To think that some men actually work hard and need a break?

[howonearthdoyoucopewith3]

I see so many threads on here saying how useless DH are unless they appear through the door early, take over childcare etc, how they must be shirking and pretending to be at work etc. However, some men do actually have stressful jobs. Why should man (or women if roles are reversed and you have a SAHD and mum who works full time) come in after a full on stressful day and immediately be told he is fully in charge and has to deal with everything? Being at home all day is like doing 'work', but you are then basically saying a SAHM works all day so should get the night off, and the DH works out of the home all day and then should continue to 'work' at home too?

This probably seems really unfeminist or something but it does seem that on MN people seem to think that being at work all day is a treat/rest!

[Jackshouse]

My DH does work hard but he goes to work early so he can get home and have dinner with and play with DD. I assume this is because he likes her and wants to spend time with her.

[TulipsInbloom1]

Show me anyone who thinks that a SAHP gets to fully clock off and the WOHP clocks on when they come in. Nobody says that.

One works in the home with dc. One works out the home with a paid job. Both should be cracking on with whatever needs doing when both home. And both should enable the other to have rest periods.

[Carpetglasssofa]

Lol

[Nenic]

I agree

[honeysucklejasmine]

My DH helps with the kids and chores when he gets in. That doesn't mean I sit on my arse. We are both busy, until the kids are in bed.

[Surroundedbycats]

Time at home ' chores' should be split 50/50. Both roles are a job

I am female and work kids have sahd. Hate to say it but this is the worst possible arrangement for me personally. Take over the second in the door so ,yes I agree with you.

[sonlypuppyfat]

Some men have heavy manual jobs, I see no problem with them having a rest when they get in

[Inertia]

Equally, some childcare is very stressful. Not all situations for SAHPs are the same.

Being a sahp to children with disabilities, or several pre-schoolers, or a mix of babies and toddlers, or even just one newborn who is awake and feeding all night, is tough. Obviously it gets a heck of a lot easier once some of the children start going to school.

I don’t think any sahp expects to put their feet up once their partner gets in , but in a situation where both have been working hard in their respective roles all day it’s reasonable to expect to split the ongoing tasks once both parents are available.

[dawnacorns]

Men and women both need this, SAH or WOH. Your OP seems a bit sexist tbh.

[CandyCreeper]

i agree

[NoSquirrels]

Equal leisure time. Not who clocks on/clocks off.

[Stuckforthefourthtime]

Depends on what the sahp is doing. If they have three under three then yes, fair to share responsibilities outside work. If they have children in school (or other childcare) then the point of that setup is surely that the person at home is responsible for admin and more childcare.
DH and I have both had turns as a sahp and follow the rule 'nobody sits until everybody sits'.

[BlancheM]

I've never ever heard or read anywhere that a man should be expected to 'immediately be told he's fully in charge and has to deal with everything' ffs, talk about exaggerating to make your OP seem less unreasonable...yabu

[Iamnotacerealkiller]

My OH only 'clocks in' at home from 5-7pm between getting home from work and LO going to bed. he then also covers any (rare) night wakings between 7 and when he goes to bed at 11ish. this allows me to catch up on sleep and prepare for the early wakings. if you compared hours, he is up at 7.30am for work and back at 5pm. i'm usually up by 6:30 with the baby and usually 1 or 2 night wakings then 'on duty' with him until 5pm. so we do roughly equivalent hours EXCEPT... i dont get weekends off work or 6 weeks holiday a year, i also took the brunt of the night wakings when LO slept bady early on. i also do all the cooking usually in the evening when OH is watching the baby.

I take on the unpredictable stuff and the brunt of the 'tired' work as it is important that OH is not too tired to work, i don't call looking after your child 'work' however. I also need to pump three times a day.

Naturally LO is only 9 months so this dynamic will change as LO gets older and easier and perhaps more children are added.

[HugoBearsMummy]

This is Mumsnet. Where the full time working parent is expected to work a 50 hour week , manual labour, leaving at 6am to then come home late to cook dinner do half the housework and take over everything with the children whilst the SAHP JUST looks after the children during the day, nothing else.

None of which actually happens in real life.

Pointless starting a thread on this subject OP as you're going to get seriously flamed

[treaclesoda]

When one of our children was small my husband would happily admit to being glad that he got to go to work, because he found it easier. Conversely, when the other was small, childcare was a breeze.

Some people's jobs are more exhausting than looking after children. Some children are more exhausting than a paid job.

I'd guess that in 95% of cases these men do not have such incredibly exhausting jobs that they couldn't work a washing machine after a day at work though...

[Worriedmummybekind]

What TulipsInbloom1 said.
We both get a break once kids are in bed.

[Iamnotacerealkiller]

My husband has admitted to me that his 'work' is easy and relaxing in comparison to child care and we only have ONE!

[echt]

OP, I've never read the scenario you describe on MN.

[howonearthdoyoucopewith3]

I was thinking more of the posts you often see where DH are slammed for not doing everything when they come home - acknowledging that SAHM need a rest but not acknowledging that people who work outside the home need a rest too. I agree that evening stuff should be shared if you're both there.
I was thinking about this because I think I have probably been too demanding of my DH in the past. I don't think he ever gets a chance for a rest really as he works 80 hours a week and does most of the kids stuff at the weekend to compensate for being out at work all week.

[Sofabitch]

This hard period when they re young is relatively short.

Everyone needs to just suck it up and accept its a crazy few hours. Then both parents can get the kids to bed and sit down. Hopefully with everything done.

I work full time. Crazy hours...should I ignore my children and their needs upon my return? Sometimes yes I do the bare minimum and hide in the bath for an hour after feeding them. But they are older.

People do try and do too much
Really all that needs to happen is dinner...clear up bung some washing on...and spend time with the children before they go to bed.

[Ilovealexa]

My OH leaves at 6am and isn’t home till 6 at the earliest and whilst it’s not a stressful or high powered job it’s long hours. He also works self employed either 1 or both days at the weekend.

We take turns to cook and I feel so guilty about this but I need it. We do the organised mum method for cleaning and the nights I’m home early I do it but the nights I’m home late (late being 5.30) we do it together. I’m aware he does a lot over and above his work but it’s the only way our house keeps running.

[MrsStrowman]

I actually agree OP, although I wouldn't have said men I would've said working parents, the amount of times I've read 'just hand him the baby and go and have a bath, it's his turn'n firstly we dint all like a bath and secondly does the ten hour day someone's just worked not count for anything? Tasks should be split and paid work should be taken into account in that, most jobs are not all business lunches and Google type offices with table tennis etc, it's called work for a reason. There is also a sense of martyrdom from some SAHPs on here (note I say some before I get flamed). It's often the ones who only have school age children and go on about the mental load all the time like they have to justify their lifestyle choice. Well some of us both work full time and all the house admin and cleaning etc still gets done.

[howonearthdoyoucopewith3]

Thanks MrsStrowman, you have obviously read a lot of the 'just hand him the baby' type comments that I have read too!

[Sethis]

You're on an echo chamber of women.

Not only that, but it's a site designed to help people with problems. One big source of people's problems appears to be their partners.

Rather predictably, men get made out to be anything from brain dead to abusive in many, many threads. To be fair, some of us are. However it isn't exactly a representative sample. Anyone who thinks Mumsnet is an effective way to measure the quality of men needs to give their head a wobble.