuff my kids reallllllly needed then actually did not, I would be a rich woman